Happy Birthday Adrian

I don't have much time here, but I wrote Adrian a long letter last night...and he doesn't read my blog much..still, I have to post a quick birthday message for the man I call "Babe," a word I NEVER thought I would use...ever! But now I love it.
Adrian enjoyed his day. We let him sleep for as long as he needed. I made cookies for breakfast and presented him with the latest Newsweek...with Paul Krugman on the cover, being quoted in bold letters "Obama Is Wrong!" I thought Adrian would LOVE it because he is a big old Libertarian...shows what I know. Adrian seemed almost offended, "uh, why did you get me this, KRUGMAN, yikes, etc...!" I played it off laughing, "Hahah, GOTCHA!! Gag gift!"
Don't know if he bought it or not, but don't care. He'll read it whether he agrees with it or not! Hey, I learn something new about Adrian every day! Note to self...no Krugman for Adrian at breakfast time...or ever. Oh well. I'll read it for sure though...I'm undecided on everything!

We went to Manny's for a late lunch and then spent the rest of the day doing what he loves most lately....reading. First Barnes and Noble on The Plaza. The kids and I spent time on the third floor reading Shel Silverstein and Batman books. The Ergo was our best friend today, by the way. An hour or so later, when we went to find Adrian, we had no luck...then Juliette lead us right to where we should have looked all along...non fiction. There he was, reading away. After B & N, we spent the early evening hours at a library. We love a library. I have decided that I want to read For Whom the Bell Tolls...never did so why not... Adrian found an Ayn Rand book I've never heard of before and spent sime time with JuJu looking at US maps.

I love to see Adrian evolve...I mean, we used to spend our days at the record stores....skate parks, hip hop shows....now we are at the library. I tease him about being an old man...but he's my favorite old man...books, silver coins, and all. But don't get me wrong...if we had the time we would still go to record stores and clubs. Sigh.

At home we had dinner, a movie, and cake.

His big gift from my parents and I should arrive tomorrow...should have been today, but oh well.
I know he will love it. I sure love him. Happy Birthday Adrian! Love you BABE!

thank you jane

Thanks to Jane Hill with Veritas Photo, we have updates for the photo frames. Jane was one of my best friends growing up. She was the most beautiful girl in town, and still is. When we were in middle school, and I was still in that awkward ugly phase, she dressed me up and took photos of me with this little bitty camera...I think that maybe it was a disposable. She did my hair. Her sister did my makeup. I felt pretty that day. I liked what I saw in those photos, and it was a much needed self esteem boost during those hard early teenage years. I had my braces off, but was still unsure of myself. Pale, skinny, stringy hair, etc...but the pictures were great, and anyone who could make me look cute in a photo back then was sure to have a future in photography.

Jane is still taking photos. She makes a great part time living as a photographer while being a full time stay at home mother of four...and home schools yawl! Really, she was holding her 8 month old, Emmy, while taking these photos.

Every spring when I go home, I call her up and we have a play date/photo session/lunch. She took these pictures in less than fifteen minutes, but the memories will last a life time. I've worked with fancy photogs before, but one thing Jane does better than anyone else, is make you feel comfortable...so you don't end up with the fake smile or constipated expression...and she is REALLY great with kids. She only had time to crop the pics, so I played with the lighting on one photo...but decided they are perfect just the way they are. Simple snapshots that say it all.

I am still painfully uncomfortable in front of a camera, but Jane made it easy. Most importantly, she captured the joy I feel being the mother of a charming little boy, and a gorgeous little girl. Our kids! Adrian loves the photos. I hope to have him in the family photo at some point!

One Last Slumber Party

Caroline, my smart licensed therapist sister, told me that it is important for kids to have closure when moving...a farewell event of some kind. Well, even though we won't be moving for a few weeks, this week is the last normal week we will spend here. So I planned one last sleep over for Juliette and her best friends. We will still see these gorgeous little girls on a regular basis, but this party was special. Last time they will have an Easter Egg hunt in our yard, or ride the Gator to Allison's house, or watch a movie via projector in the living room...swingin on the hammock, side walk chalk on the back patio, tearing through the play room, and of course...sleepin on the floor of Juliette's purple room.

They had so much fun.

I am a masochist.

Yawl...they stayed up until 2:30. I had no idea kids this young even knew about this hour. I thought midnight would be sooooo late for them, like they would never make it.

