i bought another pair of skinnies today! (: my own money too! YAYYAYYAY. and i bought my 3rd pair of black mondo shoes. HOORAY! anyway.

ANYONE KNOWS WHERE TO GET RED VELVET CAKE IN SINGAPORE? i'm desperate! ARH. anyway today was a good day cos i shopped but not very happy still cos of yea. i bet u're gonna complain again tt i copy ur style cos i bought those skinnies. come on, the whole world wearing skinnies now la can. URGH! i'm so angry can.

de a'More ;

8:38 PM

friendships are being ruined now.
yep.immaturity is starting to show from you.best friends? come on, now in the fashion world, everyone's wearing pumps everyone wearing mini dresses and white pants. i mean there are only those few pants right.i mean, if u wanna say i copy your so called fashion statement, then let's why not say that u copy someone else's statement.and come on! the stuff u and i wear so different. i guess u've changed from a best friend to a backstabber.sigh.it's a fashion statement and everyones wearing around the same stuff. it is fashion come on.
i feel like a failure as a leader.i told bro andy tt if the leadership wants to take me down from thre leadersship then so be it.cos i lost another life to the devils kingdom.this time, it's not just anyone else.SIGH.so God must be so mad at me that i havenot done enough as her leader and all.sigh. SORRY GOD.

de a'More ;

2:05 PM

uh huh. we're bringing sexy back dude! MEOW~
i am angry! I CAN'T FIND THE ORIGINAL THAT I WATCHED YTD.i watched it ytd and it got removed today, ARH! travis looked friggin good in the real thing la. ARH!

yea,sexy back dude.

de a'More ;

8:39 PM

HAHA. i am SO happy today. know why? cos i went town and USED MY OWN MONEY to buy my black skinnies that made me so broke. and they;re not really skinnies. their tyring-to-make-you-skinny-but-in-the-end-make-you-fat kinda pants. HAHA. so i bought a sized 30 pants cos it's so tight and abit looser than the 29. HAHA.but now kinda regret. cos must go alter and i figured that the pants will stretch become too big and become fatties instead of skinnies. HAHA. (: i bought a cute mini dress that had alot of coloured dots. HAHA.

anyway. you've changed my friend. you're no longer the one who used to be there whenever i needed u over the past months. how come all ur smses became cold and u stopped being concerned and stop calling me. huh? sigh. friends. dun last forever.

de a'More ;

6:33 PM

everyone's moving on, everyone except me. so it's time baby! i'm starting a new chapter of my life now. YAY. moving on dude. (: the past, well once in a while it'll surface in my memories but i'm confident! cos God's by my side. (:

tml's eng MYE. HAHAH. (: wish me luck with finding my skinnies at Heeren too !AHHA.shopaholic.

de a'More ;

7:37 PM

i'm happy.am i? oh what the heck. nvm bout me.
gained back my weight that i lost. HAHA! anyway i'm in school now, must be wondering why i like got so many free periods huh. drop subjects ma. (x
looking forward to meeting bro andy and sis shirlene this sat for lunch and island creamery! addiction to ice cream man. island creamery's ice cream. nyway just reaslised that the banana and soursop ice cream go very nicely together. HAH. worship experience (no greater love) is on Sat. YAY. i thought we'll be performing but eh, never. ); i know that this would me a great time of ministering of the love that God gives as the title already says it all, NO GREATER LOVE. anyone knows how to upload the video here? ARH.

http://www.trinity.net/ignyte look under worship experience and watch it! (:



de a'More ;

8:14 AM

how come everything seems to be at a lost now?
God i hope u heard my cry of desperation. i need you and i need u now.



de a'More ;

8:57 AM

life's messed up again. hate my family i hate my life. AGAIN. but thank God i'm being strong. well at least i'm trying and he's granting me the strength and guidance from brother andy(pastor to be) for being there to pray for me and talk to me. for the rest, nah, thanks but no thanks. what are friends for? in need of someone yet u were never there.

de a'More ;

12:55 PM

ytd i cried at the altars again with mei and bel and my altar EGO. (x made decisions to honour God and decided to give up on you-know-what. SIGH. it's gonna be so hard. tried to find solace in someone but DIDN'T GET IT. very very disappointed. thought u wld be there but nah. thanks again.

de a'More ;

12:57 PM

de a'More ;

12:46 PM

ALRIGHT!


de a'More ;

6:47 PM

LIFE GETTING BETTER! amen to that.

