haiku 22

sorry for the rage

i'm exhausted and really

that's all i have left

Haiku 11 - my first missed day

too angry to write

other than that two page rant

couldn't keep it short

Channel Your Raej

I have this thing I do with FaceBook.....

.....actually, I've been avoiding casual FB use lately. I started taking a medicine that had anxiety as a (not-quite-rare-but-slightly-uncommon) side effect. Fortunately it's reported to wear off after a few weeks, the same as the other, more common, side effects. Yay! In the meantime, to weather the Two Weeks of Anxiety, I decided to reduce external stressors in my life. And FaceBook is most definitely one of those. I'm past the two weeks now and feeling better mentally, which must be why I did some FB browsing for the first time in a bit.....

.....I read my newsfeed only until something enrages me. Enrages me so much I can feel it physically. Then I do ten rage burpees and get the eff off FB for at least an hour.

This is a practice I started back before the primaries were over. A lot of my friends were Bernie worshipping multiple times a day, and since that involved spouting a lot of idiotic voter fraud conspiracy (now in new Sour Grape flavour!) and insulting my girl Hillary (#ImWithHer), I was feeling a lot of rage in my daily FB wanders.

I think this has been very good for me, honestly. Definitely good for my physical health, because burpees are effin hard. Good for my productivity, because FB eats that for breakfast (and lunch, aaand dinner). And even good for my mental health, as rage is one of those things that shuts off your brain, yes?

Today I took the actual step of telling someone that, congratulations, they were the thing* that had driven me offline.....

.....as may be inferred from my last post, said people are almost never my direct friends these days. They're friends of friends commenting on our mutual friend's page/post.....

.....and I feel weird about it, which is why I'm writing this now.

My brain says fuck that noise. Fuck my feeling bad for calling someone's comment horrible when they clearly flit about spewing horribleness at the approximate same rate they shed hair. I could say that I don't want to sink to their level, but I don't really think that's my problem; sometimes I rather crave going the low road.

But yeah, my gut still feels uncomfy. I assume it's mostly because I've gone against my internalized Prime Directive: You Must Be Liked, Well Liked, And At All Times. That's a big ol' mole mountain I need to demolish.

Also I called him a sexual assault apologist when I meant rape apologist. I'm not going back there, but I wish I hadn't granted the semantic hairsplitting ground like that.

Ah well, as I wrote to myself right after Prince died, nothing I write on FaceBook will make people dance in the streets the day I die.

Time to get back to work.

*The Thing: a friend had posted that "when a black person does a crime, all we hear about are all the horrible things they've been. when a white person does a crime, all we hear about are all the wonderful things they might become" meme (i'm paraphrasing; not going back to check). in his prologue to it he mentioned the rapist swimmer in cali who got such an insultingly light sentence. and he drew a well actually cat who threw down, in three separate comments, about how it wasn't really rape it was sexual assault and the sentencing was totally within the parameters for sentencing within the law and the media has fed us these lies and we shouldn't buy into them and blah de blah de blah bloopity bloo. that's right, of all the horrible things one could step up to champion against on the internet today (and the protests in NC were last night, so there's plenty of horrible on the ground), the Most Important Battle was making sure little priveleged swimmy prick is called a Sexual Assaultist and not a Rapist. just writing about it makes me mad enough that I think it may be burpee time again. excuse me...