Okay, so I still have photos from this summer to post...not to mention JuJu's first day of school pictures. They will come. Listen, I don't even have a party planned for my son's first birthday...that's how I'm doing right now! We are fine...just busy and still adjusting.
Adrian is great. I am a hot mess as always but isn't that why people like me so I'm okay with that. He has been making a huge effort to "date" me again. He goes to my gigs and takes me dancing. I love dancing with Adrian....love it!
JuJu likes kindergarten...but she said she is BORED...imagine that. She is a smart one, and she is going to have to get used to being bored in school...don't even get me started on that subject. I'm not a fan of the system.
Vaughn is almost 1. He is close to taking those first steps but no one is rushing it. He's just as cool as a cucumber...as always. Red hair keeps comin in...and he still has the natural mohawk.
I had a great photo shoot recently and started a new jazz gig on the Plaza.
Dollar is dying. I don't want to talk about it.
I miss my family, even though I have not called enough lately. Sorry yawl.
I'm out of time already. I'm over time in fact. Adrian just called and I promised I'd be home...oh, an hour ago.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
purging
So every now and then, if I want to be true to who I am, I must be an open book and put it all out there. This will be an honest post for those who want to know my "authentic self," and for my sanity...being able to publicly express who I am at the moment.
Part of me feels selfish for this, as I have neglected monthly posts on my children...but they are far from forgotten, trust me. I have many photos and milestones to blog about on their behalf....pictures will come very soon.
So here it goes....
I spent two weeks at home. I regret that I was not at my best during my visit....not at my best spiritually or physically...HOWEVER, I can say that every time I go home, I learn. I grow. I appreciate my family more than they will ever know. Love is the only word to describe the relationship we all have with one another. They love me...they are patient...so very patient. I am grateful for this. I know that they always worry...I'm the youngest child...the most expensive and high maintenance child...the most confusing child. " Oh lawd what now...." That is the phrase I imagine in their heads. I don't blame them. I'll admit that I am the text book example of a crazy "artist." It's who I am. But they love me anyway.
Since we have been back to the midwest, I have missed being down south...the reality of life has kicked in once again, which always brings a little turmoil. At the same time, our little family continues to thrive and we embrace every minute of happiness we receive. We are a happy family when it's all said and done.
Still...I have fought my insecurities lately...that I am a head case...that I feel like a failure on a daily basis. I don't have a clean house for Adrian to come home to. I don't have dinner ready at six. I don't always get story time in before their bedtime. I don't always enforce bedtime! I fight depression, even when things look good. So I am always on a quest...the quest for what it takes to make me a better mother, wife, friend, and artist...and most of all, the quest to be content with who I am, as one of God's children.
Tonight I sat down at the piano for the first time in months to work on music...learning new songs and practicing my scales, etc....and it hit me. I knew it all along. I've always known it....and that is music is what makes me a better person. Surely this is what God intended in my life. I feel like I have been ignoring God for a while...but when I sat down that that piano, there was a feeling of relief and inner peace. Did I learn a song beginning to end? No, but I remembered why God gave me a love for music...which made me remember that I am not a failure. Strangely, working on my own talent motivates me to be a better person for others and to love myself...something I struggle with. I want to make a difference on this earth.
After practicing for only twenty minutes, I read to my son....snuggled with my daughter...prayed with my family..and put fresh sheets on the bed for my husband, a simple task but I know how much he loves having fresh clean sheets straight out of the dryer.
I told Adrian tonight, "what is going to happen when I am no longer young or somewhat pretty, because it must be my only saving grace right now....I don't keep a perfect house. I am moody. I am unorganized. I'm no good at the stay at home Mom thing....I push buttons and can be very demanding..." He said to me this...and I don't want it to sound like I am bragging...this is just what he said, and I had never thought of it before:
"Emily, those aren't your strengths....but how many other people can enter a room unexpectedly, and alone...and be the instant life of the party seconds after entering the door...how many women can just show up and turn heads, just because of who you are....not what you look like or where you are from etc..."
Naturally, I shot down what I thought were silly words. But how sweet of him. Maybe he is right...I don't know. Perhaps behind all of my self deprecation, there is a woman who knows she can make a difference...even in the midst of making mistakes, or not being at her best. I assume that even a total druggie off of the street could instantly see how weak I am. Maybe this is not the case?
ANYWAY....Gawd...enough about me. I wrote a journal entry last night that went like this, "I am too sick of myself to journal."