God has certainly been there man. though at times yes, i wanna cry, wanna just rot my life away but His strength has always supported me and made me realise that i have more to accomplish in my life than to waste it away by crying night after night and all. (: please continue to help me move on Lord, cos now all i can depend on and rely on is You. your strength your love and your grace. i wanna let the world see the splendor of Your glory. thank God for placing people in my life to keep me going, not many, but at least i have them. i lost a few along the way but i gained a few as well. my baby may be there on the good days but thanks to those friends that were there for me when it was our bad days.

PRAY PRAY PRAY. SEEK GOD SEEK GOD SEEK GOD. routine man. (: and i'm enjoying it.can't wait to go church on sat. HEH HEH. worshipe xperience coming up, hope we get to dance again. CONTEMPORARY PLEASE ALICIA! (: dunmake me do solo hiphop again can?

tml's sports day for KSS. and dinner i'll be meeting my Lcell! yay. finally, informal lcell diinner. since the structure changed, lcell has'nt been like lcell. so yea, i'm loving it man! (:

GO JAGUAR! (:

de a'More ;

9:33 AM

SIAN.me and xuan still at it lorh.

hai.even ppl said e two of us become weird cos obviously we never talk at all never make stupid jokes or noises. the class to quiet ppl find it funny huh. AHHH~

de a'More ;

5:51 PM

i quarrelled with xuan. SIGH! feels weird without his perky noises and high atmosphere and the stupid funky moments we share. dunno if it's gonna be alright but it feels damn weird.

de a'More ;

9:07 PM

MISS FOO! get well soon.please?

i salute her. last fri while we were at physics lab doing our experiment, heard a boom from the opposite block where the F&N room was and saw fire.like DUH. big BIG fire.apparently, miss chua was having lessons and giving instructions when immature faggots from sec 3 decided to go ahead with the job first and started e whole thing. obvious that miss chua and e students were in a frenzy and all.so can't blame them la.miss foo heard the commotion and rushed in only to see that HUGE fire.she qued miss chua to turn off the gas and thanks to her quick thinking, at least the room did not explode la.like seriously.she asked miss chua to evacuate the rest, taking on the responsibility of which she didn't have to, to put out the fire and save the day la. unfortunately, there was a bowl of oil beside the burning stove cos perhaps they trying to deep fry maybe? so the bowl of oil was OBVIOUSLY heated like freaking hot, so when she took the ire extinguisher to extinguish the fire, it EXPLODED. reaction ma.so that hot oil literally splashed onto her, giving her a second degree burn. and yes, definite scarring. on her face, shoulders and arms. SIGH! and that CLASS. THAT LOW CLASS FRIGGIN' CLASS, STILL LAUGHED AT WHAT HAPPEENED. ARH! irritaiting tt i feel like SLAPPING all of em.

today's 17th anni,and yes, more tears were shed. thanks to those who cared - or not.

Labels: EMO.

de a'More ;

8:04 PM

ytd was an awesome service. i miss praising God with all that i have, i miss rejoicing in the Lord's presence. and ytd, i found my place in the altars again.

