must be something inside

euphoria for
choices made at last teaches
quitters sometimes win

borrow-ed from PG

what?!? it's friday night and raej is at home taking silly quizzes and blogging?

that's right, and i'm not even drinking.

woo and hoo.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

the call...it's coming from...Inside The THEATRRR!

i'm alone in the office.

a man just called and asked if fiddler on the roof is a musical.

before that, a teacher called wanted me to promise, in writing, that an upcoming matinee will contain no inappropriate material without being willing to tell me what would be inappropriate.

before that, a call informed me the electricity was out in the hotel where tonight's artists are staying.

if the knife-wielding psycho would just show up soon, maybe i could go home.

teacher leave those kids alone

the lid of my lunch helpfully declares itself "not ovenable".

and do we know whyyy the container is not ovenable?

because "oven" is, in fact, a frickin' noun. not a verb. and adding "-able" does not make it an adjective.

i just hope the food is mouthable.

bring Muhammad to The Mountain's a-2-z

finally, i've figured it out. my body is obviously working it's way through ailments alphabetically.

and we're in the "S"s.

last november it was sinusitis. as the year turned we had strep throat. and then there was today.

scoliosis: apparently the cause of my mysterious back pain.

(raej gently requests: please refrain from suggesting other "s" maladies i might try. i'm hoping my body hasn't heard of any others...)

papa don't preach

not to make this exclusively an anti-forced pregnancy blog, but the R v.W Day article in the PI reminded my of the other thing i'd considered mentioning:

my freshman year of college, roommates MyNameToo and Blondie were my best friends. MyNameToo dropped out of school rather suddenly halfway through our second semester, and i've often wondered if there was baby business involved there, but today's story revolves around Blondie.

Blondie hailed from the bootheel of missouri and a town boasting a restaurant that was "the home of throwed rolls". she lasted for three semesters and then moved back home to live with her boyfriend.

two months later she emailed us that she was pregnant. . .but not in a happy way. she was jobless and broke and had no intention of starting a family at that time or with that man.

she had no health insurance and the closest abortion provider (planned parenthood) was near the college, three hours away from her. none of us had cars. her family could not be counted on as they would be keen on neither a) funding an abortion nor b) helping raise a mixed-race child.

(yes, for bonus fun, he was black and she was white and the family was very racist and in fact she hadn't even told them she was dating/living with this guy.)

as we were taking stock of our limited resources, thinking that we would need enough to help pay for a greyhound ticket and the procedure, she consulted a prostitute friend in her hometown and took care of things a different way.

she took a drug used to abort horses.

she didn't die or anything, so there's no hard-core moral here. it worked and, far as i know (which isn't very far) she may even have been able to have babies later. but seriously: fuck all the motherfuckers who want our only options to be abstinence or babies or nasty bleedy options on the bathroom floor. fuck. them.
also: here's to a planned parenthood in every county.

why oh why oh why oh are we so in denial

consistently unhappy. have been for a while now.

maybe finally tired enough to do something.

but which things to change and how much?

don't know. working on it.

2 steps forward, two steps back

on the goal of detaching myself a little more from a certain midwestern city, it is not so helpful.

nonetheless, having a play one helped write nominated for a sheeshey award is better than a sharp stick in the eye.

edit: naturally, props to gogo and agent smith who not only wrote but also starred in and directed the play, respectively. i am, it seems, a lazy bastard.

i choo-choo-choose you
or
happy r vs. w day!

my biggest problem with the idea of outlawing abortion is the whole "baby as punishment" connotation that comes with it like a super side of self-righteous fries.

"what? you don't want a baby but irresponsibly had sex? then take your medicine!"

as dr. phil would say "you're givin' that baby a job to do before it's even born. that dog don't hunt!"

when beaver cleaver wanted a puppy, no doubt ward and june, unsure of his maturity/responsibility level, hooked him up with a goldfish first.

