EMPTY BRAIN...

Oh oh. Usually when I have nothing to say is when all the interesting stuff comes out. :)

I don't have anything going on, so there isn't much to say. I haven't talked to anybody, I haven't done anything--and I have no plans for either. My big accomplishment for the last couple of days is that I backed up my computer and paid bills.

This afternoon, right after I got home from work, it started snowing hard, in a blizzard-like fashion. I believe this is going to be the never-ending winter here in lovely Minnesota. It seems like it's already gone on forever and I'm sure it's going to be one of those snow-in-May years.

For dinner I had tomato soup and a rousing text-message conversation with The Hallisicle about how headcheese is made. Which made the tomato soup EXTRA nummy...BWAHAHA!

Prior to winter quarter starting on January 5, I am going to be prepared. I was telling ML the other day that I'm learning a little more each quarter about what works for me. The major thing I have to improve on this quarter is working on the major mid-term and final papers and projects. Up until now, I have always gotten all involved in the weekly work and then end up having to do the big projects in a last-minute rush. Eventually, it will no longer work for me to pull a major paper out of my ass and do okay on it. Her suggestion made a lot of sense; plan a day of the week to work on those projects, and schedule it just like all the other weekly work. When she said that, I had one of my many DUH! moments--well, of course, that is the way to do it; why didn't I think of that? The only thing I can think of is that long-term planning is not my strong suit; I'm so focused on just getting through the task at hand!

I feel very, very blah and bland and not a whole lot like my usual jovial self. I would say I'm going through an introspective phase, but that wouldn't be true. Introspection usually means one is taking inventory and doing some serious thinking, usually about themselves--goals, plans, things to do, etc. So I can't say I'm doing that because I am definitely not doing any big thinking. Not about myself, and not about anything else, either.

Right now, the fact that the new edition of "The Bachelor" starts next Monday night is about as exciting to me as anything; it's that guy from the last one that didn't get picked. The single dad one that has a little bit of the chimpanzee-look. Bill always thought George Dubya Bush looked like a chimpanzee, too. Just a little tidbit I thought I'd share.

I want new perfume. I don't know what kind, but I would like something new and different. I have an urge to go and look around in some antique shops; I love just nosing around and seeing what I can find. That is how I discovered I really liked Fiestaware. It's just fun to see what's there.

That is all. Carry on...

WAS IT REALLY JUST A FEW DAYS AGO...

I will say the same words I always say right around this time every year. It all goes so fast. Christmas. Years. All of it. C'est la vie.

Christmas was wonderful; I got an extremely impressive array of gifts. The first gifts I got were from friends, and they are terrific--from one I got a Willow Tree "friendship" ornament that I will always cherish and a gorgeous pair of earrings; from another friend I got a ginormous goody box with new slippers, a whole bunch of comfy, cozy soft wear-around-home socks, some soap that I spent a whole day running around trying to find, unsuccessfully, and a scrapbooking bundle that will do a whole book. Sweet! From my family, I got a couple of Yankee candles, a movie, two ornaments, a Borders gift card, a B&BW threesome with shower gel, body scrub and body butter, a three-pack of n*a*p socks and another pair of earrings. More sweetness!

Christmas Eve started out over at Mary Lee's house with a huge brunch for her December 24 birthday; it was a lot of fun and I ate a ton of really nummy food. I LOVE breakfast/brunch type stuff, but I hate making it--so that was a good start to the day. Plus, I love her comfy house and her tree was nice.

I spent both Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day with Todd, Lori and various kids, eating way too much, taking too many naps and having a laid-back and relaxing holiday. Christmas Eve night we always go to Lori's brother and sister-in-law's house, and it is always a good time. We were all much quieter this year than in the past, though. I was even home earlier than usual; it probably had something to do with the half-cow each of us ingested for dinner. Oh, it was SO good! The kids spent Christmas Eve with their mom, so it was just me, Todd, Lori and Tori, but Lori's dad, uncle and his son, and her younger brother were also there, so it was still a houseful.

Christmas Day was at Todd's house with ALL of the kids, except Tori who had to work. Movies are apparently a big hit on Christmas Day so she wasn't even able to get off early. Bailey managed to keep us entertained, though--and I was so happy when the telescope that I bought for one of the twins was a big hit. And we had a huge salad/lasagna/french bread dinner. Again, home early because I had to work the day after Christmas...which turned out okay because I then took a three-day weekend, which has been a whole other gift in itself!

I think I am the only person on the planet (other than all of the other employees I work with) that does not get New Year's Day as a holiday. Oh well. It'll make it easier to get back into my routine, right? Right. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Later, gators...

HMMM...LET ME THINK A MINUTE...

This is an end-of-the-year survey I stole (with permission) from a blog that I just recently found and have not even commented on yet. Much like all of the blogs I found so many moons ago that I haven't commented on lately, either. More on that later. My mind has been so tired and so blank lately that I thought maybe it would help to think a little bit. If anybody else wants to do this, feel free...and let me know so we can compare notes :).

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND...EIGHT (8)...

1. What did you do that you'd never done before? Became a college student.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? To be honest, I didn't even make any New Year's resolutions last year. But this year, I am. And I will keep them, too.

3. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Oh my. Where do I even begin. A stable job in my field-of-choice. Smooth, easy friendships. Lots of laughter. Good health. To appreciate and be appreciated. No more cancer, ever. Gee, not much, huh?

4. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory? There were a few. Every Sunday in January/February/March, 2008 that I spent slinging weinies in the concession stand/April 12 & 13, 2008 and the gaaaaaala/ July 7, 2008, my first day of school/September 22, 2008, Bill's 60th birthday/Mid-October to late October, 2008, just because/November 27, 2008, spent Thanksgiving alone/December 24, 2008, a fun, fun day from beginning to end. And that is all.

5. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope, no real illness and no injury at all.

6. What was the best thing you bought? My new wireless printer.

7. Where did most of your money go? Besides the basic house/household expenses and bills, probably for entertainment--movies, out to eat, weekends away--the fun stuff in life.