SO....more photos later, but here is a quick update on the kids and Adrian.
Adrian is working hard..he is climbing a mountain and succeeding....people have taken note of his work ethic and how business savvy he is. Escapist is doing fine. Fed Ex will offer transfer opportunities around December, and there is a possibility of promotion even before then. It is all up in the air. The other company he works for has already promoted him and they seem willing to do whatever it takes to keep him around. I am not sure how he can do what he does on so little sleep, but he does it and never complains.
JuJu is ready for kindergarten. She is already writing and spelling on her own. She has Adrian's brain...thank GOD!!! Recently, she cut her own hair into a mullet. My favorite recent JuJuism? let me quote her, "I am grumpy because it is my time of the month." Man I love that girl.
Vaughn is standing on his own and talking more. He is a smart little boy. I blow him kisses with a hand gun...you know, "mwhaaaa, pow!" SO instead of blowing a kiss I shoot it to him like a cowboy. He can do this now, and it's so cute. Little Ed, as we sometimes call him, is very persistent. He rarely complains, but if he sees something he wants, he will not give up.
I am still singing and acting as much as possible. Next week I am recording a voice over reel for a production company in hopes that I will be able to do more voice overs. We'll see.
Life aint all bad! Right?
Part of me feels selfish for this, as I have neglected monthly posts on my children...but they are far from forgotten, trust me. I have many photos and milestones to blog about on their behalf....pictures will come very soon.
So here it goes....
I spent two weeks at home. I regret that I was not at my best during my visit....not at my best spiritually or physically...HOWEVER, I can say that every time I go home, I learn. I grow. I appreciate my family more than they will ever know. Love is the only word to describe the relationship we all have with one another. They love me...they are patient...so very patient. I am grateful for this. I know that they always worry...I'm the youngest child...the most expensive and high maintenance child...the most confusing child. " Oh lawd what now...." That is the phrase I imagine in their heads. I don't blame them. I'll admit that I am the text book example of a crazy "artist." It's who I am. But they love me anyway.
Since we have been back to the midwest, I have missed being down south...the reality of life has kicked in once again, which always brings a little turmoil. At the same time, our little family continues to thrive and we embrace every minute of happiness we receive. We are a happy family when it's all said and done.
Still...I have fought my insecurities lately...that I am a head case...that I feel like a failure on a daily basis. I don't have a clean house for Adrian to come home to. I don't have dinner ready at six. I don't always get story time in before their bedtime. I don't always enforce bedtime! I fight depression, even when things look good. So I am always on a quest...the quest for what it takes to make me a better mother, wife, friend, and artist...and most of all, the quest to be content with who I am, as one of God's children.
Tonight I sat down at the piano for the first time in months to work on music...learning new songs and practicing my scales, etc....and it hit me. I knew it all along. I've always known it....and that is music is what makes me a better person. Surely this is what God intended in my life. I feel like I have been ignoring God for a while...but when I sat down that that piano, there was a feeling of relief and inner peace. Did I learn a song beginning to end? No, but I remembered why God gave me a love for music...which made me remember that I am not a failure. Strangely, working on my own talent motivates me to be a better person for others and to love myself...something I struggle with. I want to make a difference on this earth.
After practicing for only twenty minutes, I read to my son....snuggled with my daughter...prayed with my family..and put fresh sheets on the bed for my husband, a simple task but I know how much he loves having fresh clean sheets straight out of the dryer.
I told Adrian tonight, "what is going to happen when I am no longer young or somewhat pretty, because it must be my only saving grace right now....I don't keep a perfect house. I am moody. I am unorganized. I'm no good at the stay at home Mom thing....I push buttons and can be very demanding..." He said to me this...and I don't want it to sound like I am bragging...this is just what he said, and I had never thought of it before:
"Emily, those aren't your strengths....but how many other people can enter a room unexpectedly, and alone...and be the instant life of the party seconds after entering the door...how many women can just show up and turn heads, just because of who you are....not what you look like or where you are from etc..."
Naturally, I shot down what I thought were silly words. But how sweet of him. Maybe he is right...I don't know. Perhaps behind all of my self deprecation, there is a woman who knows she can make a difference...even in the midst of making mistakes, or not being at her best. I assume that even a total druggie off of the street could instantly see how weak I am. Maybe this is not the case?