I tucked them in a hundred times, and every time I came back to check on them, the room was turned upside down. Mattress on the floor....could not see the floor. My favorite part? Thinking they were finally asleep at 2 am, all was quiet. I opened the door and found them all on the floor, sitting around an empty box of graham crackers....the crackers where crumbled all over the comforter. Found a few banana peels too. I just walked away. I was so tired. I gave up. I said to Adrian, "this is crazy...it's way too late!" He casually replied, "it's a sleepover, but you aren't supposed to sleep."

They all woke up at 8:00 asking for eggs and bacon.

Fun was had by all. Juliette has wonderful friends. These girls are amazing, and so beautiful in every way. I can't wait to see them when they are grown...wait...I take that back. They are not allowed to grow up.

Oh, and before the party we spent a gorgeous St. Patrick's afternoon riding four wheelers with Cody and Kate. I remember the first week we spent in this house. I was so annoyed with the sounds of four wheelers in the afternoon. At first. I will miss that sound. So very much.

We signed the papers today. It's official after inspections etc.... I hated signing those papers, but in a way it was helpful. I feel like I just took a puff of an inhaler...a little relief, but I'm not cured.

In Case You Are Curious

I am going to go out on a limb here and write about what the heck is going on with the Frost fam right now. Lately I have been clueless as how to answer questions like, "When are you moving...what is Adrian doing....how are you doing...are you still doing this...how is Escapist...etc..." These are all LOADED questions, but I get why people want to ask. I mean, let's be honest, some people are just nosy, but most are just asking out of care or concern. In some ways I am an open book, and in others, I am a total hermit who would like it if no one knew anything about me at all. Today I will be an open book...well, the cliff notes.
Let me see if I can sum this up.

Adrian is still a partner with Escapist Skateboarding. The business is doing quite well, but Adrian has made a wise choice to go back to school full time. He is no longer working at Escapist, but will still take on certain owner responsibilities.

Adrian is currently taking 16 hours of school in the day, and working for Fed Ex and Ameripark at night. Graveyard. These are jobs that allow him to clock in and out so that he can focus on family and school in his spare time...um whenever that is! For years he has been married to his business, and even though he is working crazy hours, he is able to leave work at work. I don't know when he sleeps or how he does it all, but let me tell you...he NEVER complains, and has a positive outlook. He maintains a wonderful reputation at work and school. So far perfect scores on all of his papers and assignments. Adrian never does anything half way. He is the hardest working man I've never known.


He plans to major in business/economics with a double major in chemistry or engineering...not decided on the double major. His main focus is economics though. The reason we are working on moving to Austin, Texas, is because they have a very reputable economics school at UT. Adrian would like to graduate from UT. Adrian would ultimately like to go all the way with education. I am thrilled, because he is so intelligent, and academia seems to be a perfect fit for him right now. For years he regretted not finishing school but he often fails to recognize that in those years he did not go to school, he successfully started and ran a business from the ground up. It's in his blood, he is a great business owner and will always do well in this field. He would also like to be involved in politics. He would like to be an author....business owner, economist...I know what you are thinking...but I truly believe he will do it all in his life time.


So where does that leave us? We are currently very close to selling our home in Parkville. Bitter sweet, but a wise choice in the end. Anna's parents own several rental properties as well as Ethan Allen in Liberty, not far from here. They have generously agreed to let us rent one of their houses. There are no strings or leases attached, and this is important. When we are able to move for school, we will be able to go without tying up any loose ends. The Beddingers are so generous to let us do this. We will be able to save quite a bit, and in return we are going to take care of painting their house..cosmetic stuff. While I am sad to be leaving our first house, I know we can make this property our home...no matter how temporary. It is in a top school district and has a beautiful lot over looking the countryside. We can still have bon fires!!! The house is quite small, but will be so cute with a little love. This little home will have the best though...they insisted we let them install Ethan Allen blinds and brand new carpet, new paint, etc..with our help of course. No prob!

Actually, the only problem is...when on earth are we ever going to get it all done? It's hard enough to show a home while living in it...much less think about packing up, and making over another home on top of it all, and them moving...while Adrian is a full time student and working full time. While I am juggling being a mommy and singing jazz gigs, and keeping a clean house for strangers to look at. Listen, my sanity has been put on the back burner more than once. But my kids are happy!


