I was really tired. VERY, VERY tired. I went to bed fairly early, turned on the TV because nothing puts me to sleep faster, and settled in. I was out like a light. For about 10 MINUTES. WTF??? Why, that was the most refreshing little nap I've taken in a long, long time. But I'm also sure I won't be feeling that way at about 4 a.m.
And yes, I know. There are no pix yet. I have a good reason. I got PRESENTS FROM FLORIDA and I'm going to take pix and post those, too. Plus, tomorrow is the big "which cross did she choose" reveal, so between that and pix, I figure tomorrow will be a real humdinger of a day over here at lifeafter...Of course, I'll probably be too tired because I'm up now. Ummm...yeah. Please, please, please; just be patient with me on the whole picture thing. Because I have a question. Has the way blogger uploads the pix to the post changed for alla y'all? It used to be that, after the process of browsing, choosing and uploading, the pic itself would be added to the post. Now, it uploads the "code" or html or whatever that is instead of the actual image, and I have to copy and paste it to where I want it. Quite a bit more cumbersome than dragging the actual pic to where I want it. Does anybody know...am I doing something wrong? All of a sudden, one day when I went to add an image, that was just what showed up instead of the actual picture. I'm confused! And that is why you should cut me some slack on the pictures.
Let's see...this week is flying by so fast. We had two days of relatively nice weather, but now it's supposed to turn ugly again right in time for the weekend. I worked long days both yesterday and today; by the time I left work at 2 p.m. today, I was finished with the thing that needed to be done yesterday. So, if I stay on track and don't get distracted tomorrow, I will be able to leave on time--good thing, too, because tomorrow is Lunch with Tracy day. And an errand or two.
Yesterday was the longest day out of the two long days--started at 2:30 a.m. and didn't get out of there until 2 p.m. I was excited, though, because Mlee was coming home from Florida and I got to go pick her up at the airport, and we were planning on celebrating our wedding anniversaries--mine the 28th, hers the 29th--since our husbands flaked out on us--BWAHAHAHA. Mine a little more permanently, of course...hehehe (it's okay, Bill would think this is really funny!). A job that her husband was scheduled to start in a while actually ended up starting yesterday, so after I retrieved her and her big-assed suitcase, we hung out over at her house and ended up renting a basically pretty forgettable movie, but one which I laughed at quite a bit anyway. It was very mindless entertainment and had it's chuckle moments, so it served its purpose. Finished watching American Idol over there, and then I came home. As always, I had a blast--and I ended up really liking that big-assed suitcase of hers because it contained some really STELLAR PRESENTS FOR ME!!! Is that not just the coolest thing?
I am a total and complete present geek, I admit it. A thing that Bill always liked was that whenever he would bring me a surprise, no matter what it was, I would get excited about it. It took him a while to understand how I could get as excited over a box of animal crackers as I did about a ruby and diamond ring--but it's the thought that has always done it for me. If a person actually takes the time to see something, think of me and that I would like it, and then spends money to make me happy with the surprise? That, to me, is the nicest thing anybody can do for me--it doesn't have to be anything big; in fact, it can be, honestly, a box of animal crackers. It's just that it's something the other person knew I would like and got it for me. Bill used to do that all the time--you know, just little small things, but always something I really liked. My Mom used to do that, too--which really meant a lot because whenever she got me something, she also had to pack it up and ship it off to me. One time she sent a gargantuan bag of M&M peanuts for me and a ginormous box of Cracker Jack for Bill, just because they were our favorites. And Grandma also used to do that type of thing. But, ya know, it's especially suh-weet when a friend does something like that; to me, that is a very special thing for somebody--in this case, Mlee--to do. I pink puffy heart her. Even without the presents, but now especially because of the presents!!! HAHAHA...
So, that was the highlight of the week, and a fine highlight it was, too. Today after work, I was tired...really tired...I stopped at the store to get a few things I needed, and that was it. A little earlier in the day, I had been thinking about all of the things I wanted to do when I got home--that was before I decided to stay as long as I did. Oh well, the good thing about the house-putzing stuff is that I know it's not going anywhere. It'll be here to do whenever I get around to it. Unless the housecleaning fairy decides to pay a visit, and I'm sure not counting on it! After I get home tomorrow afternoon from lunch with Tracy, I don't have anything else planned for the foreseeable future. Feast or famine seems to be the way things go for me as far as plans are concerned. I either have a whole bunch of them or nothing at all. That's okay, though...keeps it interesting, because there are always possibilities. Yeah, baby! I like possibilities.
And now I think I might like my bed...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I PROMISE THERE WILL BE PIX...
...and I also promise there will be a real post later on this afternoon. If I had my way, I would do it all right now, but I am at work and, damn, I'm BUSY. This job just keeps getting in the way of my fun all the time :)! But, then again, what with the merger, that might not be a problem for long. But I won't get goin' on that.
Yesterday was a BEAUTIFUL day after so many near-winter days; talk about a huge spirit lifter, plus Mlee got back from Florida yesterday--YAY! In fact, all in all, both Monday and yesterday were stellar days in KimWorld. And, as I usually do, I will OVERSHARE it all right here...BWHAHAHA!
In the meantime, have a nice day...
Yesterday was a BEAUTIFUL day after so many near-winter days; talk about a huge spirit lifter, plus Mlee got back from Florida yesterday--YAY! In fact, all in all, both Monday and yesterday were stellar days in KimWorld. And, as I usually do, I will OVERSHARE it all right here...BWHAHAHA!
In the meantime, have a nice day...
Monday, April 28, 2008
IF I CAN GET MY REAR IN GEAR...
*****pix to be added "shortly", which is subjective*****
...today should be a pretty busy day! Notice the big *IF* up there :). All of my busy-ness is just normal stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. See, that's where I have a little problem. The normal stuff. In that I don't like to do it. Like anyone else DOES...HAHAHA! Just being in my house makes me lazy. The comfy couch is here; the TV is here; the computer is here; my good book is here. And none of it conducive to getting all of those oh-so-fun chores done. At least today I do feel a little more motivation than usual, so I'm takin' it as a good sign!
Okay, I hope y'all will indulge me a little while I talk about my cute twin grandboys and their First Communion--grandmotherly pride, doncha know :)! As soon as I walked in the church, my little mini-jock tough guy came running over and stood in front of me, smiling, and obviously very proud of himself. It was so stinkin' cute, I couldn't believe it. Usually, if he's not outside playing basketball, football or baseball, then he's got his nose buried in a book; he's just not overly concerned with if he's lookin' good or not. But, yesterday! It was so cute...there he was in his little suit, with his short hair (that is usually spiky and sticking up all over the place) all brushed over to the side--AND HE WAS PROUD. I also noticed how seriously he was taking it all; I could tell that, beyond his proud-ness at being such a suave sophisticate, this occasion really meant something to him.
For 8-year-old boys, they are both really incredible. Yeah, of course--they're messy, sweaty, sometimes stinky little boys; but they're such GOOD boys. All of my grandkids are and always have been, even as babies. We were always able to take them out to restaurants, to malls, anywhere--and they were always good. Well, Paige could get a little rambunctious...once SHE was finished eating, it was time to go...but rambunctious, for Paige, is really quite hilarious, and not necessarily a bad thing :). Knock on wood, so far so good--no real problems. Blake is getting ready to graduate and couldn't be happier; as we all are, for him. I think his big dream is figuring out a way to make a living through fishing. I really hope that he eventually ends up "Up North" someplace, because I know that's where his heart really is and he would be happy spending all of his days and nights close to the big lunker...BWAHAHAHA! Okay, moving on from the grandmotherly bragging now :)!
Weatherwise, yesterday was an AWFUL day. Seriously, we were sitting in the van waiting for the boys to come out of the church, when the wind literally knocked one little kid over! It was alternately raining, sleeting, snowing, and sometimes all three at once. With howling wind, and at times the visibility wasn't all that great. On April 27. Nice. While we're sitting there taking all of it in, I listened to my phone messages. I was really excited to hear Mlee's voice from her vacation in Florida, because I MISS her. Until I heard..."oh, you know, I just have to COMPLAIN to someone. It's 87 degrees, it's so sunny I have to wear my sunglasses ALL the time, I have to wear shorts and sandals, and it's JUST SO WARM AND SUNNY..." and on and on a little bit more. I muttered "JERK" and called back and left her a message telling of the little kid that the wind whipped right to the ground. I know she laughed, A LOT :). I'm glad she comes home tomorrow!
After church, the four of us went to DUNCH at Bonfire. I love that place, and it seems to get better everytime I go there. So I am thrilled that's where we'll be going for Mother's Day Brunch. We have 1:00 reservations and, hopefully, the weather will be a little better by then. But I won't be counting on it...HA!
And, in other news, I am having a really hard time deciding on which cross I want. Hallisicle and I decided it would probably be overkill for me to wear THREE on one chain! So far, I have eliminated the one that is NOT a James Avery, plus the second one and the last one. Which leaves the heart one (the first), the loopy one (third, I think), and the rose one. Ahhh...decisions, decisions. I'm giving myself a Thursday deadline for deciding and ordering. Yeah, we'll see how that goes!
Tomorrow I MIGHT try to get out for a movie. If I do that, I will probably try to stop and pick up the scrapbooking stuff that I ordered back in February! It kind of depends on the weather and what kind of day it is. I know I have to put in a few extra hours at some point this week, too. Then, Thursday Tracy and I are going to try to get together for lunch. We've been trying for a while now, but something always comes up. She's my "I'm in the mood for Chinese" buddy, so if we actually make it out, I'm thinking we're going to have to go to The Great Wall. Mmmm...dumplings and egg rolls!
Continuing prayers for John and Hallie, okay?...
...today should be a pretty busy day! Notice the big *IF* up there :). All of my busy-ness is just normal stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. See, that's where I have a little problem. The normal stuff. In that I don't like to do it. Like anyone else DOES...HAHAHA! Just being in my house makes me lazy. The comfy couch is here; the TV is here; the computer is here; my good book is here. And none of it conducive to getting all of those oh-so-fun chores done. At least today I do feel a little more motivation than usual, so I'm takin' it as a good sign!
Okay, I hope y'all will indulge me a little while I talk about my cute twin grandboys and their First Communion--grandmotherly pride, doncha know :)! As soon as I walked in the church, my little mini-jock tough guy came running over and stood in front of me, smiling, and obviously very proud of himself. It was so stinkin' cute, I couldn't believe it. Usually, if he's not outside playing basketball, football or baseball, then he's got his nose buried in a book; he's just not overly concerned with if he's lookin' good or not. But, yesterday! It was so cute...there he was in his little suit, with his short hair (that is usually spiky and sticking up all over the place) all brushed over to the side--AND HE WAS PROUD. I also noticed how seriously he was taking it all; I could tell that, beyond his proud-ness at being such a suave sophisticate, this occasion really meant something to him.
For 8-year-old boys, they are both really incredible. Yeah, of course--they're messy, sweaty, sometimes stinky little boys; but they're such GOOD boys. All of my grandkids are and always have been, even as babies. We were always able to take them out to restaurants, to malls, anywhere--and they were always good. Well, Paige could get a little rambunctious...once SHE was finished eating, it was time to go...but rambunctious, for Paige, is really quite hilarious, and not necessarily a bad thing :). Knock on wood, so far so good--no real problems. Blake is getting ready to graduate and couldn't be happier; as we all are, for him. I think his big dream is figuring out a way to make a living through fishing. I really hope that he eventually ends up "Up North" someplace, because I know that's where his heart really is and he would be happy spending all of his days and nights close to the big lunker...BWAHAHAHA! Okay, moving on from the grandmotherly bragging now :)!
Weatherwise, yesterday was an AWFUL day. Seriously, we were sitting in the van waiting for the boys to come out of the church, when the wind literally knocked one little kid over! It was alternately raining, sleeting, snowing, and sometimes all three at once. With howling wind, and at times the visibility wasn't all that great. On April 27. Nice. While we're sitting there taking all of it in, I listened to my phone messages. I was really excited to hear Mlee's voice from her vacation in Florida, because I MISS her. Until I heard..."oh, you know, I just have to COMPLAIN to someone. It's 87 degrees, it's so sunny I have to wear my sunglasses ALL the time, I have to wear shorts and sandals, and it's JUST SO WARM AND SUNNY..." and on and on a little bit more. I muttered "JERK" and called back and left her a message telling of the little kid that the wind whipped right to the ground. I know she laughed, A LOT :). I'm glad she comes home tomorrow!
After church, the four of us went to DUNCH at Bonfire. I love that place, and it seems to get better everytime I go there. So I am thrilled that's where we'll be going for Mother's Day Brunch. We have 1:00 reservations and, hopefully, the weather will be a little better by then. But I won't be counting on it...HA!
And, in other news, I am having a really hard time deciding on which cross I want. Hallisicle and I decided it would probably be overkill for me to wear THREE on one chain! So far, I have eliminated the one that is NOT a James Avery, plus the second one and the last one. Which leaves the heart one (the first), the loopy one (third, I think), and the rose one. Ahhh...decisions, decisions. I'm giving myself a Thursday deadline for deciding and ordering. Yeah, we'll see how that goes!
Tomorrow I MIGHT try to get out for a movie. If I do that, I will probably try to stop and pick up the scrapbooking stuff that I ordered back in February! It kind of depends on the weather and what kind of day it is. I know I have to put in a few extra hours at some point this week, too. Then, Thursday Tracy and I are going to try to get together for lunch. We've been trying for a while now, but something always comes up. She's my "I'm in the mood for Chinese" buddy, so if we actually make it out, I'm thinking we're going to have to go to The Great Wall. Mmmm...dumplings and egg rolls!
Continuing prayers for John and Hallie, okay?...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
SUNDAY MORNING...
...is quite possibly my favorite time of the whole week. The beginning of my weekend, a cup of good coffee, a bowl of Life or Reese Puffs, and life is good. Today included.
I want everyone to know how much I appreciate all of the support you gave me, which helped immensely in making yesterday NOT suck :). Well, except for the weather, and there was nothing alla y'all could do about that. It freakin' snowed, and the wind was blowing and howling, and it was cold enough to freeze asses off. I did not even go to the cemetary; I would have been frozen solid before I even got to him, and there is not a flower around that would have lived through yesterday. And it's not supposed to get much better until the end of the coming week. I was disappointed to not be able to do my thing with flowers, but I will do it as soon as the temps get above freezing, maybe July. Think I'm kidding?
I did things a little backwards yesterday, totally upsetting the schedule applecart--which, for a Virgo such as myself, is a very daring thing to do--HA! I slept in...REALLY slept in, for me...until 8:30, and then took my time getting ready before I went to work. It was a fairly enjoyable day at work because I was actually awake, and I managed to get some things accomplished.
Last night I was supposed to go to a double birthday/cosmic bowling party with my kids and a bunch of their friends but, because of the First Communion today, I decided to take a pass. Well, and the weather was so sucky. Last year, we did the same thing for these birthdays and had an absolute blast. The weather was wonderful, t-shirt weather, and we all had such a good time. The birthdays are my DIL's brother and one of her BFFs. Have I ever said how wonderful my DIL's friends are? They are the absolute most wonderful bunch of girls, and I have such fun with them. Of course, any time I spend with Todd and Lori, with or without other family and/or friends around, is precious to me.
Todd and I have a bond that I don't have with anyone else. Even though he was 19 when his Dad and I got together and he didn't have much use for me then...hehehe...I ALWAYS loved him with a passion. He reminded me so much of Bill, even when he was a senseless 19 y/o. We went through the worst times of our lives together and, no kidding, we were all each other had for quite a while. Things like that...well, they stay with you. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Todd would do anything within his power for me, and I for him. It is my good fortune, too, that he has such an incredible wife in Lori because I'm almost as close to her as I am to him. She has the most generous, giving spirit of anyone I have ever met, and she loves my son the way he should be loved. And don't even get me going on her and the kids. I just hope they realize--and I think they do--how absolutely fortunate they are to have her in their corner. I know, with all certainty, that she would go to the wall for each and every one of them, and anybody who wanted to do them harm would have to get through her first. And because every last one of them are the lights of my life, that means the world to me. As far as daughters-in-law go, I got the very best there could possibly be.