(goldfish: the canary in the "can this person be watchful" mine. unlike a canary, however, they are remarkably easy to kill.)

what they absolutely didn't do, after goldie's inevitable demise, was say "i'm disappointed in you, son. to teach you a lesson, here is this kitten, which we're going to strap to you for the first month or so."

because that would be a stupid thing to do.

imagine Ward Christian and June Neo-conservative had the right to be dictating little Beavette's reproductive activities: "ok, we're going to give you this hymen to take care of. guard it really well and you'll get that rich husband you've always wanted. what, you've broken it? i'm afraid you're going to have to have a baby now. and live alone apart from all society for the rest of your life."

(got a little jane austin at the end there, didn't it?)

rather than a punishment and a resented burden, babies should be wanted and, preferably, loved.

choice makes that far more likely.

Thanks to a certain ABB, i'll actually be blogging
a) on a sunday
and b) about a serious topic.

i don't promise to handle it seriously, though.

tentative entry title: god gave us the free will in the first place, so put those dismembered fetus posters away and take your kids to the library, why don't ya?

hmm. needs to be shorter. and maybe more rhymey.

dwelling on the past, burnin up my brain

- so something kind of lame happened today, or rather didn't happen, but it may be fixed shortly.
- sorry to be vague, but there'll be less taking back of bile-filled invectives, perhaps, if i just hold for 24.
- i'll update you, though.
- i swear.
- in definite good news, twink will be coming out to visit some time this year.
- yea!
- also: much as i love to gripe about my job, today i saw this cool thing: a juggling physics teacher - or perhaps a physics-teaching juggler - referenced bunny foofoo and vampires in the same 5 seconds.
- my juggling soul brother!
- but not my evil twin.
- that position is filled.

a pain in the neck and an IQ of three

is it sad that i more or less planned my entire evening around what i wanted to watch on television?

ok wait no, i already know that answer: yes. how 'bout: approximately how sad was it? rate the sad, i command it! on a scale of sad clown on black velvet to drunken dialing ex-boyfriends, with sad clowns being low and hallmark commercials as the middle. . .

hmm. seem to have wandered off there. and i was typing...right, television, too important in my night.

but i really couldn't help it, she says. it was as if the televiewing angel descended from on high and asked of me "oh raej, what would thou most like to see on television?"

"well, i didn't quite get enough figure skating last weekend...oh! and i used to really love circus of the stars!"

and !poof! there was Skating With Celebrities. and it was good.

"and of course i'm gaga over project runway, what with my crush on tim gunn and all. er, could you possibly toss in some more figure skating?"

and !zap! there was SASHA COHEN on project runway. and it was, well, grr, but there's always that.

special bonus: the angel caught me up on gaunlet2 after jeopardy. rawk.

dude, i better buy a book tomorrow. i done used up all my tv mojo for the week.

and i would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those pesky kids. . .

having crocheted an entire hat during the last Annex company meeting, i thought pulling off a matching scarf during a The Job meeting twice as long would be no problem.

alas, no, but i came darn close. if only i hadn't gotten pegged to be the recording secretary during the second small group break out activity.

couldn't they see i was busy?

the cake bible: genoiseis

and lo, the prophet mol did speak unto them of the cake bible. and the spirit of the cake moved raej, and so she caused it to be writ in her amazon.com wish list. and in the fullness of time, on the day of celebration of the birth of the christ, or perhaps a week before, the cake bible was given unto raej. and there was much rejoicing.

but alas, she was far from home, a stranger in strange kitchens, and she could but read of the miracles of the cakes, hiding her light under a bundt pan. and when she did return to her homeland, a plague did descend upon her so that she cared not for cakes, nor whether it was night or day, nor whether she watched iron chef or the tyra banks show. it was a time of darkness in her soul.

man of means by no means

blood ray's (no relation) posts on Brokeback Mountain made me want very much to respond. but blogger's comments code was being a bitch, so i've broken my normal pattern with a seriousish post.

i've been reading him long enough to know that we could never be movie buddies. so that ang lee's latest wasn't quite his speed was no surprise.