We will live in Liberty until further notice. Our hope is to move to Austin this summer. If it does not happen by the end of the summer, then perhaps before next spring. I have NO IDEA!!! All I know is that is our "plan," should it work out that way...if that makes any sense.


I like to idea of Austin from all I've heard. The film and music scene is great...tons of opportunity...people only say great things of this town....but Austin won't have my two best friends...it won't have many things. But it WILL still be within driving distance to Arkansas, and even the coast!! I'll deal with all of that when and if the time comes.


Where am I in the middle of all this? I am in a place called CRAZY!!! My parents and my sister have spent hours on the phone with me, talking me through some of the biggest changes and challenges I've ever experienced. There was a time when I cried every day...every single day. Five times a day. My faith has wavered at times, and still does, but I am not jumping ship. Our church has been a rock in more ways than one. I'm sure post baby blues have not helped in the midst of stress. I have been unable to work part time because it's not feasible with two children who are not in full time day care or preschool. I am lucky to have had several acting/TV gigs, as well as regular singing gigs. Still, I can't tell you how hard it has been just to find babysitters.


We have a mountain to climb. My sister said to me recently, "Life has handed you a hell sandwich." My best friend told me, "You are in a storm." While these are facts...I am well aware of the blessings I have received. Letters from relatives, visits from church friends, a wonderful, wise and strong husband, two amazing and beautiful children. Amazing neighbors. Laughter. Our health.


So this is a little look into what has been going on. Let me tell you, it truly is the tip of the iceberg. The snowball of this past year is too big to dissect. Still, I have avoided writing about any of it because it's just too daunting to think about or try to sum up. But I think it is important that I tell the story, so that one day I can look at myself and know why I am stronger. I have no doubt we are on the uphill climb. Slowly, but surely. We are making SMART steps and no matter how bad things hurt at times, I know it will mean an even brighter future for our family...for our children. I am learning to live smart....with a little crazy mixed in....my own special touch.


I am learning. I am growing. And yes, now and then I give up...but it never takes me long to get back up and look around at all of the good in my life. I am starting to be grateful for adversity. I know I have gained wisdom and knowledge I never thought possible at my age. My skin is thicker. I am closer than ever to my family. I have learned who my true friends are. I am learning to discern in more ways than one. Good things are happening. Very good things.


SO someone read this to me next time I FREAK OUT over moving, kay?
Love to all, and thank you for reading if you made it this far!

Oh Adrian....

I found this note from Adrian in my car tonight. It was not on the dashboard, or in the seat...I found it in the back somewhere as I was grabbing the car seat. I may have knocked it from it's original place as I was reaching for something else in the front seat. Point is, I have no idea when he wrote this, but I love it. Then again, the second thing I thought when reading it was, "um...are ya goin somewhere Adrian...." I mean, one would wonder...but the thing is, this is just Adrian. It's totally something he would write before going to work or school for a day... My favorite part is the last line..."Juliette, marry a man with integrity. I'll see you soon." What??!! I love it. I love him. Now if only he would answer his phone so I could ask when the heck he wrote this.

E.B.T.

E.B.T. Emery Bird and Thayer. The story behind this establishment is great, but long, so I will spare you and let you google it if you care. It is kind of ironic that a fine dining restaurant shares it's name with food stamps. I guess the hostess receives calls every now and then from people asking if they accept EBT at E.B.T....anyway, that is beside the point.

I sing here every Thursday night, but tonight was sort of a farewell gig because they are making a new schedule. They may actually move us to Friday nights but that's up in the air right now. Harry Miller and I had a wonderful audience tonight...our friends and family! Adrian brought Vaughn and Juliette. Randi came with Julian and Milan. Harry's friends and family surprised him with their reservations. What fun!

The staff was very patient with the girls acting silly most of the night. JuJu and Milan spent the first hour on the dance floor in front of me, and the rest of the night sipping on shirley temples and eating fancy kid food. I had a hard time concentrating on singing, as I kept wanting to be a mother. There were a couple of times I had to stop myself from throwing the mic down and placing Juliette in time out...but she was just having fun...dancing for the crowd. As soon as I realized no one was bothered by it I was able to chill out.

Corey, the bar manager, knows how to treat patrons like royalty. The food was wonderful, and he brought us the best creme brule for desert...and oreos and milk for the girls! I was in shock that E.B.T. had oreos in the kitchen. Guess it's a staple. As it should be!! Speaking of the kitchen, Juliette was able to take a tour of the kitchen and meet the chef, Tate. He is trying to get on the show Top Chef...oh I hope he makes it!!!