And I get to hang out with them today, for the First Communion and then early dinner somewhere. I'm not really understanding this First Communion...it's at, like, 1 p.m. today. When Blake had his, it was part of Sunday Mass--and, then, a few laters later when Bailey had hers, it was part of Saturday Evening Mass. I'm not really understanding the whole 1 p.m. thing, but whatever. It is still going to be very cute. Afterwards, the kids' mother will have a "thing" with her family, while we go celebrate without them. Nope, this isn't one of those nice amicable types of deals where everyone can get together and make nice for a couple of hours. It was an ugly divorce and it got even uglier after, so no celebrating together. But we all do make it work as much as is possible, and everybody is happy and everybody gets to live to see another day. Which wouldn't happen if we had to be in the same room without the rest of the general public being around. BWAHAHAHAHA!
So, I'm hoping everyone enjoys their Sunday as much as I will enjoy my Sunday. And I'm hoping that by the time I get home, the Sunday PostSecrets will be there. Bummer, man! I went over there first thing, and NO 4/27 POSTSECRETS YET! Do you all read those, too? I am completely addicted! I don't know exactly what that says about me...HA!
Tomorrow I will choose the cross I am ordering. Dancing a jig of happy-ness...
I want everyone to know how much I appreciate all of the support you gave me, which helped immensely in making yesterday NOT suck :). Well, except for the weather, and there was nothing alla y'all could do about that. It freakin' snowed, and the wind was blowing and howling, and it was cold enough to freeze asses off. I did not even go to the cemetary; I would have been frozen solid before I even got to him, and there is not a flower around that would have lived through yesterday. And it's not supposed to get much better until the end of the coming week. I was disappointed to not be able to do my thing with flowers, but I will do it as soon as the temps get above freezing, maybe July. Think I'm kidding?
I did things a little backwards yesterday, totally upsetting the schedule applecart--which, for a Virgo such as myself, is a very daring thing to do--HA! I slept in...REALLY slept in, for me...until 8:30, and then took my time getting ready before I went to work. It was a fairly enjoyable day at work because I was actually awake, and I managed to get some things accomplished.
Last night I was supposed to go to a double birthday/cosmic bowling party with my kids and a bunch of their friends but, because of the First Communion today, I decided to take a pass. Well, and the weather was so sucky. Last year, we did the same thing for these birthdays and had an absolute blast. The weather was wonderful, t-shirt weather, and we all had such a good time. The birthdays are my DIL's brother and one of her BFFs. Have I ever said how wonderful my DIL's friends are? They are the absolute most wonderful bunch of girls, and I have such fun with them. Of course, any time I spend with Todd and Lori, with or without other family and/or friends around, is precious to me.
Todd and I have a bond that I don't have with anyone else. Even though he was 19 when his Dad and I got together and he didn't have much use for me then...hehehe...I ALWAYS loved him with a passion. He reminded me so much of Bill, even when he was a senseless 19 y/o. We went through the worst times of our lives together and, no kidding, we were all each other had for quite a while. Things like that...well, they stay with you. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Todd would do anything within his power for me, and I for him. It is my good fortune, too, that he has such an incredible wife in Lori because I'm almost as close to her as I am to him. She has the most generous, giving spirit of anyone I have ever met, and she loves my son the way he should be loved. And don't even get me going on her and the kids. I just hope they realize--and I think they do--how absolutely fortunate they are to have her in their corner. I know, with all certainty, that she would go to the wall for each and every one of them, and anybody who wanted to do them harm would have to get through her first. And because every last one of them are the lights of my life, that means the world to me. As far as daughters-in-law go, I got the very best there could possibly be.
And I get to hang out with them today, for the First Communion and then early dinner somewhere. I'm not really understanding this First Communion...it's at, like, 1 p.m. today. When Blake had his, it was part of Sunday Mass--and, then, a few laters later when Bailey had hers, it was part of Saturday Evening Mass. I'm not really understanding the whole 1 p.m. thing, but whatever. It is still going to be very cute. Afterwards, the kids' mother will have a "thing" with her family, while we go celebrate without them. Nope, this isn't one of those nice amicable types of deals where everyone can get together and make nice for a couple of hours. It was an ugly divorce and it got even uglier after, so no celebrating together. But we all do make it work as much as is possible, and everybody is happy and everybody gets to live to see another day. Which wouldn't happen if we had to be in the same room without the rest of the general public being around. BWAHAHAHAHA!
So, I'm hoping everyone enjoys their Sunday as much as I will enjoy my Sunday. And I'm hoping that by the time I get home, the Sunday PostSecrets will be there. Bummer, man! I went over there first thing, and NO 4/27 POSTSECRETS YET! Do you all read those, too? I am completely addicted! I don't know exactly what that says about me...HA!
Tomorrow I will choose the cross I am ordering. Dancing a jig of happy-ness...
Friday, April 25, 2008
I MISS MY RING...
Almost coming up on another weekend, and I couldn't be happier. I don't like to wish my life away, but that kinda goes out the window when it comes to weekends :).
I am doing really good, although very worried about John and Hallie. I was glad to read Kimmy's afternoon update, though, because it sounds a little more positive. I will be even happier, though, when he is out of the woods on the infection part of this surgery and recovery. I'll keep right on praying and I know alla y'all will, too.
Okay, this is a first. I started this post a few hours ago, got a couple of paragraphs in and just wasn't feelin' it, so I saved it, took a nap, and now I'm back to finish. I think that, subconsciously, I'm maybe trying to keep myself from talking too much about tomorrow. I worry sometimes that it might seem strange to others that I am still so attached to Bill even though tomorrow is SEVEN years...seven years that I've been without his physical presence. Or maybe what it really is, is that from what I've read and such, I sometimes worry that I AM THE ONE who thinks it's strange that I am still so connected to him.
What I mean is this, for example. Shortly after Bill died, I found this newsletter for young widows and widowers which, at 44, at least I thought I was pretty young to be a widow. Well, not too long ago, one of the things that was discussed (the "newsletter" has since turned into a blog) was when it's appropriate to take off your wedding ring. Some of you may or may not remember that it also wasn't that long ago that I was struggling with feeling like I maybe should take mine off. So, it was very interesting to me that, not much longer, the young widow/widower person wrote on this same subject. And basically the answer was, the timeline for taking off the ring is different for everyone--AND THAT SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY TAKE UPWARDS OF A WHOLE YEAR BEFORE THEY'RE COMFORTABLE TAKING THE RING OFF. Hello? Close to seven years here!!!
By the time I read that, I had already been "practicing" taking mine off. I would not wear it for a day or two, I would miss it too much and put it back on, try again a few days later...on and on like this for a while. It's been several months now that I've not been wearing it at all. Well, except for those times when I'm sitting around here by myself and I'll put it on for awhile--because I miss it so much. When I put it on, I never expected to take it off at all. Here's the thing. It is right for me not to wear it anymore; if it wasn't, I'd still wear it and to hell with what anyone else thinks. But it is beautiful and it's really too bad it has to sit in a jewelry box. Okay I admit it...I tried to take a picture of it to show alla y'all, but it wasn't photographing right--the flash and the diamonds weren't mixing, I guess. And no, I just can't take it and have it "made into something else"--THAT, I don't think I will ever be able to do. They're my wedding rings and I can't change them like that. I'm not struggling with this so much anymore; like I said, I know it's right that I don't wear it. But as alla y'all know, part of my process in coming to terms is writing about it. And here it is!!!
For our anniversary every year, I buy myself some jewelry because Bill would if he was still here :). This year I want a cross. Here are some that I like, and I am actively seeking opinions, so if you're so inclined, chime in on what you think. I like them all:
Or, perhaps, one of these:
And I like this one, as well. This one is from a different place than the others:
One other thing that I was thinking about with regard to our wedding anniversary, and then I think I'll be over talking about it--of course, I do reserve the right to change my mind...HAHA! I really, really kinda love everything about my wedding anniversary. I love that we were married in April; that is the only month I wanted to be married in. Part of what I loved so much about my wedding anniversary is that I never thought I would have one, and I DID :)! I STILL get excited for it, which I have never advertised to many people, lest they think I am kind of weird. And, of course, now I don't really care who knows I'm weird :).
Here's the thing. As many of you already know, Bill died two days shy of our 12th wedding anniversary. Monday is our 19th anniversary. Mlee and her husband have their 25th wedding anniversary the day after mine, which got me to thinking about 25th wedding anniversaries. I thought how very, very cool it is that the two of them have hit this milestone anniversary after having been high school sweethearts since they were 16 years old. And I thought about when my parents had their 25th wedding anniversary, and how one of my Mom's friends and I planned and orchestrated and pulled off a surprise 25th anniversary party for them, OVER THE PHONE AND THROUGH THE MAIL. I wasn't there but, from the pictures I saw later, every other person in their town was! And it was a good thing we did it for their 25th, since my Mom died four months shy of their 30th. When it's our 25th, it will also be a milestone of a different kind. The 25th will also be the anniversary that marks the beginning of more anniversaries WITHOUT his physical presence that WITH. Ouch. It's just something that I thought about.
It felt good to write about all of this :) ...
I am doing really good, although very worried about John and Hallie. I was glad to read Kimmy's afternoon update, though, because it sounds a little more positive. I will be even happier, though, when he is out of the woods on the infection part of this surgery and recovery. I'll keep right on praying and I know alla y'all will, too.
Okay, this is a first. I started this post a few hours ago, got a couple of paragraphs in and just wasn't feelin' it, so I saved it, took a nap, and now I'm back to finish. I think that, subconsciously, I'm maybe trying to keep myself from talking too much about tomorrow. I worry sometimes that it might seem strange to others that I am still so attached to Bill even though tomorrow is SEVEN years...seven years that I've been without his physical presence. Or maybe what it really is, is that from what I've read and such, I sometimes worry that I AM THE ONE who thinks it's strange that I am still so connected to him.
What I mean is this, for example. Shortly after Bill died, I found this newsletter for young widows and widowers which, at 44, at least I thought I was pretty young to be a widow. Well, not too long ago, one of the things that was discussed (the "newsletter" has since turned into a blog) was when it's appropriate to take off your wedding ring. Some of you may or may not remember that it also wasn't that long ago that I was struggling with feeling like I maybe should take mine off. So, it was very interesting to me that, not much longer, the young widow/widower person wrote on this same subject. And basically the answer was, the timeline for taking off the ring is different for everyone--AND THAT SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY TAKE UPWARDS OF A WHOLE YEAR BEFORE THEY'RE COMFORTABLE TAKING THE RING OFF. Hello? Close to seven years here!!!
By the time I read that, I had already been "practicing" taking mine off. I would not wear it for a day or two, I would miss it too much and put it back on, try again a few days later...on and on like this for a while. It's been several months now that I've not been wearing it at all. Well, except for those times when I'm sitting around here by myself and I'll put it on for awhile--because I miss it so much. When I put it on, I never expected to take it off at all. Here's the thing. It is right for me not to wear it anymore; if it wasn't, I'd still wear it and to hell with what anyone else thinks. But it is beautiful and it's really too bad it has to sit in a jewelry box. Okay I admit it...I tried to take a picture of it to show alla y'all, but it wasn't photographing right--the flash and the diamonds weren't mixing, I guess. And no, I just can't take it and have it "made into something else"--THAT, I don't think I will ever be able to do. They're my wedding rings and I can't change them like that. I'm not struggling with this so much anymore; like I said, I know it's right that I don't wear it. But as alla y'all know, part of my process in coming to terms is writing about it. And here it is!!!
For our anniversary every year, I buy myself some jewelry because Bill would if he was still here :). This year I want a cross. Here are some that I like, and I am actively seeking opinions, so if you're so inclined, chime in on what you think. I like them all:
Or, perhaps, one of these:
And I like this one, as well. This one is from a different place than the others:
One other thing that I was thinking about with regard to our wedding anniversary, and then I think I'll be over talking about it--of course, I do reserve the right to change my mind...HAHA! I really, really kinda love everything about my wedding anniversary. I love that we were married in April; that is the only month I wanted to be married in. Part of what I loved so much about my wedding anniversary is that I never thought I would have one, and I DID :)! I STILL get excited for it, which I have never advertised to many people, lest they think I am kind of weird. And, of course, now I don't really care who knows I'm weird :).
Here's the thing. As many of you already know, Bill died two days shy of our 12th wedding anniversary. Monday is our 19th anniversary. Mlee and her husband have their 25th wedding anniversary the day after mine, which got me to thinking about 25th wedding anniversaries. I thought how very, very cool it is that the two of them have hit this milestone anniversary after having been high school sweethearts since they were 16 years old. And I thought about when my parents had their 25th wedding anniversary, and how one of my Mom's friends and I planned and orchestrated and pulled off a surprise 25th anniversary party for them, OVER THE PHONE AND THROUGH THE MAIL. I wasn't there but, from the pictures I saw later, every other person in their town was! And it was a good thing we did it for their 25th, since my Mom died four months shy of their 30th. When it's our 25th, it will also be a milestone of a different kind. The 25th will also be the anniversary that marks the beginning of more anniversaries WITHOUT his physical presence that WITH. Ouch. It's just something that I thought about.
It felt good to write about all of this :) ...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
WELL, DAMN! WHERE DID THE NIGHT GO...
I meant to do a post tonight entitled "BLOGGERS I HAVE LOVED; DROPPIN' LIKE FLIES..." but, alas, I ran out of time.
Work cramps my style. It makes the days too short. Especially when I am working extra hours on several of my regular work days. Even just another hour seems to make a difference. But, ya know, I better be careful what I wish for. I might just get it. BWAHAHAHA. Oh no!
I am tired and I'm hoping if I go to bed, I'll go right to sleep. But I just wanted to ask everyone for some prayer support for Hallie's John. He was doing good post-surgery, but took a turn today and is now fighting an infection of unknown origin. After his last surgery, he got a staph infection that sidelined him for SEVEN months. So,please...please, please...say a prayer or ten for John, his medical team, and his family. They need to get to the bottom of this infection and get it stopped! If not a prayer, then a good wish and/or thought.
And tomorrow, I promise, a real blog post...
Work cramps my style. It makes the days too short. Especially when I am working extra hours on several of my regular work days. Even just another hour seems to make a difference. But, ya know, I better be careful what I wish for. I might just get it. BWAHAHAHA. Oh no!
I am tired and I'm hoping if I go to bed, I'll go right to sleep. But I just wanted to ask everyone for some prayer support for Hallie's John. He was doing good post-surgery, but took a turn today and is now fighting an infection of unknown origin. After his last surgery, he got a staph infection that sidelined him for SEVEN months. So,please...please, please...say a prayer or ten for John, his medical team, and his family. They need to get to the bottom of this infection and get it stopped! If not a prayer, then a good wish and/or thought.
And tomorrow, I promise, a real blog post...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
THIS IS KINDA COOL--OR IS IT???...
I was taking a quick run through site meter and I was rather excited to see someone from Cork, Ireland had visited me. To my knowledge--which, as it relates to site meter, is not real swift--I have never had a visitor from Ireland before. So I had to take a quick look. Somebody in Cork, Ireland googled YUCK STUFF and got my blog. If I had any pride whatsoever, I might be a little offended. But I don't and I'm not!
What I am, though, is kind of a bad blogger lately. Yes, I know. I did it specifically so alla y'all would tell me you miss me. BWAHAHAHA! No, not really--I mean it, not really. Like I said in my earlier post for today entitled "STAY TUNED..." I have just been a little off. I thank Mlee for finding the right words--"a little off" for it. I was trying, not real successfully, to explain it to her the other day, when she came up with that. And, for me, it was YES! THAT IS IT EXACTLY! But I am now feeling more on than off and I expect that trend to continue. So, I appreciate the patience, I appreciate the kind words, I appreciate alla y'all. And alla y'all know it, right? And I'm thinking that, by tomorrow, I'll even get back on my regular commenting schedule. Consider yourselves warned :)!
