I'm afraid, so afraid.
It was granddad's birthday ytd, and all of us headed over to give him a probably last celebration last night. There was food, noise, laughter and all the things that the family has. Yet, he could hardly lift his head up, he never made a noise or said a word. Even when we were singing him his birthday song, he could only hear it. It was painful to see my grandma sit beside his bed that the hospital provided and watch him, trying to feed him, trying to talk to him with his head down all along. But we did things as per normal, we bid him goodbye as per normal at around 10 last night and headed home.
Then, what i imagined to happen, happened. At around 2am this morning, he knocked against the mental railing on his bed again and again, trying to wake my grandma up. One by one, he listed down the names and requested for my grandma to call all of them down. He spoke so loudly that my brother could hear so clearly his voice in the background when grandma called. One by one my parents and the rest of the adults went down. They stood in front of his bed, and one by one he spoke to them, giving them last instructions. What shocked me was, he could barely speak nor lift his head, and how could he manage to speak to so many of them, all at once? He told my uncle to learn to be independent, and to call my Dad 'er ge' (second brother). There were previously some disputes and this was the time when my last uncle promised my grandfather to take care of himself and of course my grandma. I was certain something was wrong. It scared me - so were the others. Perhaps this is it. (yet why do i stiAll feel so uncertain and worried?)

So many things have happened over the course of last night. Insecurities were exposed and hearts were in the process of being restored. I looked at my MP3 playlist and listened to 2 songs, "Aimless" and "The Real Me". All the experiences my friends shared sort of brought me back to the past - when all i could do was wallow in self pity, hoping someone would hear me, hoping someone would take me the way i am and love me. I went around searching for love in all the wrong placed, and recieved a lesson learnt. I struggled though the process of losing myself and trying soso so awfully hard to find myself again. At times, i wanted to give up. At times i felt i wasn't worthy of coming back to the altars and into God's embrace. At times i felt so far away that i couldnt feel the love i once experienced anymore. I almost did. But it was at the altars on one particular service that i realised that all along, the one thing i was looking for was given to me by a man i call my father, my friend, and my God. All the love i could ever want, all the things i ever need, He gave and He provided. Never once, did He fail me. Not once, were His plans to hurt me, but they were only to prosper me. Yes there are tmes when i dont understand why He does certain things, yes there are times when i dont see the 'promising future' He has planned for me, sometimes i get angry with Him for leaving me alone and not giving me answers to what im looking for and all - but somehow it all boiled down to one thing - my faith in His love for me. Nope, i dont have a single doubt whatsoever about how real this God is because for sure, i have experienced Him not once, not twice, not three times. All the times i broke down for no reason while doing TAWG, all the times i was hit by waves of emotions - standing at the altars or sitting at the seats crying and crying, being vulnerable and desperate, all the times when i thought when no one was there to catch me He was. Ask around, we dont believe in this thing called God just for the fun of it. Come to experience Him and you'd say the same thing. Though born into a christian family, i challenged this belief - only to find myself wrong time and time again. More than just a religion, christianity is a relationship. I cannot run away from the reality of His unconditional love for me that has also captured the hearts of thousands and millions not only in Singapore, but in the rest of the world. Come to know this one man, that will change your heart forever (:

was that it? I didn't understand, neither did i catch what you meant. In any case, i'm here - through it all; however wrecked you are (:

{edit/ 10.08pm}

He requested to be sent to the hospital now. God, what is it now?
sigh, people people. Adeline, cheer up dear. give you a big hug alright? (: love you! jooteng, i can read u remember? Dont try to kid me and tell me u're okay when you're not yah? cheer up, things will be fine. dont fight it okay? (: justincheong, dearest dearest, what can i say? be strong okay, you are one hell of a fighter. keep going, and if u need me, yeah you sure know where to find me (: love!
好痛，好痛苦。我不责怪你，因为我相信你有你自己的苦中，我了解。只是有时，你让我有种幸福的感觉。可是，我不知道你几时会反过来把所有的幸福夺走。这种感觉很不好受，你知道吗？我不想再受伤。受伤那么多次后，倦了，真的累了；天阿，也该是轮到我被爱了吧？委屈，却不能说。我忍，我忍。告诉我，要我怎么做这一切才会过去？不想再装，也不想再逞强下去了。

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10:26 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA! :D

Hahaha, pon-ed school today with the rest of the W15L clan ;D Hahaha, headed down to IMM with tze to acc him for about 2 hours or so and headed here at aunt's place. Going over later. Screw the hairdresser and the guy who made my lens! My hair's short and straight now :/ BOOO!and the guy who cut my lens cut until so unprofessional! Urgh, to think i trusted them lah! Urgh :/


I dont seem to have a mood to post anything much or lively and sorts. Seems to me after waking up from a fantabulous dream i had last night(wont go into details), to waking up and then realising that actually it was really just all a dream, and it still is. I read, and got all emotion-ful about it. But oh well, you made it all alright again in the end. Still, can't help it. Dont have to worry or be afraid that no one's gonna be there to lie with you and walk with you, cos i will be - if you need me. 不要再伤心了，好吗？我的肩膀和耳朵，会为你而开，会给你靠. 加油，我支持你。

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10:52 AM

Dinner was on last night with Tze again, omg subway xD Hahaha, minus the embarrassing details, we headed home after dinner and had a game with mei at bball court again. Haha, and FINALLY after tons of sms and complaints i met andre ;D Oei you idiot, you promised to give me a hug! Hurhur, now u owe me 2 xD Stupid clumsy old hannah unfortunately sprained her poor thumb, and as a result i feel paralysed. Hahaha okay okay i know im exaggerating but eh! I didn't know i couldnt do so many things without a thumb! :/