Law of love, or love of law was ytd's sermon title by my beloved brother Andy. (: came up with many stories about how some of us just can't forget what someone might have done to hurt us so badly and we just want to have revenge cos that's the law of the world. that if u do unto me, i'll do back unto u. and sometimes we just can't forgive ourselves for getting ourselves into this problem or just doing something that u can't forget.

brother andy illustrated this using a story,and i wanna share it with all of u ppl out there. (:

one day, this father bought a new car. he loved the car (cos he is a MAN) and polished it every single day. day by day he would polish it and smile thinking that he has done a great job handling the 'beauty'. so realising that daddy loved the car so much, he took up a few pencils and started to draw on it. sharp pencils to be exact. so scratch scratch went the pencils. you must understand that to a kid, he thinks it'll make daddy happy. so whenthe father came home, the child said 'daddy daddy look. this is for you'. when the daddy saw his precious car scratched, he picked up the boy and said ' what have you done! ' with that, he grabbed the wrench on his side and smashed the poor boy's hand. he lost it. when he boy fainted, that;s when he woke up and realised what he had done to his child. he rushed him down to hospital A&E. this time, it was too late. the doctor said the bones of the boys hand had been smashed thoroughly and there was no chance of fixing his hand back. the father, gulity, stood outside the ward and watched his dear son and tears just flowed down his cheeks. the boy stirred. the saw the father and cried out, 'daddy daddy! i have something to say to you! ' the father wiped his tears, but refused to go in, being so mad at himself. 'daddy daddy i'm sorry..i promise i won't do it again. can u give my back my hand now?' the father could not take it and went home. again, he lost it. he committed suicide few days later. now the boy lost a hand, and a father too.'

(: nicce right? haha. (:

de a'More ;

9:58 AM

contemporary excellence. my ultimate.

de a'More ;

10:59 AM

i hate my brother so much. look at his friggin' irritating face. wonder why i call him my brother in the 1st place. i hate him,like so much. i always wanted an elder brother or elder sister, but left me the eldest. ARH. that's why i appreciate all my 'seniors' esp cos u guys are like older siblings to me. awesome. (:
anyway, my freaking horrible brother a.k.a stranger and black sheep of the house screwed up the com last night. the sounds were not working and life without sound or music SUCKS.totally.well at least i could still on e com and chat on msn and blog and stuff. but then har. this morning which was just now, he on the com again, screwed it up again, and restarted e com like hundreds of times, making me feel as if the com was so gonna crash. it did. now he's in his disgusting germ-inated room playing his infected PS. yes, and i found out where they problem lay. uh huh. the sound wire, the green wire one, has a problem. whenever it's plugged in, it's a hardware malfunction. anyone knows wad the problem is? so i plugged it out, and WALA! okay liao. just tt still no sound at all lorh. at least i can still chat with my friends and blog, which is like the 2 most ipt reason i online for. YEA.
meeting sister shirlene in church later on, having island creamery with mei later 1st. since i can't have anything else right?! haha. mei's meeting sister esther so i leave home with her lohr. (x

I HATE MY BROTHER!

de a'More ;

10:45 AM

i cried for 5 hours straight today. and i even.. caused physical damage on myself. all cos of u. it's time i let it all go. don't be alarmed. i just havent been really happy for a long long time i even forgot how it feels like to be truly happy. lost everything. just everything.



de a'More ;

7:13 PM

i'm feeling so bad now i can cry. ARH! save me please.

de a'More ;

4:52 PM

BRRACES! (: what a horrible pic.

de a'More ;

4:17 PM

BRACES.

ARH. it's hurting so badly tt i wanna cry la. AH. and that irritating metal bar that's on the top of myer whatever u call that hard palete i think ya. making me feel so uncomfortable cos' u can't swallow properly or pronounce properly. ARH. eat already cannot at all, now talking also got problems. wa i think i'm gonna die soon. SOBS! buy me ice cream. haha. (:

so yea.today after i went for the appt went back to sch at 10am. arh. once i stepped into class, everyone went, 'hannah hannah, eeeee. show me! wa so cool leh..' one by one. wa i was like hello? i'm in pain here. LOL.

bad day indeed. i'm so so so ubber hungry la. );

de a'More ;

3:17 PM

today, i was so screwed. i feel like ah. punching ppl, hitting the wall.

de a'More ;

5:11 PM

free period again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENZY AND TZE! (:

boring la boring la. ARH.



de a'More ;