ANYWAY....Gawd...enough about me. I wrote a journal entry last night that went like this, "I am too sick of myself to journal."
SO....more photos later, but here is a quick update on the kids and Adrian.
Adrian is working hard..he is climbing a mountain and succeeding....people have taken note of his work ethic and how business savvy he is. Escapist is doing fine. Fed Ex will offer transfer opportunities around December, and there is a possibility of promotion even before then. It is all up in the air. The other company he works for has already promoted him and they seem willing to do whatever it takes to keep him around. I am not sure how he can do what he does on so little sleep, but he does it and never complains.
JuJu is ready for kindergarten. She is already writing and spelling on her own. She has Adrian's brain...thank GOD!!! Recently, she cut her own hair into a mullet. My favorite recent JuJuism? let me quote her, "I am grumpy because it is my time of the month." Man I love that girl.
Vaughn is standing on his own and talking more. He is a smart little boy. I blow him kisses with a hand gun...you know, "mwhaaaa, pow!" SO instead of blowing a kiss I shoot it to him like a cowboy. He can do this now, and it's so cute. Little Ed, as we sometimes call him, is very persistent. He rarely complains, but if he sees something he wants, he will not give up.
I am still singing and acting as much as possible. Next week I am recording a voice over reel for a production company in hopes that I will be able to do more voice overs. We'll see.
Life aint all bad! Right?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The swim!
I'm so proud!
Let me start by saying that JuJu is a fearless child and always has been with the EXCEPTION of water. She has hated water or any type of liquid anywhere near her face for as long as I can remember. We tried swim lessons last year...made everything worse. She hated it. Then we went tubing and she was accidentally dragged under water for a second. I figured we were screwed...she'd never swim.
Well while we were at the condo pool, there was this sweet 8 year old girl, Courtney. Juliette was making fast friends with her, while using water wings to keep up. Courtney was a very good swimmer. Out of nowhere, she suggested JuJu take her water wings off. I laughed at the thought. Next thing I know, Juliette is jumping off the side of the pool and swimming to the steps...without me. Adrian comes to the pool. She will do anything for him.. He had her turning flips and diving for coins and everything!
Mom set up a private swim lesson for the girls when we came back home. Here are a few photos. Juliette went down the slide in the deep end and swam to the ladder without any help. She also did a back flip and jumped off the diving board, and is pretty good at free style now.
Now, little Ed is a natural. That little boy kicks and moves his arms, and has gone under a few times. They must get all of this from their Uncle Scott...maybe a little from me, but he was the best swimmer in the family.
Thank you to Les for the lesson!
Let me start by saying that JuJu is a fearless child and always has been with the EXCEPTION of water. She has hated water or any type of liquid anywhere near her face for as long as I can remember. We tried swim lessons last year...made everything worse. She hated it. Then we went tubing and she was accidentally dragged under water for a second. I figured we were screwed...she'd never swim.
Well while we were at the condo pool, there was this sweet 8 year old girl, Courtney. Juliette was making fast friends with her, while using water wings to keep up. Courtney was a very good swimmer. Out of nowhere, she suggested JuJu take her water wings off. I laughed at the thought. Next thing I know, Juliette is jumping off the side of the pool and swimming to the steps...without me. Adrian comes to the pool. She will do anything for him.. He had her turning flips and diving for coins and everything!
Mom set up a private swim lesson for the girls when we came back home. Here are a few photos. Juliette went down the slide in the deep end and swam to the ladder without any help. She also did a back flip and jumped off the diving board, and is pretty good at free style now.
Now, little Ed is a natural. That little boy kicks and moves his arms, and has gone under a few times. They must get all of this from their Uncle Scott...maybe a little from me, but he was the best swimmer in the family.
Thank you to Les for the lesson!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
deep breaths
IT hit me....like a bomb. Juliette will be in Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. The summer is almost over. I've been living in denial all of these months. I feel a change coming on. I feel emotional about it....panic is a better word. Let it be....let it be....I keep trying to tell myself to let it be.
Monday, August 3, 2009
lake photos aka Arkansas part ONE
Okay, so the irony is that there are no actual lake photos of our lake vacay.
Reason number 1: rain
Reason number 2: no one had a camera on the boat or the beach....oh well!
No worries....a good time was had by all. Two beautiful condos in HS Village and one big happy family...most of the time!
I'm still in Arkansas....home. Here are a few pics from one of the many cameras floating around for the past week or so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