Some bitchy faci came to take over Andrew's module cos he's in India. I tell you, this will be the end of my 7 consecutive As for Culture&Aesthetics. Like as if we're darn losers for not being able to pronounce the word 'Aborigines'. It's a norm for the class to talk alot of rubbish and during presentations we add a tinge of humor into the powerpoints but apparently today when the class laughs she gives some spastic face. Urgh :/ And i'm so gonna slap her if she breaks my perfect record for this module. Blah :/

Acapella's on later. Erm, 'She will be loved' song is no where near perfection and it's almost the end of the one month probation. But heh heh, the seniors told me through msn tt i'mone of the good juniors, so keeping my fingers crossed! :X Really do hope i get in, hey after all it is an IG(interest group) and that's where i wanna further my passion for singing. Urgh ;/ I hope we get to dance in July's event :/ It's been awhile since i've dance and im getting a little bit cranky for not dancing so long! D: I wanna dance! D;
I've been reading, you just didnt know it. I dont know how to react to what you're going through now. Should i be happy or sad that things about the things you are going through. I tried warning you before, tried it the hard way tried it the easy way - but it always falls on deaf ears. She doesn't love you; and you fail to see it, even till now. So, what can i say now that things have taken such a sharp turn? As much as i want to encourage you to move on and hang in there, i can't. Yet i dont exactly want to see you waste your life away 'smoking, cutting and crying'. But then again i'm in no postition and of no right to say anything since it'd most probably come across to you both as trying to 'break your r/s'. In any case, best wishes. If you need me, you know where to find me.

Haha (: Not wrong, it was there alright (: Thanks for making my day time and time again.

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1:01 PM

For you loyal readers out there who dont bother tagging at all (hahaha u know who), here's a feast for you! ;D Just figured i'd give some interesting pictures up here to make the blog slightly more lively. I dont know why i suddenly decided to take down the HUGE box on the top of my shelf down. Then i started rummaging through the thousands of memories and saw some that immediately caught my eye. I usually do this once every half a year, and still it's the few same things that i still keep super closely to my heart. Here you go, once in a blue moon you'd see this okay! :D

CAUTION: Images might be disturbing, parental guidance is adviced.

Remember how at one point neo prints and cards like the ones u see below were super 'IN', and think bout it - how we can waste tens of dollars just for a stupid 'edited' photo that we all thought were super cool ;D Hahaha, these are the few (only). Mostly the ones i thought was super nice xD People included of course Alina Regina Liying Yeanjun Nicol & Cang Ning xD SURPRISE SURPRISE! :D Ha, the neos were mostly just ying and chelsea, with occasional clement, joanne and all ;/ Haha, looking at the neo prints i still remember what i wore for certain occasions for certain days like the first time ever i met tze! Woo, i still remember! :D

Hohoho! This is where the fun starts. Look Mom! The Hannah Evolution :D (left to right for both rows)

Hannah at P1, P4, P6, Sec 1, Sec 2 (the most tan period in my life) and last but not least if i'm not wrong, sec3 :D Hahahahahahah! Have a good laugh have a good laugh ;D Awesome. I shall not elaborate more, except that i did not take slimming pills! xD

{edit 1.25pm}Dont think hannah, stop thinking. Nothing's gonna happen, ask your stupid heart to stop beating and ur head to stop thinking cos nothing's wrong and what you're feeling isn't how it seems to be - or is it?

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9:56 AM

OH SHEEER JOY! :D Hahaha! I think mommy went to open the letter box ytd but i didn't bother to look at the letters because i was certain i wouldnt recieve any letters lah, and i'm usu attracted to the packages only xD I saw package on the table, so i took it up and saw my name. "oh" i said to myself. Hahaha, then i saw the teenage logo on the sides, touched touched the contents in the package and said OHMAN! HAHAHAHAH! Then i went hysterical and ripped it apart and there it was, 'Future Mrs Jonas' shirt :DDDDDDDDDD Okay it just completed the morning ;D



Science is killing me and the rest of the class today :X & i'm tired because sis went to stay out till 6am this morning so i was too scared to fall asleep early. Haha, i didn't know waiting for sms replies were so effective in putting you to sleep :X Urgh, i've decided, going to pon class on Friday. Cognitive is a module that kills brain cells, so please feel free to date me on that day ;D Hahaha! Holiday plans are pretty much up. 2 Days go to class chalet, one day for shopping with derek, another with liying, another with yunqi and erm, WHO ELSE?! Dental takes up quater of another day. Oh and parent's day choir also! :D And the last weekend goes to Dad D: Working D: COME ON PEOPLE! DATE ME DATE ME :DDDDDDDDD

Webcam madness with fen today :D Hahaha, science wasn't as hard for me to understand as i expected and i think i did well, A! :D Mad mad mad! :D Then we got into a frenzy of editing photos. Up on friendster! :D



Walked home again with yunqi, siew chong and ju een then found a splendid place to take splendid photos ;D Hahaha ;D That's just about it to sum up the day (:

OEI! Hear this. IMY! Hahahaha! :D & i wanna meet you for dinnnnnner :D

Labels: WYLMITE;

