More, Man
Most of my friends prefer Jehovah's Witnesses. So why, I ask myself, am I so fixated with riffing on Mormons?
They're definitely my go-to whipping cult in any situation where mocking religious extremity is called for, despite my intense childhood exposure to Baptists of the foot-washing variety, and even though I have no beef with their most notable former attribute.
So what's my deal?
Revenge, I answer myself. Revenge for the Mormons in my dorm, and for Caffeine Girl who was "done wrong" by one of them, and most especially for the late Friday evening in November of 1994 I spent trapped in 3 hours of full-on visiting Mormon witnessing by virtue of my closing desk attendant shift.
If they come back, I will taunt them a second time.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
What I Won't Do For 5 Dollars
Let me just say, right off the bat: LaceGirl wasn't my friend.
Looking for a Pier 1, ranting about the stupidity of Michael Douglas receiving a LifeTime achievement award, talk turned to Peter Jackson and his career.
Suddenly, I remembered that someone owes me five dollars.
I first saw Kate Winslet in Heavenly Creatures and bet my movie companion that she was going to be a star.
Cool! Five dohllars! Now, who was it, who who, hmmm....
Shit. It was LaceGirl.
LaceGirl was the friend of the girlfriend of one of my friends in high school. So, I was often in company with her, but never on purpose.
In college, she somehow got it into her head that we were friends. She had a car and was a convenient way to escape the fam during vacation breaks, but I can't really say I ever had fun. Quite the opposite really; I would return home exhausted and depressed.
After the day I spent 3 hours watching her and her boyfriend play Tomb Raider (waaaaaay more boring than watching one's own boyfriend play Doom for hours on end, since he can at least usually be distracted for sex) I stopped returning her phone calls.
3 years later, she ran into me in a Target and decided to renew our friendship. This involved guilting me into giving her a ride to work and, when almost there, sneakily guilt-detaining me as a potential grocery store chauffeur.
I have not spoken to her since. And won't. Not even for five dollars plus interest.
Let me just say, right off the bat: LaceGirl wasn't my friend.
Looking for a Pier 1, ranting about the stupidity of Michael Douglas receiving a LifeTime achievement award, talk turned to Peter Jackson and his career.
Suddenly, I remembered that someone owes me five dollars.
I first saw Kate Winslet in Heavenly Creatures and bet my movie companion that she was going to be a star.
Cool! Five dohllars! Now, who was it, who who, hmmm....
Shit. It was LaceGirl.
LaceGirl was the friend of the girlfriend of one of my friends in high school. So, I was often in company with her, but never on purpose.
In college, she somehow got it into her head that we were friends. She had a car and was a convenient way to escape the fam during vacation breaks, but I can't really say I ever had fun. Quite the opposite really; I would return home exhausted and depressed.
After the day I spent 3 hours watching her and her boyfriend play Tomb Raider (waaaaaay more boring than watching one's own boyfriend play Doom for hours on end, since he can at least usually be distracted for sex) I stopped returning her phone calls.
3 years later, she ran into me in a Target and decided to renew our friendship. This involved guilting me into giving her a ride to work and, when almost there, sneakily guilt-detaining me as a potential grocery store chauffeur.
I have not spoken to her since. And won't. Not even for five dollars plus interest.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Saturday, January 24, 2004
ehn
no energy last night. stayed in watching crap tv.
no energy today either.
here, this is amusing in my current state.
no energy last night. stayed in watching crap tv.
no energy today either.
here, this is amusing in my current state.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Being my own pimp, er, pundit
There's a whole lot of knee jerk uninformed political "analysis" passing through the media like so much kidney stone action. So I thought I'd get in on it.
Yes, it is a Presidential election year. This means I'm unlikely to go a whole day without something to say about politics. My apologies in advance...I'll try to occasionally be amusing.
Oh, and if you think W is the best thing since sliced bread please just go away. I'm not going to say anything you want to hear, and vice versa, I'm sure.
SofUA
Must admit that I chose to read the transcript instead of watching it; and it proved to be a wise decision, as reading it made me quite angry enough.
BBC's take on it was ok.
