S.E.X.

I'm channeling Jen Lancaster with my title up there. She has this strange prude-thingy where she can't say or write "dirty" words (like n-a-k-e-d and n-i-p-p-l-e), so she spells them out. It's effing hilarious! I obviously don't have that problem... sex sex sex. Apparently I'm on a sex kick lately... what with my mysterious guest post a couple of weeks ago and all. I guess you can't really consider that a "kick" but whatevs. It's my blog and I'll call it what I want.

So yeah, I've had sex on the brain lately. I'm not really sure why... well, I am, but I'm not going to share that with you. And honestly, I don't even know why I started this post...

Anyhoodle... what's up with men, huh? More specifically, what's up with men that have no sex drive? I seriously don't get it. Keep in mind, I'm not speaking strictly from personal experience...

And who's idea was it for men and women to hit their sexual peaks at such vastly different ages? Come on! Someone obviously didn't think that through very well!!!

Dudes hit their sexual prime at like 18 or 19 years old. Us girls? Not 'til our 30s. That's over a 10 year difference, people! (Yes, I have a couple of degrees, can you tell?) It just doesn't make any damn sense. What's worse is when a woman marries an older dude... she might as well put a sock in it because it's never gonna get used!

Harsh? Maybe. But it's true. I mean, it's really difficult when a woman makes the first move and is shut down by her man because he'd prefer to watch TV. "I'd rather watch Star Trek than watch dirty movies in bed with you." Seriously? Does he need a lobotomy? Um, yes.

Whatever!!!

What do you guys think? Weigh in here... Talk to me. Help me understand. Obviously, I'm at a loss...

Monday Monday Monday

A little weekend recap, perhaps? Sure, why the hell not? I arrived home on Thursday evening to find this...No, we didn't get robbed. No, we don't have termites. No, we didn't get flooded. What we did get was pitbulled. Yeah, Baby NeNe got bored and tore the shit out of the carpet in the family room. That, coupled with this...And I think it's time for some redecorating, no? I'm pretty upset about the whole thing, but I feel really badly for the dog. She's gotten thrown into being alone for 8 hours a day and she's not taking it very well!

On Friday I got my nails did and worked on stuff around the house. Cleaned, organized, ran errands and the like. That evening I went to a housewarming party with Noelle and her fam. It was pretty nice just to chill with my peeps.

Saturday morning I got my toes done, had lunch with my mom, and then took my car to have the inspection and oil change done. I ended up being able to renew the registration at the dealership, so that saved me an extra headache! That afternoon I did some more cleaning and finished reorganizing my bathroom. Wiki came over and we watched Glee while I started packing.Oktoberfest is going on up at Snowbird right now, so I told the clan I wanted to make plans to go up on Sunday. Auri and I piled the kids in the minivan and headed up the canyon... Noelle, Toni and Rose were going to meet us but after seeing how busy it was, decided not to go. We ate German food, drank beer and had quite a bit of fun. While we waited in line to get balloon "animals" the kids posed for pics and played with the hula hoops. They had a blast! The balloon guy was hilarious, too... Aidan got a rhino, but it could have really been any animal you wanted to imagine. Tristan got a laser gun and Taryn ended up with a Princess Wand. You'll see its aftermath down below.
The kids also got their faces painted... Aidan decided on a shark and it looked absolutely awesome. Everytime he opened his mouth, so did the shark!

Tristan also wanted a shark but he wanted his on his arm... he's a strange child! I wonder where he gets it from?!?!

Miss Thang decided a rainbow would be the most "girl appropriate" thing to wear around, so she was more than delighted when she got shpakles, too! She's very into Girls vs. Boys these days!After much manipulation (no pun intended), Taryn's wand ended up looking like this. Tristan took it upon himself to announce to everyone that it looked like a penis. Eventually Auri had to put it in her purse because we kept getting dirty looks from everyone.
That brings me to today... I hopped on a plane at 10 AM and ended up in Oklahoma City. I'm here until Thursday when I head home to accomplish more amazing feats over the weekend! The countdown to Vegas is less than 3 weeks away and I can't wait!!! Hope y'all had a great weekend as well!