8. What did you get really, really excited about? I was really, really excited about all of the fun stuff Mary Lee and I did at the beginning of the year--concessions, the banquet, scrapbooking weekend, the gala weekend, our cotton candy concession stand for River Hills Days, her son's graduation party--it was all an absolute blast, and I had the best time ever with all of it. Then, I was also really, really excited to start school.

9. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? a) I can't really say I am happier and I can't really say I am sadder--it's just different, b) hell, I don't know; I'm fat. Am I fatter? I don't know; it all seems the same to me, c) definitely poorer, but that's okay because I'm getting an education out of it.

10. What do you wish you'd done more of? This is a very hard one to answer, because for me it's all about spending time with people that I like/love because that's what makes life fun for me. It seems like I never get to spend as much time with family/friends as I'd like. That being said, they probably wish they didn't have to spend as much time with me! :)

11. What do you wish you'd done less of? Sleeping.

12. How will you be spending New Years? This is kind of funny because Hallie and I were just talking about New Years and the fact that I will be doing nothing. New Years is not a holiday for the single folk, which I never see myself as anyway (if that makes any sense). It always shocks me just a little whenever I realize that I am single because I don't feel as if I am. And New Years is for couples, but Mr. & Mrs. Hallisicle and Mr. & Mrs. BK will be sweet enough to text me from their party. Gotta love that!

13. Did you fall in love in 2008? No, but I have had several impure thoughts.

14. How many one-night stands? BWAHAHAHA! The last one-night stand I had lasted seven years. Oy. Now, I'm a little long in the tooth for that. Unless someone asked, I suppose. BWA!

15. What was your favourite TV programme? I love Friday Night Lights; I lust for Kyle Chandler.

16. What was the best book you read? Twilight.

17. What did you want and get? Closer friendships.

18. What did you want and not get? Closer friendships.

19. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 52, and I don't have a clue what I did but probably not much...okay, went back and checked and I went to the Study-A-Thon at school on that day, and dinner and DQ cake with the kids.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Jeans/t-shirts for summer; jeans/sweatshirts for winter. With fun/funky/colored/patterned undies and bras. Proving that sometimes there is more to a person than what meets the eye.

21. What kept you sane? That I am sane is debatable, but if I am sane, all of the credit goes to me and Zoloft.

22. What political issue stirred you the most? The Minnesota Senate race, which got to me even more than the Presidential election and not just because I already knew how the Presidential election would turn out. I found--and CONTINUE to find, since it's still going on--the Minnesota Senate race to be the most distasteful piece of political trash ever. And that's saying something because I pretty much think all politics/politicians stink.

23. Who was the best new person you met? The best two-people-who-are-like-one-person that I met this year were the parents of a friend. I loved them. They were kind, funny, nice and welcomed me into their home, sight-unseen. I enjoyed talking to them and spending time with them, and I truly hope our paths cross again.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: There were so many, I don't even know how I could possibly pick one--but if I have to, I guess I would just say that it revolves around my uncles and all of us realizing that we're all we have left--the two of them and me--of the "family of origin" thing and that there isn't time to be petty about who called who last. And it was also about this situation that I took a chance on venting about how I really felt--and shed a few tears--to a friend, which was a big step for me because I usually feel people don't want to hear that type of thing from me; that I should only be there for them. I found out I was wrong; she didn't mind that I vented to her, and I found that it was nice and freeing to talk about it with a friend.

Isn't it amazing how fast the years fly by? I liked this particular survey because the questions were a little bit different, and I actually had to think about some of them. For the most part, I really liked this year. It's been a little dicey the last 2 1/2 months or so but, hopefully, that will work itself out; it's on the way so with any luck it will continue. I think it would be kind of fun to answer the same questions next year and see what is different. There are going to be lots of changes this year, but I hope some of the good stuff stays the same--or (dare I hope?) that the good stuff gets even better.

Next step? Commenting to y'all...

IT'S THE DAY...

I JUST GO NUTS AT CHRISTMAS...

HAVE A HAPPY, JOYOUS, FUN-AND-FAMILY-FILLED CHRISTMAS EVE!

IT'S CHRISTMAS WEEK...

***Snoz-wangers and Wang-doodles. BWAHAHAHAHA! For background noise, I have Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. I have never seen this movie before. From what I can tell, it is pretty bizarre. I love the Oompa Loompas. Very good synchronized swimmers. I think I need to get this movie! I'm trying to comment, but I'm really boring. I can't even think of anything to say except "Merry Christmas." Oh no. Whatever will I do when Christmas is over. Heh. I had fun today; shopped lots and bought pretty much a whole bunch of nothing except gift bags/boxes/bows and wrap. If I live to be 80, I still will not run out. See? Told ya I'm boring.***


...and I have got to find a way to get ready. It's snowy and it's cold and it's so easy just to stay at home and stay inside. I'm lighting my Yankee Candles (and thinking of ya, Ness :) hehe!)--alternating with Home for the Holidays, Christmas Cookie and Balsam & Cedar--drinking some good coffee and making lists. Then checking them twice. Ya had to know that one was coming! What I haven't done, however, is leave the house since I got home from work Saturday morning. Today, I'm gonna do it!

Because I know alla y'all are probably really curious, after not reading anything about it for 24 hours, I am feeling alright. I am not still sick. Yesterday morning, after breakfast, my stomach felt much better. Then sometimes it doesn't feel alright; then sometimes it does. Rinse and repeat. I'm just glad it's not still the sickness. AY-YI-YI.

So, will you all be happy when Christmas is over and you no longer have to be subjected to my incessant display of Santa Clauses (Santa Clausii???), holly and Christmas trees? I'm adding more and more to every post because I'm going to miss them. I love all of the Christmas icons of my childhood--Santa, trees, toys--all the stuff that means Christmas to kids before you have to realize that it isn't all about you. And in totally unrelated news, my cat Francis Albert Sinatra Danielson loves bananas.