After the kitchen tour, Juliette helped Corey with the glasses behind the bar, after closing time of course. It was around ten o'clock, and I joked about her being tired at pre-school tomorrow...you KNOW what she's going to say, "Sorry everyone, I had to close the bar last night!" jk My Mom is not thinking that is funny, sorry.

Anyway, I was so happy to share an evening with best friends and family. Music, food, friends, and family...my idea of a perfect night.

Vaughn 6 months

Okay, I remember when Vaughn was a month old, and though I was in no hurry for him to grow up, everything seems to move at a snail pace. Once he was three months old, and I was a little more stable...feeling a little less crazy etc...well, things really began to speed up...light speed.

No stats, the doc visit is next week. I'll tell you what I know as a mother.

He eats anything and everything. I attended a party recently, and there was a man standing beside me eating a piece of chocolate mousse cake. Vaughn leaned over as far as he could with his mouth wide open, fully expecting to have a taste, or a the whole piece. If you have it, he wants it. I love creating meals for him. My favorite thing to make for him is something I call "The Purple Promise." I think that is the Fed Ex motto. I get a kick out of naming recipes..esp silly names like this. Anyway, I heat and blend oatmeal, vanilla rice milk, blueberries, and applesauce. Puree and it's so pretty, and he LOVES it.

He has a tooth on the bottom, working on two more.

Very social, very contented. Smiles at anyone. He is very concerned with Juliette...wants to know about her every move. He is easily startled. I always warn him before I turn on the vacuum but without fail, every time, he jumps out of his skin when it starts.

He's just a delight, and I have to include once again, the fact that Juliette is just the best big sister. I think these two will be always be close.

I took Vaughn and Juliette to Gymboree on his 6 month birthday. They were actually celebrating their fourth year of being open in Parkville. Cake and everything. It was a perfect way to celebrate. At one point I climbed in the tunnel with him. Got a few strange looks from other parents. WHAT???!!!! Seriously....

He moves all over the room. Crawls backwards. You see, he can get up in a push up position, and even lift one leg. The problem is, he won't move those hands forward. So he ends up going backwards.

Oh, and okay...get ready to gasp. Don't call social services. He fell off of our bed. Typical story...the one your doctor warms you about. I had him in the middle beside me. Ran to grab his bottle from the kitchen which took less than a minute, I swear. Just when you think there is NO way they can move that fast...they do. I heard the thud as I was coming down the hallway. Then I ran while screaming a prayer. He was completely fine, just very upset. Nothing a primary song and a cuddle couldn't fix, but still...I hated myself. We're over it now. I KNOW better than this!!

We don't have any solid nick names yet like we did with JuJu...she was always "Toots." Sometimes I call him Mr. Moo. I don't know where it came from....maybe because sometimes I think he is as big as a cow...just a growing boy! We love love love his chunky legs. I also love how he has toned my arms! It's like lifting weights every day. Thanks Vaughn...and I haven't been to the gym at all!

Dave and Caroline bought us the Baby Ergo because the Bjorn is just wayyyy toooo small for him. The Ergo is awesome...and perfect for our big little guy!

Moving right along. I don't know where I'd be without my family. Vaughn, you just make us complete. We love you so much!

Change

I've always thought that change is good. It usually excites me, keeps things interesting, makes life fun. Tonight, as Adrian and I sat on Juliette's bed, waiting for her to get dressed and join us for story time, we talked about moving. I looked around her beautiful little girl room. The hanging butterflies and fairy wings. The purple walls and the tall window. Juliette's room.

I told Adrian how sad I am that she will never sleep in this room again once we move. I will never make her bed in that room...I will never re-decorate it with her. What a feeling of finality. A farewell. Adrian quietly told me, " change is good." He spoke of how change is the way we evolve...a chance to change our lives for the better....a way to keep climbing, even if we fall now and then. Change allows us to work towards new ideals, new goals, new life styles. I hope change will lead me in the direction of service...that I will have new opportunities to make a difference. I hope, but I am still very, very sad....and a little scared. I hope my children adapt easily to change, but I am prepared to deal with a difficult transition, and I am ready to listen and help them adjust.