Lots coming up the rest of the week and the weekend. The twins' First Communion is on Sunday--when did they get old enough to be having their First Communion already? They're my BABY GRANDBOYS. But I will be so proud of them on Sunday. I love First Communion; I love all of the traditional rituals. There's a birthday/cosmic bowling party on Saturday night that I want to go to but, considering Sunday, we'll see. Have to do a little more extra time at work. Get flowers and go visit Bill for the 26th; I like to make his stone look pretty. I KNOW! I'll take pix after I get the flowers done so y'all can see it. It makes me proud that he is in Ft. Snelling National Cemetary. Or would that creep you out? It doesn't creep me out at all, but what do ya think? And, for now, I'd better go to bed or I'll get all discombobulated and go right back to being a little off--BWAHAHAHA!
Talk to ya tomorrow...
What I am, though, is kind of a bad blogger lately. Yes, I know. I did it specifically so alla y'all would tell me you miss me. BWAHAHAHA! No, not really--I mean it, not really. Like I said in my earlier post for today entitled "STAY TUNED..." I have just been a little off. I thank Mlee for finding the right words--"a little off" for it. I was trying, not real successfully, to explain it to her the other day, when she came up with that. And, for me, it was YES! THAT IS IT EXACTLY! But I am now feeling more on than off and I expect that trend to continue. So, I appreciate the patience, I appreciate the kind words, I appreciate alla y'all. And alla y'all know it, right? And I'm thinking that, by tomorrow, I'll even get back on my regular commenting schedule. Consider yourselves warned :)!
Lots coming up the rest of the week and the weekend. The twins' First Communion is on Sunday--when did they get old enough to be having their First Communion already? They're my BABY GRANDBOYS. But I will be so proud of them on Sunday. I love First Communion; I love all of the traditional rituals. There's a birthday/cosmic bowling party on Saturday night that I want to go to but, considering Sunday, we'll see. Have to do a little more extra time at work. Get flowers and go visit Bill for the 26th; I like to make his stone look pretty. I KNOW! I'll take pix after I get the flowers done so y'all can see it. It makes me proud that he is in Ft. Snelling National Cemetary. Or would that creep you out? It doesn't creep me out at all, but what do ya think? And, for now, I'd better go to bed or I'll get all discombobulated and go right back to being a little off--BWAHAHAHA!
Talk to ya tomorrow...
STAY TUNED...
For any and all who are wondering, I am here, I am healthy, etc., etc.--maybe just a little bit lazy and "off"--which I will explain later in a REAL post.
Don't leave me; I have abandonment issues--HA??!!?? ...
Don't leave me; I have abandonment issues--HA??!!?? ...
Monday, April 21, 2008
KIMBERLY IS...
***p.m. update at the end of the post, indicated by **--how original!!!***
BWAHAHAHA...this is particularly fitting since I have always described myself as "not everyone's cup of tea." Isn't that funny? Yesterday when Hallie and I were talking, I said something about "people either like me, or they don't." But, ya know, that isn't really true. There are also those who think they might like me if I will only change and conform to the way they want me to be, so it will be easier for them to like me. Which, of course, only makes me go so far to the opposite of what they want me to be, it usually makes their head spin. I am also a person that many people have discovered they appreciate, but only after it's too late. That's why--anyone reading this??--I am a TOTAL PRIZE and alla y'all better recognize this! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And, humble? OH YEAH! :)
I'll be back...
**Evening, or at least late afternoon, update. 77 degrees here today, baby! But now it looks like it will be raining within the hour. Yup. Spring was very enjoyable this year--HAHA! This is supposed to be the way the rest of the week goes, minus the warm temps. Which is why I am more than a littlejealous as hell envious that Mlee is jetting off to sunny Florida on Wednesday morning. Ahhh...someday!
It has been a very nice, relaxing weekend even with all of my excitement over seeing a real live male member on the big screen (or is that a big male member on the real live screen...hmmm?). Just thought I'd let everyone know THAT is what remained the highlight, even though the rest was good, too. Yeah, yeah, I know. I am SO JUVENILE.
And now I am going to cap off the weekend by indulging in a Lean Cuisine...
Your Slogan Should Be |
 Kimberly. Not for Everyone. |
BWAHAHAHA...this is particularly fitting since I have always described myself as "not everyone's cup of tea." Isn't that funny? Yesterday when Hallie and I were talking, I said something about "people either like me, or they don't." But, ya know, that isn't really true. There are also those who think they might like me if I will only change and conform to the way they want me to be, so it will be easier for them to like me. Which, of course, only makes me go so far to the opposite of what they want me to be, it usually makes their head spin. I am also a person that many people have discovered they appreciate, but only after it's too late. That's why--anyone reading this??--I am a TOTAL PRIZE and alla y'all better recognize this! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And, humble? OH YEAH! :)
I'll be back...
**Evening, or at least late afternoon, update. 77 degrees here today, baby! But now it looks like it will be raining within the hour. Yup. Spring was very enjoyable this year--HAHA! This is supposed to be the way the rest of the week goes, minus the warm temps. Which is why I am more than a little
It has been a very nice, relaxing weekend even with all of my excitement over seeing a real live male member on the big screen (or is that a big male member on the real live screen...hmmm?). Just thought I'd let everyone know THAT is what remained the highlight, even though the rest was good, too. Yeah, yeah, I know. I am SO JUVENILE.
And now I am going to cap off the weekend by indulging in a Lean Cuisine...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
WELL, THAT'LL TEACH ME TO BE A PESSIMIST...
The sunshiney warmness? She is HERE! That is what I get for doubting our erstwhile meteorologists...HAHA!
And although I did nothing outside in it, it is still nice to have. Sunshine just makes me feel so much better...better than what, I don't know...just better. And even though I haven't exactly been a ball of fire today, it's still been a really good one! I just saw the funniest thing. There are these two squirrels, and I swear they are THE SAME TWO SQUIRRELS, that live in one of my trees in the backyard and in my neighbor's tree in the front yard. When I have my front door open and am sitting on my couch, this tree is right in my line of vision when looking to the left. So, these two squirrels are sort of a riot; I call them "THE LITTLE SCAMPS" because they are noisy and rowdy and are obviously having a very good time out there. I think they are also the ones that used to keep chewing through the phone line back when I had a phone in my house. This afternoon, I have been watching them haul stuff up the neighbor's tree...BIG stuff, both of them. I don't know what they're doing and/or building up there but, in the squirrel world, I think it's going to be impressive! Really, I think they are having company or something, so they're spiffing up the old squirrel condo; whatever it is they're doing, they've sure been working hard. And I have to give it to them--they're really good at climbing that big huge tree while carrying their own weight in their mouths. Industrious little scamps, they are! Now I just hope they will cut back on the noise a little. Seriously, they are the noisiest little things.
And what is wrong with me that I am THIS fascinated by a couple of squirrels! This is what happens, I guess, when I'm left to my own devices for a whole day. Good thing I had Hallisicle to talk to this afternoon or I probably would have been out there taking pictures of them...BWAHAHAHAHA! As it was, I was pretty excited to hear Hallisicle's two wieners protecting their territory, even though they didn't have a clue who they were protecting it from since they only see things 8 inches off the ground. I LOVE THAT, HALLIE :). Talk about a day-brightener; I couldn't have a better little sis if I picked her myself. Oh, wait...I did pick her myself!
So, I think that it's for me today...
And although I did nothing outside in it, it is still nice to have. Sunshine just makes me feel so much better...better than what, I don't know...just better. And even though I haven't exactly been a ball of fire today, it's still been a really good one! I just saw the funniest thing. There are these two squirrels, and I swear they are THE SAME TWO SQUIRRELS, that live in one of my trees in the backyard and in my neighbor's tree in the front yard. When I have my front door open and am sitting on my couch, this tree is right in my line of vision when looking to the left. So, these two squirrels are sort of a riot; I call them "THE LITTLE SCAMPS" because they are noisy and rowdy and are obviously having a very good time out there. I think they are also the ones that used to keep chewing through the phone line back when I had a phone in my house. This afternoon, I have been watching them haul stuff up the neighbor's tree...BIG stuff, both of them. I don't know what they're doing and/or building up there but, in the squirrel world, I think it's going to be impressive! Really, I think they are having company or something, so they're spiffing up the old squirrel condo; whatever it is they're doing, they've sure been working hard. And I have to give it to them--they're really good at climbing that big huge tree while carrying their own weight in their mouths. Industrious little scamps, they are! Now I just hope they will cut back on the noise a little. Seriously, they are the noisiest little things.
And what is wrong with me that I am THIS fascinated by a couple of squirrels! This is what happens, I guess, when I'm left to my own devices for a whole day. Good thing I had Hallisicle to talk to this afternoon or I probably would have been out there taking pictures of them...BWAHAHAHAHA! As it was, I was pretty excited to hear Hallisicle's two wieners protecting their territory, even though they didn't have a clue who they were protecting it from since they only see things 8 inches off the ground. I LOVE THAT, HALLIE :). Talk about a day-brightener; I couldn't have a better little sis if I picked her myself. Oh, wait...I did pick her myself!
So, I think that it's for me today...
HMMM, LET'S SEE; WHERE WAS I AND WHAT WAS I SAYING...
I am pretty sure today is not going to be filled with sunshiney warmness the way the meteorologists predicted. Oh well, that's okay. I'm not exactly filled with sunshiney warmness either. Sometimes that's just not the way it is.
I personally would feel much more sunshiney and warm, I think, if I could feel less tired. The trend that I am noticing is that when I work the whole week--all five days--by the time I get home Saturday, I am exhausted. I'm okay if I take a day off during the week but, man, this five-day thing is killin' me! And it's not just because of everything that is or isn't going on there, either...I think I would feel the same way no matter where I work. I just don't want to WORK ANYWHERE five days a week. Three would be perfection; I'd settle for four. Five days is too much.
We were talking the other night about what I would do if I find myself...how should I say it...re-evaluating my career options. The thing is, it's really hard for me to even think about it when I don't even know if it will be something I need to think about. If that makes any sense. Basically, if it so happens that I get to keep my job, right here in MSP? That would be my first choice, and I would just continue on my merry--if slightly bored--way. I won't, under any circumstances, be moving to ATL. I am one of those died-in-the-wool Minnesotans that can't really imagine living anywhere else. I could never really understand how my parents and my older uncle could move to new states so easily. I don't think I could. I have visited ATL, and I had a blast. I climbed Stone Mountain, I had many very good, fruity drinks in a rotating bar atop a hotel (that was a little freaky--one usually tries NOT to get the spins), and I went to a museum, and hung out with a WHOLE BUNCH of pilots who were there for training. Ahhh, the good ole (????) days...
I have worked where I work for so many darn years, I cannot even imagine working anyplace else. That is the danger of working at the same place for 30 years. It becomes such a deeply engrained part of you that I can't see myself anywhere else. I mean, if I lose my job, I won't have any choice and I will do that, but it isn't anything I would do on my own. I guess it is this type of thing that makes me seem boring to some. I don't really think I'm boring, I am just not a person who needs a lot of variety. One job, one man, one good friend, one house...I am good with all of that. I am not easily bored at all, and I find ways to challenge myself. Before my Mom got to know me better, she thought I was boring and predictable because she always knew what I would order at what restaurant and more of that type of thing. Well...ya know, maybe I am. Maybe I am boring and predictable and methodical and plodding and easy to figure out. I don't like huge changes in my life. I am happy right now. Everything is fine right now. Is it wrong for me to want it to stay happy and fine?
I do not have a clue what I will do if my job goes away. I have only done one thing in my life, clerical stuff. It is not that I love it with a passion, but it is where my talent lies. Talk about pathetic :)!!! I would have to do more of the same, just for some other industry/company--not because that's what I want, but just because that's what I DO. The only other things I have ever felt even remotely interested in were writing and counseling of some sort. It used to be that everybody under the sun--both people I knew and people I didn't know--talked to me about their problems, and I often thought that it would be a good deal to get paid for something I did so much anyway. But that has changed in the last several years; I don't have as many people spilling everything to me. Probably has something to do with the earphones I have stuck in my ears constantly :). Writing? Well, ya don't just up and decide you're gonna make a living with writing. Although I DO like ALL types of writing--including technical, that type of thing--always thought that would be something I might not mind doing. But I've never had any serious thoughts about those things.
I don't want to go to school. I didn't want to when I was 18, and I don't want to even more now. I really admire those that do, and I really love the learning and reading and classwork, but I just wouldn't want to be trotting around a campus anywhere with a bunch of 19 y/o's! Many, many years ago, in my early 20's, my good friends Kelly and Larry lived in the apartment right below me. At the time, Kelly was a full-time student at the U of M. She and Larry had moved here from Wisconsin, when Larry got a job at the place where I work now (although they were separate at that time), so she transferred from the U of W. We met when she came up one night to ask me if I could turn down my stereo cause she was doing homework. I liked a lot of bass...thump, thump, thump from the big-assed speakers that sat right on my floor/her ceiling :). The three of us ended up being the best of friends. I used to "go to school" through her; I read what she read, sat and did studying with her, and even did a couple of homework projects for her (and got her an "A" on one of them, I might add). It was fun and I really enjoyed it. I just did not wanna hustle my ass over to the U everyday, and be broke and starving. Still don't.
So, I don't know what I'll do, if anything. And it makes my head hurt to even think about it. I don't want to think about it; I don't want the possibility to exist of having to think about it! In addition to making my head hurt, it also makes me want to sleep. I don't know what it says about me, liking same-ness and not wanting big changes in my life. I have had too many changes. I don't want to lose anything or anyone else. It's not even a matter of it being good or bad. I have just started feeling so happy again; I have started feeling like my life is SOOOO incredibly good, even though it's nothing like I thought it would be at this point. Is it really so wrong for me to want to enjoy it for a while? My house, my friends, my kids, what I do with my free time, my job. I love it, and I want to keep it the way it is. And this post has turned out to be completely different than I thought it would be, too. I definitely did not plan on writing THIS. Another one of those things, I guess, that is there and needs to come out, as part of my process.
I'd rather not...
I personally would feel much more sunshiney and warm, I think, if I could feel less tired. The trend that I am noticing is that when I work the whole week--all five days--by the time I get home Saturday, I am exhausted. I'm okay if I take a day off during the week but, man, this five-day thing is killin' me! And it's not just because of everything that is or isn't going on there, either...I think I would feel the same way no matter where I work. I just don't want to WORK ANYWHERE five days a week. Three would be perfection; I'd settle for four. Five days is too much.
We were talking the other night about what I would do if I find myself...how should I say it...re-evaluating my career options. The thing is, it's really hard for me to even think about it when I don't even know if it will be something I need to think about. If that makes any sense. Basically, if it so happens that I get to keep my job, right here in MSP? That would be my first choice, and I would just continue on my merry--if slightly bored--way. I won't, under any circumstances, be moving to ATL. I am one of those died-in-the-wool Minnesotans that can't really imagine living anywhere else. I could never really understand how my parents and my older uncle could move to new states so easily. I don't think I could. I have visited ATL, and I had a blast. I climbed Stone Mountain, I had many very good, fruity drinks in a rotating bar atop a hotel (that was a little freaky--one usually tries NOT to get the spins), and I went to a museum, and hung out with a WHOLE BUNCH of pilots who were there for training. Ahhh, the good ole (????) days...
I have worked where I work for so many darn years, I cannot even imagine working anyplace else. That is the danger of working at the same place for 30 years. It becomes such a deeply engrained part of you that I can't see myself anywhere else. I mean, if I lose my job, I won't have any choice and I will do that, but it isn't anything I would do on my own. I guess it is this type of thing that makes me seem boring to some. I don't really think I'm boring, I am just not a person who needs a lot of variety. One job, one man, one good friend, one house...I am good with all of that. I am not easily bored at all, and I find ways to challenge myself. Before my Mom got to know me better, she thought I was boring and predictable because she always knew what I would order at what restaurant and more of that type of thing. Well...ya know, maybe I am. Maybe I am boring and predictable and methodical and plodding and easy to figure out. I don't like huge changes in my life. I am happy right now. Everything is fine right now. Is it wrong for me to want it to stay happy and fine?