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9:22 AM

What isn't meant to be, will not be.
I couldn't find the ring i had on my finger for two years plus today. (edit/ in the end i did) I dont know, i guess it felt different. Ah hannah, it's time you moved on, took that ring off and get yourself a new one. I've been pushing it back for so long. In feb while i was out with Steven at the IT fair, he accompanied me to look for a 'single-hood ring' at Tiffany & Co. I saw one i liked, but didn't bear to buy it though it wasn't really THAT ex $35. I dont know why i didn't, but i guess i was attached to that ring, somehow. Ah heck, maybe i'd never find it again or maybe i would. Even if i do, the ring doesn't fit anymore. The moment i fling my hand, it just slides off. It seems to mean smth, It just feels very weird to have another kind of ring on my finger, or rather no ring there makes it even worse. I've gotten used to it, just a mere habit tt i'd never leave house without 2 things, my 8 year old cross necklace and my ring. But so be it, let this be a closure. Habits, they are just routines with no feelings to attach, they change. I no longer wanna go care about what the 2 of of you are up to, neither do i wanna be bothered about what kind shit she's doing to you. Nah, go be happy - happier if possible. Bless you.





Webcam madness with bryan ;D Hahaha, we went down to IT help desk to get help with the driver rubbish that has screwed up my com big time and hopefully find answers. The camera is still not working properly! Neither are the hot keys. Boo! D: Screw RP. Bryan's one was fine so we started camwhoring on the webcam with the faci giving us alot of stares when we started doing stupid things and looking at the com going HAHAHAH SHHH SHHH doing weird faces and pointing here and there like :/ You made my 300 mark for the W15L folder :D

Labels: teary eyed/

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9:00 AM

The cell people are meeting up later in the afternoon for a gathering :D Hip hip hooray (:
Lol, i'm watching like MVP Valentine again :/ Crap, it brings back a thousand and one memories, good ones and a whole lot of bad ones. Urgh :/ Updates later! :D
When you feel lost, empty and outta hope, God's there to give you that hand and a heart (: & so am i (:
{edit 8.05pm}
Just came back from a lonely bball game with my sister. Heh, we cancelled our tanning session cos that moron was just plain lazy and soon after the rain started coming. BOO D; Oh, now she claims she's psychotic and that she could tell the rain was coming. WTH :/
Although you dont say much, dont tell me much, i'm trying to listen to you - to feel.

Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Love's not enough when you say it
Don't you know you've gotta mean it
Screwin up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go

Thank you - the you who sent this song (:

& how come i get this feeling like you're pushing me away, further and further day by day? Is it just me, or .. ?

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10:18 AM

Now i know what it means when they say 'mind over matter'. In this case, it's more of 'mind over body'. I was tired, so drained emotionally and physically, but Dad didnt let me sleep in and woke me up at 7.30am this morning :/ I think my eating habits have gotten worse. I dont know, today at breakfast i was so famished, but i seemed to be forcing the food down instead of enjoying eating like i normally do. For the past few meals over the past few days, the food goes in, but doesn't stay in. Urgh :/ I think im dying :X
My soul feels outta my body. Like i'm just going about the routine things and not even know or remember why i did them. As if i was like drifting about and letting things zoom past by me. My mind can't seem to concentrate on whatever i'm doing, just letting my mind throw stupid things at me. I've started my habit of writing again. So, erm, hurray? Wa lau hannah, can you stop it?

PS: Sorry mom, sorry dad, sorry everyone. I know i've not been myself at home. I know i dont talk as much, i know im not as random or foolish, i know my face seems like everything in my life has gone wrong. But dont worry, i will be fine. Im sorry.



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10:00 AM

Tze came to pick me from Yew Tee after Acapella ytd & took a seemingly slow walk back, hung ard at the playground till around 9.45pm, sent him to busstop then went up home (: and he made me happy :D
OH Acapella was good (: Managed to grab 'It's you' hell lot better than the other sops :X I was literally screaming than singing to help them get the key right :/ And then my voice went after that *testing testing*

TODAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZUHRAH & GINA :D

CLASS :D How do u proof that a proof has a proof that support the proof you are trying to prove? - Adham Super rubbish : DDDDDDDDDD
Some of the guys like gerald, junbin, malik and vidura were not ard since it was break time (: But this is still class as awesome as it is! :D :DLol, team said i was um, distracted today? :/ I guess not. 眼眶红红的。

Not heading for Lcell today due to yah, some personal reasons. Hur :X Ke ai! When's our next dinner date? ;( IMY! He's still been calling me and all but boo, havent met up in ages. Hur, army people always so busy, and now with his bike ah, i thought more convenient but seems like it's not it! Hur, hello meet up soon can! It's been like a month or so since or last dinner :/
i think i'm starting a new diary, guess helps me remember more and really express my deepest feelings there. I LOVE YOU. Goodbye, most of my white words ;/ Take my hand and lead me, i will follow..
{edit 7.02pm}Anyway friends, i've moved. New blog. PErsonal updates there. If you think u're close to me enough, ask me for the URL.
i already dont know what to do, how to feel, or how to go on from here.Can you take me by the hand and lead me?

& hannah is falling sick ;/

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9:43 AM

Tze came for dinner ytd :D Hip hip hooray, ended the day just right. Slept pretty 'early' and yah, very tired now. Although today's problem statement is very 'me', it's easy to flow with it but after flowing too much you end up thinking too much :/ Blah, hannah slap yourself. (again)Acapella later, didn't have time to go memorise ' It's You ', but ah heck i'm sure i'll pick up fast enough (: PGC came for lunch today, how awesome to have your pastor grace you at lunch? ;D Hooray for PGC :D

RP Dance Fiesta 28th and 29th May $10, anyone interested to go with me?! :/ I wanna dance my socks off on sunday (: Hooray :D Time for choreography hannah!
And thanks guys for standing up against him and protect the girls (; Love you all :D

*hey bugger, treat him better by all means if you're capable enough. Mom never gave you a name?
When is all of this going to end? Don't leave my heart hanging.