8:38 AM

mum, be strong.

my brother, my pathetic disappointing brother that i never took as a brother almost killed me. did'nt actually mention it before but before dance performance last last week, found out that didi was in a gang, and for real with piercings all over his body. he's already violent and rebellious at home, i thought he just showing off at home but when i heard the facts, it hit me hard. LOL. just just just before that ultra ubber fun dance performance. ARH. stupid brother.

sometimes i pity poor mummy, having to handle his stupid remarks, his 'pointless rebuttals' and sometimes his violence which is totally senseless la, just give him chance give him face la okay. damn sad la. like even dad give up liao. when will poor mummy be happy and when will that faggot brother of mine ever learn his bloody lesson. ARH dang it.



de a'More ;

8:08 PM

yes. (:

de a'More ;

4:44 PM

cause' now i have to pretend
that i dont really care

always.

de a'More ;

4:05 PM

how come it always hurts so bad? i don't wanna feel it. i wanna get it outta my head. dun wanna pretend it's all okay. WAH. very emo. very very emo. psyched out already. can't take it. i'm in school now, teacher never come. LOL. so i'm in the library lah. where else lah. so yea, can't help but think think think. keep my mind off everything but i'm not i can't. why can't i be me? why can't i cry. why can't u be there for me like i've been there for u everytime. SIGH. emo freak. chaos.




de a'More ;

9:38 AM

jho, i miss you.i miss us.

de a'More ;

2:03 PM

de a'More ;

1:55 PM

the extraction made me feel better actually. say tt i'm weird but ya. (:


Last night, the inevitable happened again. SIGH. QR smsed her, making it a point tt he hasn't got over her just yet. u cannot blame me for kicking such a fuss. it happened b4, and i didn;t want it to happen again.but it did. SIGH. thanks to all who cared. whether there were any except 1. sigh. ffor the 1st time i was understood. yes i know all of u will come telling me to let him go, he's not worth it and so on. but please. it's not that i don;t want to. i can't. i've lost everything. given him everything up for him. my studies, my faith, my family. my everything. i can't lose anything more.that's why i'm holding on to him so tightly cos if i lose him, i'll really have nothing.nothing at all.


God, when will it stop? at least tell me.show me.


i cried last night. late late into the night wanting to give up, go mad, scream and let myself go jsut end this life. but thanks. God brought someone to cheer me up, or rather, understand me, so that at the very least i didn't have to cry myself to sleep again. label me as stubborn, say whatever u wanna say, i just can't do it. i'm not strong enough to let ppl see that i have problems, to people, i wannan be perfect. as a leader, i dun wanna affect anyone's faith by presenting my weakest side week after week. but i still serve Him. For i serve a God who is faithful and true.i will hide in the shelter of His wings.but i can't keep up with it anymore. so please, just SAVE ME.i dun wanna pretend i'm happy anymore. i don't wanna pretend i'm okay. i want to be cared for too.i want to feel loved too.i wanna feel accepted too. i'm human too are'nt i? sigh. who's there to lend me a hand?




de a'More ;

1:37 PM

today was my second extraction. see, i told you my doc was cute. he's a really tall guy tt's why well built, mom said he look like a model that features spectacles and he has a really cool hairdo carrying a crumpler bag. sweet. HAHA. can tell la. i had a cute small nurse. picture this. the doc is sitting down in his chair and she is standing. HA. today's injections were slightly more painful but the extractions went okay. i was HA-HE-HOWOOing again. even afterthe tooth was out i still continued so sing (according to dr TEO. (: ) ANYWAY.then i took a pic anyway cos he said i wun be seeing him again. SIGH! i want la i want. HEHE. G-I-R-L-S.