Sure, there was all the expected stuff, triumphant crowing re: his Personal Vendetta Against Iraq and self-righteous bleating over the Fanatical Crusade against an Emotion, but the biggest shock for me came from the suggested 23 MILLION DOLLARS?!? for drug testing schools. When they've had to lay off teachers? When many children don't have textbooks? This is our priority?
I guess nothing says I Love You like a drug test. And just in time for Valentine's Day.
There's a whole lot of knee jerk uninformed political "analysis" passing through the media like so much kidney stone action. So I thought I'd get in on it.
Yes, it is a Presidential election year. This means I'm unlikely to go a whole day without something to say about politics. My apologies in advance...I'll try to occasionally be amusing.
Oh, and if you think W is the best thing since sliced bread please just go away. I'm not going to say anything you want to hear, and vice versa, I'm sure.
SofUA
Must admit that I chose to read the transcript instead of watching it; and it proved to be a wise decision, as reading it made me quite angry enough.
BBC's take on it was ok.
Sure, there was all the expected stuff, triumphant crowing re: his Personal Vendetta Against Iraq and self-righteous bleating over the Fanatical Crusade against an Emotion, but the biggest shock for me came from the suggested 23 MILLION DOLLARS?!? for drug testing schools. When they've had to lay off teachers? When many children don't have textbooks? This is our priority?
I guess nothing says I Love You like a drug test. And just in time for Valentine's Day.
Friday, January 16, 2004
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
screw kansas, toto
As I've had occasion to tell a dozen or so students in the past week, Seattle is not my place of origin, but I have been here almost an entire year at this point.
And they one and all ask some variation on the "is it home yet?" question.
Tonight, at 6:22, an answer of sorts.
En route on foot to a meeting in a coffee house (I'd had to park 5 blocks away and it was, of course, raining), clad wisely in my bright blue slicker, my topic of grumbling was the people attending the Dave Matthews' concert who had parked up the whole damn hill.
Making eye contact with various and sundry strangers along the way, 'cause I do that, I suddenly recognized and was recognized by a guy I'd been in a show with before the holidays. He seemed happy to see me, introduced me to his friend, and chatted for a bit before acknowledging the rain and moving on.
As I continued to my destination, I found it impossible to likewise continue my complaints.
I'd randomly run into a friendly someone on the street who wasn't from, or a friend of a person from, St. Louis.
Cool.
As I've had occasion to tell a dozen or so students in the past week, Seattle is not my place of origin, but I have been here almost an entire year at this point.
And they one and all ask some variation on the "is it home yet?" question.
Tonight, at 6:22, an answer of sorts.
En route on foot to a meeting in a coffee house (I'd had to park 5 blocks away and it was, of course, raining), clad wisely in my bright blue slicker, my topic of grumbling was the people attending the Dave Matthews' concert who had parked up the whole damn hill.
Making eye contact with various and sundry strangers along the way, 'cause I do that, I suddenly recognized and was recognized by a guy I'd been in a show with before the holidays. He seemed happy to see me, introduced me to his friend, and chatted for a bit before acknowledging the rain and moving on.
As I continued to my destination, I found it impossible to likewise continue my complaints.
I'd randomly run into a friendly someone on the street who wasn't from, or a friend of a person from, St. Louis.
Cool.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Reading: Dude, Where's My Country by Michael Moore (this book must be taken in small doses to contain the blinding outrage)
Just finished: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (way not as good as everyone told me it was)
I am feeling fat and sassy
I've been sick for days. Four days.
Thursday I stayed mostly in bed and then dragged myself to a singing rehearsal; deeper than usual, the voice was not the 8 part harmony's friend.
Friday I worked, slept, attended an emergency meeting/sushi eating event. That did me in to the point that i spent
Saturday. Sleeping. Drinking juice. Sleeping. Drinking cough syrup. Sleeping. Canceling plans. Sleeping.
Today. Started off bad, but improved throughout the day. To the point that I just picked a fight on a chatlist.
I must be feeling better.
Just finished: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (way not as good as everyone told me it was)
I am feeling fat and sassy
I've been sick for days. Four days.
