Wednesday, June 30, 2004

gloria's proclamation



the physical going to and fro the office ended a long time ago but officially, today is my last day at work. tommorow, i'll just be like my old self -- 1 year & 4 months ago-- a bum.

i want to work.. i need it badly.. the thing is with the current status of our economy, work just don't come easy.

anyway, gloria will swear today at 12 noon in cebu city. at her pre-inaugural speech at Quirino Grandstand-- she promised usual stuff (which usually ends up unfulfilled). haaaaaayy.. please lord, help me find work soon... i need it.

posted by jaded fool @ 8:43 AM  

Sunday, June 27, 2004

impure thoughts



My lecturer mentioned these words yesterday and I can't help but to jot it down. I know right then and there that it would be a good subject to ponder on. He said that impure thoughts are sins. And i wonder what would make thoughts pure? What does it made of? Cause I think, personally, I have lots of these impure thoughts... and if that is the case-- then I guess I have sinned a lot.

Purity is quality of state of being pure and pure is freedom from something that weakens, vitiates or pollutes. What are these things that weakens -- vitiates and pollutes?

when you remember good memories like touching and kissing and feeling.. When you feel envious bout something-- do they qualify as impure? I think the way you think about it makes the difference. I can ponder on about sex and still the way I think about will make a difference. I can look at it as pro-creation or I can think of it as something bad or malicious. And to think I have this attitude of thinking ways and means to kill a person-- (but i never execute them,ok?). It's a way of releasing my emotions especially so if I was really hurt. There are even times that I'm able to make stories out of them-- but never did i assume that these ideas are impure. For me- they help me accept that I've been hurt and it helped me move on. It's a process for me.

I had impure thoughts and I know that I will have it once in a while as long as I live.

posted by jaded fool @ 11:35 AM  

Friday, June 25, 2004

gloria



yep-- it's gloria alright... early morning yesterday, gloria and noli were proclaimed to be the winners of the 2004 Elections. I don't know what's with the future of the Philippines -- cause basically, I am too cannot decipher my own.

I was in the office yesterday to surrender my health card and get my policy.. it was sad to leave that office even if I really don't like some of my officemates. I know that I am not supposed to feel envious when some of my officemates are called or hired by new employers.... it's just that I can't help it. It makes me think that how come these lazy buttheads are luckier than me. I wonder if I had not worked hard enough or even the thought whether I really deserved to be there in the first place.

As days goes by-- i am losing hope that i would be able to find work that truly deserves me. Hehehehe...

posted by jaded fool @ 8:25 AM  

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

new layout



ei world! see my new layout? cool isn't it... what's cooler is that i got this for free... i just love being sentimental..hehhe.. if you want to change that look, and if you're willing to go for a make over-- look for the credits and click away.

been so long since i changed the darn layout... haaaaaay...

posted by jaded fool @ 12:03 PM  

Monday, June 21, 2004

just a thought



after a not so good morning -- i started thinking bout my future and this person. i used to work with her. i don't know if im feeling envious or what -- i am wondering though how come she is receiving all these blessings-- unlike the rest of us who worries bout getting another job -- she is working at a known organization.

Could it be that she's nicer than me? could it be that she's good and I am being bad? Or could it be that it's simply her time??? and if the answer is the last one, I am wondering when will mine come?

I am feeling bad because in my shallow mind-- she's getting everything that she wants. whereas i, i have no choice but to settle to whatever it is that they're going to offer me (in case they do). God, I didn't mean to sound so ungrateful and envious but these are the questions that is occupying my head-- the more they stay there, the worst i am feeling... i hope i would be enlightened and my prayers answered.

posted by jaded fool @ 8:22 PM  

Saturday, June 19, 2004

confused



ey world...

I'm more than 2 months away from the board exams --- and lately-- i just find myself doubting my capabilities. Call it inferiority complex, Fear, or just plain confuse-- but what I know is that, I am in the middle of throwing everything I worked for the past 3 months down in the drain just to find another good paying job. I have asked God's guidance that just in case I am determined to be part of the legal profession-- don't let work find me. But as the days passes by -- my self confidence and the belief in myself and what I am capable of is slowly fading away. I don't want to reach the point wherein I would doubt everything I do and did in the past. I can't concentrate in my studies for the simple reason that I worry bout losing my job and the fact that nobody would take me in. I am tired of brainwashing myself to act as if everything is ok....... i am getting tired just thinking of future expenditures.