Chaos to the people who made it happen. THANKS.






so i'm at home now.biting onto the gauze that is like bloody and awfully disgusting. THURS. my braces. YAY.

de a'More ;

1:30 PM

sigh,don't know what's come over me but ya,getting all emotional today.i had many many laughs with mei today in e car listening to music and making her talk crap and flooding her with my nonsense. LOL. most of the time i was listening to 'What Hurts the Most' anyway. looking at the lyrics i written so nicely on my notebook, i wanted to cry so badly.

yes it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go, but i'm still being strong,facing it like i'm supposed to.but i can't help to feel like crying,to miss u everything a song is in my head.somehow it seems everything is related to you,you.i can't help feeling that i'm such a selfish bitch.i never treasured you when you were forever by my side.and now that u're gone, i want you back,i want you back desperately.i dun want u back as in i dun want u back but i want you back.SIGH.


de a'More ;

8:45 PM

de a'More ;

8:07 PM

Labels: hope

de a'More ;

11:12 AM

sometimes i dun want him to be the one. i miss jho i miss him alot. i miss not having someone to support me when i quarrel with QR, i miss not having someone to play the piano for me while i fall asleep, i miss not having someone to call up in the middle of the night when i feel like breaking down, i miss not having someone who makes promises to me, writes letters to me, hang out with me and just doing so much, i miss having a confidant. i've lost a friend. reallyy. he's happy with his girl, i guess i'm still having my ups and lows with QR. worst thing is he isn't there for me to call or sms when i quarrel with QR. i don't want him back as in i dun want him to like me again, i just want his friendship back. i dun want him to like me back and make sacrifices for me, cos i didn't appreciated it.i dun want him to do anything for me again.i just want to appreciate him again, just as a friend. now we are'nt even friends. sigh. well. it hurts to miss someone u cant miss.

Labels: missing

de a'More ;

11:36 AM

blog again la.nothing to do this good friday. as usual, so much for a good friday. babe promised to bring me out and play today. but in his smses he got impatient and started talking rudely.so i shootback at him and scolded him. then he suddenly say he dunno what came over him, dunno what to do, and asked me g over to his place. being VERY pissed, i went over la. then i went thre, the was crying saying stuff like i dun wan him and all. that i always yell and him and all. 3 hours we thrashed everything out with each other, with lotsa tears, losta shouts and lotsa pain. well so much for my good friday. it was as if to him, i started it all, and it was my fault to want to end it too.i love him.but why am i doing this to myself? neglecting my studies? defending him wen my parents and teachers start complaining? changing myself just to suit the needs of his friends so that they can accept me too? putting up braces fr him? crying day and night wanting to kill myself for him? isn;t he being to selfish to blame me now? sigh. it's starting to hurt.

babe, it's starting to hurt.i dunno whether the promises u made today were real but i'm glad u put the ring back onto my finger.i choose to believe u and i hope it'll be the LAST time that things like this happens again.please know that i love u oaky.

Labels: tearing apart.

de a'More ;

8:45 PM

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS
"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

(CHORUS)
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

(CHORUS) x2
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Labels: emotional

de a'More ;

7:53 PM

haha. baby introduced it to me. (: funny la.

de a'More ;

4:18 PM

de a'More ;

7:39 PM

dance was ubber fun ytd. haha.we had 3 sections. alicia,eliza and minghui in one team, me tham and char in another.we were doing hip hop while the 3 of em did the graceful comtemporary jazz.dang.no chance to do that.then e last part of the song we'd join together to do a disco section.they opened the show then me jean and char came up. WE ONLY PRACTICED FOR 3 HOURS on that day itself. we were still umfamiliar with the song la.char offered to count 5 6 7 8 for us to start.so okay our turn to go up, i said ' ok, let's do it cool ya'll.come on man.cool dude.' so we did i cool entratnce skipping and all.then eh, i realised that i'm skipping for very long eh.then i turned behind and OPPS! they strated already! BST PART WAS, i laughed laughed laughed. DARN FUNNY. 1st time i screwed up and laughed it off. doing the disco was even funnier. DUDE WATCH IT. HAHA. 1st time i had so so so so so much fun dancing though i was kinda rush and we were supposed to feel stressed and all. HAHA. we laughed like heck la.

AWESOME STUFFF!



de a'More ;

3:34 PM