When this slide flashed onto the screen during council GM today, reality sank right back into me. It's not even two months worth of a council term left, only 50 whole days to rush out whatever remaining plans I have, 50 days to correct all my blunders, and 50 days to cherish whatever I have left. It's way too short please, it's way too short.
It would seem like a pretty natural thing to feel, but yes I was plagued with huge regret when I sat down and started to think about what I wanted to do which I've not yet done in my council term so far. It wasn't regret stemming from any undone plans or undone projects, or anything of that sort. I just felt like there's so much more to that council family I hoped to have when I first joined council.
If anything, 50 days are Fifty Whole Days, to Set Things Right. I may very well be floating around in my own head chasing clouds and catching stars for the past few months, but if anything, I'm going to make sure I set everything right before it all comes to a close in May.
I'm going to miss things so much I figure, like camouflaging into the council room walls and random stuff like that.
This is it. CTs have ended last week, allowing me a few days' worth of time to breathe and get a little fresh air in the midst of all the madness, and right now I rightfully should spring back into action and give it all I've got. It really all comes down to these remaining months now, before we hibernate into our books come the second half of the year.
I must keep going, and keep at it! Improve improve, stop being less of a person you want to be.
Okay, so one week has gone by. In a few hours GP CT will begin and all the papers will slowly trail after. I just want to firmly believe that I've done what I possibly could have done, and just give what I have to offer! Bring it on man cmon bring it on.
Whether I've been running horribly dry on motivation, or whether I've been just too plain tired to let anything get into this dismally small head of mine, or whether these notes and essays show no sign of beginning nor end, I know there're always silver linings out there, moments of small but really satisfying joy, and these little bouts of confidence here and there that bring me back to where I was. I'm thankful for all the people who have studied with me / motivated me / saw me through these rough days / cheered me up! I really appreciate it :D
THIS IS IT. ALL OR NOTHING.
Oh yes plus, now that only four days (although they're really four tough days) stand in between me and momentary post-CT enjoyment, I just can't help but await the upcoming excitements like Fast & Furious 4. This movie is definitely a must-catch omg I really can't wait. GP ECONS HIST MATH LIT and IT'S OVER.
I've always been super excited about fast and super beautiful cars so yes this is one thing I'm definitely going to catch the moment it comes out :D even the trailers are so exciting! What's more in this ultimate chapter of the F&F series they're bringing muscle cars, tuners and exotics altogether. Okay GP is really a few hours away so I should stop thinking about the movie for now.
It's quite amazing how we dread major examinations like the j2 common tests in one week's time, and we dread the horrible studying, but when the time comes for us to buckle down and really focus, some divine semblance of order just fills our days - at least just for the moment, until the CTs end and the studying euphoria takes a dive again.
Okay I like this semblance of order, and it's high time I really start amassing all fundamental knowledge of what my subjects are actually about before the A levels get too near, so yes I'm thankful, I'm thankful.
Today I studied at the giant Hans outlet again in the middle of Raffles Place - reached there early in the morning and studied till early afternoon when I realized that half the outlet was reserved for this random Silver Hairs' Club gathering from 2pm onwards. In a rather annoyed state I left and found a more secluded spot to study - at which I studied till rather late into the afternoon then I left, rather satisfied. Actually I really don't mind studying and studying everyday like this. Life is peaceful this way!
Okay some proof to prove that I've pretty much alive and aware of what's happening around me:
Mr Kwok's Birthday, Tuesday 10 March: we successfully held off our international history tutorial for close to twenty minutes hahaha, and much to mr kwok's delight too! Apparently it was very much of a great surprise; the other teachers also heard about the epic news in a matter of a few hours. Well, after all the countless lectures, tutorials, civics lessons with all his glamourous ramblings and his famous 'preliminary to thesis statements' I think he deserves everything we gave him :D
09A01C-10A01C Combined Class Party, Thursday 12 March: Honestly I only expected a nice humble angel-mortal letterwriting system between senior and junior class; This was way beyond what I imagined! It all started when we talked to mr kwok about it and he got really excited and he immediately went to ask ms lynette lim (CT of 10A01C) about the exciting prospects of a senior-junior class gathering after one nice civics lesson - so after two weeks of letterwriting it all came down to this :D
I finally officially met my junior class mortal tricia and my angel valerie! Pretty much a surprise for me but I guess not for them because I was really bad at hiding my identity in my letters and so tricia found out after reading a few lines into my first letter. I am Fail. But never mind it was quite happening and I look forward to writing more letters :D
Okay I promised myself stable sleep and 100% focus while awake - so I shall turn in soon. Mugging beckons from across the ocean. EVERYONE (I MEAN J2s) KEEP GOING, THIS IS A LIFE WORTH LIVING.
Who says school isn't fun - I mean, seriously when you walk past the school's main gate one nice dreary evening and you see this:
Over the past few weeks I managed to squeeze out enough time (or rather, pushed aside a sufficient amount of work) to ask myself all sorts of questions. Simply because there was a need to, judging from how life turns inside out and swallows you whole back in, churning you left, right, over your back, and spits you out, apparently rather Anew but you know you've never been quite the same. These questions have never been rightfully answered, for they always come back begging desperately for more explanations, and I guess I try my best to give myself the best theories and reasons I can offer.
This has been a fairly odd year, haha.
I would like to say that it's been downright disgusting and it's been rough to the bone - but for one, I'd like to be a little more positive; and for another, I'd be blatantly lying if I really said that, for these months have had their joys. If anything, I guess I've grown a lot from these months, more than how much I've grown in the past few years. That's the magic of life I guess; it throws you into the deep end of the pool and by the time you clamber back to the water's edge, you've figured out how to swim.
Recently I realized that I've hit some sort of an artificial midlife crisis; the things that matter most to me have failed in one way or another, allowing these familiar doubts and fears to spill in most uncontrollably. But after today I have decided that I shall not let these shackles and chains take me by the throat; for they're not worth getting tied down for.
Lazy sundays spent outside at unknown places catching up on work in solitude are the best. They're therapeutic and they give you time off but yet let you study quite efficiently. These lazy sundays are like these day-offs from life where you're extracted from your everyday situations and you spend an afternoon free of all these little burdens but yet you come back having achieved a lot more. So I'm thankful.
Though I've said this for more than three times (very regretfully), I will put things into order :D
Last saturday a few of us went for Race To Health 2009, a small bishan amazing race with the sole goal of winning the top prize of four iPod Nanos. Unfortunately we were doomed to be disappointed, haha.
Jonlim Tingzhang Chenyang Hoho! It seemed at first that we were the most probable winners simply because we managed to come together as a team of ex-crossers and ex-trackers, ready to run through the whole afternoon all over bishan, but circumstances proved otherwise ):
Tue! Our very friendly facilitator who tagged along. Poor tue had to run along with us hahah.
This was where we were hanging around the macritchie station after the compulsory 2-hour rest time, where we caught sight of a monitor lizard swimming in the water haha this was my very first time watching one swim, and I swear I was dead tired and bored.
So yes eventually we all died on the floor.
Haha a few hours later the verdict was obvious and it was more obvious that even though we ran everywhere and we played like crazy, we went home with nothing. A rather depressing outcome, but a fun afternoon nevertheless. YO NANO TEAM, SATURDAY WAS THE DAY TO PLAY, NO WORRIES AND THANKS YOU GUYS :D
I have a lot of things running through my mind but this body cries for rest. But nevertheless, I simply say conviction needs me more than dear remembrance. Off I go!