I pray that would God will take pity on me........

posted by jaded fool @ 8:45 PM  

Thursday, June 17, 2004

windang




3 weeks and no calls yet.

What's wrong with you, you fucked up thrid world country?!!? How dare you see me as unqualified!!! I'm so over qualified for you, fucked up companies in this fucked up economy.... FUCK!!!

I went to another gov't office and dropped my resume... I was shocked in seeing their workplace.. it's not that I don't like it-- it's just that I got used to the glamour of my old work. You know!? The power that it exudes-- the glamour of the place -- and the prestige of being at the main branch of the government. But that's so over now--- hayy.

I am saddened by the sudden disappearances of my officemates.. we didn't even have our own Goodbye party.

I hope the silver lining will come my way soon.... God please help me.

posted by jaded fool @ 3:00 PM  

Saturday, June 12, 2004

valedictory address




The time has arrived for us to say our farewell.

The boss hosted a dinner at a restaurant in Greenhills tonight. Finally after the elections, the boss talked to us. With his farewell speech, I did not feel sorry – nor feel anything for that matter. I did not force myself to shed tears – I was just sitting there listening to him, bloated and numb. So after a while (on my way home) – I have decided that I will give my valedictory address here in my journal.

First and foremost, I am thankful for the chance to be of service to our people. It is one of the experiences that made me feel complete -- the achievement of being able to help someone. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to walk into the august hall of the organization and for the enriching experience that it has given me. I would surely miss the perks and the glamour that comes with my work.

For the friends that I have made – they made my professional life F.U.N. There were bad times – a lot of it – they will never be forgotten though I am sure that they would help me to become a better employee. I am thankful for the one year and 4 months of professional experience in an organization that is prestigious. To my co-workers that I liked – thank you for being friends with me, for the laughs and the stories that never seem to end. To my co-workers that I really don’t like – good luck and god bless. To Boss – I hope that you will be enlightened and all your questions will be answered – trust more – and don’t be afraid to ask for help—nobody dies of gratitude.

Thank you.

We shall see each other again…..


posted by jaded fool @ 1:48 AM  

Thursday, June 10, 2004

nostalgia



Session ended today with the boss giving his valedictory address-- it was concise and came from the heart. i felt a tinge of sadness cause in myself, i am too is saying my goodbyes to these halls. hopefully, i would be able to say my hello's once again.. in the near future. =)

posted by jaded fool @ 1:56 PM  

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

depress



I texted an co-worker inquring about the last bonus, however, i discovered that they are in the office of their possible future employers. i hate the feeling of being casted out-- how come they got called and i was left behind?

someone told me that better offers will come and i do hope that they will.. cause i am really starting to feel bad.

God, please process this feeling so i could study.. please help me understand why I am feeling this way. Please help me...

posted by jaded fool @ 1:41 PM  

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

evil



Jail warden came in today with a surprising news. The Boss doesn't know that we report to the other office, and the people left in the main did not even care enough to inform the boss about it-- so in the end, he got disappointed. Disappointed cause he thought we abandoned him. HELLO?! Abandon him? Up to the last moment-- we were in the field, working for him-- representing him. And this other group? Where were they when we were out there in field,all sweaty and tired? They're in their respective houses drooling the day away! I just hope the boss would put more sense in believing stuff being said by his crazy secretary.

They have just proven how evil they are --- pure, unadulterated... honest to goodness evil. In tagalog, "WALANGHIYA". I believe in the law of karma -- and when it comes, I hope they are ready for it. The Lord is just. I know and I hope Lord will teach them a lesson, cause they have this knack of bullying our less fortunate co-workers.

I have never encountered/experienced such show of evilness until I met the secretary and the Finance Officer. They are a set of cheap bitches.

posted by jaded fool @ 7:15 PM