Final Pregnancy Thoughts

As I'm finishing this most amazing journey I've been on for the last 36 months I have a few final thoughts.

*What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I thought that there would never be an end to our heartbreak over our fertility troubles. So many months of ups and downs and sadness only proved to bring Wes and I closer. I also found that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I may have been sad but I got through it and now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

*A woman's body is amazing. Creating human life is hard work and our bodies just know how to do it! It blows my mind every time I see my girls on the ultrasound. There are two living, growing, developing children in my stomach. And they are pretty big too! I NEVER would have thought that my stomach could stretch as big as it did (of course, not without stretch marks). My last measurement gave me a sexy 44 inch waistline!

*We are about to enter the crazy, amazing, scary, exciting, rewarding life of parenting. This is truly the only thing that I can come up with that is completely permanent. Nothing in the world can change the fact that we are these little girls' mommy and daddy. This is a job that we have wanted for so long and will never ever take for granted. It makes me sad to think that so many children are born without their parents thinking about this. It is a lifelong commitment that should never be chosen lightly.

*Pregnant bellies are fascinating to people. I do agree that it is amazing, but it also happens millions of times. This is one thing that has been more of a negative of pregnancy for me. I truly feel uncomfortable when people point, stare or make a big deal of my big belly. I know it is big, but I'm not a freak show. I also know that people have good intentions, but some of the comments that are meant to be a compliment come out much different. Ex. "I've just never seen a belly so HUGE!!!!!" I got that one at Old Navy the other day.....very uplifting let me tell you! And finally the desire to touch another person's pregnant belly is not something I have ever felt so the constant need for other people to touch me is uncomfortable. This week for the first time I was groped by two strangers. The first lady was at the mall and while she did ask she was already reaching for my stomach so what could I say. I also thought she would just touch it but instead she was rubbing it and telling my babies to kick her. She left her hands there for an uncomfortable amount of time. AWKWARD! The second time was at the greenhouse. One of the workers came out and I could see her staring at my stomach so I kind of tried to turn away but she just put her (dirty from working) hands on both sides of my stomach and started rubbing. I gave a half laugh and smiled but tried to step back a little. She reached out again and continued to rub. Gives me the creeps!

Things about pregnancy I will NOT miss:
*Belly touchers, pointers, starers, commenters
*Swollen hands and feet (which are also numb and itchy)
*Peeing 25 times a day and 10 times a night
*Leg cramps
*Braxton Hicks contractions
*Not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep or sit
*Sleeping on my side
*Not being able to drink fountain Diet Coke....I don't miss other pop much but that I do miss!

Things about pregnancy I will miss:
*Feeling my miracles move inside me
*Seeing them on an ultrasound
*Hearing their heartbeats wooshing so strongly
*Wes kissing or talking to my belly/his daughters
*Being able to eat all that I want. I do this normally but now everyone smiles and thinks it's fine. I love my ice cream that is for sure!!!!
*Finally, anticipation......this both kills me and thrills me. As much as the waiting is getting to me, there will never be a bigger day in my life than next Wednesday. Yes, I will probably have more children, but going from no kids to twins is the most life changing moment we will ever experience. I have loved dreaming about it and talking about it with Wes. Trying to picture our girls and what our life will be like is so exciting.

All in all, I had an AMAZING pregnancy with very few problems. I am so ready for this new life of ours to begin!

Final Prenatal Visit

Yesterday was my final prenatal visit with the doctor. When I got there she said, "I can't believe you are here!" I told her I couldn't believe it either. She checked me and told me that unfortunately nothing was going on yet so we are going to stick to our scheduled c-section next Wednesday. So if nothing happens over the next four days, my daughters' birthday will be June 3, 2009. We have to report to the hospital at 8:00 a.m. The surgery starts at 10:00 and should be finished in an hour. She said that I would be in recovery with my babies by 10:45-11:00. Amazing. As much as I cannot wait for this to happen, I still can't believe it's going to happen. I AM GOING TO HAVE TWO CHILDREN IN FOUR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!

I was a little upset that nothing was progressing yesterday, but instead of going home to sit uncomfortably and wait, I went to my school. It was the kids' last day and I wanted to be there to send them off and say good-bye. I love the last day of school because our school does the cutest thing. The kids are dismissed two hours earlier and almost all of our students ride the bus. The kids load up the buses and all of the teachers stand on the sidewalk in front of the building. The bus drivers pull away and we all wave at them. Then the drivers drive in a circle in front of the school and honk like crazy so that the kids drive past the teachers twice, while we all wave like crazy. Some kids are crying, some are laughing, most are screaming and all are hanging out their windows! It makes me cry. I'm both happy to get rid of troublemakers and to think of my summer off, and sad that another year has passed and I am losing some kids that I have come to love. One of the bus drivers had a plan this year. He stopped his bus right in front of the teachers and all of the kids were sitting down. Then they stood up and he had given them all squirt guns. The kids thought it was hilarious and they were drenching the teachers. It was so funny! It was a wonderful distraction for me!