Random Tuesdayness - I Noticed I Actually Have Cleavage While Looking at Myself in the Mirror Sitting in Front of the Computer

This "limited internet access" at the office shit is really interfering with my blogging. The funny thing is, I think I've been trying harder to get things posted because I know I won't be able to while I'm at the office. Lame! And believe me, last week, I had P.L.E.N.T.Y. of time on my hands! Anyway, you should know by know that you're in for a RTT post, and if you wanna play, go talk to Keely. Mini weekend recap:
Thursday night - got home from OK, went to dinner with the 'rents at the Cheesecake Factory (and had no cheesecake!), went home and nearly keeled over after seeing the couch... more on that later.
Friday - Got my nails did, chilled with the dog, did lunch with ze Mum, did a bit of shopping, saw the doctor, had dinner at Noelle's, went dancing with the girls.
Saturday - Had lunch with ze Mum again, ran some errands, chilled at home for a few, took a nap, babysat Auri's kids for a few hours, crafted with the girls... and have a fabu painting to show for it (I'll take a pic of it and post it later).
Sunday - Went to Red Butte Gardens with Wikiball, Toni, Trent & the kids (Auri decided she needed a migraine and so Trent stood in as her sub), went home to pack, did a few things around the house, went to the airport to catch my flight.

And that brings us to now... I'm back in Koaklahoma this week. That's what Noelle decided the state should be renamed as over the weekend. And that wasn't such a mini recap.

In other news, the corners of my lips cracked two Thursdays ago and are FINALLY staring to heal. Talk about pain in the ass! Eating has been a bit of a challenge to say the least! Cracky lips suck!

Ok, here's your head's up... this video is soooo NSFW (Not Safe For Work)!!! Don't say I didn't warn you!

How can you NOT get turned on watching that? My favorite part? When she's in her red lace lingerie with the HAWT man on the bed. Whew! I need a cold shower!

I've been on a cleaning/organizing kick the last few weeks and am so excited to work on things over the weekend. That's the hard thing about traveling for work... I'm stuck in a hotel during 70% of my free time and I can't help but wonder what I could be getting accomplished if I were at home.

Ok, I promised myself I'd try to get to bed early tonight, so I'm signing off. Ciao Bellas!

Dancing Queens

I'll admit it... I've been slacking in the picture-taking department... as well as slacking in the blogging department. As such, I've got a few posts and lots of pictures from the past few weekends backing up. Two weekends ago, over Labor Day to be exact, we celebrated my friend Toni's b-day by going dancing at Habits. {Habits is the old Rascals, which, for those of you outside of Utah, was the only male strip club in Salt Lake back in the day.} Do y'all know how long it had been since I've gone dancing? A damn long time, that's how long!Noelle, Toni and I took a tricked-out cab to the bar and the lovely Misses Jen & Rosiemarie, drove our drunk asses home! Can I just tell you how sore I was the day after? Whew! I danced my ass off!
Noelle and Jen hamming it up for the camera!

This is Jen and her friend Bonnie (I tried to get her to smile, all to no avail!)

We decided we all needed to blow off a bit of steam after last week, so we ended up going dancing again on Friday night. The nice thing about this bar is that it houses a slightly older crowd... and by slightly older I mean my age group and up... Plus, it's not a meat market and that is sooo welcoming! Lisa and Noelle deny the fact that they color coordinated, but I know the truth.
That's Toni's finger in the back... I think she was dancing, not giving me bunny ears!

I hope you guys all had great weekends as well and I'll be back with more pics and stories to share!

P.S. I may or may not have guest blogged over on Cassi's blog last week...

Salti Talk - Vegas Hot Spots

It's been a few weeks since we've done a "Salti Talk" so let's get on with it, shall we? This week we're discussing Vegas Hot Spots... or not necessarily hot spots, but YOUR favorite places to go/see/visit/do. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours!

If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you'll know that I absolutely Lurve Vegas and everything to do with it. One of my absolute must-see/do on every Vegas vacation is a trip to the Bellagio to see the Conservatory (I've always called it the Atrium, but apparently I was mistaken). The last three times I've been were during the Christmas season so I haven't seen anything other than Christmas decor recently. I'm so excited to see it all decked out for Fall!

Another one of my favorite places to go is the Town Square shops on the South end of the Strip. It's an outdoor mall with lots of fun shops, and it even has a MAC Store!

As far as the clubs/bars go, I haven't been to a lot so I can't say I have a favorite. Toby Keith's -I Love This Bar - Bar, and Carousel Court at Harrah's are pretty damn fun (as you may recall from past Vegas trips)... and now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I ever finished telling y'all about the rest of our last trip! Oops!

Anyhoodle, now it's your turn! Tell me all of your favorite Vegas Hot Spots! I'm gearing up for a trip in one month and need to start making my list!

