Heart Update..

Ok I have been meaning to write about my heart for awhile and I haven't. I guess here goes...

Well I met with a new cardiologist this month (because of insurance). She did tons of tests and me and everything came back as expected. My valve is narrow and still leaks mildly. She told me I will have to have surgery at some point because my prosthetic valve will fail. Hopefully that isn't for a long long time. I have lots of chest pain but that is normal for me.

What I have been meaning to write about is something that happened awhile go. I don't think I have written about but if I have I'm sorry. So Mike and I were trying to figure out if we could have more kids or not. We wanted to, but didn't know if it was safe with my heart. I went to a couple of different cardiologists, as well as a high risk obgyn. They all told me that it was too risky, and I should be there for the kids that I have. I feel like every doctor I have seen has said that word for word.. "Be there for the kids that you have". Well that mostly determined our answer, however I still wanted and answer form the Lord. One day I had a strong impression that I would find my answer in the scriptures. For a long time I didn't know if I wanted an answer, because I was scared of what it would be. I was finally ready though and I went to the temple. After the session as I was sitting in the celestial room I prayed that I would get my answer and I opened the scriptures where I was sure the answer was going to come. I opened to a random page in D&C and read the words, "The children were left motherless." That's it. That's the first thing I read. I was crushed. I shut the scriptures, put them on the table next to me, and honestly was kind of angry. After a few minutes I calmed down and opened the scriptures again. I don't remember exactly where I was but the next scripture was one about trusting in the Lord, and one about faith. I left the temple sad and angry. I felt that if I were to get pregnant, that I would die and my children would be without their mother. As sad as I was I was grateful for an answer. I had been promised in a blessing that I would get an answer and be sure about it. And although I didn't like the answer, it was there and it was very clear to me. To be honest it took a bit of grieving, which is why I didn't write about that experience for awhile. Mike and I felt complete with our family, but I had always thought that I would have at least 3 children, and I wanted the kids to be able to have more siblings. Them having each other is one of the greatest highlights of my life and something that I am incredibly grateful for.

Anyway, there was that experience. Although sometimes it still makes me sad, for the most part I am ok with it and think about the positives of having a smaller family. (easier to vacation, no more diapers, etc.). Sometimes the kids will mention they are sad I won't have more kids and that hurts, and sometimes hearing someone is pregnant brings back the emotions for me as well. However, I really have become grateful for the answer to my prayer, and ok with that answer. Honestly it relieves me a little because having kids is so stressful. Worrying about another human and loving them that much hurts. I love my family and I am so thankful for Mike and Brooklyn and Austin. We are a very happy family and love each other dearly. We tell each other all the time and we mean it. It is truly a blessing that I was able to have Brooklyn and Austin.  Love you guys!!

Christmas 2019

We spent Christmas Eve with my parents, then Christmas Day at our house. Austin wanted dunosaur stuff, and Brooklyn wanted craft stuff, learning stuff, and jewelry making stuff. It was a wonderful day and a wonderful season!

Florida

Mike presented at a work conference (JANNAF) in Tampa the 2nd week of January. The kids and I tagged along and had such a wonderful time!

We flew in late Sunday then Monday spent the day at the beach. The sand was so white and soft. Teh water was cold but that didn't stop the kids from loving it.

Tuesday Mike had his conference so I hung out with the kids and walked around and went to a park by the river walk. We also did lots of swimming!

Wednesday we went to the Children's museum. The kids LOVED it. There was many fun things to do.

Thursday we went to the Aquarium:

Friday we spent at Disneyworld! We loved it!

The trip was so much fun! The kids are old enough it is pretty easy to travel with them and they did great on the airplane. It was nice to be in the warmth and wear short sleeves and shorts all week. You can't get much better than a trip with a beach and Disneyworld!