Neither Frank nor Nancy eat people food. Being cats, they really like to see what it is you have to eat, but they don't want to try it. Except for Frank and the bananas. I have to keep them on the top of the fridge because otherwise he would get at them, and he's too big of a moose now to hop up on top of the fridge the way he used to. What I don't really understand is, how he knows that I have grabbed one to eat, because he comes running as soon as I do. He knows I have it, he knows where I'm going with it, and he comes and sits in front of me. I pat the couch next to me, he hops up and stands to my side with both front paws on my chest...and waits, but I'd better be speedy. As I'm eating the banana, I'll break off a few little parts to give to him. Not too much because I know you're not supposed to give pets people food, but there have never been any adverse effects, so I think he's okay. It's a banana; how bad can a couple of little pieces be?

I don't think I specified when I will be retiring (hehehe, it still kinda shocks me to say that). Everything, meetings and paperwork and such, will be done the beginning to middle of January and will be finalized by January 31. I could be gone as early as February 1, or they could keep me around as long as April 1, but that is the cutoff. Except if Rachel would go to the department head and ask for an extension for somebody, due to needs of the operation--which is probably what will happen for Mickey since she's been around the longest and can do everything. None of it well, but still everything. Just joking. Heh. Obviously, for a one-income person, the longest one can hang out and then still get the retirement goodies, the better it is. I don't know if the Dottstress and I will go at the same time, or if one or the other of us will go first. In a way, I have the whatever attitude. It's been a long time since I've felt as if I make any sort of an impact around there anyway, so sooner or later doesn't make any difference except to my wallet.

And money is sort of a whatever thing, too. In that I don't worry about it much. There have been times that I haven't had any and times that I have had some and I can't say that one has made a huge difference. Yes, it is better to have some, always--I'm not that stupid. But, when I don't have any, I know some will come along because I've always been able to go out and make some. And I will again.

What I'm more concerned about is that I am going to have to find a way to talk to some people, for real, face-to-face. That is pretty much the function in my life of work people. Mickey, the Dottress and I talk to each other a lot. And laugh and joke around and talk about our kids and grandkids and sometimes get pissy with each other and then get over it in record time, like pretty much immediately. So then it is okay that I come home and don't have people contact, because I've just spent the past 4 hours talking to them and all of the other people at work that I chat with.

It's not that I'm antisocial or that I have ever specifically said I don't want to be with people--although I am apt to only spend time with nice, pleasant people with whom I can have fun. I guess I'm just sort of picky that way. I used to need close friends, friends that I felt so comfortable with I could tell them anything and not worry about it, but that need has faded. I just don't think that exists anymore, at least not for me. I love all of you guys and I talk about what I need to talk about here and you all are as supportive (and many times more so!) as I could ask for! So now I just have to find people to chat up. I will find some at school when I go over there for stuff, because I always do when I go to Studythons, but I don't plan on spending a ton of time there so I'll have to find some others. God, I never thought I would be out trolling for people to chat with at the age of 52. Can't wait...should be fun. Again with the Heh. So that's mainly what I'm a little nervous about.

Now I have to go do stuff. I have been around to read what alla y'all are up to, but I just have not had too much to say. It's not you, it's me. BWAHAHAHA! No, seriously...I'll be around later on to comment to everybody so you all have something to look forward to. I have sufficiently decompressed from fall quarter and caught up on my sleep, so look out later on!

Later, gators...

Isn't that pretty? And large. Very large...

JUST CAN'T QUITE SHAKE IT...

Here I am, days later, still not feeling all that great. Don't get me wrong, it's not like it was at the beginning of last week. I don't have the chills, the headache is not as bad, and I don't have as many body aches. But my stomach just doesn't feel all that great. I personally think it has to do with my co-worker coming in to work on Thursday when she should have waited until at least Friday. Seriously, she was not doing all that great at all when she came in on Thursday, but I don't think she wanted to miss going out for lunch for Christmas. We would have rescheduled if she wouldn't have been there, but I think she was just so sick and tired of being sick that she had to get out of her house. Or it could very well be that it just takes a long time to get over this. I don't know but, rest assured, I'll keep y'all updated. :)

I did not go to "White Christmas" today; I passed the ticket along to a family friend to use, and I'm going to check into possibly going next week after Christmas. I was so incredibly tired when I went to bed last night and then my stomach decided to pitch a fit in the middle of the night. When my alarm went off this morning, I turned it off and went back to sleep for a while. When I finally did get up, I knew I was not going to be going anywhere once I got home from work. It was one of those situations where I was about to cry because I didn't want to go, but I was also gonna practically cry if I did go. I've gotta tell ya. Anybody who thinks emotions are weird with PMS hasn't seen anything. Just wait for menopause. Oh, it's fun.

Part of that might have been left over from Thursday. I decided to finish up both of my tests Thursday night so I could be finished with fall quarter, even though the Psych test didn't have to be done until 11:55 p.m. Friday night, and the Pathology final didn't have to be done until noon on Friday. I had originally just planned for the Path final Thursday night because I wouldn't be home in time to do it Friday morning anyway, and it was 200 questions and I wanted to be able to take my time. The Path final was hard and it was long, but I ended up with a 96 which made me so darn happy. It was huge for my grade, and I wanted to get a good grade. Since that went so swimmingly, I decided to go ahead and take the Psych test and get it all out of the way. After all, I had just done a 200-question Path final, how tough could the plain old test be? Well!

Okay, first of all, I went into the test with a good attitude. I got a good grade on my Psych final research paper, and the three chapters assigned for the final week's reading were excellent but, once I opened that test, it didn't take me long to know I was in deep doo-doo. I did not understand the question--THE FIRST EFFING QUESTION, AND I READ IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE EFFER! And what was possibly worse was, I COULD NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND THE EFFING ANSWERS! I still don't know exactly what the motivation was, but the questions were worded really strangely, or something. They just did not make any sense, and the answers to those nonsensical questions were the same! I felt like I was in the freakin' twilight zone. I tried; I really tried. And a couple of times I even grabbed the book to see if I could figure out what the hell she was talking about; I found NOTHING. A couple of times I grabbed my Stedman's medical dictionary to see if I could find some clue as to what she was talking about; NOTHING there, either. Seriously, WTF?