I do not have a clue what I will do if my job goes away. I have only done one thing in my life, clerical stuff. It is not that I love it with a passion, but it is where my talent lies. Talk about pathetic :)!!! I would have to do more of the same, just for some other industry/company--not because that's what I want, but just because that's what I DO. The only other things I have ever felt even remotely interested in were writing and counseling of some sort. It used to be that everybody under the sun--both people I knew and people I didn't know--talked to me about their problems, and I often thought that it would be a good deal to get paid for something I did so much anyway. But that has changed in the last several years; I don't have as many people spilling everything to me. Probably has something to do with the earphones I have stuck in my ears constantly :). Writing? Well, ya don't just up and decide you're gonna make a living with writing. Although I DO like ALL types of writing--including technical, that type of thing--always thought that would be something I might not mind doing. But I've never had any serious thoughts about those things.
I don't want to go to school. I didn't want to when I was 18, and I don't want to even more now. I really admire those that do, and I really love the learning and reading and classwork, but I just wouldn't want to be trotting around a campus anywhere with a bunch of 19 y/o's! Many, many years ago, in my early 20's, my good friends Kelly and Larry lived in the apartment right below me. At the time, Kelly was a full-time student at the U of M. She and Larry had moved here from Wisconsin, when Larry got a job at the place where I work now (although they were separate at that time), so she transferred from the U of W. We met when she came up one night to ask me if I could turn down my stereo cause she was doing homework. I liked a lot of bass...thump, thump, thump from the big-assed speakers that sat right on my floor/her ceiling :). The three of us ended up being the best of friends. I used to "go to school" through her; I read what she read, sat and did studying with her, and even did a couple of homework projects for her (and got her an "A" on one of them, I might add). It was fun and I really enjoyed it. I just did not wanna hustle my ass over to the U everyday, and be broke and starving. Still don't.
So, I don't know what I'll do, if anything. And it makes my head hurt to even think about it. I don't want to think about it; I don't want the possibility to exist of having to think about it! In addition to making my head hurt, it also makes me want to sleep. I don't know what it says about me, liking same-ness and not wanting big changes in my life. I have had too many changes. I don't want to lose anything or anyone else. It's not even a matter of it being good or bad. I have just started feeling so happy again; I have started feeling like my life is SOOOO incredibly good, even though it's nothing like I thought it would be at this point. Is it really so wrong for me to want to enjoy it for a while? My house, my friends, my kids, what I do with my free time, my job. I love it, and I want to keep it the way it is. And this post has turned out to be completely different than I thought it would be, too. I definitely did not plan on writing THIS. Another one of those things, I guess, that is there and needs to come out, as part of my process.
I'd rather not...
Friday, April 18, 2008
FULL FRONTAL NUDITY...OF THE MALE VARIETY!!!...
And totally unrelated to the title of this post, I am the recipient of A MAJOR AWARD! I'm really excited because: 1) It's been a long time since I've gotten an award, 2) It's from my sweet Abbie, and 3) I just love getting awards. And here it is:
Thank you, Abs; I am honored and not just because you're still a young, cute whippersnapper, either :)! I plan to bestow this MAJOR AWARD on others in a day or two, so stay tuned.
Now, onto news of FULL FRONTAL NUDITY OF THE MALE VARIETY. Yup. Right there on the big screen. (At least) SIX INCHES OF SWINGIN' DEATH. Several times. YAY! I say, it's about time! Especially since there were ZERO bare boobie shots--except for in a picture. We went and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and I really liked it, even if Jason Segel wouldn't have been hangin out with his wang out. It was really funny, as Mlee put it, in an "Animal House" sort of way--but not disgusting, if that makes sense. I will see it again to pick up the parts I missed while I was practically rolling around on the floor laughing. But there were also some touching and sweet parts, too. It was good to see a funny movie; they just don't come around that often. Before we went to the movie, we met over at Doolittle's and split the four-glass white wine tasting flight, and I also had a very good margarita--NUM! I love margaritas, but I'm thinking I don't tolerate tequila so good anymore--I feel and look very flushed and hot. So I don't know what that's all about, but it's happened the last two times I've had a margarita. Fortunately, I think I can live with it...HAHAHA!
It was especially nice to get out and do something! Mlee has been working non-stop the last couple of weeks in preparation for leaving for her Florida trip on Wednesday--LUCKY DUCK!!!! I am jealous, because the weather here is going to be lousy all next week, starting on Wednesday; she's good at going on vacation at just the right time. So with all she's got going on before she leaves, she was a good sport about meeting me after she got off work--it worked out good! I love having somebody fun to hang out and do stuff with; just one of those things that makes life WAY fun and gives me something to look forward to. Because tomorrow at work, I have LOTS to do and I think it might be a long day--but that's okay, too.
I wonder what kind of bizarre dreams I'll have tonight? BWAHAHAHAHA...
Thank you, Abs; I am honored and not just because you're still a young, cute whippersnapper, either :)! I plan to bestow this MAJOR AWARD on others in a day or two, so stay tuned.
Now, onto news of FULL FRONTAL NUDITY OF THE MALE VARIETY. Yup. Right there on the big screen. (At least) SIX INCHES OF SWINGIN' DEATH. Several times. YAY! I say, it's about time! Especially since there were ZERO bare boobie shots--except for in a picture. We went and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and I really liked it, even if Jason Segel wouldn't have been hangin out with his wang out. It was really funny, as Mlee put it, in an "Animal House" sort of way--but not disgusting, if that makes sense. I will see it again to pick up the parts I missed while I was practically rolling around on the floor laughing. But there were also some touching and sweet parts, too. It was good to see a funny movie; they just don't come around that often. Before we went to the movie, we met over at Doolittle's and split the four-glass white wine tasting flight, and I also had a very good margarita--NUM! I love margaritas, but I'm thinking I don't tolerate tequila so good anymore--I feel and look very flushed and hot. So I don't know what that's all about, but it's happened the last two times I've had a margarita. Fortunately, I think I can live with it...HAHAHA!
It was especially nice to get out and do something! Mlee has been working non-stop the last couple of weeks in preparation for leaving for her Florida trip on Wednesday--LUCKY DUCK!!!! I am jealous, because the weather here is going to be lousy all next week, starting on Wednesday; she's good at going on vacation at just the right time. So with all she's got going on before she leaves, she was a good sport about meeting me after she got off work--it worked out good! I love having somebody fun to hang out and do stuff with; just one of those things that makes life WAY fun and gives me something to look forward to. Because tomorrow at work, I have LOTS to do and I think it might be a long day--but that's okay, too.
I wonder what kind of bizarre dreams I'll have tonight? BWAHAHAHAHA...
WHY YES! YES I DO! I DO KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO...
And, for now at least, it's NOT crazy! GOOD MORNING, HALLISICLE--this early morning post is especially for your viewing pleasure!
Needless to say, the sad moments passed. And, if I do say so myself, they passed rather quickly. Yesterday, I had three separate bouts with sadness--once at work, once in the afternoon, and one while I was posting last night. And the longest one lasted about 15 minutes, which was the one last night. That is really, really good! In fact, I thank God for the progress I've made on this. Well, God and good friends, which are also directly related. Between Hallisicle's hilarious texts, and Mlee's and Denise's fantastic phone calls, I was cheered up in no time. Over these past seven years, I have really found that good friends are the key to my sanity, and I have been richly blessed that way. If you're reading this and you're one who leaves me comments, then I mean you, too! So, so much to be thankful for, always!
And just so everyone knows, I really loved Juno; I would recommend it. I saw it in the theater when it first came out, and I liked it enough to buy it. These days, I'm very discriminating about which movies I actually purchase--and Juno is one I have been waiting for. I just like it. And August Rush, too. Yes, it's a little bit over-the-top, but how can you not love him? And Keri Russell is quite beautemous. The restaurant scene with her father made me cry, too, there was such pain on her face! And now there are finally some decent-sounding movies in the theaters, too--I might have to make my way out to see one of them.
In other news...well, there is no other news. Just me rambling, so I'll stop for now.
But, BEWARE, I might just be back later...
Needless to say, the sad moments passed. And, if I do say so myself, they passed rather quickly. Yesterday, I had three separate bouts with sadness--once at work, once in the afternoon, and one while I was posting last night. And the longest one lasted about 15 minutes, which was the one last night. That is really, really good! In fact, I thank God for the progress I've made on this. Well, God and good friends, which are also directly related. Between Hallisicle's hilarious texts, and Mlee's and Denise's fantastic phone calls, I was cheered up in no time. Over these past seven years, I have really found that good friends are the key to my sanity, and I have been richly blessed that way. If you're reading this and you're one who leaves me comments, then I mean you, too! So, so much to be thankful for, always!
And just so everyone knows, I really loved Juno; I would recommend it. I saw it in the theater when it first came out, and I liked it enough to buy it. These days, I'm very discriminating about which movies I actually purchase--and Juno is one I have been waiting for. I just like it. And August Rush, too. Yes, it's a little bit over-the-top, but how can you not love him? And Keri Russell is quite beautemous. The restaurant scene with her father made me cry, too, there was such pain on her face! And now there are finally some decent-sounding movies in the theaters, too--I might have to make my way out to see one of them.
In other news...well, there is no other news. Just me rambling, so I'll stop for now.
But, BEWARE, I might just be back later...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO...
Do you like the things that life is showing you? Just as I hit the "New Post" button, those song lyrics popped into my head. Did anybody out there see the movie "Mahogany" in about 1975-1976, with Diana Ross, who also sang this song? I always thought this song was so sad. I also heard another song on the radio on my way home from work today that I always liked a lot but which I also thought was kind of sad, "Call On Me" by Chicago. Or maybe it's just that a lot of things seemed sad to me today. Nah. No matter what kind of a mood I'm in, these two I mentioned are NOT cheery songs...HAHA!
I was thinking earlier today about what I was doing at this time last year. I was completely entrenched in house stuff; painting, picking out carpet, thinking about furniture, etc. That all was very good stuff for me to be doing because, typically, April is a time when I still have some "moments." Not many anymore, and they don't last too long, but still. I am glad that Mlee and her husband's wedding anniversary is the day after ours, and that this year is their 25th. It makes me really happy for them, and lessens any sad feelings I might have about mine. In fact, the one good thing is that by the time the 26th and the 28th actually roll around, I'm fine. It's just the week or two leading up to those two dates that I go through some bouts of sadness. And then there is that I feel very guilty about getting sad at all; I guess I still feel sometimes like most people think I should have been past this type of thing years ago. Historically, I really don't like to let anyone know if I feel sad because 1) I'm afraid people don't like me if I'm not 100% happy 100% of the time, 2) I'm afraid it doesn't matter if I feel sad, 3) I don't think most people really care to hear it, 4) I'm afraid to seem vulnerable, and 5) I don't like being sad, either. For all of those reasons and probably a lot more, I'm glad this doesn't happen much anymore. April's just...well, it has one of the happiest dates and one of the saddest dates for me.
Okay. So is anyone still here? Give me a minute and I'll try to pull something good out. It's kind of hard because I haven't done much of anything at all this week. Today I sent out a whole bunch of cards, and that was a good thing. Tomorrow my tax refunds will be deposited into my checking account. More money is always a good thing. When I stopped at Target today, I bought the movies "August Rush" and "Juno"--both movies that I really liked and, if I can muster enough of an attention span to watch them, that will be good. Especially "August Rush." I LOVED that movie. I also got a new book that sounds interesting. Again with the attention span...in that I hope I can harness enough of it to not only start but also to finish the book. How is it that sometimes, despite my best efforts, I can't get my mind to shut off. Then, other times, I just can't seem to get it going. The joys of 51, I guess. Thankfully, there are many more pros to being 51 than there are cons :)!!! Mostly, I love being this age.
Okay then--again. Since it appears this post really isn't going anywhere,
That is all...
I was thinking earlier today about what I was doing at this time last year. I was completely entrenched in house stuff; painting, picking out carpet, thinking about furniture, etc. That all was very good stuff for me to be doing because, typically, April is a time when I still have some "moments." Not many anymore, and they don't last too long, but still. I am glad that Mlee and her husband's wedding anniversary is the day after ours, and that this year is their 25th. It makes me really happy for them, and lessens any sad feelings I might have about mine. In fact, the one good thing is that by the time the 26th and the 28th actually roll around, I'm fine. It's just the week or two leading up to those two dates that I go through some bouts of sadness. And then there is that I feel very guilty about getting sad at all; I guess I still feel sometimes like most people think I should have been past this type of thing years ago. Historically, I really don't like to let anyone know if I feel sad because 1) I'm afraid people don't like me if I'm not 100% happy 100% of the time, 2) I'm afraid it doesn't matter if I feel sad, 3) I don't think most people really care to hear it, 4) I'm afraid to seem vulnerable, and 5) I don't like being sad, either. For all of those reasons and probably a lot more, I'm glad this doesn't happen much anymore. April's just...well, it has one of the happiest dates and one of the saddest dates for me.
Okay. So is anyone still here? Give me a minute and I'll try to pull something good out. It's kind of hard because I haven't done much of anything at all this week. Today I sent out a whole bunch of cards, and that was a good thing. Tomorrow my tax refunds will be deposited into my checking account. More money is always a good thing. When I stopped at Target today, I bought the movies "August Rush" and "Juno"--both movies that I really liked and, if I can muster enough of an attention span to watch them, that will be good. Especially "August Rush." I LOVED that movie. I also got a new book that sounds interesting. Again with the attention span...in that I hope I can harness enough of it to not only start but also to finish the book. How is it that sometimes, despite my best efforts, I can't get my mind to shut off. Then, other times, I just can't seem to get it going. The joys of 51, I guess. Thankfully, there are many more pros to being 51 than there are cons :)!!! Mostly, I love being this age.
Okay then--again. Since it appears this post really isn't going anywhere,
That is all...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
WHAT WAS IT I WAS THINKING???...
Earlier today, while I was at work, all of a sudden I had an idea for something I though I might want to write about later, as my (almost) daily post. It was a good thought, too. Do I remember it now? No. I guess it was a pretty good nap I took!
What I WILL NOT talk about is the weather. In that, ours has been very beautiful the last two days. But I won't talk about it because, as I've said before, we Minnesotans tend to go on and on about weather a little too much. Leading people in the rest of the world to come to the conclusion that we're country hicks and hayseeds in this state--HAHAHA!
There is a lot going on at work this week, but nothing I'm going to write about yet. As it goes with acquisitions and mergers, in the early stages everything is speculation. The only thing I can say for sure is this, I want to smack anyone who says that this is a merger. It most certainly is an ACQUISITION. Does anyone really think calling it a merger is going to ease anyone's anxiety? It is so typical of the arrogance of the top executives to think that we won't notice that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...it probably IS a duck. Yup. Just call me exceptional. Fun times. I've been through this three times already and, obviously, I'm still there. I just hope that my luck(?) doesn't run out this time. We'll see. As always, I believe that everything turns out as it should.
As for me personally, I got nothin' goin' on this week. Which is good and bad, both. I will maybe find something to do.
If I can stay awake long enough...
What I WILL NOT talk about is the weather. In that, ours has been very beautiful the last two days. But I won't talk about it because, as I've said before, we Minnesotans tend to go on and on about weather a little too much. Leading people in the rest of the world to come to the conclusion that we're country hicks and hayseeds in this state--HAHAHA!
There is a lot going on at work this week, but nothing I'm going to write about yet. As it goes with acquisitions and mergers, in the early stages everything is speculation. The only thing I can say for sure is this, I want to smack anyone who says that this is a merger. It most certainly is an ACQUISITION. Does anyone really think calling it a merger is going to ease anyone's anxiety? It is so typical of the arrogance of the top executives to think that we won't notice that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...it probably IS a duck. Yup. Just call me exceptional. Fun times. I've been through this three times already and, obviously, I'm still there. I just hope that my luck(?) doesn't run out this time. We'll see. As always, I believe that everything turns out as it should.
As for me personally, I got nothin' goin' on this week. Which is good and bad, both. I will maybe find something to do.
