Friday, November 30, 2007
IMAGE-HEAVY POST :i've been relatively busy working and all, so hannah has taken few days leave to concentrate on dance rehearsals and meeting up with friends (: let's start with my day ytd. first thing i woke up, checked my phone. and this is wad i received from junjie.
AWWWW. he drew this especially for me cos i told him i loved his funky scribles. and if u can't figure what that word is it's my name HANNAH. (x so later on in the morning had ignyte dance rehearsals with tham, eliza, cassandra and bernice. after which had lunch with mom before going down to town to meet frog and shun bian help my mom get her $700 ZARA voucher. then i realised ying and her friend tanya were there too! so after i met frog, they tagged along. he came back from his army training in wallaby, austraila not too long ago and bought some stuff for me so i had to meet him.
awww, such a sweetheart isn't he? funny how we met in the 1st place. he's my cousin's girlfriend's brother -.- my cousin and his gf were celebrating their birthdays together at a chalet. so family from both sides were invited (DUH). that was how we 'met'. like literally only SAW each other. HAHA, then after getting teased by a few ppl, she gave me his number so WHAM! tt's how we got to know each other. it was as good as me and tze back then when we just randomly got to know each other and then went out as strangers. strange enough, frog reminded me of tze. it was surprising that he was talking so much and super entertaining, which is kinda rare when 2 strangers meet (: so unexpectly enough, i totally enjoyed the day. we went window shopping, then eat at taka, then when to visit his 2nd home at cine, that's when we went to have a game of pool. how absolutely fun :D oh well, noobs can have fun too okay? xD well me liying and tanya were e noobs so frog totally owned the games :D
after which me tanya and liying decided to drop by to paragon and give andre a surprise. LOL, he was having his dinner break then so we just randomly sms him and found out he was having dinner at lucky plaza which is only beside paragon. we made our way there and spotted him soon enough. we sat a table away diagonally from his, but after what seemed like forever, he still didn't see us -.- GUYS. so we took a pic of him and sent it over to him via MMS.
there he is in white. eat and eat only, look also never look. so finally he realised i was sitting there andhe was srprised ;D then after like 5 mins he left, leaving me ying and tanya to stalk the guy all e way back to paragon where he was working. and then he was holding a cigarette in his hands, breaking my heart again. then i thought of how we parted ways back then, all because of how he wldn't give up smoking for me. i hate smokers, so please, dun smoke liao can? i dun wanna see u die an early death ); ARH. OH WELL, we stalkedhim back to his workplace at metro only to realise that we lost him. so we just walked ard paragon aimlessly lor; and took pictures in the toilet (x blame me for being a cam whore lah ;D
my day didn't just end there. i went back to church for rehearsals for christmas. HAHA, had fun :D but then the hectic day caused me to ache all over today. and i didn't have dinner at all last night, so i woke up feeling sick. ); and my stomach still feels kinda weird even after lunch )x oh well, if there's anything else interesting i'll update soon. sorry my posts lack depth these few days. when i get the insipration, i'm usually working. and when i finally have time to blog, the inspiration just runs away. haha, update soon! (:
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1:11 PM
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
grad's night a.k.a prom was ytd, and GOD it was just SPLENDID. and i think i was the only moron who cried, darn! and it was a night of no regrets. i managed to cam whore with people who were so impt to me whether they were once impt or still are impt (: ps: for those whom i took pics with, u are definitely one who i will miss! FOR SURE! well honor roll coming up, drum roll please..
*warning, long post ahead (:
;they were the ones who made the diff. the teachers;
;my kaki in class, ong cherie and yang ;D
;seniors who made a diff (regina, andre and alina) (:
;my favourite twin (:
i owed him a card which i apparently lost, so i dedicate a section of the post to LEE ZHENG XUAN :D xuan xuan, u know how much a so so so adore you. you're just like the stupid clown and friend in class that quirks me up (: thanks for the friendship brother, for always sitting next to me to entertain me and make me laugh till i cry and when i cry, u're the only one who suceeds in making me smile again. yes,sometimes u get REALLY irritating, but! i love you all the same (: AWWW. i'll CONFIRM miss you okay! you are such a darling. wish u all the best in ur future and hey, you'll always be my XUAN XUAN :D
these are the few impt impt ppl who had played such a part in my life. all of you are special okay! if not u'd not appear in this collage. for those i've missed out don't worry! BLOGGER lacks space so i can't upload that many. i will miss every single one of you. you're all precious in my eyes (: LOVE LOVE LOVE!