what did surprise me was, though i thought this movie was incredible, i obviously didn't "get" it either.

the 2 main characters noble? victims? i didn't see that.

then again, what do i know; i didn't see it as an inherently "gay" movie, either.

if the movie has a great impact, i think that's where it will hit; the central relationship could have been any deemed violently "inappropriate" by society.

what i saw was the mundane tragedy of lives made less than they otherwise might have been because of fear, of love denied because of fear.

i'm not suggesting the fears weren't valid, they were. but there is also this: life is scary. love is very very scary. if you're looking for it, you will always find a fearful reason to not embrace either.

that's what made me sob, and gave me an evening's worth of headache, and made me sad the entire next day.

worst hypothetical movie mistake of '05

taking the neighbor children to see what you thought was "The Aristocats".

zombie embargo

my internal parenting force (SuperEgo tm) needs to call a time-out on my zombie activities (viewing, contemplating, etc.), as they brought on a nightmare in the wee hours of the morn.

bad: many people i know were featured, zombiefied and dispatched, so if i look at you sort of oddly in the next few days, that's likely to be why.

good: my subconscious came up with an addendum to my zombie plan that was really rather smart. it involves a boat. yea sleeping brain!

tasty tasty sleeping brain. . .

ends, loose

~ the review lunch actually went very well. moreover, it was tasty. wine. dessert. 4% raise.

~ the pin~atA! did get finished and also shattered. the frame plan worked very well. the newspaper, not so much. and it really didn't stand up very well to the Ginormous Club o' Death crab used to bash it. but mol spoke well of the explosion.

~ never did get around to explaining about my mom and her dog. maybe this year.

you impersonate a person better than a zombie should

Question O' The Day:
Which precise breed of wolf does one need to be raised by to think that after biting into a nice fancy holiday choc-y and finding it not a variety to one's taste, it is then an appropriate move to place the remainder back in the frickin' box?

whiskey dissolves my resolve

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Take over the world. Get your resolution here

the new zoo review

BarFly informed me today that Friday we'll be going to lunch for my Annual Review.

naturally, the inside of my head exploded. props to my skull for containing the goo.

sensing my internal "Ack!" BarFly reassured me with a hearty "It's not baaad."

hmph. maybe, but you gotta understand, generally a review for me in an office setting indicates that i'm about to be on some level of disciplinary probation.

why? because i steal office supplies and sexually harass my co-workers.

nonono, because i hate offices and schedules and having to be somewhere at the same time everydamnday. tends to make me abuse the hell out of my sick leave.

not that i'm doing that with this job. so i should conclude that this'll be basically ok. yet i still worry.

i worry that i'm slacking in some heinous way that i've not noticed. i worry that an area for improvement will be pointed out to me that i'm simply not interested in improving. i worry that i'll cry, 'cause that's just awkward for everyone involved.

i worry that he'll insist i cease blogging from work.

ah well, i could always go back to strippin'.

did i mention they swabbed the inside of my nose?

though i'm not as, er, pissed off and/or depressed as the last couple of entries might possibly lead the casual reader to believe, in the wake of two consecutive illnesses which systematically wiped the joy out of two consecutive misc. holiday weekends, i'll admit the year end wrap up is looking none too jolly from here.

i hate to be negative (come back when you're done laughing. i'll wait.), but if i made new year's resolutions, which i don't, and even if i did i would've made them back in october, because i'm a pagan, and would already be well on my way to breaking them by now, i'd resolve to make 2006 more fun than 2005.

at the doctor's office they gave me a rapid flu test. this involves having the nurse swab your nostrils. yes, both of them.

so, less of that in Aught-six. yeah.

feeling better, apathy woman ventures back onto the internet

not sure how this is a quiz, but it made me laugh.
(yoinked from gogo's toehold on mr. interweb)


you suck and that's sad.


Who's Your Happy Bunny?
brought to you by Quizilla

now, i'm not sure if it's saying _i_ suck, or if it's saying i say that _you_ suck.

maybe we all just suck.

happy new year.