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11:37 AM

Besides the fact that i'm starting on a diet and trying to work hard on my math, this month was a rather eventful one. I didn't have the time or energy to slowly reflect on it, but after yesterday and a couple of weeks having random thoughts on my mind, i'm glad i did.

(p.s i'm not a very good writer though i enjoy doing it, so here's a ton of messy words that accompanies messy thoughts)

{quote paul)
"I used to think that if someone were to cut my heart open you'd find a room for honesty. A little room where you would find a small pile of sugar and a lego sized version of me in there with a big smile and welcome sign with pictures of your heart pasted all over the arteries.
You could stay for the night for free (with breakfast) and i would never tire of your wants and needs being catered to. But everything changes when you're awake alive and kicking and actually in the real world i guess."

I guess sometimes when you give your all, you don't neccessarily get back what you've sown. It's a battle and a tiresome yet rewarding journey you put yourself through for this thing called love or friendship, or something that means a deal to you. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. You are good enough, and you don't deserve to be trampled over and caught in the vicious cycle that selfish insensitive people put you through that only results in you being hurt over, and over and over again after giving so much.It will all still be worth it despite those hurts until you realise and you uncover so many unspoken dirty little secrets, and finding out that all the words spoken, all the things you've been through was built on a whole bunch of absurd lies that covered up even more lies. You then further figure out that you were not the only one that been through all that, but along with your broken heart, a handful of people feel the same way from this someone. It not only tells you that he/she was someone that was totally out of his/her mind and merely just 'playing' with you and ton of other people, it also tells you something along the line that you were nothing and not good enough. Ha, i'm sure everyone knows how that feels. What do you do then? Well you first end up brutally hurt. But don't sit there and keep mum about it, you get up and do what you need to do - present this situation to someone who might be able to give you a hand and perhaps smack that person up from his/her slumber. Don't take things into your own hands, because God has it. God will work on your behalf, and let conviction take place somehow, you just pray and trust God. Lies don't go far.

This entire journey has open up my physical and spiritual eyes - coming to realise that i've been fooled so much because i give my trust away too easily and not choosing to put my trust in the most trustworthy Almighty God. After so long of looking inward at my own problem, God did a surgery and worked on my behalf like He would always do. Amidst every trial and every good or bad season, the sovereignty of God never fails to prevail and there never fails to be something or rather MANY things to thank God for.
Definitely the healing process has begun, i dont know how long it'll take but i know i can count on the fact that my God is the best doctor around and i'll be healed to the point of being brand new and better than before (: & i thank God for that.

Other than that, it opened my eyes to see who are the ones who truly care enough to stick by me for a good 3-4 months worth of drama and more. Everytime i look back and think back, i am moved almost to tears of how the different ones are there for me, and give me pockets of courage and love to tide me through bad days and weeks.

My sister is first on the list. Afterall, she is my sister. She's seen the 1001 times i've cried whether at home, in church or at the playground downstairs or during bus rides. She's stood up for me, whacked the walls for me, cheered me up, gave me company, understood me, bothered to know about my life and above all that, she felt me. She cries when i cry , she gets angry when i get hurt, she laughs when i laugh and she would be strong for me even if she had a bad day. And i'll always love her! (:

The HTHT girls come close to being like blood sisters to me. Janet, Ariel, Janella & Alison. Come to think about it, it was because of what we talked about on 1May that brought about this covenental friendship that we have now. 5 fifteen year old girls, that are always there to ask me about my day or what i'm going through. Some of them give me godly counsel and cover me in prayers (janella & ariel) while the rest either make my day or give me advice on what to do next or evaluate situations for me (janet & alison). They never fail to make to smile and make me feel loved and feel like a special 18 year old princess. I wouldnt trade anyone of them away for a million dollars (HAHA so cheap) and i appreciate this friendship and every single one of them more than they think i do (:


Then there's jeanette tham, someone i think understands more than anyone else honestly. Maybe because she's been through a whole lot too? As much as we rarely see one another and just give warm hi-s and bye-s, she's always ready with warm hugs and been there to listen to my 1001 rants and let me know that there's someone that will really understand and identify with how i'm feeling. She probably doesn't know this but she gives me alot of strength and courage just by being her and how much i look up to her. I think she has alot of good advice that always has God in the picture too. See, the best of all the worlds! I love her dearly, and thanks to her i love SS501 too, another huge part of my season. HAHA! :D


Surprised by the entrance of sister kassey into my life, i cannot help but thank God for what she has done for me. I shall not elaborate (:

Delia and Nat have just been constants, always being there to give me a pat on my back or tissue for me to dry my tears and just a firm hug that seems to tell me that it'll all be okay again. They are beside me when i'm lonely, and they know first hand when i'm in my emotional wreck and will be there to stand by me. I shall save xian's dedication for his upcoming birthday, if not later nothing to say. (hahaha)


My girls were the best girls too. Having missed out on one another's lives for quite awhile, the sleepover + baking plus bel's house was just fun. It was fun hanging out late at night and having deep conversations with one another. The calls to make sure i was okay and the smses telling me that i've got a secret hideout if i wanted to leave home one day. Hahaha, thank God for this friendship he's blessed me with (:


Last but not least my SS501 boys - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. NEVER EVER fail to take my mind off things and put a huge huge huge smile on my face and keep me very occupied. Took over the emo desktop and handphone wallpapers and just made me a happy girl seeing them everyday smiling back at me. HAHA, psychotic.

There are people like gerald, clement, tingyan and alot of other folks that have proven themselves to be someone who'd take the effort to be concerned about their friends life. Somethings don't change, and everything may fail, but i know these people that God has blessed me with won't. I'm sorry if i missed anyone important out. It deosnt mean u mean lesser okay! I love you allthe same (:

When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always what they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. We need to look beyond the masks people wear if we want to knw what's in their hearts.
When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don’t turn your back on love, because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings you will make up for all of your past hurts. Times a thousand fold.
When someone ridicules you, it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control over. Simply put it, love even the unlovables. You and i are not perfect, so who are we to judge?
When you enter someone’s life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Afterall, life's all about learning lessons. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die, will your life have resulted in more loving or more hurting? More comfort or more pain? More joy or more sadness?

Your heart worth more than you think it does and you mean more than what you think you mean. Don't let yourself go. It might hurt and you might cry, but to get to the other side you'll have to let go of somethings you loved and be broken up in order to be put back together again.

Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible — controlling that which we cannot and instead, focus on what is possible.
Quote(via ifwordscankill)

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11:40 AM

After going to bed in the very very terribly cold room at about 6am, we woke up at 11am plus to get ready. Xian popped by and took us sleep deprived girls(janet, mei and i) out to lunch at bishan, awwww x100. We zoomed and yelled and laughed all the way till Bishan where we met Oswyn (since it was nearby) for a good hearty lunch (: The car ride to church was downright hilarious. It was a ride filled with screams, laughter and random things like shouting INDIAN super loudly and start cheering when we saw them in lorries, or guessing whether it was chinese indian or malay truck drivers and all the other nonsense oswyn came up with. If i were the driver, i would have flipped the car and died on the spot but thank God for a very understanding driver who was one of the few who joined in the fun :D Xian dropped us off at church before he headed off to get his ton of things done. THANK YOU XIAN-STER for the lunch and the car ride today! :D Muchly muchly appreciated and enjoyed.

Service and cell was great too. Awesome time of bonding with my cell recently, and it's all amazing! HAHAHA, despte being down right sleep deprived, i was the craziest in cell today playing chop chilli chop, coming up with random actions and literally steps that ppl just died trying to follow, goodness gracious. IT WAS A HAPPY HAPPENING DAY, finally a day off tml to have lunch with my folks and the rest of the cousins and relatives, seaaaaafoood (:

Till next time~

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8:51 PM

I guess it's gonna break me down
Like falling when you try to fly
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye ;

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11:26 PM

Thank God for an awesome weekend! :D Worn out but really satisfied (:

Still down with the cough and the flu, i went for Drama pracs feeling very light headed and stuffed (esp the ears) but it all turned out well (: We had fun brainstorming and being super creative about *ahemahem* which got us all very very egggcited!
Cell was rather informal since there wasn't grow. We planned for cell outing, and did abit of games and slight sharing and just headed down to chill very early.
Service was GREAT, with the capital G. We caught a glimpse of what liberated worship meant, which is something i always envisioned Ignyte min to have. I mean, why care about how you dance, or how you look and how you worship God? If you joyful in the spirit and enthusiastic about worshipping and praising God, you just do it! However you like! Whether you like to head bang, jump, shout, dance, clap whatever, it's your own gift of love to God. I enjoyed myself tons, great job worship team! (:
Dinner was, sad. HAHA, there weren;t alot of ppl. In actual fact it was only us. So we made alot of noise and had our dinner. Mine was miserable cos all my very nice friends didn't allow me to eat fried food, or have subway cookies when ALL of them were eating my favourite double chip cookies AT THE SAME TIME, on purpose duh. And i had to bear with noodle soup ):