so back to prom (; the halal side of the lot was the bomb (: we made the most noise and had the most fun. 4A OWNED the lucky draw. HALF THE CLASS recieved prizes lah ;D hurray! so anyways we cam-whored (yes, including the guys) so badly till we hardly had any time to eat! we were running all ard the tables photo taking and screming, laughing at e teachers dancing on the stage and before anyone touched the food AT ALL, the waiter cleared the whole dish and moved on with another which fate was similar. (x but! no regrets, i took plenty pics, of which i was pretty contented, no, make that REALLY contented. (: thanks so much guys, u guys looked gorgeous ytd and i bet u'll be forever and ever (; I WILL MISS ALL OF U PLENTY! god! help me stop crying );
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2:56 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
Nick Lachey - I Can't Hate You Anymore
An empty room can be do deafening
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadow of your name,
And burned the pictures in a frame,
But it couldn't save me
And how could we quit something we never even tried
Well, you still can't tell me why
We built it up, to watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all
I gave and gave the best of me
But couldn't give you what you need
You walked away, stole my life
Just to find what you're looking for
But no matter how i try,
I can't hate you anymore
You're not the person who you used to be
The one i want who wanted me
And that's a shame but
There's only so many tears you can cry
Before it drains the light right from your eyes
And i can't go on that way
And so i'm letting go of everything we were
It doesnt mean it doesn't hurt
(chorus)
Sometimes you hold so tight
It slips right through your hands
Will i ever understand?
We built it up to watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all
I gave and gave the best of me
But couldn't give you what you need
You walked away and stole my life
Just to find what you're looking for
But no matter how i try,
I can't hate you anymore
_______________________________________________
don't push the blame on me when u know who and what caused it. go on, comfort yourself and tell her to put all the blame on me. yah maybe all this time, the both of you were ganging up on me just so that i wld give up on you, leave ur life for good so that the 2 of you will live happily ever after. well sad to say, is that's the case, you;'ve all failed. or maybe u did all this just to break my heart and hurt hurt hurt me until one day i wld hurt too much and kill myself so that u guys wldnt have to see me again. well maybe, just maybe maybe it wld happen one day; but i'm not gonna give up. hurt me if u must, go on, continue making my life suck like shit. time will prove to you what i''ve said. it wldn't last. i think i've seen enough loving couples just sudden;ly break up, even after 3-4 years of courtship. fragile as ur relationship, do u think it'll really last? both of u aren't happy in the 1st place. u dunno what love is, so stop being naive and comfort yyourself. cos deep down u and i both know this relationship will not fall through. maybe now u think it won't but mark my words okay? i've seen and go thru more broken relationship than you to know what will happpen and what will not. it's up to you to believe me. it just never hurt this bad. stay out of my life. please.
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8:58 PM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
back to work ):
mood: forlorn playlist: Because of you - Kelly Clarksoni watched you die, i heard you cry everynight in your sleep
i was so young you shld have known better than to lean on me;
you never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain.
and now i'm crying in the middle of the night;
for the same damn thing!
because of you, you you, you.
selfish bastard, ungrateful brat, irresponsible human being, insensitive shit, pathological liar, playboy, unforgiven idiot, loser! ps: if you, yes you, are reading this on his behalf, do let him know. thank you. i was always there for you, whether u needed me or not. i was there to dry your tears, make u smile, tell you that everything wld be okay cos i was there for you, wrote you encouraging notes and 1000 word essays just to tell u how impt u were to me, made time for you to meet u in the midst of exams and stress. until now, after we fell out, i am still here, always been; and always will. but you, you you you, u turned ur back 180degrees away from me. when i needed u to tell me everything will be okay, were u ever there? or were u somewhere else, with someone else, forgetting that actually u needed to spare a thought for me? is this too much of me to ask this of u? after ALL the f***ing times i was there for u to sacrifice my time, money, health and give all my love care, concern and genuine friendship, is all this still not good or impt enough to at least make u look back and care bout me like you used to? yah, i said it, USED TO. or is it because ur heart is so numb to these emotions due to 'you-know-who' in the 'you-know-what-you-said' sms? maybe maybe it'c cos of that you-know-who, but then again, miss you-know-who, is not in this picture. well maybe she affected the outcome of the picture to a massive scale, ultimately u were the one who decides. yah, i sound harsh. but i think ive kept it in too long.
