I don't really know why, but I have had a feeling for the last few days that I needed to write down my experience with my open heart surgery. I know I wrote a paragraph when I first started the blog but I felt like I needed to write more. I used to have a lot of lot about it written in my journal, but that was stolen from the storage unit, so I don't really have anything else. Since this is pretty much my journal now, I figured I would make a post about it because it has been a big part of my life. So here goes...
In high school I started working at Miss Swendy's Day School. I was sick a lot when I started working there, most likely from interaction with so many sick people all the time. I got sinus infections, bronchitis, and I was sick for almost a year. I remember when I finally got better my Daddy told me that he could finally see light in my eyes again. I am so thankful for that job, especially since it showed me the path to becoming a teacher. Another reason is because through being sick so much, I finally went to the doctor. I'm not sure if it was from the bronchitis or what, but I finally went. As the doctor was routinely listening to my heart he said something to the effect of, "you know there is something wrong with your heart right?" I said no... He told me I had a heart murmur. He said they are common and it can mean something is wrong or it can mean nothing, so he referred me to a cardiologist- Dr. Charles Haws.
I went to see Dr. Haws, and had an ultrasound of my heart done- an echocardiogram. I was told that my mitral valve leaked. It is called Mitral Valve Prolapse. It meant the valve didn't shut correctly, so when heart pumps through that valve, some of it pumps back causing regurgitation, and it just didn't flow correctly. I was told that at some point I would need to have heart surgery to get it fixed, but that could be several years in the future and we would keep an eye on it. I don't really remember feeling much- just a bit scarred. And things started to make sense. My chest had hurt me in the past, and I would get short of breath and had a higher heart rate than most people. I just couldn't keep up as well. I was glad I was aware of it.
A few years passed. I finished high school and headed off to Utah State. Every year I would get an echocardiogram and be told the same thing- I could for surgery. Well in 2010 I went for my yearly check up. I remember I was dating Mike. I was told that it was time for me to see a surgeon. I remember walking out of that meeting I couldn't even respond to Mikes text about how my appointment went for awhile. I remember leaving that appointment with my dad. He told me that there was no way I was having surgery unless it was absolutely necessary- he wouldn't let it happen because I was his little girl.
Soon came the appointment with the heart surgeon- Dr. Thorne. He told me that in his opinion the sooner the surgery the better. He told me I wouldn't be able to have children in my condition. He said that if we did the surgery soon there was a better chance of it being successful and a better chance of a repair. If they weren't able to repair it, he said I would need a different valve- a pigs valve or a mechanical valve. The pigs valve because of my age would only last about 5 years- and I would have to keep having open heart surgery every 5 years until I was done having children. Or they would give me a mechanical valve. It would last longer, but I would have to be on strong medication so I wouldn't have the option of having children in the future. That is the information we left with.
I went home and talked with my parents. We discussed the pros and cons. We discussed how I wanted children some day, and it could possibly be with Mike. We discussed how it would be best to do it while I was still single and under my parents insurance because if I waited insurance companies could reject me. We discussed the timing, and how it would be better to do it sooner rather until the very last moment which could be soon anyway. We decided I would have the surgery. Hopefully they could repair it, and if not I wanted the pigs valve so I could have children. We went into the attic and prayed and told Heavenly Father this was our decision. We asked for peace, and then fasted. Being in the attic, kneeling down with my parents was a beautiful experience. There was a peace that surrounded us, and I learned so much from them.
This happened in the spring, and we decided to do the surgery when school got out, and after McWayne and Shannon got married. The day was set for June 11th. It was later delayed by the doctor until June 17th. During this time my dad gave me some priesthood blessings. They did so much to help keep me calm. They mentioned that the surgery would be successful, and everything would work out. This gave me lots of faith.
June 16th I was in Logan with Mike. He made me a nice dinner, and had a nice date. He was very supportive of the surgery. That night he sent me on my way to West Jordan. I went home, and stayed the night. I wrote in my journal that night, and I wish I still had that entry. I have read it since so I vaguely remember what I wrote. I wrote about how thankful I was for the experience (even though it was far from over). I was completely in peace, even though I felt like I shouldn't be given in the morning I was going off to a surgery I might not survive, or might come out of not being able to have kids, but I felt so calm- because of my family and my testimony.