Thursday I stayed mostly in bed and then dragged myself to a singing rehearsal; deeper than usual, the voice was not the 8 part harmony's friend.
Friday I worked, slept, attended an emergency meeting/sushi eating event. That did me in to the point that i spent
Saturday. Sleeping. Drinking juice. Sleeping. Drinking cough syrup. Sleeping. Canceling plans. Sleeping.
Today. Started off bad, but improved throughout the day. To the point that I just picked a fight on a chatlist.
I must be feeling better.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
The Green Wall
Today at my local outpost of DrugStoreEvilMutantSuperChain I got
- a box of Hydrience hairdye #40, Tawny Breeze, to continue my journey Back to Brunette. I have now decided that Tawny Breeze will be my new porno name, if ever I have need of one;
- English bath cubes, the bouillon in the rubber duckie soup. Impulse buy for the anglophile. . .but now a violet-scented anglophile, so 'tis not all bad;
- Glowgirl scented shimmer duster, Medusa flavour (!purple!). I wanted something sparkly, but hadn't counted on the bonus amusement factor of goddess-themed cosmetics. (hint: venus and aphrodite are in fact the same deity, so they don't really need separate perfumes);
and
- a chance to talk about Howard Dean with the elderly Jewish clerk. At least, I think that's what we were talking about; he was a tad rambly. Based on my purchases I wouldn't've considered me a worthy political conversationee no matter what kind of pin I was wearing. I conclude clerks in a 24/7 drugstore get to be darn open-minded.
Today at my local outpost of DrugStoreEvilMutantSuperChain I got
- a box of Hydrience hairdye #40, Tawny Breeze, to continue my journey Back to Brunette. I have now decided that Tawny Breeze will be my new porno name, if ever I have need of one;
- English bath cubes, the bouillon in the rubber duckie soup. Impulse buy for the anglophile. . .but now a violet-scented anglophile, so 'tis not all bad;
- Glowgirl scented shimmer duster, Medusa flavour (!purple!). I wanted something sparkly, but hadn't counted on the bonus amusement factor of goddess-themed cosmetics. (hint: venus and aphrodite are in fact the same deity, so they don't really need separate perfumes);
and
- a chance to talk about Howard Dean with the elderly Jewish clerk. At least, I think that's what we were talking about; he was a tad rambly. Based on my purchases I wouldn't've considered me a worthy political conversationee no matter what kind of pin I was wearing. I conclude clerks in a 24/7 drugstore get to be darn open-minded.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
books by my bed until just now:
(in honor of my putting them away, and in no particular order)
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
Possession by AS Byatt
Westmark by Lloyd Alexander
The Death of King Arthur translated by James Cable
Affliction by Russell Banks
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
Tooth and Tongue by Bret Fetzer
Etiquette and Vitriol by Nicky Silver
Petals and Thorns by Bret Fetzer
The Farthest Shore by Ursula K. LeGuin
The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
The Forever Formula by Frank Bonham
Shrub by Molly Ivins and Lou Dubose
(books currently by my bed will be added to the template in a day or so. perhaps.)
(in honor of my putting them away, and in no particular order)
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
Possession by AS Byatt
Westmark by Lloyd Alexander
The Death of King Arthur translated by James Cable
Affliction by Russell Banks
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
Tooth and Tongue by Bret Fetzer
Etiquette and Vitriol by Nicky Silver
Petals and Thorns by Bret Fetzer
The Farthest Shore by Ursula K. LeGuin
The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
The Forever Formula by Frank Bonham
Shrub by Molly Ivins and Lou Dubose
(books currently by my bed will be added to the template in a day or so. perhaps.)
Monday, January 05, 2004
...but my maudlin level goes to eleven
I misted up at the unhappily ever after of the stilted childrens' play read, but managed to restrain myself.
Got through the often melancholic french canadian cartoon feature with no more than an ache.
And then burst into tears watching Best of Show on Comedy Central.
It went like this: during the hound round, there was a time-killing beagle. Bob said, "That's a cute dog." I replied "Yes, I like beagles."