i'm forced to fake a smile a laugh everyday of my life..
because of you i find it hard to trust
not only me but everyone ard me.
because of you i am afraid..
because of you i try my hardest just to forget everything;
because of you i don't know how to let any one else in.
because of you i'm ashamed of my life, cos it's empty..
now i know why. i won't let myself cause my heart so much misery. it's been because of him, that i've given up believing in friendships; it's cause of him tt's caused me to shut myself away from others and build imaginary walls that noone can get through; cause of him i've lost all hope, not believing tt miracles exist; cause of him tt i feel so bare and broken inside, like noone wld care again. because of what? because of you that's what. well listen up and listen up good ; i will not bare my soul into you and i will not let u take advantage of me, or get a hold of my emotions. nononono. let's just say even when i miss you hell lot, i'll try my utmost best to keep the comments to myself ; rather than let u know and get screwed up cos of u're cruel and cold words. anyway u'd nt want to hear them anyway wld u? i promise i'll stiill be here for u anytime. the least i ask, at least be sincere and real to me. no masks, please.
__________________________________________________________________
then again on a lighter note, WELCOME BACK FROG! :D certainly missed you!
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10:44 AM
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
these were taken on sat.
DEREK, JANET & CO. are LOVE! ;D
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7:01 PM
i currently working now, but i've cleared most of the stuff so i'm trying to catch a breather by watching the video of me, babe, jho, yeanjun and liying at the carpark opp school on my birthday doing stupid things and singing "AIIIII QIIIING, bu guo shi yi zhong.." and getting like super high just doing crappy stuff. and i couldn't help but laugh at how innocent and naive and smooth everything went. it was like the most enjoyable birthday yet; celebrating with the ppl i ADORE (and i still do okay) and just having fun and laughing over the little thing like how the air smelt that day. (: then tears just started to fill my eyes as i watched with a wide smile on my face - things are really different now i guess, really really different. i missed how we used to do stupid things and hang out at pure stupid places like the carpark ( -.- ), and just dun give a damn and how ppl wld look as us as if we were bored and had nth better to do as stupid kids that kinda thing? and i miss how we would wait for each other after classes and jho would come down from RI to hang out together; and my silly babe wld come with a fever just to celebrate tt unforgettable birthday together with me and they wld buy a huge cake, sit IN the carpark and EAT the cake with a fork digging at the cake all at once. those were the days huh.. ): and they made me extra happy by cam whoring with me on the ROOF. hahaha, super scary. remembber girls? it's been 1+ years already. yet everything is just IN MY HEAD. like it was ytd.
yeanjun, liying, jho, babe: i miss all of u tons. i wish u guys wld spend the rest of my birthdays together (: love you all plenty. hope u're reading this! :D
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3:00 PM
Sunday, November 18, 2007
i bought my black beauty :D :D :D at 15% off! double :D
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9:59 PM
Friday, November 16, 2007
HA-HA-HA-HA-HAPPY DAY :D
HAPPY 2nd YEAR DARLING :D
let the pictures do the talking, collage pls ;D
i need help! i wasn't very happy today due to THREE DUMB reasons.
1) i had the most lovely terrific yet most horrendous and painful meal ever. the food at crystal jade was LOVE, but the newly tightened braces made it horrible ):
2) HEELS! OMG i didn't expect those heels to kill me like they did ): at one point, i took them off and walked bare footed along harbourfront MRT :D
3) NO PROM DRESS BOUGHT! the one i liked was $129! ): the rest not nice not nice. in the pictures the uglier one looks good but in real life i still like my black beauty best. PS: sorry my hair was messed up. i had a hard time trying to put it on :D
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7:00 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
i had fun today :D thanks to my sister. we went to queensway in search for her jersey and cheap buys for my pants. and i did find them! (: she found hers at a good price too :D then i went down to AH (alexander hospital) for a dental check up. and he put the thick bands on the bottom row of my teeth so now its ): HAHAH, but at home at at queensway mall we had fun camwhoring. i made a collage so it wouldn't take up too much space (: TML'S SECOND YEAR! AND I WILL HAVE FUN AND BE HAPPY. JHO, listen to that. HAHAHAHAH! :D here's a smile for you.