So saturday whizzed past like that and Sunday came in the blink of an eye! A very fun sunday too, minus the stupid nose and bad tastebuds. Work today was filled with laughter, literally. From cheap thrills, to discussing how man are better than women, to man being creatd from dirt, and women from man ribs? HAHAHA or how God decided to make man out of dirt from the ground because He couldnt throw them down like He threw the whale into the water. HAHAHA, okay whatever.
After work uncle James drove down to some east side of SG to eat at HK cafe, i was too full to stuff anything so i just watched and listened to the guys talk. Oh, we met Joel a.k.a beng too. Along xian and i, us 3 drove down to Yew Tee to pick Nat up for photoshoot at Kranji War Memorial. Yeah, ask me why we went there. It was better than expected though! The sun was GREATTT, made us sweat quite abit but the photos turn out rich (: We had fun, the place was serene, quiet, peaceful and all that. Can bring boyfriend or girlfriend - minus the dead people graves and all. HAHAHAHA. Had fun had fun, but most of the photos are with the film cameras and the other guys cam so i'll have to wait for them to upload, for now here's a few (:

It was a nice experience! I enjoyed myself alot with the guys and of course we had our dose of history lessons! Okay, make that just me. I didn't know i knew so little or actually nuts about history and all that war thing. Like how i asked Nat that war is for WW2 only, or like civil war too? Then they said no civil war in Singapore. Right! It was nice meeting joel too, he dropped me ard granny's place so i bus-ed down for dinner and sinful durian. I only had 3! So yes im super drained and tired from the weekend but really happy, but !

Looking forward to the coming week! Tml's Dim Sum with the family, hopefully meeting J.Cheong this week, thurs dental, Friday's gonna sleepover at Jan's and weekends will be here again! (: Heh :D God's been good.

*disclaimer: i know this isnt the nicest photo, but i know why i chose it.
p.s long bus rides.

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8:15 PM

Thank God for a great thursday! Besides the fact that i'm down with a horrible blocked running nose (paradox i know), a super super bad throat, a terrible nagging headache and blocked ears! ):

I think it might just be the result of being a total pig and putting me at home for too long. I tried to recall what i have been doing for the past 4 days and this is what i remember:

Sunday: Macs + Island Creamery
Monday: "dont remember"
Tuesday: Milk tea, fried chicken wings, chocolate fondue
Wednesday: Milk tea, Chips, Rocky Road ice cream, van houten(?) chocolates

This is still without including the fact that i don't drink water when im at home? Add that with other load of nonsense that i dont exactly remember - this is what you get. Blame the mood blame the mood! It's the whole comfort food thing going on ): I'm not a fan of chocolates and all, so yes this is a surprise too kay!

SO ANYWAY, i figured it might just be a normal dry throat from the flu at night so i continued with my plans to meet delia. I got ants to make barley water for me to bring along, and i made it tad bit too sweet. Anyhow, i got changed and showered, still battling that throat that was killing me. On the bus my nose went on and on sneezing and sneezing till i cried and had the macho guy beside me looking like i was some weirdo infected by h1n1. I met delia at FEP and immediately she could tell how sick i was. It was a good shopping trip though. For a good 1 hour, we were just talking and zooming past every shop until we realised what we were doing and went back for more rounds :X
We jumped to Wisma, then to Taka for a mini food spree - she got korean spicy rice cakes to share and i bought macaroons (?) from Bakerzin which were lovely too! If it wasn't for my bad throat or nose, i would have had a whole lot of fried goodness as well as dessert :/
We hopped to Ion and headed for the FOOD HALL. It's my third time to ION (i think) and we both have never been to the food hall. Still on our food spree we went to walk 2 rounds of the food hall. Did i mention how we were testing samples from everywhere too? Heh, put 2 poor, hungry, weight conscious girls together. Too poor to get the whole thing, too weight conscious to overeat, so we just sampled things like mochi, to 4 different kinds of moon cakes, to bread, ice cream and whatever not.
Considering the fun we had just running around sniffing and 'carress-ing' the displays (as how delia would put it), i wonder and kinda regret not doing it the last time i was there. It would've been really fun.
Not being able to hold out the headache, the nose and my throat anymore, we went our own ways at about 6pm after getting myself a boyfriend shirt, plus new slip on Everlast shoes (:

I could really use a blue bottle always filled with luke warm water right about now. Or maybe a coupla yells and shouts when i have too much ice in my Qoo aloe vera drink or too much chilli in my char siew rice. Top it with a box of honey lemon strepsils lozenges and a clean spoon from the canteen for my medication please?