If I can stay awake long enough...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
SO TRUE...
"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand--and melting like a snowflake." --Marie Beyon Ray
What a lovely way of saying something so true and so basic. Why is it so hard for us to do that; to do things NOW instead of later. Even if it's just wearing the cute boulder holder for everyday instead of the old, stretched out yellowish-white one. I know this, at least for me--the times that I do what I want now and enjoy what I am doing fully, the moment that is sparkling like a star in my hand is so shiny and so bright that even just the memory of it can illuminate dark times.
And, for now, I'm working--and it's good, really good. Later, I'll be visiting everyone and probably doing a longer post. That will be really good, too.
"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions--the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heart-felt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Making my moment sparkle...
What a lovely way of saying something so true and so basic. Why is it so hard for us to do that; to do things NOW instead of later. Even if it's just wearing the cute boulder holder for everyday instead of the old, stretched out yellowish-white one. I know this, at least for me--the times that I do what I want now and enjoy what I am doing fully, the moment that is sparkling like a star in my hand is so shiny and so bright that even just the memory of it can illuminate dark times.
And, for now, I'm working--and it's good, really good. Later, I'll be visiting everyone and probably doing a longer post. That will be really good, too.
"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions--the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heart-felt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Making my moment sparkle...
Monday, April 14, 2008
THERE IS REALITY, AND THEN THERE WAS SATURDAY...
Saturday--all day and all night Saturday--was definitely the highlight of this phase of my life. Mlee and I had such an incredibly good time from beginning to end that I don't think it will be something either of us are likely to forget for a very long time. I'm going to start at the beginning and just tell the whole story because, to me, the whole experience--not just the gala--was so great.
Being the type of person that I am, I waited until (very early) Saturday morning to try everything on together. I had some decisions to make, such as which boulder holder I would be wearing. I had it narrowed down to the plain black, the fire engine red, or the new "fun" one that I bought when I went shopping on Friday and got for 50% off. Well, after surveying the cleavage of all three in the dress, here is what I chose:
I also realized that the shoes I bought were way too big and that I would be walking right out of them, so I quick ran to get a smaller pair, which was when Mlee called and let me know we could get an early room check-in and would be picking me up at 11:30. Holy Moly, Batman! I was so excited, though--SO EXCITED. We decided we were going to completely get ready down there, after originally thinking we would already be showered and have washed hair when we checked in to the hotel. That, to me, seemed like it would be more fun anyway!
The hotel was absolutely beautiful and I just loved it; in keeping with The Milwaukee Road Train Depot thing, it is all done in Mission/Craftsman/1940s type decor and was so interesting! After we go settled in to the room, we went exploring around the hotel and got a look at the volunteers setting up for the gala. A lot of work went into it!
Getting ready was a complete and total blast; we had brought wine along with us to drink in the room. We each had a big fluffy down comforter on our bed, along with tons of fluffy down pillows, which made it very comfy for sitting on and applying make-up. We took turns taking showers and did each other's hair and took pictures of the way we looked when we arrived:
Really and honestly? I had some fun times in high school getting ready for dances with friends, or getting ready for other special occasions and it was always a lot of fun. But I have never had this much fun getting ready for an evening with a friend. Part of what made this so much fun was doing it with Mlee. Although she and I have been friends for a relatively short period of time, to me, it seems like she has been a friend forever. I have a lot of fun with her and she always comes up with interesting and fun things to do. She'll probably get a little pissed with me for getting too sappy, but I really love having her as a friend and consider myself lucky.
Here's me after getting ready:
And another one wearing the wrap/jacket that went with my dress:
We were finally both all ready to head down to the gala:
As we made our way into the meeting/greeting and silent auction areas of the gala, there wa sone thing that was overwhelmingly and abundantly clear to me. THOSE.DAMN.SHOES.WERE.GONNA.KILL.ME. Seriously! I couldn't take more than a few steps without excruciating pain in the toes, stepping out of the shoes and then having my heel buckle sideways upon re-entry. I found a chair to sit in and assess the situation. The evening had just begun and I could have just cried because this was beyond a little discomfort. This was to the point where I was very close to falling down, and I had no clue that would happen! Finally, Mlee suggested that I just take them off. As soon as I found out that it would not embarrass her I did just that!!!! I chucked those damn shoes under one of the registration tables, sighed a huge sigh of relief and pain-free contentment, and pasted a huge, goofy smile on my face because I was so glad I'd be able to enjoy the rest of the evening. In those shoes, that would have been impossible. Mlee, if you read this, thank you for that :)!
The room was decorated beautifully and the flowers on the tables were lovely
We shared our table with a young woman who actually works for the Children's Hospital Kids Cancer Fund Foundation and her boyfriend, and the family of a little 9-year-old girl who is being treated at Children's for Ewing's Sarcoma. This little girl was there as one of the speakers and presenters, and was accompanied by her Mom, Grandma, twin sister and older sister. Mlee knew quite a few people there; Doctors, Nurses, Child Life Specialists, etc., who were part of her son's ALL treatment, and it was an honor for me to meet these people. Then there was dinner; oh, what a dinner it was! Field greens with gorgonzola and raspberry vinaigrette, a petite filet that I cut with my butter knife, a wonderful piece of halibut in a lobster cream sauce, fresh baby carrots, fresh asparagus, and baby roasted Yukon Golds. Then there was the dessert--a seriously rich chocolate mousse with whipped cream, strawberry and edible "cup." I never get a chance to have dessert because I always eat too much and am too full. Even though I was full this time, too, I still decided to eat the dessert. ALL of it. And very happy about that.
After dinner was the live auction, hosted by Frank Vascellero and Belinda Jensen, and they also did a presentation to get pledges for the new patient-family rooms that they want to build for the hospital. There were several people who pledged $50,000, thereby "buying" one room. I was very, very excited when they announced that they not only met their fund-raising goals, but exceeded them. I pledged a relatively small, piddly, table-at-the-back-of-the-room amount--but I still feel good knowing I helped in a small way. After that, the band started and dancing commenced. Since our table was under a speaker and the band was loud, it didn't take long for us to decide it was time to wrap it up. We stopped at the hotel bar and had Bailey's & coffee and Amaretto & Coffee for me, plopped ourselves down in the comfy chairs by the fireplace in the huge "great room" attached to the bar. And proceeded to marvel at the evening we had just experienced. I felt so incredibly honored to be a part of it, and I didn't want the night to end. So, we went up to the room, hopped in the comfy beds and watched The Food Network until we were falling asleep :)!
Sunday morning, we watched more Food Network until we were roused enough to head down to enjoy the breakfast buffet. Mlee had this omelette with feta cheese, spinach, bacon and tomatoes from the made-to-order omelette station and it looked fantastic. Fresh fruit, applewood smoked bacon, sausage links, hash browns, scrambled eggs, omelettes, oatmeal with super add-ins, croissants, coffee and fresh orange juice. Not a bad breakfast! It wasn't long after we got back to our room that the bellman came up with the cart for our luggage and away we went. Time to leave and come back to real life.
This might sound a little strange, but it's true. As we got in the car and drove away from the hotel, I felt a little sad. I had just had the most incredible time, with an incredible friend, in an incredible place, and for an INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLE cause. And it was over, and now I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. Mlee has a trip to Florida at the end of the month, but I don't have anything going at all, so I felt sad. And I didn't want to come home yet; it was a nice SUNNY day and I knew I was going to be lonely when I got home. But I didn't say anything because I realize that reaction is kind of...ummm...emotionally immature?
But then, Mlee DIDN'T head home!!!! We, rather, "meandered" home; looking at the site of the bridge collapse, driving through Minnehaha Parkway and over to Minnehaha Falls, where we walked over and actually got to see the flowing Falls. Then stopped for a frozen custard at a cool little place Mlee knows of that I had never been to before. All of that made coming home easier...so thanks for that, too, Mlee...much appreciated.
And now it's back to work and real life and it's all good. I had to face up to what I already knew but was hiding from; that I will have to find something other than modeling with which to become wealthy. The only other thing that I had been looking forward to, modeling in the fashion show on May 7, started haunting me on Friday, after I had gone and tried on the clothes Thursday afternoon. I was able to put that aside because I was focused on the gala. But as soon as I got home and finished doing a few things, I sat down and it all started nagging at me. How it would be such a fun time IF ONLY I could wear my own clothes that I'm comfortable in. But the point of the whole thing is to wear (sell) THEIR clothes, which I know looked crappy on me and which I was incredibly uncomfortable in. I tried to stuff those feelings back inside by cleaning my disaster area of a bedroom and it worked--for a while. But this morning, I not only still felt that way, but it was turning into full-scale anxiety. As much as I didn't want to back out on Mlee, I just couldn't do it. So I wrote a really-hard-to-write-backing-out-e-mail, thus, ending my modeling career before it began. Which doesn't bother me at all. But the thought of disappointing a treasured friend does bother me, a lot. I don't like to do that at all.
And, tomorrow, work. Complete re-entry to reality...
Being the type of person that I am, I waited until (very early) Saturday morning to try everything on together. I had some decisions to make, such as which boulder holder I would be wearing. I had it narrowed down to the plain black, the fire engine red, or the new "fun" one that I bought when I went shopping on Friday and got for 50% off. Well, after surveying the cleavage of all three in the dress, here is what I chose:
I also realized that the shoes I bought were way too big and that I would be walking right out of them, so I quick ran to get a smaller pair, which was when Mlee called and let me know we could get an early room check-in and would be picking me up at 11:30. Holy Moly, Batman! I was so excited, though--SO EXCITED. We decided we were going to completely get ready down there, after originally thinking we would already be showered and have washed hair when we checked in to the hotel. That, to me, seemed like it would be more fun anyway!
The hotel was absolutely beautiful and I just loved it; in keeping with The Milwaukee Road Train Depot thing, it is all done in Mission/Craftsman/1940s type decor and was so interesting! After we go settled in to the room, we went exploring around the hotel and got a look at the volunteers setting up for the gala. A lot of work went into it!
Getting ready was a complete and total blast; we had brought wine along with us to drink in the room. We each had a big fluffy down comforter on our bed, along with tons of fluffy down pillows, which made it very comfy for sitting on and applying make-up. We took turns taking showers and did each other's hair and took pictures of the way we looked when we arrived:
Really and honestly? I had some fun times in high school getting ready for dances with friends, or getting ready for other special occasions and it was always a lot of fun. But I have never had this much fun getting ready for an evening with a friend. Part of what made this so much fun was doing it with Mlee. Although she and I have been friends for a relatively short period of time, to me, it seems like she has been a friend forever. I have a lot of fun with her and she always comes up with interesting and fun things to do. She'll probably get a little pissed with me for getting too sappy, but I really love having her as a friend and consider myself lucky.
Here's me after getting ready:
And another one wearing the wrap/jacket that went with my dress:
We were finally both all ready to head down to the gala:
As we made our way into the meeting/greeting and silent auction areas of the gala, there wa sone thing that was overwhelmingly and abundantly clear to me. THOSE.DAMN.SHOES.WERE.GONNA.KILL.ME. Seriously! I couldn't take more than a few steps without excruciating pain in the toes, stepping out of the shoes and then having my heel buckle sideways upon re-entry. I found a chair to sit in and assess the situation. The evening had just begun and I could have just cried because this was beyond a little discomfort. This was to the point where I was very close to falling down, and I had no clue that would happen! Finally, Mlee suggested that I just take them off. As soon as I found out that it would not embarrass her I did just that!!!! I chucked those damn shoes under one of the registration tables, sighed a huge sigh of relief and pain-free contentment, and pasted a huge, goofy smile on my face because I was so glad I'd be able to enjoy the rest of the evening. In those shoes, that would have been impossible. Mlee, if you read this, thank you for that :)!
The room was decorated beautifully and the flowers on the tables were lovely
We shared our table with a young woman who actually works for the Children's Hospital Kids Cancer Fund Foundation and her boyfriend, and the family of a little 9-year-old girl who is being treated at Children's for Ewing's Sarcoma. This little girl was there as one of the speakers and presenters, and was accompanied by her Mom, Grandma, twin sister and older sister. Mlee knew quite a few people there; Doctors, Nurses, Child Life Specialists, etc., who were part of her son's ALL treatment, and it was an honor for me to meet these people. Then there was dinner; oh, what a dinner it was! Field greens with gorgonzola and raspberry vinaigrette, a petite filet that I cut with my butter knife, a wonderful piece of halibut in a lobster cream sauce, fresh baby carrots, fresh asparagus, and baby roasted Yukon Golds. Then there was the dessert--a seriously rich chocolate mousse with whipped cream, strawberry and edible "cup." I never get a chance to have dessert because I always eat too much and am too full. Even though I was full this time, too, I still decided to eat the dessert. ALL of it. And very happy about that.
After dinner was the live auction, hosted by Frank Vascellero and Belinda Jensen, and they also did a presentation to get pledges for the new patient-family rooms that they want to build for the hospital. There were several people who pledged $50,000, thereby "buying" one room. I was very, very excited when they announced that they not only met their fund-raising goals, but exceeded them. I pledged a relatively small, piddly, table-at-the-back-of-the-room amount--but I still feel good knowing I helped in a small way. After that, the band started and dancing commenced. Since our table was under a speaker and the band was loud, it didn't take long for us to decide it was time to wrap it up. We stopped at the hotel bar and had Bailey's & coffee and Amaretto & Coffee for me, plopped ourselves down in the comfy chairs by the fireplace in the huge "great room" attached to the bar. And proceeded to marvel at the evening we had just experienced. I felt so incredibly honored to be a part of it, and I didn't want the night to end. So, we went up to the room, hopped in the comfy beds and watched The Food Network until we were falling asleep :)!
Sunday morning, we watched more Food Network until we were roused enough to head down to enjoy the breakfast buffet. Mlee had this omelette with feta cheese, spinach, bacon and tomatoes from the made-to-order omelette station and it looked fantastic. Fresh fruit, applewood smoked bacon, sausage links, hash browns, scrambled eggs, omelettes, oatmeal with super add-ins, croissants, coffee and fresh orange juice. Not a bad breakfast! It wasn't long after we got back to our room that the bellman came up with the cart for our luggage and away we went. Time to leave and come back to real life.
This might sound a little strange, but it's true. As we got in the car and drove away from the hotel, I felt a little sad. I had just had the most incredible time, with an incredible friend, in an incredible place, and for an INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLE cause. And it was over, and now I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. Mlee has a trip to Florida at the end of the month, but I don't have anything going at all, so I felt sad. And I didn't want to come home yet; it was a nice SUNNY day and I knew I was going to be lonely when I got home. But I didn't say anything because I realize that reaction is kind of...ummm...emotionally immature?
But then, Mlee DIDN'T head home!!!! We, rather, "meandered" home; looking at the site of the bridge collapse, driving through Minnehaha Parkway and over to Minnehaha Falls, where we walked over and actually got to see the flowing Falls. Then stopped for a frozen custard at a cool little place Mlee knows of that I had never been to before. All of that made coming home easier...so thanks for that, too, Mlee...much appreciated.
And now it's back to work and real life and it's all good. I had to face up to what I already knew but was hiding from; that I will have to find something other than modeling with which to become wealthy. The only other thing that I had been looking forward to, modeling in the fashion show on May 7, started haunting me on Friday, after I had gone and tried on the clothes Thursday afternoon. I was able to put that aside because I was focused on the gala. But as soon as I got home and finished doing a few things, I sat down and it all started nagging at me. How it would be such a fun time IF ONLY I could wear my own clothes that I'm comfortable in. But the point of the whole thing is to wear (sell) THEIR clothes, which I know looked crappy on me and which I was incredibly uncomfortable in. I tried to stuff those feelings back inside by cleaning my disaster area of a bedroom and it worked--for a while. But this morning, I not only still felt that way, but it was turning into full-scale anxiety. As much as I didn't want to back out on Mlee, I just couldn't do it. So I wrote a really-hard-to-write-backing-out-e-mail, thus, ending my modeling career before it began. Which doesn't bother me at all. But the thought of disappointing a treasured friend does bother me, a lot. I don't like to do that at all.