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10:31 AM

Je t'aime not equal ji-ta-meh or ji-ah-meh or ji-ti-anime xD 'Long siah..Long siah!' Hahaha ;D Adham went 'what sia' the whole of ytd till i told him xia in chinese is prawn. So he asked what lobster was and i told him 'long xia', so from then LONG SIA LONG SIA xD Hahaha, and i started jamming with siew chong who's going ji-ta-meh forever and ever. We rapped, danced and was spastic :X Kidnap my heart, take me with you.. xD I'd think i'm gonna die from laughing too much and making my blood pressure rise like sh*t xD *at this point siew chong says: there's shit in your blood pressure. shit blood! dont bleed, hui hen chou.' WA SIAO xD I dont want siew chong in my group anymore.

And hannah did 2 stupid things today. As usual i turn off power supply for my phone charger before i go sleep, and continue charging for half an hour while i prepare myself for school the next day. Then as usual i plucked the charger into my phone and headed on to bathe, dress up and all the usual stuff. After finish doing her stuff, she sat at her bed and watched her phone and constantly check how much batt there is. Then when she decided that the phone is 'charged' enough she bends down to 'turn off' the switch, and then realises she didnt even on it ;/ Wa lau, so my phone wasnt being charged at all :/ Okay fine. Then during lunch just now i tried taking off the lid of my cup of pepsi and then i slide my finger across to open it, then i felt pain - thanks ah, i got a long cut :/

Stomach still feeling grumpy, i had two fried dumplings for lunch and a cup of pepsi and tt's it, like wth i dont normally eat SO little :/ But hannah has lost weight again (: Ah, math is super draining today. Back to ppt D; Updates later! Think i'll dump in some pictures (: TILL LATER!

{edit 6.01pm}
LIN YUN QI, you moron. SSSSSSSSS MMMMMMMMMM LLLLLLLLLLL xD Hahaha, i know you love my nudges. Oh so sad, no more same group. Dont worry you shit, i will nudge u everyday until u die of nudges. HAHAHA, L for love!

Joo, kan kai yi dian (: Dont worry, that's the price you need to pay for friendship. I'm here if you need to talk (: Jiayou jiayou! And dont die your hair or it'll turn to hay x/ Hahaha see you tml thanks for walking home with me today, as usual : D

我不想依赖你，可是好像已经开始了。可以不要走吗？To be honest, i'm unsure of how you feel. I don't know if you're even sure of how you feel. Ah heck, shut up hannah. Seriously, you're being too insecure.Hannah Lee, where's your confidence gone? Come on, go kiss some ass ;X
Hey, thanks (:

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11:01 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! I LOVE YOU! :D

Anyway my silly mom forgot to bring the most impt thing to work today - her laptop. So i had to drag myself to lot 1 carrying 2 laptops and yah. So i met joo and mun yew at cck instead, since they were there already. Thanks for waiting for me guys, sorry we had to chiong to school in case we were late. And thanks joo for offering for the first time to carry my laptop (: Aw, you're a nice guy now. Hahaha ;D
School was, tiring - SCIENCE :/ Skipped break 1 and had like soup for break 2 and now my stomach is like crap but i still dont feel like eating ;X Ah ha, because of this hannah has already lost 1.5kg xD Okay anyway we chionged our ppt last minute cos our group full of slackers and i was busy working on 'something'. Heh ;X SIEW CHONG! Break my heart :X Hahaha, singing Tao Ze's 爱我还是他, and everytime i sang he'd say '他 lah 他 lah' Idiot :/ Hahaha stupid. Break my heart ah, from today dont need to talk to me and tag along liao, and no more sitting beside me. Hur xD Hahaha ;D Walked with bryan, adham and ade, trained with adham and felt a litte lonely despite all the company. Home now, went to get cake for mummy and ta-da blogging! Even before i do my RJ, like :/ Hur.

I'm glad i woke up last night (; Thank you for that story, put a smile on my face when i slept. Know what? Je t'aime (:

When will you stop possessing that ability to put either a smile or a tear on my face? The things u say never seem to be enough, not just enough to put me to sleep. Somehow only after hearing things i wanna hear, then i'd be able to fall asleep :/ Can it not be like that? Urgh ;/ IMYIMYIMYIMYIMYIMYIMYIMYIMY D; I think i really do.

Labels: it's a constant struggle everyday ;

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1:39 PM

Holiday! (: Just came back from the hospital again and had lunch and all. Hopefully going to play bball later with sister and her friends, and hopefully i get a tan ;D Let's see how far i can blog first :/ Urgh, mom forgot to make an appt for me to cut hair today so in the end, the irritating hair is still here! :/ Oh, we went to bukit batok to get food just now and i bought a new anna sui wallet :D Heh, it's a fake xD But im still happy (:

{edit 3.37pm
Whoa, it was HOT :/ I sat there for about 1 hour, and gave up :/ And i already got a mild tan :/ Heh : D Oh well, seems like past few days have been eating alot lesser. My stomach seems to refuse food, though it's super hungry. Stayed up till about 1 while tossing in the bed replying random smses and thinking (too much) and then Dad woke me up at 8 to go hospital again :/ I'm too tired, too messed up, too strained, thinking too much for myself to let myself eat like i normally would. On the other hand, it's a good thing to be able to lose weight :X

NICHOLAS WAN - Go away, stop being psycho and irritating. Stop texting me and ask me to talk to you, dont ask if i have a boyfriend and please, i wont be ur gan mei or whatever sh*t. And, i am NOT free - never free for you moron! Urgh! Dont assume i agree to whatever you say and 'take it as you're my gan mei & call you later' just because i dont reply. Dont push your luck. I've been nice for 3 years now, dont pester me anymore, please?