Sometimes knowing something is bad for you isn’t enough to stop you from doing it.
- Unknown

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7:31 PM

It's been a super boring mundane week. The holidays are still on, but i've been without any plans for the past 3 days. Thank God for delia and shopping tommorrow, looking forward to a good pamper-yourself-time, and a good talk that always accompanies every outing we have (:


Remember: God will never take anything away from you without giving you something so much better.

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9:34 PM

I had a rather good saturday, very good in fact. Dance practice turned out to be a time of fruitful prayer and observing dance videos and gathering of ideas for events that are coming up soon.
& i also found out that our silent videos on facebook were shown in service jams, and i also heard the US people wanted the link to it cos they found it good and funny. Urgh, i need to hide my face now. Rather, we are famous! :D

So anyways after TeNet and service, Janet's dad dropped by to pick us girls (janet alison esther ariel and myself) and we headed to pick janet's brother up and he drove us down to the airport for dinner there at Pasta Waraku and off we FLEW to Terminal 1 to see fuwei off. We beat the crazy crowd and were the first to get there (besides his family) so we got a little time to talk to him and pass him gifts and well wishes and all (: After awhile, the seemingly empty airport was flooded with people, literally people mountain people see. I cannot believe SOMEONE said he wanted to keep it private and low profile, still mass text everyone to turn up! HAHA, but it was just amazing that the people there were people that he has touched in one way or another. Mine included (: I didn't want to cry and felt no need to! Yeah though my heart kinda melted when i saw his parents and sister cry until so emotional and everyone was tearing up and all, i have soft spot when i see ppl cry kay! Until brother kahfei came up to me and said 'whoaaaa you zai you never cry'. I WHACK HIM LIKE MAD AND WENT OHMYGOSH WHY YOU SAY THAT WHY YOU TALK TO ME, and he turned on my tap - didnt help that ariel and sister kas were there to offer hugs, another soft spot. GAH, forgive me.

So donkey, we've come a long way (: No fancy words, no fancy pictures - just a simple heartfelt 'thank you' and a knowledge that sometimes no matter how time passes or how seasons change, somehow i know we'll always be who we are to one another; a brother, a sister, a friend, a supporter. Jiayou (:
p.s just have this weird attachment to this photo despite the many we have.

When secrets aren't secrets anymore, they sometimes bring about a release - something amazingly strange happens in the spiritual, and in yourself. Sometimes taking that step of courage and faith, might just be what you need to break away from all you're going through and not going through it alone. Do the right thing, and trust.

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5:00 PM

I'm loving the tan! (:

It was a great day yesterday, i had a ton of fun in the sun with the girls (: Time flew super fast! We were just talking about how we only met on monday, and then yesterday we met again and it felt like only a day had passed. We had our very own sandwich/junk picnic (alot of leftovers) at Sentosa and it was just rotting and eating in the sun for a good 4 hours? We packed up at around 4pm to go shower and headed to Vivo for more photo taking and dinner. p.s Janet and Ariel left at 3pm and 5pm respectively, explains them missing in the shots below.

The editting took a ton of time but the photos did turn out rather nicely :D We did jump shots and was an epic fail and the custom timer setting made us 4 girls jumping continually for a good minute on the roof top of vivocity where 1001 people were just walking here and there. Embarrassing much? HAHAHA :D We were soaked in sweat by the time we were done and headed to Food Republic for dinner and talk (:

All in all, i must say i have been tremendously blessed by all 5 of the girls - Janet, Alison, Ariel, Janella and needless to say my sis. At sentosa while watching all of them in silence, i found myself so amazed and how we've built this friendship up so strongly - That we are all different girls with different personalities, we had different issues and struggles and i saw everyone of us emo-ing and staring into the sea and sky at random times of the day at sentosa without saying a thing to anyone. Yet we all know that regardless of how different we all are, be it 18 year old me telling them my 18 year old worries, or the difference in all our life stories that we'll be there for one another. That the difference doesn't matter because we are one family and serve the same God that never fails. There isn't the 'xxxx is here so i cant talk about it' but it's just open sharing and everything between us, and the godly encouragement we give to one another - something i really thank God for. They help me keep my mind off things for the entire 'not so good' week, and in this week they made all the difference (: love you girls much! :D

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11:54 AM

Can't believe i've resulted to using photobucket just to blog. It just feels weird to not update my blog and i just had to blog about my great day yesterday (:

We had a super fun random BBQ for no purpose at all at Ariel's place yesterday with the HTHT girls - janella, alison, janet, ariel my sis and myself. Yes, 5 fifteen year olds, and 1 eighteen year old. Tell me about it! Met alison and riel earlier to get the food done, and to take a coupla photos and video while waiting for janet & jelly to come. Janet came by early 5 and we headed down to start the bbq at 545pm.
Cut the whole story short, we took 1 box of matchsticks, 1 box of fire starters, half the charcoal there was and 1 hr 45 mins trying to start a fire. Point: TRYING. Until we gave up cos we ran out of starters and riel's dad just took over and got the fire going in under 30mins. RIGHT!
By then we were STARVING, so while cooking we were feeding one another prawns, chicken wings, sausages, scallops, satays, crabsticks, corn, lamb chops and whatever nots to make the job easier cook at eat at the same time :D

We headed back up after talking and chilling much, and started on a massive video spam you can see on facebook very evidently. It was already 10plus by then and we were all still insanely high, sweaty and sticky from the BBQ. Had a ton of fun laughing or rather CONTROLLING the laughter and making silent videos that are all on FB.

But there are a few of the many photos we spammed too.

Looking forward to sentosa with em on Thursday and friday it's off to tingyan's place for jam! :D

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7:44 PM

Let's not get this post too picture-y too okay! There's just been an explosion of pictures on my blog recently, too many nice onces!
Alright so T.G.I.F, and today being 040909, Ignyte had our very own combined worship experience 4ONE *screams* It was a blast, totally lived up to my expectations. Before that, met Nat for dinner at Westmall then we bus-ed down to church early to pass Mark his shirt. AND WE CAMWHORED, really. Short bus ride, 100over photos JUST ON THE BUS. I swear my sister spammed self potraits of herself and spammed me and my emo + happy shots. We took too many to share so just check FB out. HAHA! But hereyou go, just a few.



After rotting awhile outside the Auditorium, the doors finally flung open and we Ignyters packed up the place all 800+ of us from both PL and Adam (: Praise and worship took place after awhile and we just SOAKED ourselves in the presence of God that was just so thick and tangible it gave me the goosebumps. I sang and declared every song in my life till i lost my voice and my abs got a good workout. Nevertheless, jumping and shouting Gods name is just the best thing to do right now (: I am so grateful for what God has done and is doing in my life, even in this season He has never failed to hold my hand and lead me EVERY step of the way?
But right now my life song, is for this generation, is for MY generation. My heart's cry now, is really for God to use me, to be a lighthouse wherever i go. To give me a new heart to love this fallen generation and for His glory and power to be revealed in this generation! Ignyte will rise as a selfless generation for God's kingdom AMEN! :D

It's 12.15am now, and i've got a long day ahead tommorrow! Till then when blogger starts to behave well (:

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11:48 PM

Continued.
After baking day, us girls headed to chel's for sleepover! Bel went to meet joshy, while chel and i unpacked and slacked around with SG Idol. Got a call, and flew out of the house immediately to meet people and pass them things at 1030pm. HAHA! It was quite funny cos me and chel were running to yewtee and getting all flustered and nervous in the house and mrt HAHAHA!
Bel and Chel waited for me to be done, and then we headed back to chel's. Watched the moment of truth (super sick show) and slacked around to talk cos we were really tired aft the whole day of baking and running around photo taking and all. Bel insisted on photos so we just played along despite being tired. Time check, 1am - we played around with our hair and photo spammed in our PJs, so i'm gonna combine them into a GIF file instead of letting u bad readers stare at us. HAHAHA! :D
We sneaked out at 330am in the morning to pick Cheryl up from YewTee and had ba chor mee supper at E.A.T before going back home. Cheryl crashed on Chel's bed and they talked and talked till 5am before we all went to bed. 5am, FIVE AM.

We woke up 11am (i initially had to go to school). But after showering and having my nose stuffed to the max (cos of the aircon), i decided not to go to school for practice, first because i've MIA-ed so long. Second because in this season i cant handle so many things, and third, i have no clue what song they're singing, fourth O level math this year that'll clash with Reflections. Yup. Sooooo, we home-jumped to bel's place to play guitar hero and swim :D :D More photos! Borrowed the bikini top from chel, which kinda messed up my tan line ): I still wanted the spag tan line which is actually quite obvious (I LIKE) and besides, i dont own a bikini only because of the fact that i am super insecure. LOL but the sun was great 2 hrs about there in the water and just soaking up the sun. Very even tan, but not very black cos it was a TAN not a BURN (: Chel's mom came to pick us up and here i am home to study, blog and later SLEEEEEP.

Love the photos much, and totally love the girls more (:

These are all the tears you’ve ever shed. The ones that taught you who you are. That made you grow up. That let you know that what you felt, mattered. And they are all here for a reason.
- I Wrote This for You

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6:48 PM