I finally just started answering what I was guessing might be best. Turns out I sucked at the guessing because I got a 58 on it--a 58, and that was honest-to-Jeebus the best I could do on that particular test. By the time I finished, I felt like my eyeballs were rolling around counterclockwise in my head. And pissed? Was I ever pissed! I was so happy with my 92 on the final paper, and really enjoyed the final readings, and then THAT. It was like when she made up the test, she just decided to be "kooky" (and I'm not crazy about "kooky" especially when it affects my grade); even the names she used in the questions were "kooky." Whoever that woman is, IF she really exists...I never want to hear her name again. I was so tired and worn out after taking that test; it took me almost as long as my 200-question final, and I was trying so hard to make sense of the whole thing that I was just spent by the time I finished--and it was late and I needed to get up for work a few hours later. But, I still took the time to do my class evaluations while it was all fresh in my mind. I told them just exactly how disappointed I was in that class and the lack of instruction, and I also told them that even if I did end up passing the course I still would really like my money back for that one. We'll see if I hear anything about it. I checked today and my final grade is C+. Irritating, but at least I passed.

And now for the really big news. I am retiring from my job. I could not believe that I actually fit into the parameters; age + years of vested service had to = > a certain number. Mine never has before, as it was always set up that your age had to be at least 55. They tweaked it and took that age 55 thing out of the equation and I qualified. And I seriously don't see where I have any choice because I do not think the deal will get any better and, if I don't, I'm still going to end up unemployed. But without the "things" this deal provides; the most important of which is insurance. With the way things are going with insurance, I can't count on having those benefits with my next job; the cost of insurance is getting so high that it's not a guaranteed benefit anymore.

And besides, I'm not sure when I'm going to get another job...I want to see what it's like to not work for a little while. I started babysitting when I was 11 and have worked from that point on, for many years full-time and part-time, too. I want to see what it's like to not work (and not have to have excrutiatingly painful surgery in order to not work). What I would do instead would be to double up on classes, and take the ones that I would rather do on-campus than on-line...because then I can also use the resources there to get my resume together and look for jobs there and such. They have a lot of companies recruiting right on campus so I can see what that type of thing is all about. I won't exactly be doing nothing, but I won't have to schlep out of my house at 3 a.m. every morning. Which might be kind of nice.

With that being said, however, it still seems very strange to me. Where have the years gone? And when did I become more valuable by leaving rather than by staying. I know that it's "just business" and that is the way things go, but I defy anyone to not feel at least a little bit of an emotional element, too.

Working for an airline was my dream job. I did not ever want to be a secretary but, from the time I was 14, it was apparent that was where my area of expertise would lie. I am not bragging, but I am seriously good at anything clerical; it's my gift. BWA. I didn't want to be good at that stuff; I didn't want to do what I had to do because I was good at that stuff. I wanted to be a lawyer, a journalist, a teacher, a cosmetologist. But, ya know, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do in order to move forward in your life, so I went with what I was good at. I think I was still in 14 and in 9th grade when I told my parents, "FINE. That's what I'll do. But if that's what I have to do, then I wanna do it for an airline." As I went through high school, I admit that, at times, it felt nice to me to actually be good at something. And I sure as hell didn't want to spend four more years at school after graduation; moving forward in my life, for me, meant being on my own and I wasn't going to accomplish that going to college. Vo-Tech. Office Occupations. In/Out. Full-time job and in an apartment before my 19th birthday. Now, I wish I wouldn't have been in such a freakin' hurry. But anyway.

So yeah, those first few years were pretty much a dream come true for me. In fact, even better than I ever thought it would be. I was working in my industry-of-choice, in the best, most fun department in the company with access to many, many men :), I was really, really good at what I did, had a lot of energy and was so naive that I would do everybody else's work, too, and I was only 21. Life was good. And in all of the subsequent, less-fun years, there still isn't any other place I would have rather worked; I chose to stay there through thick and thin.

So yeah, that makes it a little strange that, in 1-3 months, I will no longer be there. I know that to stay at one job is not the way that things are done anymore, but I'm just old enough that I was raised with a work ethic that included loyalty to your job and company, and being rewarded in return. I know, I know--that sounds sort of stupid and quaint and old-fashioned but, for a long time, it worked. Even though it hasn't been the optimum working experience around there for many years; well, I had not heard of too many places where the grass was greener, either.

So yeah, retiring is not without emotion for me. But, emotions aside, I'm relieved that I fit into the retirement program because otherwise I could be a little screwed.

It's just a little strange to me. I don't exactly know how to put this into words, but it's like I am now losing the final constant in my life. In just 10 years--one decade--nothing about my life is the same, except my address. The people I loved and who were important to me 10 years ago? Gone. The job I had 10 years ago? Gone. The company I worked for 10 years ago? Gone. If you're reading that, it must seem like it doesn't make much sense--sort of like, "yeah, and what does that have to do with anything." For just a minute, imagine your life just like it is now; think about it in your mind and get a really good mental picture of everyone and everything that is important to you that makes up your life. Now imagine that and it all gone. That is why, although I am grateful for the benefits, retiring at age 52 seems a little strange to me. And now I suppose y'all are more confused than you were before. BWAHAHA! It is nice, however, to be finished with the uncertainty.

Plus, it's snowing like a sumbitch here, and is going to get really cold again. YAY!!! ...

I AM NOT DEAD...

...but I am very tired. I finished up school late last night, went to a movie and grocery shopping today, will work early tomorrow morning and go see "White Christmas" tomorrow afternoon at 2. If we do not get a blizzard. I decided not to stay downtown tomorrow night, as I just plain old have too much to do and not enough time to do it all in. And I am very tired. Did I mention that? Anyhoo...

I have lots and lots to share, and I will do that as soon as I get some sleep and some time...

I SHOULDA STUCK WITH SOUP...

So, does anybody get the idea that I sort of like holly? If you said yes, you're right.