Through the crying, I managed to tell him about the third dog my family had during my childhood. Her name was Tootsie, a black and white mutt I found sleeping in the sun patch on the entranceway rug one afternoon as i came home from camp. She'd been saved from the Humane Society and placed there on a whim of my father's.
Though ostensibly the family dog, she bonded most with me. She'd curl up nearby when i was reading, sleep with me at night, play soccer in the yard and was all in all a really great petfriend. She had a lovely alto bay from her half beagle ancestry.
Her one bad habit was a tendency to hop over our fence and go adventuring about the neighborhood. She'd do this once a month-ish, be gone for 12-72 hours, and then come home. Not great but, you know, bearable, or at least preventable by putting her on an in-yard leash.
However, to my father, the control freak, this was unacceptable behavior. After 2 years he decided she had to go and gave me all of 5 minutes to say goodbye.
My mom promised to keep tabs on her status at the humane society and told me the - what i didn't know at the time but have since realized was - accepted fiction, that Tootsie had been adopted by people with a large farm where she could run around all she wanted.
I think it was 2 years ago that my mom finally told me this hadn't been the case; my dog had, in fact, been put down almost at once, as they'd judged her too old to be of interest to anyone.
I've had trouble bonding with dogs ever since.
As an ironic coda, my dad brought home a schnauser three years later. Underwhelmed and uninterested, I was criticized for expressing my "usual coldness." Yeah.
I misted up at the unhappily ever after of the stilted childrens' play read, but managed to restrain myself.
Got through the often melancholic french canadian cartoon feature with no more than an ache.
And then burst into tears watching Best of Show on Comedy Central.
It went like this: during the hound round, there was a time-killing beagle. Bob said, "That's a cute dog." I replied "Yes, I like beagles."
Through the crying, I managed to tell him about the third dog my family had during my childhood. Her name was Tootsie, a black and white mutt I found sleeping in the sun patch on the entranceway rug one afternoon as i came home from camp. She'd been saved from the Humane Society and placed there on a whim of my father's.
Though ostensibly the family dog, she bonded most with me. She'd curl up nearby when i was reading, sleep with me at night, play soccer in the yard and was all in all a really great petfriend. She had a lovely alto bay from her half beagle ancestry.
Her one bad habit was a tendency to hop over our fence and go adventuring about the neighborhood. She'd do this once a month-ish, be gone for 12-72 hours, and then come home. Not great but, you know, bearable, or at least preventable by putting her on an in-yard leash.
However, to my father, the control freak, this was unacceptable behavior. After 2 years he decided she had to go and gave me all of 5 minutes to say goodbye.
My mom promised to keep tabs on her status at the humane society and told me the - what i didn't know at the time but have since realized was - accepted fiction, that Tootsie had been adopted by people with a large farm where she could run around all she wanted.
I think it was 2 years ago that my mom finally told me this hadn't been the case; my dog had, in fact, been put down almost at once, as they'd judged her too old to be of interest to anyone.
I've had trouble bonding with dogs ever since.
As an ironic coda, my dad brought home a schnauser three years later. Underwhelmed and uninterested, I was criticized for expressing my "usual coldness." Yeah.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
I need some time, more than five minute and less than five days worth, in which to pull my brain together.
It's been all snowglobed out the past 2 weeks, jumbled and scattered and a scrap will waft down next to my plastic igloo and I'll remember "Jesus!" I need to send GlitterGirl those scene selections or "Dammit!" I meant to get the flyers out ahead of time this month and "stupid stupid stupid!" I haven't paid the AT&T bill.
This makes me cranky. Even when on the way to see Lord of the Rings.
(Which made me sleepy. Fat, stupid hobbitses.)
I need some time, more than five minute and less than five days worth, in which to pull my brain together.
It's been all snowglobed out the past 2 weeks, jumbled and scattered and a scrap will waft down next to my plastic igloo and I'll remember "Jesus!" I need to send GlitterGirl those scene selections or "Dammit!" I meant to get the flyers out ahead of time this month and "stupid stupid stupid!" I haven't paid the AT&T bill.
This makes me cranky. Even when on the way to see Lord of the Rings.
(Which made me sleepy. Fat, stupid hobbitses.)
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