the end;
PS: sister is love :D
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8:50 PM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
" All i can say is, i have forgotten. Totally. "
thanks. you offically made it the worse day of my life on the 13th Nov. but it's okay, i'll try my best to hate you while i love you. cos i'm no longer who i used to be. cos u, you killed me. and u did it without even having a tinge of emotion, or concern. HEARTLESS CREATURE! but why can't i hate you? and i still can't. but don't worry. i guess u wouldn't receieve smses from me anymore, cos since u've moved on, found your perfect partner, i guess u don't need me anymore. i used to send u those smses, those encouraging shit, and the smiles that went with it so that it would make u smile, cheer u up, keep you going. cos i thought u needed me but boy was i wrong. not only did u NOT need me, u detest me. so well, what for let myself continue to be degraded by you? i'd rather share and give some of the love to my other friends who need them more than you do. HAHAHAHAH! see, i'm so happy. cos i have friends like jeanette, henzy, my beloved sister, frog frog, and ALOT OF OTHER AWESOME ppl who are WORTH my love care and concern. right guys? aw, ain't it so awfully sad? that u've finally found your perfect partner, who'd be ever so loyal, sincere, generous and all? that's great! BE HAPPY FOREVER! HAHAH! DO YOUR BEST! the one at a loss is you, not me! " it really affected him.." zhiyu told me that? HOHOHOH! guys, honestly, do u believe it? it affected him? it affects him? i mean, guys have such POOR memory that they tend to forget certain events ): that's freaking sad isn't it? SIGH. oh well..
on a lighter note, sister went to work with me today (: and we laughed at a 'particular' event until my stomach cramped. and we saw photos in my dad's office that were WAY past time (: PRESENTING TO YOU, our BEFORE, an AFTER (:
HOORAYS! (: i am happy. GET THAT :D
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8:35 PM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
so much to say, but where do i start? would u listen if i spoke from my heart? it's simple stupid things that keep us apart and u know it doesn't have to end this way.. don't let me go, not when i'm this low. why can't we talk about it, why can't we figure it out? u make me think i've got this feeling for you. i've tried so hard why won't you listen to me? cos we can make it we can see this through so let me start by telling you tt i've built walls around my heart that would only break apart for you.
i'm on my break today, since ytd i was complaning to my boss a.k.a my dad that the WHOLE DAY from 8.30am - 5.30pm i was just doing NOTHING and wasting time so i didn't see a point to ask me go work and in the end i slack. so since he had nth for me to do, i stayed home and slept (x
and just nice when i'm home finally to accompany me beloved sister, she go out ): so i'm pretty much really bored now listening to songs on my playlist and letting my mind and thoughts run wild, again. :/ no life right? )': but looking forward to this friday 16 NOV cos it's our SECOND YEAR ANNIVERSARY! (: haha :D and both of us will take leave to just hang out and bask in each other's presence. oohh my, so mushy :X updates later.
PS: i hate lizards.
my God is an awesome and real God.
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1:50 PM
Monday, November 12, 2007
fugfugfug! i really don't need ur lousy sympathy! and i really don't need both of u to gang up on me and make my heart spin round and round again only having it return to the original position or maybe, worse. why don't we just leave things as they are instead of forcing them to move in a direction tt both parties are so unwilling; unwilling in the sense that i dunneed false love or care from him when neither does he wanna be nice to me in the 1st place! so please, STOP MAKING MY HEART HURT LIKE IT ALREADY IS NOW! i know it's all supposed to end up nice and fine and dainty but i've accepted it! i've excepted that he's just gonna hate me, misunderstand me misjudge me and hurt me forever and ever! i've accepted it as it is already so please! STOP. i dun need this awfully plastic treatment. if it all is gonna end up this way so be it! i rather have that than to have someone who makes empty promises and someone who chooses to turn his back whenever he wants!
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2:21 PM
when u're working, and there's nothing to do, you go online, and talk until u go cuckoo :D presenting you the cast SPONGBOB round underwears (x how lame can the LEE family get?