This, for me, is the result of getting so much sleep the past couple of days. Now, when I need to be asleep, I'm not. And, besides, as indicated by the title, I ate real food and to say it's not sitting real well would be an understatement. That's why I had to change my Punkymood to FlabberGASted. BWAHAHAHAHA! The chicken noodle soup went okay, and I definitely should have just stuck with that. Even better yet was the jello. To be honest, that was the only thing that tasted good, and that was Monday night. I've been craving more of it since. I am so surprised that I've felt this crappy--pun completely intended--this long. However, one of my co-workers has the exact same thing and we have been on the exact same time line, except she's just one day behind me. I swear, I'm gonna kill her if she comes to work tomorrow; I tried to tell her she's gonna need the extra day, but you know kids these days...they just never listen. Especially those 57-year-old kids. HA!

I'm thinking that I might cancel the hotel and brunch for Saturday night/Sunday morning. I think it will be kind of good to have the weekend come up so soon after being sick; after working a few days, it might be a good thing to then have time to rest and relax. The show is at 2 p.m. Saturday and I'm thinking I could see it and skedaddle for home before the next blizzard hits :). Then rest and take it easy around here Saturday night and have Sunday and Monday to finish getting ready for Christmas and Mary Lee's birthday on December 24. Because Christmas is definitely just a close second to her birthday. BWAHAHAHAHA! I'm not 100% sure, but I have to decide by tomorrow. Because I'd like to get out to see a movie sometime in there, too.

And I can do all of this because I am seriously close to finished (cheers from the crowd, amidst whispers of "good, she'll finally shut up about her freakin' classes.")!!! I am down to one Psych test and the BIG Pathology final (which scares me, because I have to do good to keep my A). But...hehehehe...remember the kick-ass final research paper I talked about that I was doing for Psychology? ...92!!!... Yup, got a 92! SO, I may be able to pull a B if I do okay on the test. Which, you know, to me would be kind of a hoot, what with all of my drama surrounding that class and all. May as well not waste the energy on any of that. And the very most interesting part of the whole thing? The last three chapters of the Psych book that I read this final week? They were incredibly fascinating and exactly the type of thing that I knew Psych could be! And now it's done...just when it got good; in fact, I actually enjoyed writing this week's paper and it took me about 5 minutes. Which is the way it is for me when I am engaged in the subject matter and interested.

The final thing I will say and then I will shut up about it (until it comes time to reveal the final grade) is, I sure would have appreciated just a little feedback on the final research paper, just a couple words on why she took off the 8 points and why she thought it was worth a 92. NOT ONE WORD. Really, tell me the truth. Am I deluded in thinking it's a little strange that in this whole quarter, with writing assignments up the wazoo, to have gotten exactly SEVEN words (six days LATE, nice work, good job) out of her? That is all; nothing else. Man, I tried just about every trick in the book to get her to say something, anything...but nope. I swear to all that is holy, if she really does exist? Whoa, I'll bet she's a real ball of fire to hang out with and try to talk to. I'm thinking ice water running through the veins and a big void where the heart should be. As in, I'm thinking she has to be a social retard who can't interact normally with people, or even try. I would LOVE to meet this woman. If she really does exist. Which I still doubt.

I'm gonna take my rumbly tummy and try to sleep a couple of hours. That is all...

UGH (NO MOAN)...

I must say, these past few days have been some sort of fun. I'm more used to respiratory type of crap and I honestly don't know what's worse. I guess it's apples and oranges.

Tonight, I ate some soup and that went okay so far. That's real progress and I think by sometime tomorrow I'll be almost as good as new. I'm going to stay home again just to make sure I'm really over it because I tend to go back too fast and then end up with stuff AGAIN. Plus, my co-worker has the exact same thing and she always comes back too soon, so we pass stuff back and forth. I think she's going to go tomorrow and, frankly, I don't want to be around her still-sick self. I'm hoping she decides to listen to me and doesn't go tomorrow. Okay, enough about the sickness.

But I don't have a lot else to say because I haven't done anything; I've been too tired. If I haven't been asleep, then I've been...well, you know. Oh, I know what I wanted to report. It makes me very happy to report that I got a 90 on my accidentally-plagiarized re-do project! I will be forever grateful that she gave me the re-do. And I'm very, very close to being finished. But not to fear because I got the e-mail today informing me that my winter quarter books shipped today. So, by spring, I will have learned to be human. Because I have a Humanities course, along with Sociology, Keyboarding I (which cracks me up since I have been keyboarding long before it was called keyboarding), and Medical Law and Ethics. I have already printed out the new, revised Class Drop rules. BWAHAHAHA!

Okay, I'm worn out now. Apparently, I need to take it slow...

UUUHHHH (MOAN), UUUHHHH (MOAN), REPEAT...

Just for fun, I thought I would go ahead and get sick. Nope, not the respiratory stuff that one can at least take something for. This is the intestinal variety that involves a toilet and a trash can all at the same time. And cold and achy and tired. Plus, my stomach actually hurts. I haven't had anything like this for a long time...and I got a flu shot this year, so I'm a little confused. But that can be a frequent state of affairs and not related to my sickly-ness. BWA. Too much effort for the HAHAs, too. And because misery loves company, I thought I would tell all of you about it; all two of you who read on Sundays. Whatever.

I waited until 11 this morning to call my DIL to tell her I wouldn't be doing lunch and a movie with her and Lynda. That's when I found out that some friends of theirs and mine, too, became the proud parents of Danielle. CONGRATS KARI, JIM AND BIG SIS OLIVIA! Lori and Tori were on their way to the hospital to have a Danielle viewing, but first offered to come over and bring me anything I needed.

You know, I am so blessed to have the DIL that I have. Here again, I could not love her more if she was one of my own. She is one of the kindest, most compassionate, deep-down-inside good people that I know. But she's also funny, good-natured, and a helluva lotta fun. She can take all the teasing, ribbing and blonde jokes that the Danielson crew throws at her, and can give back as good as she gets. I love and heart her very much. Even though the weather is doing something really funky right now--I don't know exactly what because I am too cold and tired to poke my head out--I know she would bring me 7up if I asked her to.

