Sunday can be a long day after church. We try to honor the Sabbath Day by staying at home and spending time with family, and resting...just not out shopping or eating out. It can be a long day, and you often need to get creative. So after church, dinner, rest, and surfing the net, we all decided to get JuJu's art supplies out and paint. Adrian is a great artist. Me...not so much. You can't really tel the difference between my art and my four year old's art, but it sure was fun.

So I criticized one of my water color paintings of a face saying, "It looks like a bad painting you'd find in some home from the 1980's...."

Adrian replied with," In their garage, not the house." I laughed so hard! It's true. I haven't improved my artistic skills since the fifth grade.

My mother is a wonderful artist, and my husband....guess I can't do it all. But I still have a goal to take up oil painting one day. Anyway, Juliette had fun painting with the family. And by the way, I had contractions throughout the evening, and while we were painting...but nothing to call the doc about. Oh well.

JuJu's Primary Day

Today Juliette was asked to give her first "talk" in Primary, her Sunday School Class. So she and Daddy got to sit in the front, and wait for her moment. I just had to take a picture because I know he did this when he was little, and to see them sitting there together was kind of special to me. She gave a talk about the wise man who built his house upon the rock, with Daddy's help of course. It was short and sweet and we were so proud. She started to go off about some random animals in the story, and if we would have let her, it could have been a very funny story, but Adrian kept her on track and she finished with "In Jesus Name, Amen." She did well. We love her so much. It's fun to watch her learn and grow at church.

The Birthing Ball

Someone told me that bouncing on the birthing ball can be helpful in speeding the labor process along. I'm not in labor, but I thought it couldn't hurt to bounce while I watched late night TV. Well, after fifteen minutes on the birthing ball I sort of lost my balance and completely flipped off backwards and crashed into the coffee table upside down. It was comical, and I'm fine. I mean, I had to take a second and make sure I was okay, and then I just laughed at myself. Bouncing on the ball did not bring on the contractions...and um, crashing into the coffee table didn't either. So I'm scratching this idea off the list. This baby must be laughing in my belly at my silly antics. But hey, the birthing ball is super fun...I love to just sit on it...too bad I'm just a huge klutz.

Happy Birthday Mamow

Happy Birthday Mamow! A beautiful southern gem! You are the finest example of a lady, with grace, beauty, and class under any circumstance. Your faith has driven you safely and surely to this day, and will continue to guide you for years to come. No one can rock a baby to sleep like Mamow. No one can cook like Mamow. No one can kill a giant Missouri tarantula with her high heel like Mamow, and not even blink. If I've kept any letters or birthday cards, I've kept yours. You are a survivor, but you'd never boast or say too much about it. Your voice is sweet and gentle, always full of sunshine, yet in the case where you may need to speak up, your eyes can speak loud and clear. Those blue blue eyes have warned me, and they have warmed me. Your laughter is pure joy, one you share with your sisters, and no one can resist the Braswell girls giggles. You love to listen. You love to give. You love all of us so very much, and we all love you. 80 years is not long enough for Margie Braswell, and I am so glad. Love you with all of my heart Mamow, and miss you madly!

This is her thing...she loves belly art, and I thought I'd let her do it one last time, with washable markers of course. This post may only mean something to Aunty Caroline, who also was lucky enough to have JuJu draw on her full term belly. I'm fully aware that I am a complete weirdo, but it feels kind of good to have a four year old draw pictures on your skin...she told me she was drawing Jesus on a cross though, and as touching as that was, I suggested flowers might be a better option.

The Home Stretch

Okay, what am I...39 weeks? I'm in the home stretch, and boy is my belly stretched! Lucky for me, no stretch marks thanks to my Mom as I believe this miracle is genetic. Soooo, I have good news. I went to my weekly appointment today, waited at least an hour, as usual for "Dr. House." The nurse called me in and told me I would be seeing a new doctor because House had to run to surgery.

Before I could get upset about it, I had a feeling that this new guy would be a great doctor. And he was...and is. He just started at this practice, and he's my fave so far...too bad I just now found him! Dr. B is what I'll call him because I can't pronounce his last name correctly. Anyway, Dr. B spent time talking to me about the birth plan, and for the first time, I had a conversation about me NOT being induced! He told me my cervix issues should have been resolved after having one baby already, and I should be able to dilate and have a normal labor. Then, sure enough, after checking, I was dilated to a 1!!!! Now, it took 48 hours of pitocin for me to be at a 1 with JuJU, so the fact that I have already done so on my own is such a good sign.