6.38am - i jerked awake in my bed and stared blankly in the air, asking myself whether what happened last night was a dream. Slapped myself a couple of times, then smiled to myself. Slapped myself again, then went to sleep. No, it wasn't just another perfect dream, it was the perfect reality (:
8am - Woke up again just to make sure when i woke up the previous time, it wasn't a dream. Just to be sure?

梦希望没有尽头
我们走到这就好
因为我不想太快走完这幸福

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1:04 PM

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8:02 AM

FRIDAY

Heading down to church later as usual and im sure it'll go just fine (: Hopefully we morons get to hang out again tml, plans to be confirmed! : D

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11:44 AM

Tired, like seriously. Class was seriously low morale-ed today. I guess somehow it all affected everyone, one after another. Came in dragging my feet, with a yawn almost every minute. Then it got Ade in, the Li Fen, then the guys and now the whole class is like :/ Arh. There’s still Acapella later, and i can barely open my eyes :/

Maybe like all of them said, it's time i chose to let go. Haven’t slept in 2 long days, thought about alot of things, and questioned God about why all of this is happening. We’ve tried t speak to him about God, but somehow he still refuses to accept it. Free will, free will. Yet this free will might just take someone dear and precious to me, to suffer in eternity. I know all this sounds crazy at this moment, but you’re not me, you don’t believe in the things i do. & if you do, you’d understand how painful it is. God, i’m sorry. Besides praying and warring for him to have the slightest belief, i will lift it up to You for You to handle. Whether or not he makes it, whether or not i would take it like it is, whether or not whatever happens, Lord, take control. Then again everytime i see the photographs, everytime i remember what happened and how we handled it, everytime i see the smses, there’s a burden on my heart. God, take it all away.

Gin dear, if you're reading this, thank you (: I will be strong, i promise.

To my special girl:(After rounds and rounds of crying, there's always a time to stop, and look at what you can do, to make the situation better. If there is a way, go all the way to do that. at least tat will make u happier. if there is no way to change the situation. make the best out of it. i know it's easy to say things, then to do it. and i can tell you exactly how it feels to have someone you loved dearly, in between life and death. But there is always a breaking point to something. Give yourself a pat on your shoulders, and say 'tmr will be a better day'. What you can do is to let him know that you'r there. hold him. and talk to him. be strong, dont cry. hospital is too dull to shed more tears. make it a brighter place with your lovely smile. and m sure he will feel that. he will feel your love for him. and he will be happy inside.. ps: you'r a strong girl, i'v always believe that. where's your laughter gone to?)

I LOVE YOU (:

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4:44 PM

No, don't take him away.

Labels: thank you all ;

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8:48 PM

JEANETTE(in green), ALICIA(in black) & CHARISSE my lovely dancers (: Although we havent talked or danced for quite a long time, i wouldnt be able to do without you girls. I will STILL and always remember how when i felt so alone, so unworthy of God, you girls were there to meet my needs, talk to me, share with me stuff that kept me going. Really, it was alot to do with that short session that most of u might not remember that helped me to pull through one of the toughest seasons in my life. And of course in dance without you it'd just be different. Dance would totally not mean the same anymore. and sorry char! i couldn't find a photo with u :/

TZE WEN :D Surprise suprise! First time appearing on my blog as a dedication :D Hahaha, everytime after i hang out with u and stuff, i always feel like it was so random how we met and somehow i can't help but think that God had planned for us to meet one way or another :/ I knew him through skype :/ Five years ago he typed in a random number and it so happened to be mine. Then again he was differnt from other guys. He wasnt looking for chio bus online and having like ill intentions and stuff. We talked casually for about 3 days and then he decided to meet up. First time ever i agreed to meet someone totally stranger to me. Met at PS arcade I STILL REMEMBER. Then walked around, awkward at first then slowly he flooded me with rubbish. Figuring he would probably not meet me up again because yeah perhaps he didnt figure i was the photo-look alike :/ But we continued hanging out! And just more than that, he has been there when i was quarelling with xuan and how awfully i cried. Hahaha he's the first guy i cried in front of while talking to him on the phone. Horrendous & embarrassing. But he was still there and entertain me, confort me cheer me up and all (: So thank you! More than just that the friendship is growing after 5 years when it all started with a random number! Awesome? YES! :D I APPRECIATE U TZE! :D WEDNESDAYYYY which is like tml? (:

JOOOOOOOOTENG D; Hahaha ;D Moron i dont know why im posting a dedication to you but ah heck, u flood me with too much rubbish that i just had to lah xD Yay thank God this friendship is becoming alot more like a friendship instead of awkward silence when we walked to school in the beginning, the long pauses walking back to W1 on first week of school and the long dreadful walks back home ;X Used to be! Hahaha, now it's different lah right cos of all your rubbish. Tsk, it's like u can blabber bout anything non stop from dogs to cats to girlfriends to prince of tennis to fat people to sheep and more rubbish. Hahaha, and i just play along and entertain u huh, how nice xD Please be smarter okay & stop being emo hahaha be nicer too! Then again, you're an ugly monster but OH WELL it's okay im sure we all still love you (i hope) xD Hahaha okay enough of suans, thanks for the friendship, i appreciate you (:

PEOPLE WTHOUT PICTURES, cos i'm just lazy :/

BRIAN KOR (: Hey, i miss you! Thank you for always amking time to make sure i'm alright and though u MIA for awhile cos u're busy i know u still care and love me. I love you too kor i dont get enough chances to say this but u know i do (: For all you've done, i thank God for bringing you into my life. MUUUUAH (:

TIMOLTHY! Dadddeee, you moron in army still can text me. Dont be stupid and get lost in the jungle okay xD Thank you for the late night chats and the random texts u send (:

JUNJIE! EH! Havent forgotten you you awesome friend that knows my secrets and never fail to cheer me up. WO AI NI :D

YANG :D I still remember my birthday surprise! :D LOVE YOU TOO :D

ANDRE & ALINA for u know what (: For the memories and even bringing forward the friendship till now (:

SENIORS OF RP & LUNCH GANG : DDDDDDDDDD All you awesome fun people never fail to make me happy and EVERYTHING, just amazing. I miss all of you. Without u guys RP just SUCKS! Thanks for making me feel at home with like the best company in school! :D

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IM BRAIN DEAD. This is really tiring. Forgive me if i've missed you out, it'llbe edited and updated soon (: &&&&& im happy justin cheong msged and made me happy and promised to meet up (: LOVE!

Thank God for all the friendships he has blessed me with thus far (:
When everything fails, i know i can count on you ;

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9:39 AM

LIYING! :D You know why you're first? COS I LOVE YOU! Except for you, the rest are in random order! See, you're THAT impt (: First of all, thank you. When i think of all the hell & heaven we've been through, i think it explains our tight bond today - when i can predict your reactions, your next move, even before u call me on the phone i knew u would. I can never hide any secret from you and that's how much you mean to me. The shit times are over now, and i also thank you for trusting me even when there was so much going on that would potentially harm our relationship. Thanks for making me cry, laugh and go nuts for you lah! You rubbish! xD You never fail to make me wanna hang out with u every every day (: I LOOOOOVE YOU and you know it lah! Eh im really thankful that even after we split class in sec 3 and after i graduated from KSS that we can still talk rubbish and share things with one another and still be so tight! :D This is why i love you! :D Really really really thank God for answering my prayers and blessing me with a friend like you. AGAIN I LOVE YOU! (can't seem to say enough huh)


DEEEREK LEEE :D You my bestest godbrother : DDDDDDD I think God really forgot to put u into my mother's stomach lah! D; Urgh. But still! I'm glaaaad u're still my brother somehow xD I think i've told you thousand and one times how much i love you and how impt u are to me so i shan't elaborate! Hahaha nah, it's my pleasure. Thanks deee! Even though we only see each other once a week, somehow the bond still continues to grow (: From acting together in Played Out last year to our amazing God-given friendship now, i really wanna thank you for so much u've done! For always willingly letting me call u to rant and stuff, yet at the same time u slap me in the face without making me loose my ego & till now u're still e only one capable of that. I LOVE YOU DEEEREK! :D You're definitely my gift from God (:

MONSTER BEL & CHEL xD You know of all the 200 over photos we took, i decided to take a nice photo and post it this time compared to the 1001 spastic photos we have lah :D Just wanna say, above all the things that have happened over the past year, you girls are still very dear to me and i wouldnt trade u for nuts! (: Love you both, thanks for adding so much colour into my life (: I promise, through the ups and downs, i'd be there (:

Next, my DEEELIA (: Although our friendship was sorta stagnant over the few years, i'm really thankful that i've got u in my cell and that we could rekindle that friendship again! :D Thank you for being the best shopping girlfriend ever and of course all the silly times we had in cell and ouuta cell :D I looooove youu! Let's keep praying that our friendship will continue to grow and i'm sure it will cos i dont wanna loose you again. Aw, sounds mushy? Cos i love you lah! (: I promise i'dbe there for u tooo okay! WO AI NI DEEEELIA :D


JANET & ALISON :D Silly gong gongs never fail to make me happy and always there to support me no matter what. LOVE YOU BOTH TO DEATH RARRRR : D


YTSS BOYS & GIRLS:
Although we're from different schools altogether, it's been amazing how i've come to bond with you guys so much that i feel like betraying KSS and become a YTSSian :D You guys not only brought so much joy to my life, i think without you guys in church and dinner every sat, there'd be something special missing. You guys are my siblings God forgot to give me and i love every single one of you through the ups and the downs (:

*Special mentions from the YTSS group

(left to right) HANNAHOO & SHAUNICE TEN! :D U favourite girls make me happy just blogging bout you both (: What can i say? You 2 know it yourself that i love you. Hannah, you've just been an awesome hannah! :D Hahaha hooray :D I think i did a dedication for u on ur birthday quite recently so except for I LOVE YOU, i dont know what else to say! :D Shaunice, another awesome leader (: I also did dedication too on ur birthday so yes again nothing to say except I LOVE YOU TOO! Thank you both for everything, for supporting me ALWAYS, always being by my side to hand me tissues, hug me and pray for me and encourging me, letting me blabber my secrets too and all. LOVE is an understatement when it comes to you both (:

From left to right (both rows): NAT, KEN, JON OH & BEST(chinrong)!