And, tomorrow, work. Complete re-entry to reality...
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE...
I just got home not too long ago from the much-anticipated GAAAAAHLAAAAH, and it was all that and more. From beginning to end, I truly had the time of my life, from checking in early and scoping out the place, to taking pix, to drinking wine and doing each other's hair, to the whole evening all the way through to when I walked in the door to my house this afternoon.
I don't know if this will make sense to anyone, but I can't write about it in detail just yet. This is the first time in a very long time that I have looked forward to something so much, put so much thought and preparation into it, AND IT ACTUALLY WAS EVEN BETTER THAN I ANTICIPATED. I still want to savor the experience for a while, and get over being a little sorry that it's over before I go into all of the detail that I want to go into, and share the fun pix that we took.
However, Mary Lee has already posted about it on her CaringBridge site today, and she has also posted some pix in her site's photo album. So if any of you are really anxious to hear about it and actually see some shots, go here. Everything Mlee says goes for me, too :)!
Yes, I had the time of my life...
I don't know if this will make sense to anyone, but I can't write about it in detail just yet. This is the first time in a very long time that I have looked forward to something so much, put so much thought and preparation into it, AND IT ACTUALLY WAS EVEN BETTER THAN I ANTICIPATED. I still want to savor the experience for a while, and get over being a little sorry that it's over before I go into all of the detail that I want to go into, and share the fun pix that we took.
However, Mary Lee has already posted about it on her CaringBridge site today, and she has also posted some pix in her site's photo album. So if any of you are really anxious to hear about it and actually see some shots, go here. Everything Mlee says goes for me, too :)!
Yes, I had the time of my life...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
TODAY'S THE DAY...
Well, yesterday I managed to get over my enough-of-shopping-ness. I amaze myself sometimes with my ability to come bouncing back. HA!
Yesterday was a really good day; it was nice to be able to wander around here and do a little of this and a little of that--actually, VERY little--and not HAVE to be anywhere at any specific time. I cancelled the chiro and the massage; by about noon, I felt like going out and finishing my shopping and I wasn't sure I'd be finished in time. Actually, I knew I wouldn't be finished in time--and I wanted to take my time, so the scheduled stuff had to go. And I'm really glad I did because it gave me a chance to take myself to lunch at Panera; I have a serious addiction to the Asian Sesame Chicken Salad. Priorities, ya know!
And now today's the day...
Yesterday was a really good day; it was nice to be able to wander around here and do a little of this and a little of that--actually, VERY little--and not HAVE to be anywhere at any specific time. I cancelled the chiro and the massage; by about noon, I felt like going out and finishing my shopping and I wasn't sure I'd be finished in time. Actually, I knew I wouldn't be finished in time--and I wanted to take my time, so the scheduled stuff had to go. And I'm really glad I did because it gave me a chance to take myself to lunch at Panera; I have a serious addiction to the Asian Sesame Chicken Salad. Priorities, ya know!
And now today's the day...
Friday, April 11, 2008
OH YEAH, THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT...
I took today off. And tomorrow. YES!!!!
Obviously, I am awake. I'm typing this and I'm aware I'm typing this, so I'm awake. Right? I don't take any sleep aids so I can't be sleep-typing. However, that being said, I am not going to remain awake for very long because I am very tired. In fact, the ONLY REASON I am doing this very-early-morning post is to make Hallie happy :)!
I am sitting here on the couch, with one fuzzy kitty on each side of me, knowing I have the day off, and knowing I can do--or NOT do--exactly as I please. And it just does not get much better than that. I mean, really--it's been TWO WEEKS since I took a day off (woe is me!)--I DESERVE this...HA!
What is really going on is that, today especially, I can just tell that I am going to have a serious case of the lazies. I have a chiro appointment, and I have a massage appointment--and I may or may not go to either. I thought about going to a movie--which probably won't happen. A facial and eyebrow-dye-job would be good--but more than likely not today. What I really want to do is just putter around here, perhaps maybe try to make a little sense out of the chaos in which I have allowed my house to turn into, take inventory and get my stuff ready to go for tomorrow, and sit on the couch and eat bonbons. Okay, maybe not so much on the bonbons, but all the rest? Yup. That's what I want to do today. Sometimes I just get all "homey" like that; in fact, right at this very moment, my greatest joy is that Frank is cuddled right up to my right leg, because that hardly ever happens and I miss that with him. Of course, Miss-It's-All-About-Me Nancy ALWAYS has herself attached to my left side, so I think he feels that gets him off the cuddling hook. Not so.
Oh yeah, this IS what I'm talkin' about...
Obviously, I am awake. I'm typing this and I'm aware I'm typing this, so I'm awake. Right? I don't take any sleep aids so I can't be sleep-typing. However, that being said, I am not going to remain awake for very long because I am very tired. In fact, the ONLY REASON I am doing this very-early-morning post is to make Hallie happy :)!
I am sitting here on the couch, with one fuzzy kitty on each side of me, knowing I have the day off, and knowing I can do--or NOT do--exactly as I please. And it just does not get much better than that. I mean, really--it's been TWO WEEKS since I took a day off (woe is me!)--I DESERVE this...HA!
What is really going on is that, today especially, I can just tell that I am going to have a serious case of the lazies. I have a chiro appointment, and I have a massage appointment--and I may or may not go to either. I thought about going to a movie--which probably won't happen. A facial and eyebrow-dye-job would be good--but more than likely not today. What I really want to do is just putter around here, perhaps maybe try to make a little sense out of the chaos in which I have allowed my house to turn into, take inventory and get my stuff ready to go for tomorrow, and sit on the couch and eat bonbons. Okay, maybe not so much on the bonbons, but all the rest? Yup. That's what I want to do today. Sometimes I just get all "homey" like that; in fact, right at this very moment, my greatest joy is that Frank is cuddled right up to my right leg, because that hardly ever happens and I miss that with him. Of course, Miss-It's-All-About-Me Nancy ALWAYS has herself attached to my left side, so I think he feels that gets him off the cuddling hook. Not so.
Oh yeah, this IS what I'm talkin' about...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
ALL SHOPPED OUT...
So, last night I stayed up really late, and then couldn't get to sleep when I did finally roll into bed. Geez, it was like back in days of old, the night before the first day of school. I could never get to sleep then, either. That seems to happen when you most want to be well-rested and on top of your game. Yeah. So much for that crap :)!
Who knew trying on clothes upon clothes upon clothes could be so tiring! But we came up with some stuff for me to model. It's designer stuff--COSTLY designer stuff--so watch me rip the ass out of the pants or drool on the jacket or something. EEEK! We'll see about this...hehehe!
On a better note, I bought some really nice undereye concealer today, and Clinique has come out with this redness corrector cream and some accompanying stuff that cools you off some when the redness is accompanied by a FLASH OF HOT :). Why yes, could I have that in the gallon-sized jug??? It was really strange, though--there I was shopping away, when all of a sudden I just "hit the wall" and needed to get out of there. The weather had turned really ugly, both knees hurt, and I just wanted out. So I didn't get everything accomplished that I wanted, but I did do the essential things. And there's always tomorrow. Cause tonight I don't think I'm going to have any problem falling asleep.
In fact, I feel like I could do that right now...
Who knew trying on clothes upon clothes upon clothes could be so tiring! But we came up with some stuff for me to model. It's designer stuff--COSTLY designer stuff--so watch me rip the ass out of the pants or drool on the jacket or something. EEEK! We'll see about this...hehehe!
On a better note, I bought some really nice undereye concealer today, and Clinique has come out with this redness corrector cream and some accompanying stuff that cools you off some when the redness is accompanied by a FLASH OF HOT :). Why yes, could I have that in the gallon-sized jug??? It was really strange, though--there I was shopping away, when all of a sudden I just "hit the wall" and needed to get out of there. The weather had turned really ugly, both knees hurt, and I just wanted out. So I didn't get everything accomplished that I wanted, but I did do the essential things. And there's always tomorrow. Cause tonight I don't think I'm going to have any problem falling asleep.
In fact, I feel like I could do that right now...
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
GIRL SCREAM, GIRL SCREAM...
****P.S. Oh yeah, and if you wouldn't mind I'd appreciate some crossed fingers or some such that the poor girl who has to try to outfit me tomorrow for my new modeling career will be able to successfully find something for my spare-parts-but-functional body. Thank you; thank you vuuurry muutch (said in Elvis voice) :)****
Okay, I know alla y'all are gonna be so darn happy once this GAAAAHLAAAAH is over so I will shut up about it and never mention it again. BUT...BUT...BUT...today I received this:
Hey, it is SO pretty and I am very happy with it, for "cheap" jewelry, although it was not really cheap! I got my act together tonight with respect to what I need to do tomorrow to have everything all ready. The only thing left is for me to struggle into the pantyhose I bought to make sure they will be okay. Being rotund with short little tree-trunk legs makes for some interesting pantyhose experiences, let me tell ya! The fabric of the dress is such that I'm tempted to say "NO" to the pantyhose and GO COMMANDO for that free and easy access feeling. BWAHAHAHAHA. Not really. And on the other side of the coin, there is my brand new fire engine red over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, which I LOVE and might just wear under my black dress. I'll show alla y'all pictures :). AHHHHHH!!! That's the girl scream.
As I already wrote this morning, today started out very good. And got better from there. I made up all of the time that I needed to make up and, in the process, met my goals for the work I wanted to get done. Yes, I had goals! Not lofty goals, but goals all the same :)! Now I will be able to head out shopping tomorrow with no guilty feelings over not getting done all I should at my job.
Did I mention that on Friday I will be having: 1) a chiro appointment to get the tiny kinks out of my neck so they don't become large kinks, followed by: 2) a one-hour massage by the-tiny-but-mighty Theresa. And afterwards I MIGHT go to a movie of my choosing just because I can, in keeping with my day of pampering :). Mmmmmm...movie theater popcorn!
So, before I go congratulating myself too much on everything I've done--up to and including the myriad piles of laundry--I just want everyone to know that my house is still a pig sty. Yup, it's true; I did some things, but cleaning wasn't one of them. Oopsies. So upset over that. HA!
And I just realized this is Wednesday and The Office isn't on until tomorrow night.
Bummer...
Okay, I know alla y'all are gonna be so darn happy once this GAAAAHLAAAAH is over so I will shut up about it and never mention it again. BUT...BUT...BUT...today I received this:
Hey, it is SO pretty and I am very happy with it, for "cheap" jewelry, although it was not really cheap! I got my act together tonight with respect to what I need to do tomorrow to have everything all ready. The only thing left is for me to struggle into the pantyhose I bought to make sure they will be okay. Being rotund with short little tree-trunk legs makes for some interesting pantyhose experiences, let me tell ya! The fabric of the dress is such that I'm tempted to say "NO" to the pantyhose and GO COMMANDO for that free and easy access feeling. BWAHAHAHAHA. Not really. And on the other side of the coin, there is my brand new fire engine red over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, which I LOVE and might just wear under my black dress. I'll show alla y'all pictures :). AHHHHHH!!! That's the girl scream.
As I already wrote this morning, today started out very good. And got better from there. I made up all of the time that I needed to make up and, in the process, met my goals for the work I wanted to get done. Yes, I had goals! Not lofty goals, but goals all the same :)! Now I will be able to head out shopping tomorrow with no guilty feelings over not getting done all I should at my job.
Did I mention that on Friday I will be having: 1) a chiro appointment to get the tiny kinks out of my neck so they don't become large kinks, followed by: 2) a one-hour massage by the-tiny-but-mighty Theresa. And afterwards I MIGHT go to a movie of my choosing just because I can, in keeping with my day of pampering :). Mmmmmm...movie theater popcorn!
So, before I go congratulating myself too much on everything I've done--up to and including the myriad piles of laundry--I just want everyone to know that my house is still a pig sty. Yup, it's true; I did some things, but cleaning wasn't one of them. Oopsies. So upset over that. HA!
And I just realized this is Wednesday and The Office isn't on until tomorrow night.
Bummer...
GOOD START TO THE DAY...
I can hardly believe it! For the first time in a long time, I actually got up when I was supposed to and got to work at an early hour. This makes me happy because I have make-up time to do today, as was the case yesterday as well. Getting home so late makes it seem like I don't have any evening, so today will be much better that way.
I picked up my dress yesterday. I AM SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!! The jewelry, which was shipped on Monday, should arrive today...YAY! Tomorrow I am going over to Southdale mall to meet up with the girl who is fitting me (or TRYING anyway) for the clothes for the fashion show on May 7. Okay, so feeling a little anxiety about that--I mean, really!--what if nothing fits my fat ass? My body is not your basic "woman" shape in that I don't have a waist and never have so it should be an adventure trying to find stuff that fits me. I wonder if this poor girl has any idea what she's gotten herself into...HA! But, afterwards, I get to shop for last-minute girly-girl type stuff, such as concealer to try to...well...conceal the huge undereye circles and bags that have been revealed with the wearing of the contacts. Again, thanks Gramps--HAHA! That will be a lot of fun--love shopping for that stuff.
I'm just so happy...
I picked up my dress yesterday. I AM SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!! The jewelry, which was shipped on Monday, should arrive today...YAY! Tomorrow I am going over to Southdale mall to meet up with the girl who is fitting me (or TRYING anyway) for the clothes for the fashion show on May 7. Okay, so feeling a little anxiety about that--I mean, really!--what if nothing fits my fat ass? My body is not your basic "woman" shape in that I don't have a waist and never have so it should be an adventure trying to find stuff that fits me. I wonder if this poor girl has any idea what she's gotten herself into...HA! But, afterwards, I get to shop for last-minute girly-girl type stuff, such as concealer to try to...well...conceal the huge undereye circles and bags that have been revealed with the wearing of the contacts. Again, thanks Gramps--HAHA! That will be a lot of fun--love shopping for that stuff.
I'm just so happy...
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
PRIVATE EYES, THEY'RE WATCHING YOU...
They see your every move. That's the way I feel about people at work. In my small department, there are only two clerical workers besides me, and we are always able to work things out amongst us. I'm sure it helps immensely that I truly could not care less about the comings and goings of my co-workers. I don't have to answer their phones, I don't have to be their back-up, and I don't have to answer for them. They DO have to be my back-up but, for their trouble, they get paid more than I do. The three of us DO NOT have "problems." As I've said before, a long time ago the three of us made the conscious choice to work with each other rather than against each other.
Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be the norm in some of the other departments. Especially those with a "stable" of workers. And it pains me to say this, but usually the "stable" is made up of 99% women--and they can get nasty. Sometimes it seems like perhaps it would be a good idea if someone went over the concept of "mind your own business" with them. And you can always tell the ones who get off on stirring the pot and causing problems for other people over things that really have no effect on and nothing to do with them. These are the people with whom I am a "very closed, very private person." I want nothing to do with these folks at work, and I bristle when one of them asks me a question that is none of their business. For these people, I reserve a special Kim-is-blunt brand of coldness and scorn, without crossing the line into being as unkind as I FEEL like being (truly, I DON'T--and if you think I do, you have never seen the real thing). I just don't like people asking me about my job, what I do, when I do it, how I do it, and why. It has nothing whatsoever to do with them, or with what they do. And one can always just tell who the people are with the ulterior motives for asking their nosy questions, and it has nothing to do with being interested in me and/or my job!!!
All of that being said, in my opinion, that is the only instance in which I am a "private person." I've always thought that, if anyone shows even the slightest trace of interest, I am pretty much one who will spill pretty much anything. I'm not exactly sure why, but it just seems like for a good share of my life, my role has been more towards listening to other people's stuff rather than talking about my own. I mean, really; it used to be that nobody asked! It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about my stuff but back then, I could never really figure out how to say, "HEY, I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR PIDDLY-ASSED CRAP, BUT LISTEN TO MINE FOR A MINUTE!" And nobody ever freakin' asked. To be honest, I didn't really think about it too much after a while. I guess basically everybody accepted their roles without too much dissention, except every now and then--usually just a fleeting thought--when I would have something that I would have liked to talk about and ask for some feedback. But I really didn't know how to ask for that, and even now it's hard for me to ask, so sometimes it happened but usually not. It would really, really hurt me to think that, after pouring out my thoughts and/or asking for feedback, I had just bored someone to tears.