After school I headed home for a short nap and then my mom and I went to Bench's Greenhouse to buy some flowers. My mom is absolutely wonderful! I can count on her for anything and everything. I had called her after the doctor appointment and was a little upset that I wasn't heading to the hospital because I am truly in the full blown miserable stage. Right away she said, "Okay well then let's plant your flowers and I will help you". She always gets me motivated to do things and then I feel both distracted and accomplished. She had come over the night before because I was having a hormonal nesting feeling. I was crying and cleaning so she came and helped me wipe down walls and clean my bathroom really good. I don't know what I would do without her.

Waiting.....

Ok so now I've hit the 36 week mark and I feel like a ticking time bomb! At our appointment this week the nurse said she would be very surprised if I make it through the weekend so I'm just waiting for something to happen. I didn't post last week because there really was not any new information. This week we had another ultrasound for a weight update and to check amniotic fluid levels, a non-stress test and a regular doctor check-up. These babies are very comfortable and growing like weeds! They both pass the non-stress test very easily each week, however this week we heard that Mya had a slight arythmeia (sp?) or irregular heart beat but the doctor at the hospital was not concerned because it was so slight and most times it will just go away as soon as she is born. At the ultrasound we learned that Mya had went from 5lbs. 2oz. to 6lbs. 15oz. and Stella had went from 4lbs. 14oz. to 6lbs. 7oz. in just three weeks!!!!!!!!!!! Their fluid levels are fine and everything is working as it should. We have had a different tech for each appointment and each one of them have commented on how long their hair is, especially Mya's. Her's is easier to see I think. So now I'm extremely curious what they are going to look like when they come out because Wes and I were both very bald as babies!

We also heard from Julie, our wedding photographer, and she told us that we were one of her favorite couples to work with so she offered to come to the hospital once the babies are born to take pictures and then to our house when we bring them home. Oh and she is doing it for free!!!!!!!!! We are so excited because she is an amazing photographer and the sitting fee is normally pretty expensive. Of course we will be paying for the pictures we buy. She said she wants to capture all of the emotion on our faces and our families faces when they first meet the girls and then when they are home they are more "moldable" into cute poses! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now the question that I get asked constantly - "How are you feeling?". While I completey appreciate the support of everyone, I feel like people think I am incapable of talking about anything else. That is all anyone asks me anymore. So to everyone - I am doing fine. I am extremely anxious and I move pretty slowly now. I have gained 37 pounds to date and most of it is in my belly. This makes my back hurt and my belly itch because the skin is so stretched. I do not sleep very well at night because I cannot get comfortable, I'm constantly overheating and I have to pee at least 5 times a night. I do better with naps during the day. Lately, my hands, calves, ankles and feet are swelling up. My legs swell when I stand too long or when I sit in a chair with my legs bent or a stool with my legs dangling. My hands swell a lot over night and they actually hurt when I try to bend my fingers. However, at every appointment they check my blood pressure and it is always right where it should be so I guess this just comes with pregnancy and it is not a concern. Besides that, which I don't think is really that bad for having twins, I feel fine. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy and I thank God for that every day. I have a wonderful husband and family that is supportive and babies that are big and healthy. I couldn't ask for more. Well, I take that back.......I have one thing to ask. Mya and Stella, do you think you could come out now? We are ready to meet you!

34 Week Update

I forgot to update last week so now I will have an update today and tomorrow. Last Thursday I went for my 34 week appointment with the doctor. I no longer have ultrasounds there so it was kind of a boring appointment. She didn't even check to see how dilated I am. Pretty much it was a "How are you feeling?" kind of appointment and checking my weight and blood pressure. My blood pressure has been good all along and my weight is increasing as it should. We did, however, discuss delivery again. We scheduled my c-section for June 3rd, which puts me at 37 weeks and 6 days. She said that I probably won't make it to that day though so it was kind of pointless. If I should happen to make it that far I would be guaranteed to have my doctor, which would make me feel much better. She is one of ten doctors in her practice and if I randomly go into labor I could have any one of them deliver the girls. It just depends who is on call that day. Anyways, I have to report to the hospital at 8:00 a.m. on the 3rd and the c-section will begin at 10:00 a.m. It is a great feeling to know that there is an end in sight and it will quite possibly be even sooner than that.

Friday was my NST at the hospital and now the doctor has added weekly AFI (Amniotic Fluid Index) tests. This test is just another ultrasound where they measure the amount of fluid around each baby. The girls passed the NST and the fluid looked great. Now I go back to the doctor tomorrow for my 35 week check-up and to the hospital Friday for the NST and AFI.