NAT! :D Thank you for being that aweeeesome friend that i could share my deepest secrets with! For always being there to cheer me up, for always being there to cheer me on, for being there to let me know that you'd be there for me, for always making me laugh, for always heading home with me and for so much more you've done, THANK YOU (: As promised, you know im here for you anytime! I know i dont say this often but i love u too nat :D

KEN! (: Haha, i'd never forget you! All the times you were there to speak to me bout things, to share stuff with me, to encouraging me when i was at my lowest, to making sure i was doing okay to the so many things we've been through - the many ups and downs. I think without you then things would be different so once again i thank God for you and i always will (:

JON OHHHH! :DDD You funny person never fail to comfort me with your frequent calls and your classic ' dont worrry lahhhhhh. think postitive. Can one, nothing one ' (: I've said this a thousand times and i'll say it again, thank you for EVERYTHING! really like omg, you've done so much i dont know where to start. Haiya, for being there for me, helping me through ANY problem i have and making me laugh like crap. I LOVE YOU! (:

BESTFRIEND TAN CHINRONG :DDDDDDDD Ahhhhh! I LOVE YOUUUU! :D Dont complain bout the picture i think it's nice xD Hahaha, i cannot thank God enough for sending such a random bestfriend to me! (: All your hilarious nonsense, your any-oh-how random frights you give me and all the times u were there to cheerme up and to encourage me to move on despite alot of odds. Everyone knows how much i love u so ah, save some space for the rest ah xD

ESTHER(bloood sister) MEI AH MEI AH! :D I say this very often lah but you always give me the -.- face. THEN AGAIN you know i still love you lah moron! :D You may not know this but in Lcell and stuff i always share bout how much i thank God for you. Really! I love you okkkkkay (: Thank you for always caring so much about me however way u show it (: I still appreciate it alot aand i really treasure the sisterly bond we have now considering we never had it before (: And we have so many photos i dunno whcih to post lah! SOOO MANY :D BUT I LOVE YOU! :D

W15L! THE BEST BUNCH EVER! Short and sweet, you guys ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS make my day (: Thank God i landed in such an awesome class like this! To think on the first day i was complaining bout how much RP sucked ;D Hahahah love you all! :D

DE QIANG a.k.a KE AI a.k.a XIAOQINGWAH! Woohoo, when are u coming to pick me up in your chio bike! :D hahahaha! Too many things to say bout you. But still thanks for your calls, smses, meetups, dinner and ice cream and so many things. It means ALOT to me and i cant tell u how much i appreciate this special friendship we have. WO AI NI OKAY :D Jiayou in camp and call me soooon! :D

LEADERS -Andy & Eileen. Without you both i'll be nothing. Thank you for investing so much time into my life to make sure i grow in the Lord and make sure things that are wrong in my life are made right (: Thank you so much for believing in me even when i didn;t deserve it and always being there like 24/7. I think God placed you both in my life for a significant reason and really, i thank God for u both (: LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU x10000000 :D

MY not-so-complete CELL :D Ah, the people i spend every saturday with. The people who always stand by me through thick or thin and makinglife so much more bearable for me. Let's all keep growing inthe Lord and i love you alL! :D

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Heck okay this is only part 1. I've already spent alot of time already tm's UT need to study! (: Part 2 tml promise! :D

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7:55 PM

Hohohoho, tze was talking to me on the phone last night making me super super high and then he was sick and all i could just tell from hearing him and tt made him shocked, like wth :/ Lol, SCIENCE is boring! Looking forward to wed's bball with tze and ying, and thurs acapellaaa :D As for now, science sucks. UT's tml, sucks :/ AND BEST & NAT LOVES JONAS TOO! :D :D :D My influence. Awesome and then ah! Cos i bought teenage mag with them on the cover, and then ah they said wanna come SGGGGGG! :D I need to work now for my money for the front row seats when they come SG and all! :D :D :D

Oh and friends, keep a lookout, gonna do shoutouts/dedications sooooon :D If u want a dedication, can always let me know. Dont shy dont shy ;D

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3:11 PM

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! :D urgh, bad bad sorethroat :/

Church was awesome ytd, the youth combined with main service to see 15 of our youth candidates get dunked through Water Baptism (; Awesome awesome *claps & cheers* The many many testimonies shared by different ones of them never failed to make me sit there is awe and amazment and how wonderful the God i serve is. Some brought me to tears, some made me feel like screaming Amen in agreement, some made me feel proud to serve an awesome God as MY God (: One by one the candidates went in front of the HUGE congregation to share. It brought me back to about 5 years ago when I myself went through water baptism and declaring to the world 'i am a christian' and making a commitment to follow God all of my life. Looking back, there are times definitely that i've fallen; times that i forgot all about the significance of my baptism and not promising to do what i promised to God. After ytd, there was a fresh reminder why i went through that baptism in front of thousands of people. I want to keep the faith and keep running. Though in school, the culture is not one that would please God, but i am proud to say that i have not succumbed to the worldly pressure. Glory be to God for the strength he gave me to pull through all of this (:

After the awesome service, best and the other boys were making fun of .. :/ oh please :/ Just because people are different and slightly less normal, doesnt mean that something is wrong with them ;/ Haha, some clarifications, ke ai and xiaoqingwah is the same person :/ OH and deeeerek gave me this little trinket that OH I LOVE! :D :D :D Thank you my bestest godbrother (:


I'm not your kind of girl that would have a change of heart that quickly. Dont make it sound like i've moved on to another when all this time there was no other. I never said anything or did anything that showed i've moved on. If you were me you'd know why i made those remarks to ... It was merey beacuse he did the same thing and i figured we cld make some funoutta it. You dont know me .I'm not like you.

