**I BLOG...**

Yesterday during my monthly 1:1 with my Sup at work, she asked me if there are any special projects and/or new skills I'm interested in pursuing.  Wait...back up...first I should talk about my Sup.

From the time that I first laid eyes on Ronda, I felt an immediate connection.  She is the one who interviewed me, and then picked me to be on her team after training.  I couldn't even begin to explain why, but I felt as if I'd known her forever and there was a comfort level that hardly ever happens with a person you've just met.  Especially when they're the person interviewing you for a job that you really, really need!  I effortlessly tell her things that I don't tell other people; things that I would usually keep to myself.  And it seems like this connection goes both ways.  I am so blessed by this relationship, and grateful to have it.

That being said, Ronda is still my Supervisor, and I respect that and am old/mature enough to keep that first and foremost when it's necessary.  The personal relationship also pretty much enhances the professional relationship as well, because I "have her back" and try to do what I can to make her job easier.  Our whole team is really pretty good at that.

Back to the story.  I was very glad when Ronda asked me if I had any interest in expanding my repertoire, because she had never asked me before.  Nor did I expect her to before, because I certainly wasn't ready and I knew it.  Somewhere around a month or so ago, I turned some sort of imaginary corner in my job; somewhere along the line, several light bulbs went on and were shining brightly.  I don't know how or why...but I can't help but think that the sheer quantities of prayers on the issue didn't hurt...but I was sure glad it finally happened.  There is a lot to know for my job; beyond a lot.  And it is of utmost importance to be accurate in what I'm telling people .  They're trusting that I will know the right information for their particular situation.  Having started this job at the age of 54, it quickly became apparent that my 54-year-old mind wasn't as quick as my 25-year-old mind, no matter how much I still feel like I'm 25!  I now have to try harder at things that would have been effortless for me in previous years.

Even before the turning of my own personal job confidence corner, I knew that I am not in a big hurry to learn new skills and be promoted to a Level II.  And I've always known that there are certain things I don't want to do, ever; things like being a mentor to new people or being a shadow for new people.  Just not my thing.  For one thing, I am a boring Virgo who loves repetition and being in her boring rut. I prefer to think of it as finding my niche.  I like feeling like I've truly mastered one thing before I even think about moving on to others.  That feeling is still pretty new to me for this job, so I'd like to enjoy it for a while.  Fortunately for me, that is okay with management as well.  Their feeling is that they need good people at all levels.  There are lots and lots of girls in our department who are in their early-to-mid 20s, just starting out their careers who are looking to (and needing) move up the ladder.  Just like me when I was their age; and I remember thinking back then...oh, this is really kind of terrible!...that it would be nice if one or two of the older, more "feeble" ladies would make room to give the newcomers a chance.  Luckily for me, they did; I was able to not only reach my career goals fairly fast, but also to exceed them.  Besides, these young'uns are a lot quicker than I am, and I applaud them for that.  It really is a good group of people in my department.

So, I told Ronda that I'm happy with where I'm at right now.  BUT.  One thing that I might be interested in trying if the opportunity ever arose would be answering e-mails, or any other project that involved writing, if that was an option for me.  It's not like I have a degree or anything, but writing is just something I have always done in one form or another.  When she asked me if I have any experience, I told her that I have no formal experience at all, but that writing is something I like to do.  Then, thinking it might count as experience and also because I am always compelled to tell Ronda things I don't tell other people, I said "I blog."

I BLOG. 

**I WAS NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD FIND...**

So, there have been some changes since the last time I was here, and I couldn't even imagine what new and exciting things I would find.  Wait...is that sarcasm that I detect?

I thought about starting a whole new blog; start new, and go a whole different direction.  Since I couldn't seem to get myself motivated to come here and post, I thought maybe that was the answer.  I still read blogs and sometimes I'm a little envious, what with having lost my blogging mojo and all.  But then it didn't take long until I remembered that...it is what it is, always. 

Any blog of mine, whether it be this one or a new one, still would not be like most of the others I read.  I never have, nor will I ever, posted photographic evidence of every move I make.  See, there's a sign of a generational difference right there..."we" worked really hard to make sure that there was NOT photographic evidence of our comings and goings and doings.  It just wasn't done.

No matter how hard I try, any blog of mine would not every portray me as being effortlessly perfect, with the occasional "my life is not perfect" post thrown in so as to "keep it real."  I'm a by-the-seat-of-my-pants blogger, with no well-thought-out posts, sponsors, giveaways, link-ups, or any other things that not-so-subtly hint at aspirations of best blog notoriety. I just write the way I write...words, no pictures, always real because for me that's all there is.  Not that there's anything wrong with all of the rest...I love reading those blogs, and I have admiration for them in that tongue-in-cheek sort of way.  As in, it's just the difference in age groups, and also a sign of how the times have changed since I was that age.  And can I just say right now that I sure am happy I was that age in a different era?  I'm not sure, but it sure seems like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect.  Thankfully, we didn't have that kind of pressure when I was that age, or if we did I completely missed it.

So, the gist is this.  I'm not going to think anymore about which direction this blog should take...to the point where all I do is think about it, versus actually writing a blog post!  It's going to be what it's always been...my place just for me, to write what I want and what is on my mind. 

I will always only be able to be exactly who and what I am...

**HELLOOO!!! I AM CHEF BOYARDEE...**

I made some pretty awesome bean soup, if I do say so myself. It was the first time I made it using a ham bone and it was good. Of course, it's also good with the smoked ham hocks that I would usually use as well.

I really like to cook when I have the time to do so. I'm not a fan during the week because I'm usually very hungry by the time I get out of work and it seems like cooking something takes forever. I still haven't worked out a good solution to that dilemma yet. I suppose even if I could afford to get takeout from Outback every weeknight, even that would eventually get boring.

In other news, SO nice to have three-day weekends two weeks in a row. This one is particularly precious as it's the final paid holiday until Memorial Day...and that's a freaking lifetime long ways away! Thankfully, I have several scheduled PTO days off in the meantime.In a strange way, I'm looking forward to work on Tuesday. Since Day One all I've heard from everyone around there is "just wait until January, " said in very dramatic tones, like it's so awful that there's a good chance I might just pick up and walk out, for not being able to handle the pressure. Lots of times it's taken every bit of my self- control not to come back with, "I went through terminal cancer with the love of my life; I think I can handle some busy phones." They still probably wouldn't get it, though; when you haven't had any of those types of experiences yet, you just don't.It's kind of surreal, being the old lady experienced one of the group. I'm not used to being at least 15 years older than 98% of my co-workers.

I've always thought that age doesn't make much difference once everyone is all out in the working world together, and I still find that to be true. What can make a huge difference, however, is life experiences. Nobody that I work with has experienced the loss of a loved one yet, much less multiple loss. So, to them, the frantic pace of January calls is as stressful as it gets. As for me, I'm rather hoping January 17 is especially busy so I don't have as much time to miss my Mom on what would be her 75th birthday. On the one hand, it sort of bugs me that people think I would come unhinged over such an inconsequential thing but, on the other hand, they don't know any better. I'll just be happy to have my "first" January there under my belt so I won't have to hear about it anymore.

Before all that, however, Monday is still a free day, and it just doesn't get much better than that!