I am going to miss this house. I am going to miss the backyard, and bonfires, and the "magical forest," as Juliette calls it. I am going to miss so many things I don't have time to list.
It's going to feel like a loss...a death, though I don't mean to be so dramatic....but in that sense, I will NEVER live here again. It's goodbye. Our first home. I am happy here. I hope I can be happy somewhere else.

My sister keeps reminding me that where ever we go, we have each other...our family. Home is where we are together. It's true. And what a wonderful family I am blessed with. When we are together, nothing can break our spirit. We are a strong family. A fun family. Maybe not your typical family...but a family full of love. I hope we can take this love to our new house and make it a home, no matter how long or short of a time we are there. We may have years of moving and living in different places, you never know.... but as long as we are a family we will always have a home.

That will never change.

She wins

Juliette is a smart little girl....too smart. She's always one step ahead of me. I think it is supposed to be the other way around! The great thing about a 4 year old is that she will tell it like it is.

Tonight I had a moment I'm not so proud of. JuJu and I were in the kitchen and she reached up to take a crystal goblet from the counter. I quickly told her to stop as I wanted to avoid any broken glass tonight. Then she started getting into everything...opening drawers, etc...

I was in the middle of baking cheese stuffed olive balls and not feeling very patient. As soon as she picked up a screw driver I lost it...and yelled at her, "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST!"

She started to walk away but them turned around and looked up at me. I corrected myself, "I'm sorry Juliette, but I'm yelling at you because it seems you can't HEAR ME....you don't LISTEN to me."

Juliette came right back at me, "Well, YOU don't ever listen to ME when I say DON'T BITE YOUR NAILS!"

She's right...as always.

TWO WEBSITES

I just want to remind all five of you...I know I keep saying that but it's true. Anyway a reminder of 2 websites to check out. One is for a good cause, and the other is 'cause it's fun!

First: Zoe's website. They have confirmed Stage 3 Neuroblastoma, possibly high risk. Cancer. She's 5 years old. PLEASE join her care page and let her know you are praying. Come on my fellow Mormon Mama bloggers...if anyone knows how to spread the word it's YOU!! Prayer is powerful, esp when it's for someone else. Zoe needs your prayers. And can you imagine what her parents are going through....here is the care page. You have to sign in but there's no catch...it's just a security measure.
http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Defeat

Second: As if you needed another excuse to be on your laptop! But really, I want to get the word out because my friend Lorena has worked to hard on it, and it's dang good! She reviews beauty products...try before you buy sort of thing. It has something for everyone on it. Lorena has three beautiful girls, works a full time job, has a husband in nursing school, and somehow makes time for this...she is a writer at the core and would love to make a living out of this. I think she's on a roll here. Also, if you happen to sell products...Arbonne, MK, whatev...send samples her way and she will blog away. http://fortyflirtyfabulous.wordpress.com/about/

A case of the Blues

See this little girl? Funny thing...somehow her face turned blue last night. I don't know how it could have happened. Juliette was so quiet in her bed, I'm sure she went right to sleep after we tucked her in!

This morning I woke Juliette up for school. She was covered in blue marker...head to toe, esp palms and face. It didn't look like she actaully colored her skin...more like she slept with this blue doll and it had rubbed off all over Juliette.

I rushed her to the bathroom and Juliette stared in the mirror as I started scrubbing away. It was not all coming out so I simply told her, "Well Sweetie, I guess you will just have to go to preschool blue." Juliette's little chin started to quiver. She ran to her bedroom and flung herself on to her bed face down, sobbing...."I don't want to go to preschool blue!!!!!!!"

I had to hold back my own tears because I was trying so hard not to laugh. I hugged her and told her what a GREAT story she would have to tell all of her friends at school about waking up blue!!! Juliette felt much better now that she had a spotlight opportunity...and she is a little comedian. On the way to school we laughed and laughed about all of the explanations she could give her teacher for showing up with a blue face. I think she will be just fine, blues and all.

Oh, and because of all the drama this morning, I once again was running late...and drove JuJu to preschool in my pj's....with no shoes. Snow on the ground, and no shoes. What is wrong with me?!!

Family Outing

We had a fun family outing recently. Kaleidescope, Crown Center Wizard of Oz, and Manny's. What a fun day it was! When I am with my family, I am truly happy in every way.

Zoe

Please include Zoe Goss in your prayers. She is the beautiful five year old daughter of a sweet couple from my home town. http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Defeat

Zoe has been diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage 3 or 4. No word yet. If you pray, please remember Zoe and her family.