rants and ramblings

god help me

Ok here goes... I think the results of the bar would be out tomorrow night. And at the moment... I really can't find the strength to relax. I AM SCARED! Although I hate to admit it, all these time.. I've been fooling myself that everything is cool. But you know what? It is not.Things are not cool, I'm not cool. I never was cool. When Judy and I parted ways after having coffee... I find myself thinking and meditating (?)... thoughts have been going in and out of my head unceasingly. And i did remember the eve of the first sunday very clearly, I don't want to fall asleep cause I know that if I close my eyes the next time that I opened it would be Sunday already. That's what I am feeling now.

I thought that I'm prepared for this day. I am not. I'm scared as I can be. All I can think of right now is God. Cause I know he'll give me the strength to carry on. Cause I know that in the absence of faith in myself, he somehow still believes in me. Cause I know, that he would guide me all through this.

I do wish Jane is here. I do wish that I'm strong. It's not even out yet, and I'm crying already. *sniff*

tired tired tired

Isn't it funny? I'm tired from work and yet I still find time to write here despite all the hassle that Blogger is giving me. HEhehehe... I'm sleepy but I don't want to go to rest without me writing something here in my journal.

We had our 2nd hearing about the Pyramid Scam today. There were lots of people who attended it. Not all of the respondent's attended, I believe that they would be held in contempt and then they would be arrested for disobeying orders. It saddens me to see people being robbed of their lifetime savings, people being robbed of their hard earned peso. But who is to blame? Such happening can only be attributed to one thing.... GREED. I do believe that greed leads men to cheat on their friends or neighbors, greed lead people to invest in"get-rich-quick" schemes. Most of them are corporations or partnerships, it did amazes me that somehow there were single proprietors who got the nerve to defraud their co-employees. World is indeed full of evil.

So if something is too good to be true -- it probably is not.

17

The First Edsa revolution turned 17 today, and this afternoon I was able to watch a documentary about the so called People Power. When it happend I was turning 10, so basically I really don't give a damn bout the things thats happening around me. But seeing the said footages, made me think... It made me understand, that massacre could have happened, President Marcos could have ordered all the people annihilated. It was a scary thought.

I took part in People Power 2, but the two of them are very different. Yes, they have overthrown the leaders. But the first people power -- for me -- have danger, suspense, lots of drama and action. People were fighting not only for Freedom but for their Lives as well. Whereas, People Power 2, was more of opinionated gathering wherein there are singing and partying. Not too much drama, suspense and danger. People Power helped changed government. Sadly, they haven't changed the way of life of our people. The lives of the people were not alleviated. Very few people were able to improve their lives. Now, the year of 2003 -- there are still millions of Filipinos who are hungry, jobless, and homeless. Crimes are still rampant, corruption is still evident not only in the government but in the business sector too.

what the fuck...

No matter how many times I try to move out of Blogger, It seems that I always find myself writing here.... I guess i just have to bear with their shortcomings and regard my past entries as PAST. Time to start a new chapter, time to move on...

Work was tiring today, since we got a hearing on Wednesday, I have to finish the briefer today. I haven't finished researching about the things that Atty. Richard asked me to research on. Anyway, It was Judy's first day today-- and what a day that she had. She came over at around 7:45, ( this is my fault, i asked her to be there early.) Only to realize that she'll be staying there till night to finish the senate session. Tsk... She's thinking of resigning already.. and I feel so bad... haaayy... maybe if she took the position offered by NFA or DAR, she won't be having a hard time adjusting to the chaotic world of the Legislature. I do wish that she'll be able to settle things out.. and decide to stay. I think she needs to talk to the bosses so that she would be heard cause her ranting and rumbling would not give her results unless it is heard by the proper authorities. I like to work with her, she is dedicated and funn. It is nice to have her around. =)