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1:30 PM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
foolish heart, looks like we're here again
same old game of plastic smile;
don't let anybody in
pretty self explanatory i guess. i always find myself going in circles, round and round. and once again, find myself playing the same old game of hide and seek with no one other than myself.
living a charade, always on parade
what a mess i've made of my existence
what a nice phrase isn't it? few words speak levels. i suddenly remember the reason why the picture of my blog is as such. cos i'm never seen without my mask, the happy, silly, cheerful to many, hannah. it isnt exactly what i want to be, or who i really am. but somehow over the long years, the mask has become part of me. and i only find myself lost and.. just lost. trying so hard to find myself again, but that mask just remains. i don't want ppl to see the ugly me, don't want to affect ppl with my moods and my emotional twists and turns. ): but it's so hard maintaining that front when hardly anyone knows how i'm feeling.
but you see, the real me
hiding in my skin
broken from within
unveil me,
completely
i'm loosening my grasp
there's no need to mask my fraility
cos you see, the real me.
but thank God, cos he's always been beside me even through the times i've struggled to be the real me. and He's been there to hold me even when i'm loosing grip.
wonderful, beautiful
is what you see, when you look at me;
you're turning the tattered fabric of my life
into a perfect tapestry.
wait for when the time is right, and allow God to make me into his art, flawless and beautiful. that's who i wanna be. as for the mask, let's just talk about it another time alright. oh well.
suddenly, he left. suddenly our promise of love has gone. suddenly, breathing seem so hard to do. carefully you planned it, but i got to know just a minute too late. now i understand it, all the times we shared joy together, you were thinking of something else. BUT i ain't gonna show no weakness. i'm gonna SMILE and tell the whole world i'm fine and keep my senses, but deep down when no one can hear me, i'll be crying for you. why do i love you, don't even want to. why do i lvoe you like i do, like i always do? u should have told me, why did u have to be untrue? can't go back can't erase, your smiling face.. i can't think of nothing else but you. sorry.
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8:34 PM
Friday, November 09, 2007
it's my first day at work! (: haha, i'm at office working for my dad who gav me stuff to do and now tt i've finished i'm slacking till like 6 until mom comes to pick me ): hard to earn money ah! the place is so quiet until it really freaks me out! even typing now feels so loud can :/ bored bored and more bored.
i wonder what jho's doing now. and i miss home ):
edited at 9.38pm;
i hate how i feel now. i guess now u're alot better off? and i dun really like the fact tt now i'm not the one who can make u smile, nor the one u wld sms when u needed someone. i don't think i needed to know about all the things both of u did together and how 'loving' u guys were. well fact is, i am jealous happy. and i dun really like it, cos i still wished i was still the one who stood beside u through the ups and the many downs like i used to. now it's different, u're smiling; but the person who makes u smile, is not me. i don't know whether to consider myself fortunate or not. cos at the very least i don't have to be put through the emotional stress u throw at me when u're nice one moment and nasty the other. at least i dun have to cry late into the night by myself to comfort myself with no one else hearing my cries. but now, it feels like part of me is gone. and when i wanna cry cos of things at home or with darling and stuff, i don't get to call you or talk to anyone; cos i knew u would be the only one who'd understand me. so now, i feel so alone, so terribly alone. suck, i hate emo-ing. but it doesn't mean i have a choice have i? not when i need to put on happy fronts till late into the night where i can think bout u with all my strength and all my might untl my heart feels like it's been overworked ): and it doesn' feel that good. SIGH, with a heavy heart i end off, cos i dun really wanna flood the post with all the emo shit. i just really hope it'll all be over soon. i swear i'll be crying at altar call tml. ): i'm just waiting, waiting till the day when u realise that u still need me. ): sigh. i miss don't miss you.
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3:18 PM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
; you and me = L.O.V.E
today my plans were screwed ): cos chinatown did not have the clothes i wanted and babe cldn't come because he didn't get enough rest and i didn;t wanna tire him out. but in any case he's here now and i'm loving it. PHOTOS ;D i did manicure for him, enjoy.