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10:45 AM

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3:43 PM

Haha, i got it right today :D Thank you so much for everything like really! All the times you would call me to talk hours about some things, hearing me out alot, being right beside me when i cry, always trying to cheer me up & being such a great friend. I love you alot dear! I hope you enjoyed this very special day (: I pray that God will bless you tremendously and see how hard you have worked for his kingdom & trust me He sees it and records it (: LOVE YOU! (: Always here for you too alright :D

Went for some sexual talk and was horrendous showing super gory pictures and :/ it was bad. So we fished out the camera and i started snapping away again. Yay look at the last three photos, more artistic shots ;D Tell me they are nice please ;D

I got into Acapella :D :D :D Together with jean mei :D :D :D Oh, double my happiness! But ah, 530 to 830, very tiring :( & thanks for supporting me tze (:

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3:58 PM

GOOOOOOD DAY : D
First of all, FEN FEN! Cheer up okay (: Dont worry bout stupid people who put us down cos i will build you up again okay (: I love you :D

Ah, class was fun but got abit tense towards the end during the 3rd meeting. Changed groups for computing&math today which was awesome cos i had siew chung, jiahao, amali and jueen ;D Madness when u have all the people around you going 'da jie' and 'jonas woohoo!' Hahaha, we got into fits of laughter and having alot of spastic moments that made them go ' whoa hannah jie so fieeeeerce ;X ' Towards the end, most of us got pissed by SOME person and everything fell apart when we started to shoot him during the presentation and made it so obvious that faci called one of them out to talk ;/ Dear Mr Ho is going to further his studies in NIE, so no more Mr Ho for math! ; ( I DONT LIKE! :( Mr Ho was one heck of an awesome facilitator :/ Urgh :/

Munyew, jean & james had talks after school (never jio) so had a lonely walk with jooteng back home :D Silly person TRIED to take unglam photos of me but tsk, FAILED ;X Instead i fished out my handy canon camera and took few good shots of emo elmo at work ;D So as promised, i shall plaster you on my blog :D

Hahaha, since it's a rare opportunity to be plastered on my blog i shall do a small shoutout as usual :D What can i say emo elmo?! Thanks for accompanying me to school, lunch and even on the way home ;D Although u're emo elmo and makes me feel emo also, although u dump my poor pink bottle around, although you always make my bag drop, i STILL enjoy your company alot cos i'm nice :D :D But more than just that you've been an awesome friend as well so cheers to you! :D All the best for UT tml and stop being emo okay SUGAR! :D

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5:50 PM

PEEKTURES! :D Class was awesome, we combined groups to create a video and damn the making was HILARIOUS. Will post up the videos soon xD

Recieved sms from liying ask to meet for dinner when tze just asked only ytd :/ Last minute arrangement and i agreed to go.Went pastamania! For ages i've not been there so ended up embarrassing myself by looking at the person with a hude smiles and said 'THREEEE!' then the person stunned and said 'oh free seating' WHAT THE HECK! Hahaha, then when i wane to order i raised my hand to ask for someone to take order. Then tze and liying burst out laughing and said GO THERE ORDER LAH! :/ And heck, i had SO much fun laughing like crap until my tummy now is like super tired. Honestly! Went basketball near dre's place with sister and them and went crazy. Totally owned the games. I owned HORSE & ABC xD Awesome awesome! :D Thank you both for making my day :D :D :D



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9:01 PM

Heck, although today was science, class was still a bomb with crappy lunch, 'hannah da jie-s' , daydreaming together, msning beside one another & camwhoring :D But yes, they still complained that either the pictures are not nice enough or there are still not enough photos :D So yes, there'll be more tml :D LOVE YOU W15L :D Cognitive UT tml :/ STUDY PLEASE :/ URGH. And RP folks, we really need to lunch more together okay, i dont like us separating so please :(

JOOOTS! Cheer up emo devil with horns (: Please talk more and be more random on our way to school, stop being emo and stop calling me emo silly. SLEEP EARLY, see you tml and CHEER UP dummy :D LOVE :D & MUN YEW, eat ur panadol sleep early TOOO :D

JEANETTE THAM *something something* I MISS YOU! D; And please sign my JB-petition okay! http://www.petitiononline.com/sgjbfans/petition-sign.html EVERYONE SIGN :D Anyway babe i love you! Hope things are going better than it was previously yah? (: Glad that u're growing spiritually alot too! :D Let's head to sentosa for informal dance outing again lah! (: CAMWHORE PLEASE BABE :D I'll be nice to put a nice picture of u here okay ;D

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7:31 PM

GOOOOD AFTERNOON! :D :D :D

Hahaha, broke record. Woke up at like 11.35am today! First time in the history of Hannah's sleep. I had like awesome sweet dreams (minus exclusives) hahaha ;D

Church was just as cool yesterday. Bus-ed down to church with sis and michelle and went nuts on the bus xD It was 'battle of the bands' and songs ;D Hahaha, we sang our lungs out on the almost full 67 and included alot of claps in between and waving around like hysterical humans xD No shame no shame :/ Reached church at 12 plus, stoned, did BroAndy's card, then went down to Serenes to meet the boys. Supposed to buy cake for hannah dear, shaunice dear and BAndy; but they were all so worn out so i left the job to jon and went back to church for lunch with my girls (: We crapped somemore, sang alot more and went crazy a whole lot on the way to SPC xD



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1:26 PM