Dr. B assured me that the baby is still only 6 pounds, and I could go any time in the next week or so. Anyway, he was great. I feel so much better knowing I don't face an early induction. I'll wait another week or two and I feel good about that.

Life is full of uncertainty for me right now, but one thing IS for certain. I am going to have a baby boy very soon! And, he even has a name....but I have to wait until I see him so that I can be certain that his new name fits him, after all, he could still be a Wolfgang Edward Frost....don't put it past me. Let's hope I'm not pumped too full of hospital drugs when I give him his name.

Now if I could only keep the house clean between now and the birth, which is not an easy task with a four year old. Another blog, another time.

Our last weekend as the Three of Us?

This weekend could very well be the last weekend we spend as just the three of us. So tonight we had a great time in downtown Parkville. Parkville is always having some sort of Riverfest, Carnival, RiverJam, whatever...they use any excuse to have a festival down there, and it's always admission free. We love being down the road from such fun!

So Adrian, JuJu, and Giant Emily went to Parkville and had a wonderful night together. We let Juliette ride three rides, one of which was the Ali Babba, aka Rainbow ride. It's a BIG ride for a little girl. She did it though, and I cried down on the pavement while watching the whole thing go down. She was in sheer terror mode for the first half, and then screaming with delight the second half of the ride. I really did not handle it well, but she loved it. In my mind I had placed my daughter on a death trap. But she survived.

After a nice, slow ride on the carousel, we headed down to the English Landing Park where the festival of tents and booths and music was going on. The three of us found a swing set and did some swingin under the canopy of trees by the river. It was a beautiful night, and I smiled as Juliette sat in her Daddy's lap on the swings, giggling as he took her higher and higher. I know she will remember this, and that brings me so much joy.

We ended up by the stage where they had a great cover band in full funk mode. Juliette and Daddy danced and danced until the set was over. Then we took a long walk and came home. And I realized that we are closing a chapter on the three of us...it will soon be the FOUR of us. It's a beautiful thing, and though I am afraid, I am also so happy for my family. I know we'll have all the more fun together...one day watching two of our children get on the carousel in Parkville, and pushing two children on the swings, and then putting two sleepy children in their car seats, and tucking two children in to their beds. I am ready for that...that part sounds good to me.

Adrian can't wait to have this little boy. He just beams every time he looks at my big belly. He can't wait to get the call that it's time! Juliette kisses my belly daily, and puts her ear down, and she says she can hear him breathing. My Mom sent me an adorable mobile tonight, and we put it on the crib...the official final touch. It's all ready for him. We are ready for him to join us, no matter what. Am I ready to face the challenges ahead of me as a mother? I don't know, I've had the opportunity to grow stronger lately, so I guess we'll find out.

I'm just so happy we had such a wonderful night together. I'll always remember...the three of us.

A funny quote, and a DUH moment

Abby Runyan made me laugh out loud today. Sometimes the most simple statements make me double over. Abby and I were talking about how we are the ONLY women on the planet who have NOT read the Twilight series.
"You know, I just don't feel like reading a book about vampire lovin."
It's just the way she said it...honestly...histerical.

And, as for Emily's brainless moment of the week...here it goes. I parked in a no parking zone by the playground because I did not want to walk. Lazy me. Anyway, there was a no parking sign right in front of my car that had a fine amount posted..and apparently I failed to notice the decimal point.....

Abby: "Aren't you scared of getting a ticket by parking there?"

Emily: "I SHOULD be, there's a Seventy Five Hundred dollar fine!"

Abby: "Well, actually, I think it's just 75 dollars, but still...."

Emily: "Oh, yeah, I guess that would make more sense...cool then, that's not as bad."

I felt like I did in high school, when I drove through sonic and ordered ala carte....I mean, that was my order..."one ala carte please."

Lucky for me, I choose smart friends like Abby to help me along.

Bad Days

Today was hard. Yesterday was hard. Tomorrow might be hard. I just bet on it being sucky, so that if everything is great, then I'll be delightfully surprised. I want to be happy. I will be happy again. One day...hopefully soon...very soon. My husband and daughter both seem quite content so I'm grateful that I have not projected my bad days on to them. I am seriously wondering why my prayers don't seem to help at all. I'm not giving up, but I've come close.
The great thing about bad days are that they almost always end up inspiring me somehow...when it's all over, and I have new challenges, and a break from the former grief. SO I am waiting to be inspired....maybe I'll write music again. Maybe I'll make a difference again, working with children again. Maybe I will just raise my two children the best I can and feel good enough about that. I am restless and anxious for what's next. In the mean time, the present is not working for me...I'm in a funk and much of it is due to waiting and worrying. But this too shall pass...it always does. I'll get myself together like I always do. I'm just ready to get it together NOW.