I still have a ton of work to do and, even in my gross state, I am doing it...but I sure don't want to be. I think the only reason I could work a couple of hours until I took the break to write this is because after I called Lori, I went back to sleep and did not wake up until almost 2. And I'm starting to feel like it's going to be time for another nap pretty soon. I just hate this nauseated feeling; I knew I was in trouble this morning when I could not stand the smell of the candle I was burning. I've never had that happen before! The vomiting didn't start until after I woke up, but that is very odd, too. I have had that happen before, but it's pretty rare. I'm starting to feel like that is going to happen again pretty soon but, gosh, I don't know what could possibly be left to come up! Isn't it nice of me to share all of this?

All I really want to do is go to bed...and wake up feeling better...

A BREAK IN THE ACTION...

Even though I am having an inordinate amount of fun doing schoolwork and sort of keeping my eye on 48 Hours Mystery, I just had to take a break. I was going to do a post earlier, but I couldn't even think of a way to begin. I think that might be a first.

Next week is not going to be a fun one, people. If, by chance, The-She-Who-Does-Not-Really-Exist of Psychology really is a person, she's a sick individual. Next week is the final in that class, but SWDNE also assigned a discussion and a written assignment on depression. Which shouldn't be too hard to do since I will be depressed over having to write the paper in addition to everything else. I will be SO happy to be rid of this freakin' class. I know I've whined about it before, but that doesn't make it any less so now. Good effin' riddance, and you can best bet it's going to be the first class I evaluate.

Even the other one that I don't like, Medical Office Procedures, isn't that bad. Yes, there is also a discussion and a written assignment...but there is no final exam. There is a final in Pathology, but that's all, no discussion and written assignment. See, to me, both of these situations seem normal, especially considering it's the week before Christmas. Oh well, VERY, VERY close to being done with this junk and, hopefully, the next batch of classes will be better.

There is also something else percolating around in my brain for the last couple of weeks. It's just in the "thinking about it" stage and I don't even know what all it would involve, but...I'm thinking about switching programs. I'm really wondering if I shouldn't switch to Coding/Billing instead. I mean, would that be more...I don't know...relevant? I'm just scared that transcription is going to be obsolete before I even graduate, while they're gonna always want to get their payments. Ya know? Besides, I really think I could transcribe just by winging it; I mean, it's not like I'm a stranger to transcription anyway. I don't know anything for sure, I'm just thinking. I don't really know what to do because things have changed so much just in this short period of time since I started school July 7. Things are different; the job outlook is different. So, the bottom line is, y'all know this isn't the last you'll hear of it.

Tomorrow the plan is to go out to lunch and a movie with Lori and Lynda, which will be fun. Since Lynda is busy working her temp jobs, we don't get together quite as much as usual, but with the state of things in the world of real estate...EEEK! When we were talking today she said there isn't even anything on the horizon. And I know she's right because houses around my neighborhood aren't selling, and they usually go really fast around here. So, even though I should not leave the house, even though I should just stay here and work, work, and more work, I'm gonna get out and have some fun. I'll report back. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Okay. Back to the fun-ness now...

I MADE IT TO FRIDAY...

This post will probably be a little bit all over the place and it will be one of those that it's just stuff I've been thinking. So I understand if nobody else even reads this. I don't usually get too much into news or current events or anything like that; most of the time, it is so depressing that I don't even really want to listen to it, much less talk about it. But there is a thing that has even hit the national news that is so disturbing to me that I just have to talk about it.

In a little town in southern Minnesota not too far from where I was born, there were some teenage girls, nursing assistants at a nurshing home, that were abusing some of the patients. The ones with dementia and Alzheimer's and who otherwise couldn't "tell." It was sexual, it was physical, and it was mental. In fact, to me, it was every kind of abusive that there is. As if that's not bad enough, the reason they did it was "for fun." To them, it was fun. And they laughed at these poor people that they were abusing. The way I understand it, two girls were the ones doing the abusing...but they were laughing and talking about it around several other teenager girls--at least four--that also worked at the same nursing home. None of them said a word.

Everytime I think about it, I could just cry. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around obsessing about this or anything, but it does make me think, and it does make me aware that these things are going on. I have to wonder what happened to these girls that makes them this way because if this is truly what they think is fun, then they are just evil. I'm not sure, but I think the father of one of the girls--the one who seems to be the "meanest" of the two mean girls--is coming out in the media now, making all kinds of excuses and that people are saying things. Well...yeah! Maybe that could be a big part of the problem, the old "my kid is perfect and even if I know in my heart of hearts she's a demented little shit, I'm going to make excuses for her behavior so she never has to face any consequences." Or maybe something bad happened to these girls at some earlier point of their lives and they both met up at the nursing home and were left alone with people who couldn't defend themselves, kind of the perfect storm of circumstances for abuse...by teenagers, towards old, sick people. OY.

My Grandma lived in a nursing home for the last three months of her life. I didn't want her to go there and she did not want to go there, but there wasn't much else Younger Uncle could do, since she also didn't want to live with any of us but was falling more and more to where she was going to end up getting hurt. I visited her a lot, at least every other week--if not, every week. I chatted with the girls who took care of her. I wanted them to see her as a person that had people who loved her and cared about her. I was hoping that if any of them were tempted to treat her in a way that was less-than-kind, they would remember those things. On the weekends, there were mostly cute little blonde teenage girls with highlights and lip gloss and sparkly nail polish working, and they did seem like nice girls. And there was nothing wrong with my Grandma's mind and, as is true of my whole family, there was nothing wrong with her vocal chords, either. We're a loud bunch. Or were. She never said anything about people being mean to her so I hope that was never the case.

I do think, however, that my Grandma died sooner because she lived there than she would have if she still would have been in her own place. I don't dwell on that thought because she died at age 87; she went to dinner on a Saturday night, played some Yahtzee and went to bed at the normal time. And just never woke up again. If one must die, that's a pretty darn good way to go--at age 87, in your sleep, after having a good dinner (and the food there was very good; I ate there with her a couple of times) and playing your favorite game. I have often said that was her reward for being a good, Christian person who had what was often a very hard life. When YU called and told me he was putting her in that nursing home back then, the first thing I said was, "well, that'll be the end of her" and I was pretty much right because it was only three months until she died. Yeah, that probably did not endear me much to him, but that's pretty much better now. All I'm thinking is that I hope everybody who has to face putting one of their loved ones in a home does their homework.