Now, I need y'all to do me a favor. I'm trying to be better about responding to all of your comments and my life would be a hell of a lot easier if you would set up your blog/comments to allow replies via email. I found a cute blog that has great directions you can follow here so do it for me, pretty please!

Oversized Sunglasses Never Went Out of Style

I have no energy or anything witty to say... but I feel guilty that I've been absent from blogland the entire last week! Therefore, you're getting pictures tonight. Hope you enjoy!

Mom, Margie, Uncle Pete and my dad in Hawaii, circa 1978

I finally bought some new curtains and put them up... nevermind the mess on the table

Lil' Miss Thang is starting Ballet tomorrow

This was my hair Thursday night, after 3 days of humidity

Saw this on someone's Facebook page and loved it

Self-portrait of Aurs in New Mexico

Snuggling puppies... is there anything cuter?

Random pic I took on the plane today


FYI

Random Tuesdayness - Better Late Than Never... Or the Official 600th Post... And There May or May Not Be a Giveaway Involved, But Probably Not

We have a new fugly button, people! Rejoice, or something. So guess what? This is officially my 600th post. Isn't that nuts? Either I have a lot of very profound shit to say or I like to hear myself type. Possibly a mixture of both which means I type a lot of shit. Hmmm... well, you signed on, so I'll do my best to keep you coming... back, that is. Ha!
Another official announcement? I love Glee. I mean, I know I've said I like the show in the past, but I've been catching a lot of the episodes I missed last season and I really love this show! The NPH episode is on right now and it's fab-u-lous!

I'm back in Oklahoma this week. Every time I go to type Oklahoma, I try to type Oaklahoma. Strange, I know. I think I like this project better than the one in Alabama... but don't tell anyone.

Apparently there's a tropical storm/hurricane called Hermione or something (I know it's called Hermine, but I keep thinking it's Hermione, and I kind of love that name even though I haven't read the Harry Potter books... not that that has to do with anything) that hit land in Texas yesterday... the remnants from it are heading toward Oklahoma. Great. Just great. I swear if I see a tornado, I'm gonna flip the fuck out.

I know someone who thought you pronounced "Hermione" as "Her-moyne."

Have you seen any of the Allstate "Mayhem" commercials? They freaking crack me up! Here's a medley of a few of them.


I'm trying to decide if I should put my swimsuit on and go downstairs to the hot tub. The pool/hot tub in this hotel shares a window with the main restaurant. Um, yeah. I don't really want everyone dining to see my huge ass in my swimsuit while I'm trying to chill in the hot tub. Who's friggin' idear was that?

I miss wearing all my cute heels. I can't wear them with my hip these days. Shit! And sadly, I don't own these shoes, but one day, I will. Oh yes, I will.
Auri and I had a great time with the boys at the pool yesterday. I can't believe what great swimmers they're turning into. Aidan is a little more adventurous than Tristan is right now and he's cracking me up. He swims under water, he can "glide" and he only panics from time to time. Just keep swimming, little man!

Did y'all see this little girl on America's Got Talent? She made me cry. Absofrickinlutely amazing! Fast forward to 1:35 to see her sing. The rest is about her story.


Being that it's the 600th post, I should do something to commemorate. But since no one wants to sponser shit over here, I'm not doing a giveaway or anything...but I could be persuaded into making another "mixed tape" and sending to to the first five who express interest...or 7, if there are that many of you who want one. Actually, how about a copy of the "Vegas Mix 2010" I'll be making for our trip in the next few weeks or so? Let me know.

I'll be back this week with a recounting of the Los Alamos trip and my Labor Day weekend! Ciao!

Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife!

If you want a laugh on a Friday afternoon, take 4 minutes to watch these two videos. The subject is no laughing matter, but the resulting video is hilarious. The first video is the news clip... the second one, well, just watch for yourself. I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday weekend!

Are We Captioning Things Again or What?

Cass has been busy or something, so she hasn't hosted a Caption This! for a few weeks. Or maybe longer, I lost count. I think she's back on the wagon this week, but if not, I'm doing it anyway.

Photo courtesy of Mistress Auri

It's fun. It's easy. Play or I'll bite you. Look at the picture above, think of a caption for it and leave it in the comments.

And now, a few random tidbits...

~I am love love loving True Blood this season. OMG! I can't believe there's only 1 episode left and I can't believe I have to wait two weeks for it.

~Jen Lancaster is my idol. I adore her. I love her. That is all.

~Traveling is fun if you have someone to join you. After a while, traveling alone gets very lonely.

~Flying First Class rocks!