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anyway ytd we went to our neighbour's hse and played with her cute baby FAYE, nice name right? (: (: (: so gorgeous, and her hse is FANTASTIC ;D pictures will be added on when windows live stops being irritating and lag-ish. LOL :/ which may take quite a long time -.- so yes, since the place was gorgeous with good lighting and all, we took photos :X (while waiting, it's been half an hour)
psJHO: thanks for misunderstanding me again, but please don't drag her into this. it has absolutely nothing to do with her in the first place. misunderstand me if u must, just don't go ard brainwashing ppl to believe i am the person u think i am purely becos i am not who u think i am. have your fun and hopefully in the nezt couple of months u'll see how much u've misunderstood me. anyway i can't believe u would think i even was such a person after we shared our past together being each other's soul mate an bestfriend. what made u think ive changed? cos i havent. yes i still cannot let go (at all) but i dun want our misunderstandings to affect other people who are not involved in this at all. i don't expect an apology anyway, just hope u come to see the light. and again, this is my blog. i don't think i have to state word for word who refers to who and which line refers to which person. my blog, my own style, my feelings. so please don't assume it's all bout her cos apparently, it's not. so kudos for making my life that more difficult for me to wait, again. for how long i don't know, i just hope it's really soon. i dont hate u, neither do i to her. we're friends, and will always be.
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4:44 PM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
i'm angry :/ pretty much cos apparently this idiot has been discrimitating our Christian faith.
that aside today is the 1st daywithout books and letters and notes and all HURRAY ;D just slacking today MUAHAHA (: oh, and
praise God! tham had a testimony to share too, proves how wonderful our God is (;
ps: thanks for replying last night, though it was not so much of a nice sms 'what do u want me to do?' but thanks for replying. now u got me on my knees, tell me, just tell me anything.
more updates later (: just, bored :/
(edit-ed at 7.52pm)
stop ignoring me, stop pushing me to my limits, stop trying so hard to erase everything when u and i both know that we can't! and i'm not exactly glad that she's in the picture either okay! though i'm still trying my best to be super nice to her and still ACT like i'm her good awesome friend that would be there for her and blah blah NO I'M NOT! i literally hate her! and though i tell myself oneday i will delete all the msgs in my inbox, that i'll burn and tear all the letters u've sent apart, that i'l dump all the presents and drawings you given me ; i havent. i want to tell you that i'm over you. but as much as i want to say that, i just can' find the courage and the strength to. i hate how i always allow myself to be drawn to read those smses again and again, to flip through the letters and cards nd just stone at the presents and let myself go on a rollercoaster ride all over again. i sound like i loser don't i? but which girl can force themselves to forget a past that was so..bittersweet. DAMN! fagfagfag! take that.
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12:51 PM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
O LEVELS ARE
O-V-E-R. AHHH woo! i just felt like screaming everything out now that all of it is over and done with. hurrays ;D i just got back from watching 'the game plan' with mei starring DWANEtherockJOHNSON.
it's a nice show worth watching (: sisterhooding time man HAHA ;D
and we took pics in the toilet cos i think we look super slim there ;X
nice mah nice mah? HAHA, then at 1st we were supposed to go down to church for rehearsals for Christmas event so after the movie we called mum who then told us that there was not such thing cos apparently no one called anyone yet. pass the info on people! ;) so dang dang DANG! we gotta wait till like sunday for the next rehearsals ;( but good thing is i can go have dinner with babe and his mom since she invited me since Os are good good good over. YAY :D :D :D
anyway i got testimony to share! thanks to everyone who prayed for me during fuel, during service, personally prayed and all everyone who wished me good health ;D GOD IS GOOD. i went to doctor tay ytd at night after my paper cos the pain had spread downwards and was starting to affect my neck, so yah i went there for another check up since i think the previous doctor was a screw up ;X so i went there yarde yarde, and then guess what, she diagnosed me and thank God it was thyrogloso cist however the heck u spell that so yah, no surgery! but i'm still on two antibiotics thats making me feel equally sick and weak ): so keep praying for speedy recovery :D yay, MEET UP PEOPLE, date me ;)
sub-post: when is this all going to end, i never changed and i never will. i'm still me, so come back, will you?
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3:44 PM
Monday, November 05, 2007
YAWNS! (: i just woke up from my nap haha.