And to wrap up, I watched Oprah today...which practically killed me to do because I am not a fan of that pompous ass of a woman. But when the show is going to be one with a subject I'm interested in, I will watch. Today, she was visiting Tom Cruise at his house in Telluride; no matter where she is, and no matter who she is with, I think she has such an abrasive, self-involved edge to her that she did not always have that makes her just a regular old pain-in-the-ass. But anyway...okay, now don't everybody jump on my back, but I think that some of the things that have been said about Tom and his family is way out of line and if people had said anything anywhere near that same stuff about my family, I would slap them silly. And I do want to see his new movie that is coming out, "Valkyrie," because it looks like it is going to be GOOD.

So that's what I wanted to say about Tom. And that I hope to heaven that those two little nursing home twits do some serious jail time, but I think they're going to get off with a slap on the wrist...

MY PUNKYMOOD IS BRILLIANT BECAUSE...

...there is no Punkymood for "BLATANT PLAGIARIST." Because that is exactly what I did to earn myself a BIG FAT ZERO on my Professional Practice Activity for Pathology. Oh yes, I did. I do not have any idea WTF led me down the road to copying and pasting from the Merck Manual and thinking that would be okay, but I did not do it on purpose. Luckily for me, Lisa is cutting me a break because I could go from an A to an Automatic Fail in one fell swoop. Yes, it was a huge DUH moment but, as Mary Lee so kindly pointed out to me, Lisa probably took my age into consideration in giving me another chance. BWAHAHAHAHA! I can't wait until she turns 50 next year.

In work news, people are starting to get their job-ending dates now; so far it seems that HR will be the first area to shut down. I heard they are done March 31, which leads me to wonder who will be around to do all of the exit paperwork for everyone who will be going after that. There are only a couple of Admin Assistants left, but I think they are both scheduled to be out June 30. I probably won't know, though, since they're still looking at April for us, as far as I know. We had a short meeting with Rachel today, but she hadn't heard what her date is yet. It appears she is still our boss here in MSP, although there was a memo that they TDY'd someone in ATL to be overall manager. So, who the hell knows. I'm not even sure what their structure and/or org chart looks like but I would imagine I will soon. YAY! Can't wait. (she says, with tongue firmly in cheek).

As for me, I just want to get through this next week and then I'm free until January 5. Unless I get kicked out of school for bad grades; I may have to check and see what is going to happen

to me. No matter how far up I reach, I don't think I'm going to be able to pull this one--meaning the whole damn quarter--out. This quarter is definitely the test of my abilities to scrape off my shoe and move on. I'm kind of embarrassed. Really, though, I did not mean to cheat (just like Nixon was not a crook and Bill C. did not have sexual relations with that woman). Hehehe.

If I was gonna cheat, I hope I'd do a better job of it than that...

I NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS...

...and also a little sleep. Apparently, all of this digging up of the contents of the recesses of my subconscious makes me very tired. After mass quantities of shopping. Another thing I am learning is that, even though facing up to those things does not necessarily tickle, for me, it is good to get it cleared out of my head. As much as I think I keep stuff so well-hidden, I'm not so sure that is really the case.

Then, too, I do not want to seem hard to know. I don't want to seem like I just want to keep me all to myself, because there was a time when I did not do that at all! In fact, it still sort of surprises me to realize that I have clammed up so much. And it must be true because a few people have said it; and not even in a mean way, but more just a statement of fact. I can say for sure that it was never my intention to be that way.

And in more exciting news, I am done Christmas shopping. In addition to the shopping Tracy and I did yesterday afternoon, I went out again this afternoon, plus I finished up all of the on-line purchasing, too. Man, there were some excellent on-line deals this year. I wish they would all continue the "free shipping" trend. I really do love to shop, especially when I find something I think the person I'm shopping for will really like. Fun times!

What I really would like to do right about now is just veg out in front of the TV, but what I'm going to do right now is schoolwork. In a discussion, I have to describe what kind of a waiting room I would design for a pediatrician's office. What I'd really like to write is that I would put velcro strips up on the walls, with little jackets with matching velcro strips on the back of the jacket and when Mom brings little Sally in for her appointment, ya throw her in a jacket and stick her to the wall until it's time to see the doc. Oh, and blue jackets for the girls and pink jackets for the boys. Yup, yup. Another assignment I'm deeply into. BWAHAHAHAHA...damn, I'll be happy when it's December 19 and this madness is over with!

On the bright side, we get to go out for lunch for Christmas at work, and I don't think we have to pay, either...WOO HOO!!!...

LUNCH AND LIFE, LUNCH AND LOVE...

Today Tracy and I finally made it out for the lunch we've been trying to get together for since August. We went to Cheesecake Factory where they gave us a huge amount of food; it's one of those places that is very good, but I wish they'd cut down the portions and then cut down the prices a little. When I say that, you KNOW you get a lot of food, cause I can eat! :) We had a really nice time at lunch, both of us shed a few tears over missing Bill, but that was good. Tracy does not easily show her feelings. It's just a very hard thing for her to do, and her stomach suffers for it. When she does let down her armor to show her feelings to me, it makes me feel needed and trusted and loved. But it also breaks my heart in about a million little pieces to see her cry and to know that she's sad and misses her Dad and there's nothing I can do about it.

I can only speak for myself and my family, but even though some people don't think that there is any way stepmothers can love their stepchildren as if they were born to them, I do. I have always loved them so much that I cannot imagine loving any children more. Although they are not children of my body, they are children of my heart...and I believe that they were meant to be mine. And even though they are far from being children, they are still the same age to me as they were when I came on the scene. If I could have taken their Dad's illness and death for myself, I would have in a heartbeat; it did not seem right to me that they lost their Dad and were left with me. Neither one of them have ever said or done anything to make me feel that way, it's just something that I have always had in my mind.