Mowing and the Apple Tree

Adrian came home today and found me mowing...he gets upset when this happens. What he doesn't get is that I love mowing! I've recently found it to be a great stress reliever. When I push that mower over the long grass, and instantly see the fruits of my labor, it's so satisfying and fun! It's hard work too, which makes me feel more like my Dad, who works hard on his lawn, or my Mamow, who gets out there, 80 years old, lipstick on, mowing her lawn all by herself. I feel strong like Mamow...determined to do something myself without any one's help, and never complain about it. It's just good old fashioned hard labor and I love it.

So Adrian came home, and as I took a break from mowing he noticed his wee apple tree was missing from the pot. This was his beloved apple tree. He had taken the seeds from a big beautiful apple he found last spring. Well, months ago, my mother had planted petunias around the apple tree, but she was unaware at the time that this is Adrian's special pet. He was upset that flowers had been planted in his apple tree pot, but got over it....until today. His Mom was here this week, and it turnes out she had plucked the tree out of the pot, thinking it was a tall weed. Chucked it into the woods. Adrian was devastated. "I nursed that tree every morning before work, it was doing so well!" He called his mother to see if he could figure out where she threw it so that he could save it somehow. He was walking through the woods trying to find what was left of the plucked fruit tree....needle in a haystack. I kept thinking, "The apple tree can not be the real issue here." He was frantic.

Meanwhile, I headed back to the mower as he obsessed over the apple tree. Well, I was unable to start it, and before I could figure it out, Adrian had quickly and quietly taken the mower from my hands. Apparently he now needed to let off some steam, plus he doesn't want me mowing in my condition...he doesn't ever want me mowing. I told him I really wanted to mow, but there was to be no discussion, except "You can get the weed whacker and work around the trees." I had been demoted! To the weed whacker...which by the way I call it a weed eater but whatever. Adrian figured this would take care of my need to participate in yard work, while lightening my load.

So I reluctantly picked up the electric weed eater, with the chord I could find, and quickly discovered that I loathe the weed whacker. That thing hurts! My Dad told me later that night that you should always wear pants when weed whacking. Well, weed whacking in my flip flops and shorts, I said the S word and the F word too many times...it was reminiscent of me and Ashely Everett in the fifth grade on the playground when she taught me how to curse. I just kept saying those bad words over and over again....like a chain smoker smokes...I was a chain curser. Honestly, I may need to confess to our bishop that I cursed like a sailor while weed whacking. I had lost all control. I finally threw the thing down and went inside.

It finally grew dark, and having Adrian's apple tree on my mind, I went to the store, and bought the best looking apple I could find. I brought it home with a new pot and peat starters. Adrian looked at the new apple with an apologetic, sweet, "no thank you" face. It just wasn't the same....a meager replacement. But I insisted that it didn't matter. You have to let go and try again. So that is what we are going to do.

There are times when our apple trees are just plucked from us, even after all we've done to care for them..It's a life lesson. But we are going to plant that seed again. We won't give up. I feel like this is much like our life right now, and we can't give up.

In the mean time, I WILL mow the yard if I want to. I know I'm full term, but I will do whatever it takes to ease my mind about it...and that's cuttin grass. Maybe I'll actually go into labor before Christmas by mowing the lawn. That would be a bonus!

Oh, and here's the kicker....before I had known about the apple tree being chucked into the woods, I had started mowing around that area....I never said this, but it is highly possible that I mowed over what was left of the plant. I am keeping quiet about the possibility. Looks like this particular apple tree just wasn't meant to make it.