Sunday I celebrated my first Mother's Day!!! My mom and dad got me a pedicure at David Broadway so my toes will be ready for the delivery room. So Mom and I went Monday afternoon and my toes are now a nice bright Cha-Ching Cherry pink! They look awesome and the massage on my feet and legs was wonderful now that I'm swelling up like crazy!!!! My AMAZING husband also got me some wonderful gifts. First, he got me a special adaptor for my car so that I can play and charge my iPod in the car. I had a basic cord that worked but it didn't charge it so I was getting annoyed with it. Then on Monday after Mother's Day I was laying on the couch getting my rest in and I was feeling especially huge. My legs and ankles were swelling so bad and I was extremely uncomfortable. He came and sat on the floor by me and was kissing me and telling me that he was so proud of me and how much I'm doing for the girls. He tried to slip a ring on my ring finger but my fingers are also very swollen so he stopped at my knuckle. He bought me another wedding band to wear on the other side of my engagement ring. He said he gave me the first band because he knew I would be a great wife and this one is because he knows I will be a great Mommy! I'm going to get the band sautered to the other two and have our wedding date engraved on the first band and the girls birthday engraved on the new band. Now I can't wait to wear them once I stop swelling up so much!

Words of Advice

Tonight I talked to my Aunt Sharon who was a labor and delivery nurse. I wanted her opinion on my delivery situation. Like I said before, I trust my doctor but I also know that Aunt Sharon would tell me the complete truth. We discussed the situation and with everything the way that it is she also recommended that I have a c-section. So unless Stella decides to flip over between now and D-day that is what I will be doing. I am going to take any time I have to let this sink in and get myself ready for this. I know that some people might think that I'm being ridiculous because people do this every day. Honestly, I am completely terrified of it. The thought of my stomach being cut open completely freaks me out. Besides that and really more importantly I don't like the idea of all of the drugs and the fact that I will not be able to hold my babies right away. That actually breaks my heart more than anything. I really wanted to hold them and feed them immediately and I don't think that can happen with a c-section.

Wes knows all of my concerns and he has reassured me that he will be with me every step of the way and that he will hold my hand. I think he is secretly excited about this because once I go into labor they will be born much quicker than if he had to wait for me to deliver them naturally. He can hardly stand the waiting. Ever since we saw the 3-D ultrasound pics he is so giddy and cannot wait for them to be here. I have to keep reminding him that we want them to stay in my belly a while longer so they can grow. I know his head knows this but his heart is telling him that he just wants to meet his daughters and hold them for the first time. He is going to be such an amazing Daddy!!!!!

33 week update

Today I went back to Maternal Fetal Medicine at the hospital for an ultrasound and another Non-Stress Test (NST). Dr. Kanios wanted them to do an ultrasound to check if they found the same gap in weight and because they do high risk ultrasounds so they are more detailed. As I was sitting down to put my shoes on before I left the house Wes called and asked if I wanted to go to lunch afterwards. I was confused because he was at work and his lunch was not going to match up with my appointment. He had taken a half day and was going to meet me at the hospital because he said that he thought I was nervous about this and didn't want me to go alone! I love my husband!!!!! I was nervous that if they would tell me that the gap was growing and they wanted to admit me that I wouldn't be able to talk to him because he would be teaching. I was very glad to have him there! In the end he was thrilled he came because the ultrasound tech took some 3-D pictures for us and he has been wanting to do that all along. I really didn't want to see them in 3-D because I feel like it is cheating. We know what we are having and we get to see them so often in the ultrasounds that I wanted what they look like to be a surprise but it was pretty amazing.

The ultrasound took an hour because they are VERY thorough with twins. She measured and re-measured their heads, abdomens, arms, legs, heart rates, checked blood circulation in and around their hearts and umbilical cords, checked their kidneys and checked lungs and diaphragms. Both girls were practicing their breathing which was so cute and also a great sign that they are right on track. Because they are so thorough her measurement of weight is much more accurate than last week and she did not find the gap in weight. Mya weighed in at 5 pounds 1 ounce and Stella weighed in at 4 pounds and 13 ounces. They are only 4 ounces different and there is no concern anymore. So hopefully if they stay in my belly for another 3 weeks they will be over 6 pounds when they are born!

Following the ultrasound I went to the NST room and they hooked me up to the monitors. The girls had been moving all over the place during the ultrasound so I knew they would be nice and active for the NST. They were nice and active, as was my uterus! I was having contractions 2-4 minutes apart and they were lasting about 2 minutes. The girls passed the NST, apparently they aren't bothered by the contractions. The nurse said she would have to call upstairs to Labor and Delivery and talk to the doctor on call from my practice though because she was sure they would want me upstairs for more monitoring since the contractions were increasing and these were starting to get a pretty uncomfortable. The doctor said that since I had the fetal fibronectin test last week and it was negative that I could go home. I was relieved because I was starving and Wes and I were planning to go out to eat. So I go back to see Dr. Kanios in her office next Thursday when I will be 34 weeks and then back to the hospital on Friday for my weekly NST. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the girls keep growing and stay put for at least 2-3 more weeks!

Mya Alyse - She was rubbing her left eye with her little fist. (I don't know why her name is underlined and I can't figure out how to change it.....oh well.)

Stella Grace - This is a side view of her. All of the things that look like bubbles near her face are her umbilical cord.