I told Mary Ellen this morning that there are lots of times that I don't know myself at all. I am usually really pretty sure of myself, my worth and value as a person, the real deep-down-inside me, and I am very proud of what I know to be true about myself. At the same time, if somebody I trust or value puts me down or makes a remark that I don't think is true about me, it can pretty much shatter what I think I am. I feel like they must be right, and I must be wrong about the way I am. Maybe I really am not as good a person as I think I am. Maybe I am just fat and lazy and pathetic and sad. Maybe I am not worth spending time with, or doing things with because it's much more fun with someone who is not fat and lazy and pathetic and sad. That is not what I think or see, but if that is what someone who matters to me sees...or maybe I am just a spoiled brat who is not used to having others tell it the way they see it. As a teen, my Mom would "put me in my place" so to speak. I don't think she meant to be mean, or maybe she did. She was a pretty competitive, Type A personality who pretty much wanted to be the Queen Bee, and there were times when I thought she just wanted to make sure that I knew I would never really live up to her standards, but I damn well should try. Being a teen, even though it hurt sometimes, I also never believed her; no matter what, no matter that I wasn't like her, I still thought I was okay no matter what. I was tougher then than I am now.

I don't know why, but now I am more likely to believe it if somebody tells me a way I am not good enough. I don't care what everybody thinks of me all the time, but I do care what some think of me some of the time. I guess when my Mom and I got all of that straightened out, and that was no longer a part of our relationship, I somehow thought I did not need to be tough anymore because it never occurred to me that anyone other than my Mom would ever find me lacking in any way...BWAHAHAHA! It's true, I just never thought that anybody would think I was less than the good person I thought I was. But now, sometimes, I don't trust myself to know I am not necessarily what others think I am.

The people that I care about, I truly care about and would go to the ends of the earth for. I don't ever intentionally try to make others feel sad or bad about themselves. I do try to let people know the good things that I see in them, because 99% of what I see in those in my world is good. I'm not real quick to take personal inventory of people and pass judgment. But I guess I'm also not real easy to get to know and all kinds of other stuff that I did not realize about myself. It is said that people cry only when they feel it is safe, and I believe that. So, for today, I am glad that Tracy could cry to me. No matter what is bad about me, if she felt safe enough with me to do what is very hard for her...then, today, I did okay.

I also told Mary Ellen this morning that her journey of finding herself through learning who she was pre-adoption, will undoubtedly help some other people, too. Call me late to the party, but it's just been recently that it hit me that I am adopted, too. I mean, I knew I was but I see my birth certificate in a different light. When I was 11-almost-12, I didn't think about it one way or the other; I do not recall really caring what my last name was or if it was different from my Mom, Dad and brother. It had always been my last name, so actually it was a little strange to get used to a new one, but whatever. I had places to go and friends to see. It was more for my Mom than it was for me anyway, is what I think now. I see the whole adoption thing in a whole different way; it was more about her, her-new-husband-who-is-so-much-better-than-the-first-husband, and the biological-father-who-didn't-pay-child-support.

Now, I think it would have been better if they just would have changed my name, if that's what they needed, rather than going the whole adoption route. Because, to me, my birth certificate is just false. I do not understand how the father listed on my birth certificate could be there, since he was married to someone else at the time. And the hoops I had to go through to even get a copy of that birth certificate...whoa! For myself, I just think that an original birth certificate should not be altered in any way; what is wrong with an amendment attached to the original, in cases of adoption, or some such like that. It doesn't have anything to do with biological fathers and dads and who is who and which is what...it just has to do with what is the truth. To me, my birth certificate is absurd, since I never set eyes on the person listed on there until I was 7 years old.

Yes, it's true. All of this "came to light" today. When the student is ready, the teacher appears...

A DEFINITE AWWW...

Seriously, if I was not so darn lazy, I would have one of these:

CRAZY COUPLA WEEKS COMING UP...

...but it will be okay because it will result in the end of fall quarter! However, I have to say that this weekend, I really enjoyed all of the assignments that I had to do. Part of it was that, with Saturday off, I had the extra time to be able to really take my time. It's amazing what a difference that makes. So, just two more weeks of hard work, then I get my Merry-Christmas-to-me weekend. I got my White Christmas ticket in the mail on Saturday. Squee!!!

There are also lots of movies coming out that I want to see. I so want to see "Marley and Me" but I've got the feeling that dog is going to die at some point and, as I have pointed out many times, I just can't handle seeing that. All I can think of is that I must have been traumatized as a child when I read and/or saw "Old Yeller" or something. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown when my neighbors' dogs died; I don't handle it well.

My goals for today are fairly humble. Since I'm already all dialed into schoolwork, I'm going to get discussions for all three classes out of the way, as well as all of the lecture presentations and possibly a written assignment or two. Then I need to work on my pantry; I bought a three-drawer container thingy a while back and it's still sitting there, waiting for me to clear out the spot in the pantry for it. We're also having a food drive at work and I have lots of canned stuff I can donate; the money has already been spent, so it's like giving a gift that doesn't cost anything. Yeah, the things I tell myself :). There are a couple of loads of laundry to do, a few bills to be paid, and a shopping list to be made for tomorrow (or the next day).

I HAVE to talk to my DIL and (step)daughter about Christmas gifts for the kids. I really need to know what their thoughts are, because I just don't have the faintest idea what to do or get for them. On the one hand, I really kind of hate that I'm cutting back so drastically on the gift-giving but, on the other hand, not only do they all have so much already but they're getting older, with jobs, and buy stuff for themselves now. The twins and Paige are the only "little" ones left, so I'll have to try to figure out how to make it all work.


Either tomorrow or Wednesday, I HAVE to get over to get my license tabs since they were due in November, and I only have until December 10 to get them put on. The way it goes for me, I would immediately get a ticket on December 11 if I don't--so, even though I'm way getting into coming straight home from work, I'm going to have to do an errand day. Now, really, people...don't y'all just envy my exciting life. How fortunate for y'all that I share all of my excitement. BWAHAHAHA!

I just have to say...while I am very glad that my job continues to hang in there and I hope that continues. But this waiting for the other shoe to drop seriously sucks! It's really hard to plan. And since I'm not much of a future planner to begin with, it can easily get to the point of being real confusing. Oh well, nothing much I can do about it, so...

I may as well go and work on the things that I CAN do something about :) ...