Tolerant Intolerance

I wish liberals had picked some other word besides "tolerance" to describe their world view.

Not just because conservatives have latched onto it as a conversation flipper, though that's a big piece of my problem, since I am thoroughly sick of that action: "I thought you were all for tolerance, but as son as I say something you disagree with I'm a bigot!" etc all over any social media comment section you care to unwisely wade into.

Clearly libs and cons have very different notions of what it means to tolerate something. As I learned waaay back in high school, there are few things more boring than a definition debate, but this one is pretty key. It's not only different definitions at play, but whole different forms of the word.

Cons seem to take to "tolerate," the verb form, the one that involves "allowing" the thing to happen/exist....."endure in silence something hated" is how I would sum up their approach.

Libs seem to be aiming more for "tolerance," the noun, a state of being....."a willingness to accept things you disagree with that don't hurt anyone."

Obviously my heart is with the libs here, as it usually is. Oddly, I find even more comfort in embracing the more scientific definition: "the capacity to endure continued subjection to something.....without adverse reaction." Same sex couples are able to marry. Does that adversely affect your life in any way? No? Then you literally can tolerate it. Does having an African-American museum remove a single exhibit from any other museum? No? Then you can (and should) tolerate it.

My objection to the word overall has more to do with its being so cold. It's weak tea. It's a low bar. It seems just another way that libs give up half of the field before we get to the negotiating table. "We know you hate these people, but can't you at least tolerate them?" Screw that.

I was leaning towards acceptance as a good replacement that at gets to what we want more directly. But it's unfortunately flippable the same way tolerance is, in the low-rent crucible that is online debate.

Turning to our old friend Ms. Thesaurus, I've found a rather old fashioned word that might fit the bill:
countenance
noun: support
verb: admit as acceptable or possible

The One With The Black Person

I was hanging out in the greenroom with my cast, waiting for our performance slot in the cabaret, when somehow the conversation turned to late night cable and the fact that Friends seems to always be on. One of the actors (a PoC) noted what a very white show it was.

And my response was full brain stop, followed by a wince, followed by a "Yep, yes it is. Jesus."

Obviously, this fact had never occurred to me before but, like the Disney Princess thing*, you can't un-see it once you've seen it. And if your knowledge in the field is extensive enough, you can validify the observation pretty quickly.

Or so I thought.

Since then, I have brought up this fact (#FriendsSoWhite) three different times to fellow white people when the topic of Friends comes around. Each and Every Time, this has been the response:

"Weeeellllll, but! Ross had that one girlfriend! And she was a professor and everything."

I would (and do) suggest this rather proves the point, but the tone of the person saying it is always as if it disproves it. There was one black actor in the show! So everything was balanced and fine!

Oh us. We need to do better. It would start with being able to see the problem. And then admitting it's there.

It's Just My Guess I Can't Have An Opinion

Waaay back in college, there was a public speaking class I had to take because it was required. This wasn't a problem, mind you, as I don't fear public speaking. It was more "Seriously? You want to encourage me to talk more in public? Okaaay." because I'd been a debate brat for all four years of high school.

One of the speeches bounced into my head this morning. It was about opinions and not apologizing for them. They chewed on the apology phrase "This is just my opinion, but....." and urged us all to own and embrace our opinions because we have a right to them, after all, as humans and, as United States Citizens, a right to express them.

I can only imagine that person, if they're still alive, is overjoyed by the world we currently live in, particularly internet discourse, where the statement It's My Opinion is supposedly a charm to defeat all comers.

I just watched an exchange in a protest event on FB where someone expressed disdain over the spelling of a word in the event's title*. When pushed back against for being rude, her defense (and the defense of the friend who jumped into the fray on her behalf) was "I'm just expressing my opinion." As if that statement by itself was an actual argument. When pushed back against further (in a polite and patient yet persistent way. a solid good piece of work done by someone who used to be a regular reader of this blog. "Hello!" if you're here now.) they signed off of the fray (multiple times. of course) with "I guess I just can't share my opinion around here!" As if that was a damning statement, as if the person speaking it was now magically changed into the vicim of the piece by simply uttering that phrase.

To a certain segment of the population (mostly white, mostly male) Opinion is somehow sacrosanct. As far as I've been able to glean, these are their tenants:
Thou shalt not speak against the Opinion. IT IS OPINION and thus there is no counterargument.
Thou shalt not speak against the tone or the timing of the Opinion. IT IS OPINION and thus it came out when and as it had to.
Thou shalt not ever ever ever suggest the Opinion is not welcome. IT IS OPINION and thus it must always come forth.

So I have to conclude that either all of these people think they've become Supreme Court Justices, or all of these people somehow think the word "opinion" is synonymous with the word "feeling." Given "That's just how I feel" is a defense often employed by the Opinionites, I'd have to give it in for the second notion.

And that right there may be the crux of the conflict. You have people who have gained their opinions by looking at facts versus people who have gained their opinions by examining their feelings. The twain shall meet frequently on FaceBook, but they're going to find it hard to come to any common understanding.