The next morning came, and we went to the hospital. I was in a prep room for a bit. Then they wheeled me off to the surgery room. Saying goodbye to my parents was hard, but at the same time the peace that we felt was still strong. When I got to the room, they had me get onto a different bed. I remember the room was big, and there were several people in it. Then they gave me the sedation meds and I was out. While I was in surgery my family was in the waiting room. Mike had went to wait with my parents as well. Several people were fasting for me, including his parents which I thought was really sweet. I also remember being told by some people that they had put my name in the temple. I didn't really know what that meant at the time but I knew I had many people praying for me.
The surgery went well. The doctor put a ring thing in my valve to make it work correctly. It was repaired! He said that it was completely repaired, however since the surgery some of the leak has come back. It is currently in the mild/moderate range, so no surgery in sight still. Anyway, we were all extremely grateful that the surgery was a success!
I woke up, and my family was surrounding me. I remember my Daddy holding my left hand, and Mike holding my right. It was special having 2 of the men that I loved so much on my sides. The rest of my family was all very supportive as well. My mother was always there, and held my hand as well. The doctors would let my family in about 20 minutes every hour or so, so not enough! They waited in the waiting room lots, and would come in for those 20 minutes which I cherished. That first night I had to spend alone because I was in the ICU and they made my family leave at closing time. That was really hard for me. It was one of the longest nights of my life. I was in pain, and couldn't have my family there. Plus they kept me awake most of it with all the drugs and tests and checks they would do. Thankfully I felt like there were angels there for me, and that made it better.
The next day came and my family was back! It was mainly my parents, Allie, and Mike there. They were with my all day (the 20 minutes at a time they would let me see them). I was still in the ICU. They were planning to move me that day to a recovery room, but they were full so I stayed there all day. I remember they tried to get me to stand, and other than that I was just in bed all day. That night came and thankfully the nurses let Allie stay with me later than closing hours. Allie was so sweet. She helped me make a lap around the floor. It was hard to walk so she held onto me the whole time and helped me. That day I also remember I had some friends stop by- like my roommates. They all signed my heart pillow that I have.
The next day came and I was moved to a recovery room. The best part about that room was my family could stay the whole time. It was so nice having them constantly by my side. My Dad that night even slept in the chair next to me.
The next day it was time to go home! McWayne and Shannon were there when I got back, and Dakota too. Sunni had sent me a package which was so sweet. It had movies, books, and lots of little things in it. The next few weeks were spent sleeping. Sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping. I felt too sick to even watch tv. Once I remember sitting by my Dad on his bed and him holding my hand as I puked. It wasn't a normal throw up- it was throwing up bile- extra painful and disgusting. The look in his eyes I won't forget- it was the look of watching someone you love in pain and I could feel him wanting to do everything he could to take that pain away from me. He even mentioned he wish he could. Anyway- it was mostly sleeping. Mike had spent the nights when I was in the hospital at his Aunt Annes place. He was working so he would come down from Logan on the weekends mainly and sleep in my parents basement and take care of me. Other than sleeping, I had to try and get my strength back. So me and my parents would go for walks. It started with a walk to the driveway, then to the church across the street, then to the end of the street, then eventually through the neighborhood. I also took lots of meds of course. Allie and my family would try to get me to eat what didn't make me sick (which ended up being mainly smoothies) and getting me pills. Allie especially would make sure I had my pills in the night and help me go to the bathroom. I felt completely helpless. It is crazy having an experience like that where you absolutely have to let people help you- and let them help you a lot. It was humbling. And I really don't think there was a time in my life where I felt so loved. I am so thankful for my family and Mike and friends for all of their support.
The healing process was long, and is still going. The first few months were the worst of course. I went back to work after a couple months, and student taught that fall. It was ok- but my sternum was what hurt the worst. That was sore for at least a year. I still have scar tissue that gives me heart attack symptoms sometimes. And who knows what the future holds. I do know that I am so grateful for the experience though. And that I was able to be mostly grateful through it- because I could feel the whole time that I was learning and could see how Heavenly Father knew it would make me grow. I am grateful for my wonderful family, and for my testimony that I have in my Savior. Although one of the hardest things I have ever been through, it was also one of the best. Because I had that surgery I now have 2 beautiful kids, and I have a chance at more time with those I love. At first I didn't like my scar I have down my chest. But now it is a constant reminder of that wonderful blessing and learning experience, and the hope that I have for the future. I am going to go spend time with my beautiful family now- because I can :)