After going through so many changes in my life, and then purposely making many more changes of my own in my life, that isn't so much of a fear anymore. I still think I'm pretty much a bucket mouth who will tell anything, which is why I was taken aback the other day when Denise told me she was surprised that I had blogged about my old boyfriend who so unceremoniously dumped me after nailing my good friend--and this surprised her because I am usually such a private person. Oh darn! Oh no! I'M NOT A PRIVATE PERSON TO MY FRIENDS. Especially coming from her because I thought I had never been private with her. Maybe it's just that I have very little of interest going on now? If I want to tell anything even slightly saucy and hussy-fied, I have to go back to pre-1988--HA! And, as far as this blog is concerned, it has always been my intent to write exactly what I want, when I want because it's FOR ME. I figure anyone who comes here either WANTS to read what I have to say or, if it's not something they care to read, they will click on to someone else. And I don't know--maybe I'm strange--but I don't feel one bit shy about divulging stuff here. To people that I don't know but, yet, DO know. Ya know? HAHAHAHA!
What I talked about with the old boyfriend...well, I didn't even really think about that as being so much of a private thing. It happened, but the same thing has happened to lots of people (well, maybe not LOTS--at least I hope not), and it was a long time ago. It just all of a sudden popped to the front of my brain and I figured out some things about the whole situation that I hadn't realized before, which I thought was kind of cool. Not a good situation back then, but--FOR ME--it's always good to understand some of those things better, even years later. I find that sort of interesting--not something that I would consider "private." In fact, WOW...maybe I'm going to have to direct Denise back to my post about my two most embarrassing situations; the one I was sorry about, and the one I was not sorry about. Yeah. That's how private I am--BWAHAHAHA! So, let me proclaim right here and right now...IF YOU WORK IN MY BUILDING, BUT DO NOT WORK DIRECTLY WITH ME--I AM A PRIVATE PERSON AND YOU MAY NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS BEYOND "HOW ARE YOU"; IF YOU DO NOT WORK WITH ME BUT ARE ONE OF MY FRIENDS EITHER IN REAL LIFE OR IN THE BLOGOSPHERE, I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT A PRIVATE PERSON AND CHANCES ARE, AT SOME POINT AND IF GIVEN EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF PRODDING, I WILL TELL YOU ANY AND EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW AND PROBABLY SOME THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WANTED TO KNOW. THERE JUST IS NOT A WHOLE LOT THAT I FEEL EMBARRASSED ABOUT--AND THAT INCLUDES ALL OF THE DUMB, INAPPROPRIATE, SHOULDN'T-HAVE-DONE-THAT-BUT-I-DID-ANYWAY THINGS FROM MY PAST...
Any questions? HAHAHAHAHA...
Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be the norm in some of the other departments. Especially those with a "stable" of workers. And it pains me to say this, but usually the "stable" is made up of 99% women--and they can get nasty. Sometimes it seems like perhaps it would be a good idea if someone went over the concept of "mind your own business" with them. And you can always tell the ones who get off on stirring the pot and causing problems for other people over things that really have no effect on and nothing to do with them. These are the people with whom I am a "very closed, very private person." I want nothing to do with these folks at work, and I bristle when one of them asks me a question that is none of their business. For these people, I reserve a special Kim-is-blunt brand of coldness and scorn, without crossing the line into being as unkind as I FEEL like being (truly, I DON'T--and if you think I do, you have never seen the real thing). I just don't like people asking me about my job, what I do, when I do it, how I do it, and why. It has nothing whatsoever to do with them, or with what they do. And one can always just tell who the people are with the ulterior motives for asking their nosy questions, and it has nothing to do with being interested in me and/or my job!!!
All of that being said, in my opinion, that is the only instance in which I am a "private person." I've always thought that, if anyone shows even the slightest trace of interest, I am pretty much one who will spill pretty much anything. I'm not exactly sure why, but it just seems like for a good share of my life, my role has been more towards listening to other people's stuff rather than talking about my own. I mean, really; it used to be that nobody asked! It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about my stuff but back then, I could never really figure out how to say, "HEY, I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR PIDDLY-ASSED CRAP, BUT LISTEN TO MINE FOR A MINUTE!" And nobody ever freakin' asked. To be honest, I didn't really think about it too much after a while. I guess basically everybody accepted their roles without too much dissention, except every now and then--usually just a fleeting thought--when I would have something that I would have liked to talk about and ask for some feedback. But I really didn't know how to ask for that, and even now it's hard for me to ask, so sometimes it happened but usually not. It would really, really hurt me to think that, after pouring out my thoughts and/or asking for feedback, I had just bored someone to tears.
After going through so many changes in my life, and then purposely making many more changes of my own in my life, that isn't so much of a fear anymore. I still think I'm pretty much a bucket mouth who will tell anything, which is why I was taken aback the other day when Denise told me she was surprised that I had blogged about my old boyfriend who so unceremoniously dumped me after nailing my good friend--and this surprised her because I am usually such a private person. Oh darn! Oh no! I'M NOT A PRIVATE PERSON TO MY FRIENDS. Especially coming from her because I thought I had never been private with her. Maybe it's just that I have very little of interest going on now? If I want to tell anything even slightly saucy and hussy-fied, I have to go back to pre-1988--HA! And, as far as this blog is concerned, it has always been my intent to write exactly what I want, when I want because it's FOR ME. I figure anyone who comes here either WANTS to read what I have to say or, if it's not something they care to read, they will click on to someone else. And I don't know--maybe I'm strange--but I don't feel one bit shy about divulging stuff here. To people that I don't know but, yet, DO know. Ya know? HAHAHAHA!
What I talked about with the old boyfriend...well, I didn't even really think about that as being so much of a private thing. It happened, but the same thing has happened to lots of people (well, maybe not LOTS--at least I hope not), and it was a long time ago. It just all of a sudden popped to the front of my brain and I figured out some things about the whole situation that I hadn't realized before, which I thought was kind of cool. Not a good situation back then, but--FOR ME--it's always good to understand some of those things better, even years later. I find that sort of interesting--not something that I would consider "private." In fact, WOW...maybe I'm going to have to direct Denise back to my post about my two most embarrassing situations; the one I was sorry about, and the one I was not sorry about. Yeah. That's how private I am--BWAHAHAHA! So, let me proclaim right here and right now...IF YOU WORK IN MY BUILDING, BUT DO NOT WORK DIRECTLY WITH ME--I AM A PRIVATE PERSON AND YOU MAY NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS BEYOND "HOW ARE YOU"; IF YOU DO NOT WORK WITH ME BUT ARE ONE OF MY FRIENDS EITHER IN REAL LIFE OR IN THE BLOGOSPHERE, I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT A PRIVATE PERSON AND CHANCES ARE, AT SOME POINT AND IF GIVEN EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF PRODDING, I WILL TELL YOU ANY AND EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW AND PROBABLY SOME THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WANTED TO KNOW. THERE JUST IS NOT A WHOLE LOT THAT I FEEL EMBARRASSED ABOUT--AND THAT INCLUDES ALL OF THE DUMB, INAPPROPRIATE, SHOULDN'T-HAVE-DONE-THAT-BUT-I-DID-ANYWAY THINGS FROM MY PAST...
Any questions? HAHAHAHAHA...
Monday, April 07, 2008
YEEEEE-AH, BAAAABY!!!...
All is well in my world; in fact, all is more than well. It feels like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I did not even realize just exactly how stressed out I was about my taxes until Mlee mentioned it in an e-mail this morning and then it hit me! DUH! Sometimes it takes me a while. But now it is done for another year and not only do I NOT owe the tax man anything, but he has to pay me. YAY!!!! And I will get it next week. Direct deposit. ALL of it--Federal, state, property and the tax incentive check--can now be directly deposited into my checking account, which made me very happy. Technology is a wonderful thing. Ahhhhhh...big sigh of sweet relief!
And now, my blogger peeps, I have a BIG favor to ask. Please go to Mlee's son's CaringBridge page, www.caringbridge.org/mn/davis.leukemia, and leave her a message in her guestbook telling her what an extremely beautemous nurse she makes. HAHAHA! The picture on her main page is of her this weekend, acting as Quasi-Nurse at her youngest son's confirmation retreat, so I think that needs to be recognized...BWAHAHAHAHA! See, when one friend rats out another friend about said friend's inappropriate behavior at the toe place, said friend might retaliate. No, really, it's really a cute picture! Thanks...
And yet another even bigger sigh of sweet, sweet taxes-are-done relief...
And now, my blogger peeps, I have a BIG favor to ask. Please go to Mlee's son's CaringBridge page, www.caringbridge.org/mn/davis.leukemia, and leave her a message in her guestbook telling her what an extremely beautemous nurse she makes. HAHAHA! The picture on her main page is of her this weekend, acting as Quasi-Nurse at her youngest son's confirmation retreat, so I think that needs to be recognized...BWAHAHAHAHA! See, when one friend rats out another friend about said friend's inappropriate behavior at the toe place, said friend might retaliate. No, really, it's really a cute picture! Thanks...
And yet another even bigger sigh of sweet, sweet taxes-are-done relief...
THE TAX MAN COMETH...
Yeah, I know...could I have put it off any longer? I'm not really sure why I'm so averse to having my taxes done. It's never that bad, I don't do it myself, and it usually takes about 10 minutes for Ed, my taxman, to complete. But year after year, I dread it and I put it off; I usually make an appointment for a normal time in February. Then I cancel and end up in early April. Just another one of my quirks, I guess.
This has been the most boring weekend in recent history. There's just not much else to say about it. It continues to be rainy, gray and gloomy. Yes, I know--it could be worse. There are areas here in MN that are getting snow. Hallisicle is still being graced by a good THREE FEET of the leftover stuff. But, really, would it be asking too much for just a leeeeetle sunshine every now and then? Okay, I'll quit griping and going on about the weather.
It's now clear I may have spoke to soon about the return of the blogging mojo...BUT WAIT! I forgot to tell everyone about the prettification of my toenails. That was my outing for Friday afternoon, and a fun time was had by all. We went to one of the local beauty schools where the prices are good and where they do a decent job. I find I am quickly becoming a "salon services addict." And I fear it could lead to becoming a salon services whore. Massages, facials, pedicures, manicures, hair-dos...all of it...I LOVE it. I love the feeling of being pampered, I love the results with virtually no effort on my part. If I could, I would do this stuff a lot more often than I do. There is nothing better than sitting in a comfy massage chair with your feet immersed in soapy warm water, a good friend to talk to in the chair next door, and a person there to do all of the nitty-gritty toe work! I am seriously considering going back for a facial and an eyebrow dye this week. I have a free facial coming because the last time I had one, I bought some skincare products that came with a complimentary facial. Sounded good to me! The eyebrow thing, you may remember. In that I have very few of them due to tweezing myself into the "thinnest of thin" look of 1970, in an effort to look like Cybill Shephard on the cover of Glamour. It looked great at the time, and quite a few of my friends followed suit! The funny part is, mine never grew back. Apparently, I took my tweezing very seriously. So it might be kind of fun to try the dying. We'll see.
And now I can't put it off any longer. It's time to go through all of the tax stuff and make sure I have everything I need. And switch out the laundry. I'm thinkin' maybe a movie or something this afternoon.
I've gotta get out...
This has been the most boring weekend in recent history. There's just not much else to say about it. It continues to be rainy, gray and gloomy. Yes, I know--it could be worse. There are areas here in MN that are getting snow. Hallisicle is still being graced by a good THREE FEET of the leftover stuff. But, really, would it be asking too much for just a leeeeetle sunshine every now and then? Okay, I'll quit griping and going on about the weather.
It's now clear I may have spoke to soon about the return of the blogging mojo...BUT WAIT! I forgot to tell everyone about the prettification of my toenails. That was my outing for Friday afternoon, and a fun time was had by all. We went to one of the local beauty schools where the prices are good and where they do a decent job. I find I am quickly becoming a "salon services addict." And I fear it could lead to becoming a salon services whore. Massages, facials, pedicures, manicures, hair-dos...all of it...I LOVE it. I love the feeling of being pampered, I love the results with virtually no effort on my part. If I could, I would do this stuff a lot more often than I do. There is nothing better than sitting in a comfy massage chair with your feet immersed in soapy warm water, a good friend to talk to in the chair next door, and a person there to do all of the nitty-gritty toe work! I am seriously considering going back for a facial and an eyebrow dye this week. I have a free facial coming because the last time I had one, I bought some skincare products that came with a complimentary facial. Sounded good to me! The eyebrow thing, you may remember. In that I have very few of them due to tweezing myself into the "thinnest of thin" look of 1970, in an effort to look like Cybill Shephard on the cover of Glamour. It looked great at the time, and quite a few of my friends followed suit! The funny part is, mine never grew back. Apparently, I took my tweezing very seriously. So it might be kind of fun to try the dying. We'll see.
And now I can't put it off any longer. It's time to go through all of the tax stuff and make sure I have everything I need. And switch out the laundry. I'm thinkin' maybe a movie or something this afternoon.
I've gotta get out...
Sunday, April 06, 2008
HELLO, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED? IT'S ME, KIM-D...
I hate to speak too soon, but I think I may have my blogging mojo back. The last couple of days have been a little tough as I've felt a serious slump in my blogging abilities, I think as a result of the headache I've been sporting. BUT I woke up this morning headache-free...can I get a YAY!
And it's a freakin' good thing I'm feeling good and energetic because I have a seriously neglected house to deal with. Oh yeah. And it is not really acceptable to just go out and buy new underwear in an effort to avoid the fact that all previously-owned undies are waiting patiently to be laundered. I have become a serious slacker; if I have intentions of coming home and doing housework, I do not even think twice before dumping those plans for something fun. Why not. It's not going anywhere, right? So, yeah...that's where I've been in my thinking, and I don't plan to adjust that anytime soon. Just thought I'd share that with alla y'all.
And now, because this is boring even by Sunday morning standards, I'm going to sign off. So I can go call the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition talent scouts and make sure they pencil me in on May 7.
It's time to bring MAJORLY-RUBENESQUE-IS-SEXY back, people...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...
And it's a freakin' good thing I'm feeling good and energetic because I have a seriously neglected house to deal with. Oh yeah. And it is not really acceptable to just go out and buy new underwear in an effort to avoid the fact that all previously-owned undies are waiting patiently to be laundered. I have become a serious slacker; if I have intentions of coming home and doing housework, I do not even think twice before dumping those plans for something fun. Why not. It's not going anywhere, right? So, yeah...that's where I've been in my thinking, and I don't plan to adjust that anytime soon. Just thought I'd share that with alla y'all.
And now, because this is boring even by Sunday morning standards, I'm going to sign off. So I can go call the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition talent scouts and make sure they pencil me in on May 7.
It's time to bring MAJORLY-RUBENESQUE-IS-SEXY back, people...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...
Saturday, April 05, 2008
TWEEDLE-DEE TWEEDLE-DUM...
So, I don't know exactly what I'm going to write about because I didn't do anything all day. I have had sort of a nagging headache all day and, once home from work, I pretty much relaxed and took it easy. Other than some texting, I haven't had much outside contact today. I was happy to see the work day come to an end today.
All I know for sure now is that tomorrow I've got to get some fancy kind of busy around here and do some of the things I have been putting off. And as happy as I was to be finished with work today, that's how happy I'm going to be to have my taxes behind me on Monday. After that, it's all good!
Here is something that's sort of funny, sort of fun, and totally and completely out of character for me. Mary Lee has this thing at church that she does with several other women called "Morning Break for Women." Every other month, one of the group plans and executes some sort of fun program. I've gone to several and they are always lots of fun; many involve food. The final one for the year is usually kind of a "grand finale" type of thing and I think in previous years they've done fashion shows--which everyone has enjoyed, but which is a LOT of work. This year's final MBFW is on May 7 and they will be doing a fashion show. So guess who will be representing all of the short, stout fireplug-type people out there! I have warned everybody of all of the possible dangers--my extreme cloddish-ness, my not-beautemous-to-most-but-functional-and-good-enough-for-me body, how out of my comfort zone this is--and I'm still doing it!