I'll be celebrating my one month anniversary with them come monday , Mar 3. So far, everything is cool aside from minor setbacks caused by my king inang bitches officemates. So, If I would not mind them - I'm staying cool. d0-0b

haaay

I was able to go home early today.. why?! cause my shoe got dilapi.. dilapi... ahh demmit, opened up. So I went to the mall to get me some slippers. Judy went to the office for her final (? I fucking hope so....) interview. When I got home, I went online and was able to chat with Ninyo. Demmit... I forgot to greet him on his bday.. haayyy.. I've been so busy!! It was his 27th birthday. He'll be coming over in May together with her GF, and they're going to Cebu. I asked him to bring me along too... hehehehe... All expenses paid of course. What else....

Oh, this one is a sad news... Grouchy- lost his dad today. =( I'm so sorry for the lost bro. I know it is difficult to lose someone you dearly love. I would want to meet Rey but not under these circumstances, though we haven't seen each other -- I got the feeling that we've been friends for a long time. I can only pray for rey's courage and strength. I can only pray for the betterment of everybody. And though I'm not what you can call the "prayerful" type.. or even the type that God would listen to. I do hope that he'll grant me that small wish. I'm still hoping.... .

judy, that girl...

Congratulations to JUDY! Her article on Youngblood was published today. :) I read and it was really good. I got myself a copy of the said article. She went to the office today for an interview with the Senator, however when I checked on her at around quarter to 5.. she was still in the office and waiting.... and waiting..... I dunno if she got the appointment rescheduled. :) I do hope to see her and work with her next monday. :)

Work is tiring but i'm getting used to being bored! FUCK! Hmm.... the results of the bar isn't out yet (THANK GOD!) haaay.... I miss going out.... I miss my friends... i miss staying up late and waking up late!! Tsk...

new blog, new home?

Ok.... since Blogger doesn't mind to lose one free client.. at this very moment-- I'm creating a new blog at a new home. I'll be checking it out for a couple of days and if they "pleased" me.. I'll be more than glad to leave Blogger.

I'm such a sentimental fool.. I do find it hard to let go of things that's been mine.. so naturally, I'm sad that I have to leave Blogger. But then, Change is the only permanent thing in the world.... And a new atmosphere is always good for you. Hmmmmm....yep... change is good. :) so far... i'm getting excited with Interactive X... So far they are COOL! Much cooler than Blogger to be exact. hehehehe....

heart's day

Happy Heart's Day!! Since it's valentine's day.... I do know that 1. There's going to be one hell of a traffic within the metropolis.. 2. Chocolates and Flowers costs like gold. 3. Motels are full. 4. Boys will be carrying flowers as if they are delivery boys. and Lastly, They would be on the look out on who's carrying something or not. Valentine's day is so overrated!

I got kicked out from a webring cause I was not able to put the new code on this darn page! But it's not my fault! it's blogger's fault! I've been trying to change the fucking layout of my blog and still the layout won't changed. And then when I tried it again -- Blogger said that my Layout is not in their server... I get this message :

Sorry, your template was not found on the server. If you just created this blog, click the "choose a new template" link above and select your template again. If you continue to recieve this message (or this is not a new blog), please try back later and/or contact support@blogger.com.

What the fuck... I wrote them hoping that I would be able to get some help... But unfortunately they pointed me to this suggestion section / troubleshooting section of Blogger. THAT SECTION DIDN'T HELP! I still get the same old layout that I want to get rid off....... SHET!

Haaaaayyyy can anybody help me?!?!

salary

I discovered this afternoon while having lunch...that the staff get their salaries every week. Which I personally find WEIRD. Simply because I'm not used at weekly pay. Anyway, my officemate Nette told me, (I'm not whether it is a Joke or what ) That my salary would be delayed for 2 months. TAENA! 2 fucking months!??! My obligations are up my chest already, my parents are paying for my fare everyday... haaayyyyy.... how can i buy myself a car? Lol I do hope that they are not serious..... cause I do know that I have the right to be protected from unjust enrichment!!