AND Os are just ABOUT TO OVER! ;D :D :D tml's just MCQs lah, dumb right? and i'm really like partying and playing nonsense and everything everything. WOO! ;) so ppl pls feel very very free to date me for lunch dinner or breakfast! :D awesome. oh the first on my list is my sister luh! movies TML riiiigght after my paper!
okay, i'll add some pictures to make the post look more lively. (: the title is ; CAMWHORING WITH DEREK AND VAL. ;D
i love them to bits ;D canwhoring is fun!
subpost: i wished you knew how it feels like to be ignored by u and knowing someone is getting in between us making matters worse. sorry, again for things i did not do, or things u thought i did. why did I let myself believe miracles could happen? cos now I have to pretend that I don't really care. i thought u were my fairytale; but i guess everyone else could tell that i confused my feelings with the truth. i thought u felt it too, when i liked the view of me and you. i miss you, alot.
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12:52 PM
Friday, November 02, 2007
& sometimes i wonder whether u really meant all you said. whether u still remember the promises u've made, whether u still would think bout us time to time, whether u still wanted us back at the back of your head. friends? what are friends? sometimes i wonder whether any of them remember the times i've been there for them , or remembered that i was the only one who remmebered their birthday, the only one who was there for them when they complained that no one else did, whether they remember the promises 'i'll always be there for you'. so fake huh, so fake. u dunno how much i've sacrificed for u ppl. even when my moods are like LOWLOWLOW, and when i CRCRYCRY i still cheer u up, 'it's gonna be alright.' who's there to tell me it's alright when i need someone? friends? hur, i rather have God. it's really irritating, to want someone to care and they just won't. and they doubt your sincerity! oh my, some friends huh. i want to hate you, i really do but i can't stop loving u and missing u either. if it helps, i'm sorry. for whatever i did not do that u think i did, and sorry that u misunderstood me when i thought u knew what sort of person i am inside out. i don't wanna forgive u, cos it's not my fault and it never was. u were the one who chose to dump me, throw me away, use me, toy with my feelings, play stupid games like ignoring me and the next moment u tell me u miss our past, when u wanna use me as a buffer to ease ur pain when u caused so much hurt to me that u'll never know!
; and i wish u were still here with me.
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9:14 PM
HANNAH IS BACK!
finally, it's friday. and Olevels end on tuesday! (: so i can FINALLY blog, can FINALLY meet ppl up, can FINALLY have fast food and the best thing of all is to praise God without worries and stress. well though things have really been really bad bad bad these weeks and alot alot more, but oh well, i think God will see me through, no wait. he WILL. (;
well today i finally got to meet my darling after getting separated for so long. he started work already so today he decided to treat me to pasta mania for dinner. YAYS ;) so i'm uber stuffed now and bored. :X and i miss him alot. heh. now just waiting for his work to end in another 20+ days, get his pay, bring me shopping and spend everyday together. HAHA hoorays ;D
but right now it's like i'm having mood swings, high and lows ); past few days i was talking to ppl namely henzy, brian and nicol and all of them were having problems too. and i was having problems of my own HURHUR. like stupid problems, no they aren't stupid they're impt problems that NEED to be solved or it's like the end of my life. SIGH, i'm just glad i don't have to worry bout Olevels now that they're gonna be over. so it's time i put my energy on the other stupid things i have to worry about instead of relaxing. *wails*
oh in addition to all the dumb things, today i went to see doctor in between break time between bio and phy paper. cos lumps appeared on my neck area at the midline wherever that is and doctor said it's either the inflamation of my lymph nodes in that area, or it's some cist that will need to be surgically removed cos my thyroid thingy or something to do with that never develop properly and left cells there to form lumps. URH, i really dun wanna go under the knife ;( thinking bout it already causes goosebumps to sprout on my skin. GOD! please keep me in prayer friends, hope in this two weeks the anti biotics will do their work and pray that it's just an inflamation! ); i'm super grouchy now. ARH! >;S
sub-post: i never knew our friendship was so fragile, not until today. doubt me if u will. so much for the bittersweet past and the feelings we once shared for each other. again, i did not do anything. though i know u might not read this ever, but thanks for the memories. erase me from your memory, go ahead (oh wait, u've done that already cos i was just your toy, your buffer from the hurt others will cause you). when it's all over and done with, the truth will be out. i won't hate you. i just don't love you no more, i guess.
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7:38 PM
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hannahlee