Needy

This past week my mother-in-law brought Juliette back from Iowa, and decided to stay a few days to help me. God Bless Viki. Thanks to V and my Mom, this house is baby ready and more! SO I've been lucky to have two weeks of help from the best mothers I could ever ask for. Viki made a new play room and guest room downstairs, sprayed our lawn for tics, cleaned the garage, installed two towel racks, played with JuJu, ran errands, bought us groceries, and most importantly, kept me company. As anti-social as I may seem to people lately, I really do enjoy having someone around while Adrian is working extra hard before the baby comes. Next week is going to seem so quiet. Honestly, one of the perks of having a baby is having family here for all of the comfort and support they provide.
On that note, I just may have to wait longer than I would like to have family back in town, because according to my doc, this baby will come later than I'd like, thanks to the fact that I pretty much have a cervix of steel. This should be my birth month, but we all have a feeling it could easily go well into September. I don't dilate well...or at all. I just hope and pray that doesn't mean I will have to go through the hell I went through with JuJu....48 hours of induced labor and no dilation or epidural...etc...I really would like to experience the natural process of contractions at home, then going to the hospital and having the baby with little or no induction. But it's unlikely I will be that lucky.
I have a very strong feeling that this may be another difficult labor and delivery for me, and that does worry me. I regret not having a midwife at this point. Oh well...in the mean time I really do feel fine. No contractions of course, baby is extremely active, and I am in good health. I don't mind waiting for the baby, but I don't want to wait until I have a ten pounder to deliver...yikes!
If anyone has any advice lay it on me...you would think after having one child I would know more about what to do, but I'm still clueless, and at the mercy of a team of doctors who just kind of tell me what to do. I'm supposedly delivering in the nicest birthing center in town, but I'm not confident that the doctors like any birthing plans other than their own. I just need to have a good chat with the doc next time I go in...after waiting an hour and a half the last few visits, I deserve more than 30 seconds of their time anyway!

My Super Sense of Smell

I have super powers when it comes to my nose....I can sniff out anything or anyone. It's the pregnancy I know. If there is the slightest foul smell, I sense it right away and run screaming.
But lately I've discovered my favorite places to go when I need to please my senses.

Home Depot: something about the lumber mixed with concrete floors, and paint..soothing

Starbucks: The sounds and smells of coffee beans are like a sedative to me...I don't drink any of it, just sip on herbal iced tea and take in all of the aroma

Steinmart: Something about this place...maybe it's because it is filled with well dressed and groomed middle aged women walking around, leaving their perfume behind.

Green Acres Organic Grocery Store: I could just sit in there and take it all in for a whole day...of course then I'd have to buy something, like a ten dollar loaf of bread or fifteen dollar handmade soap. Dang!

Escapist: The smell of brand new shoes and clothes, and Windex from the clean glass cases, mixed with the sand paper/grip tape smell from a new board. It always smells pretty clean, unless Pierce is working, then you get a waft of smoky hippy stank...but we all love Pierce so I don't mind.

Miami Ice: It smells like a cooler...a giant icy cooler with hints of sweet flavor here and there.

The Salon: I love the smell of whatever they put on our hair, and the product scents flying through the air at each station. You walk in smelling bad, and walk out smelling like a pretty girl.

Church: I love the simple, basic clean smell of church...and the temple...it's smells like perfection.

My parents house: just brings back memories every time and I love it

Kenneth Cole Black Perfume: I could bathe in it, but I'll spare everyone and just barely spritz

Babies: I can't wait to smell our new baby for the first time!

Fresh Cut Watermelon, or cucumber...just so crisp!

JuJu's bedroom...because it smells like sweet Juliette

I could go on and on but it's late and I need to deal with a funky smell I am now noticing in the kitchen. Operation Lysol is in place.

The Waiting Room

One of my favorite college songs is a Fugazi song called "Waiting Room." My punk rock friend shaved my head to this song, but that's another story. Anyway, it's a great song, and I think of it esp now, as I am waiting....and waiting. This is the waiting part of pregnancy. Honestly, I am bored. Juliette is with Grandma for a few days, so I have nothing but time right now. The problem is, the things I'd like to do are things I really should not do being more than 36 weeks pregnant. I'm not patient...I'm easily bored, and when I don't have a million things going on in my life, I sort of go into a silent panic. I need to be overworked and over scheduled to feel normal, because when I have time on my hands, I start to think...too much. And worry...about everything.
However, I am doing my best to enjoy this "waiting room." I have slept until noon, and napped during the day, and blogged every day, because I know all to well what it is like to have a new baby, and have no sleep, no time, no sense of normalcy.
Adrian and I went to Weatherby Lake this weekend, just the two of us, and we spent an afternoon on the water together, just enjoying the sounds of water and wind, and the sights of sail boats. We also went out for a dinner date, and drove around with the music loud and the windows down. At bed time we talked and talked...mostly about how we were meant to be together and how we can never imagine not having one another in our lives. I just could not stop telling him how much I loved him. We know it is the calm before the storm, and we have taken this time to remind one another that we are still in love.
I think I needed this waiting room...even though I feel bored most of the day, I am going to embrace it and savor it, because my work is far from done. This is just a short break, and I am so glad for it, but pretty soon things are going to be very very different.