Today, I made an opening statement about the pyramid scam. When Atty. Richard approved it -- and said that it was good, I felt nice and accomplished. Do hope that tomorrow is a better working day... :) I'm still adjusting...... tsk..

y o y!!

Jane was right when she said that working is never fun… here I am working only for the last 4 days and yet I find myself already wishing I could stay longer in bed.. I miss doing the laundry, miss setting the table for dinner.. I miss going to the grocery, driving around town, I miss taking a bath on late afternoons, and I do miss my niece and my nephew a lot. There's remuneration but it will never compensate for the stress that one undergoes when at work.

Now I wake up at 5 am and head for work at around 6. Then my dull day will begin. Hehehehe..

On one hand, I have been my own boss for so long.. On the second hand, I'm not used to answering to anybody. Anyway, my officemates have their own issues to solve and I don't want to be part of any group. They are nice but deceitful creatures, right from day 1 -- I got this feeling that they are the type of people who would talk behind your back. And sometimes I'm still not sure I want to be part of their work force. I don't want to imbibe their bad habits and misconduct. They haven't done anything bad to me -- yet. But I know that if I would just keep my mouth shut and let all the things that I hear go with the wind -- I think I'm doing ok. I would tell you all about them one by one, as days passed by. Hehehe… at least I don't talk behind their backs.. I'm talking to myself, right?!

Sad and terrifying news.. I heard that the result of the Bar is out on the 18th of this month. Some say that only 13% passed.
=( Haaayyyy….

shet

Ok.. so here's what happened today, I woke up at around 7:30 to fix myself up to hear mass. I do believe that it is appropriate to thank the Lord for hearing my prayers and also to pray for the soul Lolo Carding, It was his first year death anniversary. I do hope that he's in a better place now.

I've just finished preparing my things for tomorrow. I really don’t know how to feel.. or to be more precise, I don't know what its called. Heeheh.. Of course I'm scared cause this is my first job, I have to love it. And no matter how shitty it would be… somehow I'd just have to look at the bright side. My uncle told me to teach rather than work with the Senate. AS IF! I mean, when I was still doing law school he told me that I can work with FEU and teach. So I passed to him my resume as well as copy of my Transcript and my cover letter. I was hoping that by becoming an employee I would become a scholar and then my parents would not worry about my tuition fees. Did that idea give me any result? Duh! It didn't even give me an interview. I mean working or having a chance to work now is surely a blessing. I may not earn as much but the pay is half as much as the experience that I would be getting from this job. It is never easy to find work in this work-forsaken land… I just hope that the people would be gentle with me. I pray that they would be patient.. I pray that they would be nice to me.. And I hope that I'll be able to prove my worth. So in the meantime, chatting is far from my mind (they are not online, THANK GOD!!) and I am thankful that finally something adult-like is happening to me, I would still write in my journal and try to update the sites that I'm keeping. =)

Have you heard about the "THE COLUMBIA"? It was a space shuttle.. and it exploded just above Texas killing the 7 astronauts, February 2, 2003. Made me remember a space shuttle which exploded when it was taking off… Pray for their souls. Death is really sneaky. Live each day doing things that you love, enjoying each moment as if they are your last.. (who knows, right?)

Goodluck to me. =D

journals

Last night I was able to catch an episode of OPRAH. And their topic was about journals. The importance of keeping tracks of your own emotional and intellectual evolution. Some of the writers of the journal featured were already dead… and when the family that was left behind feel the need to refresh the memory of their loved ones, when they start to feel the memory vanishing… they would open up the said journals and read the entries. It somehow made them feel connected to their dearly departed.

I have been writing on my journal for 2 years now. It does not only contain things that is currently happening to me but it also contain my views regarding a particular thing.. And somehow it is nice to feel yourself unloading all the stress.. Writing about your failure and remembering your triumphs. Writing about your regrets and writing about your hopes. Things that you want to accomplish and things that you fear…

Can you be a better version of you?