I mean, this is a serious stretch for me, but I think it will be really kind of fun. From the time I was 14, the summer between freshman and sophomore years, all the way through to when I graduated, I was involved in community theater and high school plays, as well as forensics--so I wasn't what you would call shy about that type of thing back then. I guess it did not occur to me to be self-conscious, and I just never really believed my Mom nor did I pay a lot of attention when she'd point out my bodily shortcomings. And I also did not believe her when she said that I had kind of a shitty personality; I always knew it was just that my personality was very, very different from hers and she just didn't understand it. And I also had the feeling that my personality was probably more like my biological father's, which would be a little hard for her to handle. She didn't mean to be nasty or cruel, she just did that thing that I think sometimes happened back then between Moms and their daughters, where the Mom wants "the best" for her kid, but it's only the best to her. But I digress, and we did get all of that straightened out eventually. So, anyway...
After graduating from high school, I went to Vo-Tech for Office Occupations. This was perfect for me because the program was no more than a year so it wouldn't take long for me to be finished with school and getting on with my life--but yet it gave me a year to "mature" a little before joining the full-time working world because I was still only 17. Funny thing--with as basically untalented as I am, I ROCKED Office Occupations. I mean, I really don't know what that says about a person to have typing, shorthand and all things office-related as their claim to fame, but that was how I certainly rolled from August, 1974 to May, 1975. It was a very good year for my self-esteem, and exactly what I needed because, for the first time ever, I was pretty much the best at something. And I was in Student Senate, had a ton of friends including all of my instructors, and there were men galore around there. It was a good time and when I graduated from there, I was really scared that even though I was good for there, I wouldn't be so good at some important job downtown. So I got a job there, thus disappointing all of my teachers because "you can do so much more, and you deserve so much more." But I was still only 18 and just not ready to stray too far from home yet.
As soon as I finished a stint in Purchasing and an even shorter stint in Student Services, I got a job as secretary to the Transportation Programs Coordinator. And from then on, anytime any of my old instructors needed a speaker for a new class of Office Occupations students and they didn't want to go through a lot of work digging someone up, they would come and get me. And I would stand up there in front of 100+ students and talk about my job, and answer their questions. That worked out just fine for them until I started being a little too truthful about what it was really like to really be what they were in the process of becoming. Thus ending my guest speaker days. Thankfully. Because by that time I was already starting to develop some of my shy, self-conscious quirks. Which I have had since, but which I try very, very hard to get past. And I think I've done a really good job of it over the past several years. I actually enjoy challenging myself in that way, and I feel really proud when I can get past that type of thing. I think probably the funniest part is, not many people would ever suspect that there is kind of a shy, self-conscious part of me. It may be that I over-compensate. Just sayin' :). As the saying goes, if you act "as if" long enough, it will eventually really "be."
So, yeah. Me and the Victoria's Secret Angels. We'll be tight and hangin' out...
All I know for sure now is that tomorrow I've got to get some fancy kind of busy around here and do some of the things I have been putting off. And as happy as I was to be finished with work today, that's how happy I'm going to be to have my taxes behind me on Monday. After that, it's all good!
Here is something that's sort of funny, sort of fun, and totally and completely out of character for me. Mary Lee has this thing at church that she does with several other women called "Morning Break for Women." Every other month, one of the group plans and executes some sort of fun program. I've gone to several and they are always lots of fun; many involve food. The final one for the year is usually kind of a "grand finale" type of thing and I think in previous years they've done fashion shows--which everyone has enjoyed, but which is a LOT of work. This year's final MBFW is on May 7 and they will be doing a fashion show. So guess who will be representing all of the short, stout fireplug-type people out there! I have warned everybody of all of the possible dangers--my extreme cloddish-ness, my not-beautemous-to-most-but-functional-and-good-enough-for-me body, how out of my comfort zone this is--and I'm still doing it!
I mean, this is a serious stretch for me, but I think it will be really kind of fun. From the time I was 14, the summer between freshman and sophomore years, all the way through to when I graduated, I was involved in community theater and high school plays, as well as forensics--so I wasn't what you would call shy about that type of thing back then. I guess it did not occur to me to be self-conscious, and I just never really believed my Mom nor did I pay a lot of attention when she'd point out my bodily shortcomings. And I also did not believe her when she said that I had kind of a shitty personality; I always knew it was just that my personality was very, very different from hers and she just didn't understand it. And I also had the feeling that my personality was probably more like my biological father's, which would be a little hard for her to handle. She didn't mean to be nasty or cruel, she just did that thing that I think sometimes happened back then between Moms and their daughters, where the Mom wants "the best" for her kid, but it's only the best to her. But I digress, and we did get all of that straightened out eventually. So, anyway...
After graduating from high school, I went to Vo-Tech for Office Occupations. This was perfect for me because the program was no more than a year so it wouldn't take long for me to be finished with school and getting on with my life--but yet it gave me a year to "mature" a little before joining the full-time working world because I was still only 17. Funny thing--with as basically untalented as I am, I ROCKED Office Occupations. I mean, I really don't know what that says about a person to have typing, shorthand and all things office-related as their claim to fame, but that was how I certainly rolled from August, 1974 to May, 1975. It was a very good year for my self-esteem, and exactly what I needed because, for the first time ever, I was pretty much the best at something. And I was in Student Senate, had a ton of friends including all of my instructors, and there were men galore around there. It was a good time and when I graduated from there, I was really scared that even though I was good for there, I wouldn't be so good at some important job downtown. So I got a job there, thus disappointing all of my teachers because "you can do so much more, and you deserve so much more." But I was still only 18 and just not ready to stray too far from home yet.
As soon as I finished a stint in Purchasing and an even shorter stint in Student Services, I got a job as secretary to the Transportation Programs Coordinator. And from then on, anytime any of my old instructors needed a speaker for a new class of Office Occupations students and they didn't want to go through a lot of work digging someone up, they would come and get me. And I would stand up there in front of 100+ students and talk about my job, and answer their questions. That worked out just fine for them until I started being a little too truthful about what it was really like to really be what they were in the process of becoming. Thus ending my guest speaker days. Thankfully. Because by that time I was already starting to develop some of my shy, self-conscious quirks. Which I have had since, but which I try very, very hard to get past. And I think I've done a really good job of it over the past several years. I actually enjoy challenging myself in that way, and I feel really proud when I can get past that type of thing. I think probably the funniest part is, not many people would ever suspect that there is kind of a shy, self-conscious part of me. It may be that I over-compensate. Just sayin' :). As the saying goes, if you act "as if" long enough, it will eventually really "be."
So, yeah. Me and the Victoria's Secret Angels. We'll be tight and hangin' out...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
TODAY WAS VERY GOOD FOR ME...
In order to maximize the attractive-ness of this:
I got these: 
And I hope to get these:
I thought about getting these instead of the others, but didn't:
And that is where I would like some opinions. The shoes above are really pretty, dressy, and fairly comfortable considering the height of the heel--but the height of the heel makes me just a tiny bit nervous. The shoes that I bought, up by the contacts, are much cuter in person that in the pic--they are strappier, but not quite as high a heel which, I think, makes them look a little less dressy than the higher-heeled ones. Which pair should I go with. Both is NOT an option...HAHAHAHA...thank you very much, Tracy!
THESE WERE BEAUTEMOUS! The pair I tried on were a beautiful amethyst metallic-y color that I loved. But the heel was so freakin' high, and there was no comfort there whatsoever, I don't think I would have been able to walk in them AT ALL. But, man, if I could have, I would have! Now, remember, the ones in the pic are black. What made them BEAUTEMOUS was the metallic-y purpleness:
So now alla y'all know what I've been up to all day! I am exhausted, but lovin' the contacts so far; wow, these soft lenses have come a long way since the last time I tried them way back when. I have two different kinds and I will try each for a couple of weeks and decide which work best and then those are the ones I will order.
I have come to quite the realization. THIS IS THE GIRLIEST I HAVE BEEN SINCE I WAS 22 YEARS OLD, and I have been enjoying it so much. ML and I have been calling ourselves geeks, dorks and even squirrely because we're like a couple of high schoolers getting ready for THE PROM. As a matter of fact, Katy's DD--who she shares with me, bless her heart!, because her DD is just a STELLAR chick in every way--is going to her Prom on the same day as The GAAAHLAAAH! My head has been so full of jewelry, undergarments, shoes, make-up, toes, what kind of alcohol to bring along to the hotel--e-mails and phone conversations about same have been flying fast and furious. I have been about as giddy as a schoolgirl, too. Now here comes the big AH-HA thing...this is actually pretty heavy, and something that I JUST REALIZED last Friday, for the very first time. And it goes back to 1978/1979, right after my bad car accident and when I was working at the airport. This is what happened.
Last Friday after my colonoscopy and after filling my face and our errands, we were sitting around here just chatting about random things. I can't even remember how it came up, but I told about a guy that, at that time, I really, really liked very much and who was most definitely my boyfriend. He had beautiful, beautiful blue eyes and he was nice to me and we had a really good time together; we could just hang out at my place or we could go out and do stuff. It was all good, and it was my first heading-towards-serious "adult" relationship. I thought things were going really good; what I didn't know was that he and my very close girlfriend that I hung out with all of the time had started seeing each other on the side. SHE (not he) finally let me in on the whole thing in a fairly cruel, heartless, unceremonious way--and that was the end of that. I saw them both, together, at a party one time after that and my final words to him were "how can you stand to kiss her." And that was that with that. But I was crushed in a way that I never had been before. It changed me in a very real way, and for a lot of years. In fact, while talking about it last Friday, I realized that experience was what shaped the way I was--with men, with relationships and the way I handled them, with my attitude--all the way until May 5, 1988 when Bill and I met at Byerly's for a cup of coffee. That experience was what made me tell him, the first time around, "you have to go home and try" instead of "stay with me."
That was absolutely what hardened me, what made me take up with inappropriate, "bad" guys, and what motivated me to have the attitude of "he's okay to goof around with, but he's nobody I'd take home to meet the folks." No commitments, I'll let you iknow if I want you but until then get lost, and there is not a chance you will ever, ever know anything about the person that is really me. I was no longer GIRLY; all I was, was scared, hurt, jaded and so, so sad. Which manifested itself in a different way. I had started to move past all of this about 8 months before Bill and I got back together; I stopped collecting bad boys, stopped drinking and going out so much and had put a lot of thought into what it was I wanted the rest of my life to look like. And all of that time--all of those years!!!--I had no idea how that situation with my "boyfriend" and my close, close girlfriend had affected me. And even after Bill called and we got together and my life turned into so much more than I had ever dreamed about, I had no idea how that situation had affected me. THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHAT A COLON-CLEANSING WILL DO FOR YA! HAHAHA! Because it was when I was casually talking about it last Friday that I realized how very, very much it hurt me and molded me for so many years.
As a result, I AM LOVIN' ME BEIN' SOME KIND OF GIRLY!!!! It is okay for me to not be tough; it is okay for me not to be hard as nails. I can be a girly-girl with the best of 'em and like it, even. Which leads me to another development that just came up yesterday. It's going to be fodder for tomorrow's post, but I will say this--it involves me, a fashion show, and "modeling" some plus-sized clothes. And just guess who is behind all of THAT! BWAHAHAHAHA!
I trust I'll be talkin' to alla y'all tomorrow? :) ...
I got these: 
And I hope to get these:I thought about getting these instead of the others, but didn't:
And that is where I would like some opinions. The shoes above are really pretty, dressy, and fairly comfortable considering the height of the heel--but the height of the heel makes me just a tiny bit nervous. The shoes that I bought, up by the contacts, are much cuter in person that in the pic--they are strappier, but not quite as high a heel which, I think, makes them look a little less dressy than the higher-heeled ones. Which pair should I go with. Both is NOT an option...HAHAHAHA...thank you very much, Tracy!
THESE WERE BEAUTEMOUS! The pair I tried on were a beautiful amethyst metallic-y color that I loved. But the heel was so freakin' high, and there was no comfort there whatsoever, I don't think I would have been able to walk in them AT ALL. But, man, if I could have, I would have! Now, remember, the ones in the pic are black. What made them BEAUTEMOUS was the metallic-y purpleness:
So now alla y'all know what I've been up to all day! I am exhausted, but lovin' the contacts so far; wow, these soft lenses have come a long way since the last time I tried them way back when. I have two different kinds and I will try each for a couple of weeks and decide which work best and then those are the ones I will order.
I have come to quite the realization. THIS IS THE GIRLIEST I HAVE BEEN SINCE I WAS 22 YEARS OLD, and I have been enjoying it so much. ML and I have been calling ourselves geeks, dorks and even squirrely because we're like a couple of high schoolers getting ready for THE PROM. As a matter of fact, Katy's DD--who she shares with me, bless her heart!, because her DD is just a STELLAR chick in every way--is going to her Prom on the same day as The GAAAHLAAAH! My head has been so full of jewelry, undergarments, shoes, make-up, toes, what kind of alcohol to bring along to the hotel--e-mails and phone conversations about same have been flying fast and furious. I have been about as giddy as a schoolgirl, too. Now here comes the big AH-HA thing...this is actually pretty heavy, and something that I JUST REALIZED last Friday, for the very first time. And it goes back to 1978/1979, right after my bad car accident and when I was working at the airport. This is what happened.
Last Friday after my colonoscopy and after filling my face and our errands, we were sitting around here just chatting about random things. I can't even remember how it came up, but I told about a guy that, at that time, I really, really liked very much and who was most definitely my boyfriend. He had beautiful, beautiful blue eyes and he was nice to me and we had a really good time together; we could just hang out at my place or we could go out and do stuff. It was all good, and it was my first heading-towards-serious "adult" relationship. I thought things were going really good; what I didn't know was that he and my very close girlfriend that I hung out with all of the time had started seeing each other on the side. SHE (not he) finally let me in on the whole thing in a fairly cruel, heartless, unceremonious way--and that was the end of that. I saw them both, together, at a party one time after that and my final words to him were "how can you stand to kiss her." And that was that with that. But I was crushed in a way that I never had been before. It changed me in a very real way, and for a lot of years. In fact, while talking about it last Friday, I realized that experience was what shaped the way I was--with men, with relationships and the way I handled them, with my attitude--all the way until May 5, 1988 when Bill and I met at Byerly's for a cup of coffee. That experience was what made me tell him, the first time around, "you have to go home and try" instead of "stay with me."
That was absolutely what hardened me, what made me take up with inappropriate, "bad" guys, and what motivated me to have the attitude of "he's okay to goof around with, but he's nobody I'd take home to meet the folks." No commitments, I'll let you iknow if I want you but until then get lost, and there is not a chance you will ever, ever know anything about the person that is really me. I was no longer GIRLY; all I was, was scared, hurt, jaded and so, so sad. Which manifested itself in a different way. I had started to move past all of this about 8 months before Bill and I got back together; I stopped collecting bad boys, stopped drinking and going out so much and had put a lot of thought into what it was I wanted the rest of my life to look like. And all of that time--all of those years!!!--I had no idea how that situation with my "boyfriend" and my close, close girlfriend had affected me. And even after Bill called and we got together and my life turned into so much more than I had ever dreamed about, I had no idea how that situation had affected me. THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHAT A COLON-CLEANSING WILL DO FOR YA! HAHAHA! Because it was when I was casually talking about it last Friday that I realized how very, very much it hurt me and molded me for so many years.
As a result, I AM LOVIN' ME BEIN' SOME KIND OF GIRLY!!!! It is okay for me to not be tough; it is okay for me not to be hard as nails. I can be a girly-girl with the best of 'em and like it, even. Which leads me to another development that just came up yesterday. It's going to be fodder for tomorrow's post, but I will say this--it involves me, a fashion show, and "modeling" some plus-sized clothes. And just guess who is behind all of THAT! BWAHAHAHAHA!
I trust I'll be talkin' to alla y'all tomorrow? :) ...
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