Sunday, September 27, 2009

bagyong ondoy



such a disastrous weekend. haaayy.. sana wala na lang pasok bukas. i hope everybody's alright.

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posted by jaded fool @ 8:44 PM  

Monday, September 21, 2009

ako at san mig in can



i can't sleep because of the shit that i am in. i cant sleep because i'm afraid of the nightmares. i cant sleep so i went to the fridge and drank tatay's last beer. straight. not even a second for a breath. i want it all in my system. i want to drown. i want to forget everything. this fear. this feeling of helplessness. i want it gone. but a mere can is not enough. i went back to the bedroom and got this laptop... i decided to write of the problems that i am facing now... i've thought of my past... i've thought of my present.. and with much dismay, i must say.. i am not ok.

for months now, i've tried so hard to stay away from G's journal. i don't want to know that she went there.. in that place and time where we were supposed to meet. i know she's doing better than i am... which i believe she truly deserve. after all the things that she has to go through because of me... she should have a better life that i have.

i wanted to ask her for help.. i wanted to ask her for solutions.. but it would be wrong.

what happened that month of May was something unexpected... but i got upset when she told me that her mother, sister and siblings like J more than me. it was a realization that i am no longer welcome in their family. i was not able to accept that.

when i saw her chatting at IRC..my heart thumped.. my heart knows. it's just it decided to play stupid. i smile at her answers... i smile because i my heart knows her whatever nick she might be using.

it was supposedly our 6th year yesterday. nakakahinayang.

!seen MarlBURNS

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posted by jaded fool @ 10:30 PM  

Sunday, September 20, 2009

my downfall



it's been a month since my last entry. work is crazy but nothing could be crazier than my life outside of my cubicle. the problem seems to be endless... the more i try to fix everything, the complicated it gets. pagod na ako. it feels like this is the end for me. i may have ruined myself for saving somebody else. i thought i could do it again, just like the last time. but i am wrong.. it's hard to fix things all myself, i have exhausted every little help i could get.

i am scared. really, i'm scared that i could not anything about it and it would eventually lead to my destruction... and its not even my fault. i wish someone could and would help me.

on another note, it's the 20th today, it would have been our 6th year. nino? ni G...dapat 6 na taon na kami ngayon. wala lang, naisip ko lang. i know she's ok.. sabi naman niya she's well taken cared of and would always be ok. ako.. ngayon ko narealize di ako superhero, at di lahat ng tao ay kaya kong sagipin...

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posted by jaded fool @ 4:43 AM