Path to Glory

More and more these days, I'm wondering if writing is going to wind up being my thing. I mean, the main thing, the thing I'm "known" for (if there's ever anything I'll be able to point to legitimately in that category. maybe there won't be). I've resisted it for a long time. Because. Because writing is hard. Because it isn't fun. I enjoy the process of almost everything else i do more.

But.

It's been dawning on me that most of what I do gets going because I write something first. And the stuff that tends to do better, go farther (further?) involves my writing something first. And, honestly, I feel more pride in projects where I've written something than those where I haven't. Heck even my side-line, marketing/pr, has a really large writing component.

And yet, I don't feel I necessarily have a book in me. Never mind a whole series. I tried NaNoWriMo last year and dropped it after three days because I hated it so much. So if I have a path to glory, that's not it. But it may still be writing.

Improv Oil Can

Last night I went to one of those walk-in classes that most improv schools have. I did this because I have a couple of auditions for improv shows coming up and thought my skills could use some brushing, since it has been quite a while since I did any real improv*. I was predictably rusty and so last night and today I am predictably annoyed with myself. Yay. I'm trying to get me to stop beating myself up about it, so I thought it would be useful, maybe, to write down my fears/hang-ups/observations of the thing. Whee.

0) I'm realizing now that I didn't much chat with anyone before the class. I'm doing this in my tai chi class as well: hiding in plain site, not talking to people. This is unusual for me and I wonder what the heck is up.

1) Hesitation
A big no-no in improv, of course. Did this a bit, because I didn't know the group at all, but I think I got better at it as the evening went on.

2) I'm afraid I spent too much time on stage.
This probably isn't true. It could be, but I suspect it it's more my reluctance to take over the thing at work beating me down. I remind myself that I never worried about this ever with my old improv group; I just put myself on the stage when I needed to be there to help the scene and/or my team mates. So, this one is probably self-hatred bullshit.

3) Lack of Objective
My real sin, I think. I'd pop on-stage with a character choice or a clever idea, but nothing I as the character wanted to accomplish. You run out of steam pretty quick when this is the case.

4) Jumped Off the Line
This was what Mr. D asked when I got home unhappy with myself. And I have to say I did. I did jump off the line. And I made big choices and interacted with strangers physically and stuff. I stuck to my ideas. These things I feel all represent some level of progress for me, as when I used to improv with people (outside my old improv group) I'd very much latch onto whatever they wanted to do in the scene and abandon my own ideas.

5) Was I a Crazy Out of Control Monster?
Maybe? Can't really tell. Didn't feel connected to people, which I think is the real take-away from this feeling. Unless I am enjoying torturing myself about it which, let's face it, is obviously kind of my jam.

So, next time, I need to focus on What I Want and My Relationship With My Scene Partner(s). I have my marching orders and now it is time to move on.

*I took a break from most other types of theatre for the past couple years to focus on my puppetry. It was super fun getting to tell someone this at last night's jam.

Don't Let Them Eat Cake

Me: Fuck Oliver Cromwell.
Mr. D: Why?
Me: Do I need a specific reason*?
Mr. D: (brief brief pause) Not really, no.

*for the record, he wanted to outlaw cake.

An Open Letter to My Family and Friends Who Might Be Voting For the GOP Nominee

Dear Loved Ones,

It's an election year and boy howdy is it a weird one.

On one side we have an extremely smart, experienced and qualified candidate who many people hate for her sin of being, apparently, the first imperfect person ever to run for the office of President of the United States.

On the other side we have a bankrupt grifter strong armed into his slot by the media and the extreme fringe of the GOP.

Coming as I do from a very conservative midwestern state, it seems likely that some of you will be voting for this second person. I have two requests for you, one reasonable and one that seems reasonable to me.

First, don't vote for him. Seriously. It isn't just that he won't do the country any good. And it isn't just that he would likely do us and the whole world a great deal of harm, though either of those ought to be enough. It's that he isn't a real candidate. No responsible serious person should actually be considering handing him the highest elected office in our country. He is not qualified for it by any metric.

But if you must, my second request is as follows: Please don't tell me.

The thing is, right now I like and esteem you. Knowing that you voted for the Republican Presidential candidate this time would make me think less of either your heart or your head. If your heart can let you vote for a man who has expressed hatred for anyone who is not an able bodied white Christian "conservative" male, there is something wrong with it. If your head can let you vote for a man whose only successful life ventures have been tricking people into thinking he's mega-rich and shredding the self esteem of souls more desperate than his on television, then there is something wrong with it.

I enjoy thinking well of you as a fellow human. I would like to continue to do so. Perhaps it is cowardly of me...yes, it definitely is...but forgive me that if you can. This has been a long and exhausting year politically and my heart is already suffering the multiple compound fractures of discovering how wide spread and insidious low level sexism is among the Liberal. I fear a blow of this sort would leave me with nothing but dust.

So please, if you plan to vote for Trump, keep it to yourself. It's the only kind part of what you'd be doing there.

Thanks,
- Raej