Vacation Bible Schools

One of the last things JuJu did while in Arkansas was attend the First Presbyterian Bible School, just as I did when I was a little girl. I don't have many good pictures of all of the kids, just a couple of the little rooms they used for activities and lessons. My mother was a big part of putting the whole thing together. She and her friends did a wonderful job. They had a rain forest theme and so every day from 9-noon, for a week, the kids learned music, scriptures, Bible stories, and completed art projects, played games, had snacks, and gave a performance at the end of the week.

When we got home to KC, I took her to the Episcopal vacation Bible School which was equally exciting for her. They had a carnival theme and also had fun learning about Jesus in a fun, safe, and friend filled environment. SO two weeks of VBS in a row this summer. She loved it. Even though we are now of the Mormon faith, I want her to love and appreciate other faiths, esp those I grew up with. VBS is just something I have fond memories of as a child and I know Juliette will remember these summer weeks where she learned to have fun, meet new people, and learn more about stories from the Bible, all centered around Christ.

Our church does not have VBS, but they have many many other programs within the Primary that I am truly grateful for. I recently heard of a ward in Michigan that held a scripture camp...very similar to VBS. I'd love to know more about that. Maybe our stake could do something like this in the future. It's a great way to bring friends to church and have fun learning gospel principles outside of Sunday School, or home. Like a day camp! And I know we have crafty people at church who could teach the kids so many fun projects. Hmmmm....

Anyway, I'm glad Juliette has a church she loves and belongs to, but I am also glad that there are those who have a sense of community, where we can all get together, no matter what church we belong to, and share our love for Christ. That's what VBS is usually all about. So it's our summer tradition, and we love it!

another one bites the dust

Okay, my insomnia inspired name for our boy didn't stick. We're back to square one...no name for our child. Tonight we are busting out the genealogy books.

The Name Game

I'm not kidding, we may have a nameless baby. Adrian and I are unable to find a name we both agree on...wait, let me re-phrase...ADRIAN will not agree to any names. I have THREE baby name books, and one list with at least ten fabulous names....he hates them all. He has a few suggestions, and if we were to have a super hero for a baby, his suggestions would be great. Frost is a good last name, and you'd think it would be easy to find a good first name to go with it, but it's not. Many ideas we have sound more like characters, not actual people. I don't have the list in front of me, but let me see if I can recall some of the names on it....keep in mind some of these are jokes, for example: Phuc...Adrian found this one in the Vietnamese chapter...it rhymes with ...um, duck. I said it out loud, Phuc Frost, and laughed for about ten minutes. Okay, lets see, Theordore...I freaking love this name, but Adrian's comment was, "Like Theo Huxtable?" YES! Like Theo...so what?!! I love Sebastian...Adrian thinks he'll get beat up for this name......Here's the bulk of what I remember about our name conversation last night:
Emily, "Oscar." Adrian, "the grouch."
Emily, "Desmond." Adrian, "if he is gay...."
Adrian, "Sketch." Emily, "I'm going to smack you."
Juliette, "Warbatador." Adrian, "Thanks JuJu, I like the way you think."
Juliette, "no, JESUS!"
At this point Adrian started looking at our world map on the wall shouting out countries, "Zambia!"
I slammed the baby name books down and walked away from it all....
As I was drifting to sleep I thought of a name. It literally came to me out of no where..I mean, it makes no sense at all. Today I sent a text to Adrian about it. He has not said NO...in fact he likes it. I won't mention it, because we will probably hate it by tonight. I will say that it is totally nontraditional, and maybe even strange, but really, it's also familiar...not a made up name, but not a name for a person. I wish I could just say it but so far, every time I've said a name out loud, it's been rejected. So I'll keep every one in suspense. Let me just say, when we do find a name, even if it ends up being I don't know, Wolfgang,...just smile and act like you love it. That's the rule. No Mom and Daddy, I'm not REALLY going to go with that name. You know they think I would...and they are probably right.

good news and bad news

The good news is, thanks to Mom, the nursery is complete, the house is in decent shape. The bad news, is that I managed to make a big mess when we got home from the pool today...house no longer in decent shape. The good news is that my legs are actually tan. The bad news is that I can no longer cross them. The good news is that I have a new list of baby names. The bad news is that I can't even decide between a shower or a bath, how can I possibly decide on a name for my child? Oh, and the bad news is also that I actually had the name Lars at the top of my list....what?!! The good news is that I no longer work part time. The bad news is that I no longer work part time. Well, it was more like part, part time anyway. The good news is I only have a few weeks left. The bad news is that it will more than likely be six more weeks knowing my luck. I could think of more bad news but I want to be optimistic. I could also think of more good news but I'm not optimistic enough. Pretty normal right? Oooo, I wish I could cross my legs!