Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009 recap
tignan nga natin at ating suriin kung naging maganda ba ang 2009 sa akin. pakiramdam ko kasi sobrang tinamaan ako ng global financial crisis at di lang ako nag-iisa sa pasakit na dulot nito.
Enero-Marso: naging 32 anyos ako na pakiramdam ng marami e walang pinagkatandaan. Na-diagnose ang tatay ko nga retinal detachment at kailangan niyang maoperahan.
Abril: Naoperahan ang tatay ko para maagapan ang retinal detachment. gumastos kami ng mahigit sa 120k.
Mayo: Wala akong matandaan na kahirapan sa panahon na ito..pero ito yung panahon na nagpilit kami ni G na ayusin lahat.
Hunyo: Dito namin nalaman na talagang di talaga ata kami pwede.. kahit na gusto pa namin. Bumalik si P.
Hulyo-Agosto: Nagpacheck up ang ate ko sa iba't-ibang doctor dahil na rin di kami naniniwala sa sinasabi ng mga doctor sa probinsya. Nadiagnose sya ng endometrial cancer kaya kinailangan siyang operahan para tanggalin ang matris niya.
Setyembre: Maraming training at seminar. pero kada magpapalit ng buwan, nagkakasakit naman ako. Dumating ang bagyong Ondoy at Pepeng.
Oktubre-Nobyembre: Panahon ng kagipitan. Tangnang utang kasi yan.
Disyembre: Dito naisip ng boss ko na wasaking ang career path ko dito sa opisina. Hinugot niya ang mga kaso ko at ito ako ngayon nakatanga.
Masaya ako at tapos na ang 2009. Ibabaon ko na lang sa limot ang mga sama ng loob at sigalot. Panahon na para maghanap ng bagong trabaho.
Labels: moments
posted by jaded fool @ 4:53 AM
Saturday, December 26, 2009
hay 2009
hindi na ako makapaghintay sa pagpapalit ng taon. dangkasi'y puro sakit at gastos ang hinarap ko at ng aking pamilya ngayong taon na ito. ito na ata ang pinakamaraming beses na nakapasok ako ng ospital.. ito rin ang taon na sobrang gipit ang lahat (lalong lalo na ako).
kasabay ng pagkainip ang takot ukol sa aking trabaho. hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang naghihintay sa akin sa opisinang yon. ayaw ko na nagang pumasok, natatakot akong ewan. Tangnang yon, binatii ko ng meri krismas di man lang nagtextback. Tangna, balang araw makikita mo. Masaya naman ang pasko, nakauwi ang kuya ko at naging successful naman ang operasyon ng tatay ko. Pero minsan nalulungkot ako... Ng iisip .. Pag naiisip ko si G naiiyak ako. Pag namimiss ko nanay ko.. Naiiyak din ako. Sana masaya ang ,ga pasko nila.
Gusto ko ng kapayapaan. Di nga, totoo yun.
posted by jaded fool @ 11:10 PM
Friday, December 25, 2009
french poem
*The heart that cries love
for this woman every day,
that which our heart,
and happiness ...
A perfect woman for us,
our eyes so in love
we were looking for love
and finally she is there every day ...
A Valentine in her arms,
where we slide down any words,
to express his love,
which will last for ever ...
She has our heart,
dries our tears,
and this beautiful Valentine,
love does that ...
Some are waiting for babies
and others only to love,
some will be married
and other celebrated love ..
* copyrighted by author.
Labels: moments
posted by jaded fool @ 8:14 AM
Monday, December 21, 2009
what a day
i don't feel like going to work today because of what happened last week.. but then i have to report so as not to look stupid or something. so half-heartedly, i took my bath and dragged my feet to work. i came in 2 hours late. i immediately went to my case-free cubicle.. i took my netbook out and started doing nothing.
i started browsing through facebook, friendster, the never ending news... and found myself slightly bored. it's not as fun as it used to be. maybe because i have all the office time in the world to do all of them now. i worry about next year though... i worry a lot lately. so tomorrow, we'll be having our christmas party and i wish that i'd get drunk.
i acted normal except for the fact that everybody is busy with their drafts and i am busy tinkering on my pc and facebooking (if ever there's such word).
my confidence level at the moment is low. if there's such a place as lower than hell--- it'll probably be on that spot. i hate it when people make fun of me (i'm so overly touchy).... i wanna poke their eyes and make them feel sorry.. but then, that's all in my head.
i sorely need guidance.
Labels: just venting out, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 8:07 PM
Sunday, December 20, 2009
home
i've been wanting to tell my ate about the new antics that my boss pulled on me.. i just want it off my chest.. Ate said it was not my fault. but somehow i felt it is my fault (or at least i am contributory). i'm glad i have this home..where i could be just myself.. where people love me just as i am.
i've been dreaming of foreign countries lately.. is it a sign that i should wander to greater and greener pastures? i spent half of the day browsing works abroad...then i decided to visit an old game that i used to play. sadly, i think they've revoked my account. or it could be that i have forgotten my username and password. shit. just when i wanted to kill goblins and cook chickens, i can't log on! !@#@!#!@!!! i just hope something good will come out of this horrible experience.
i don't feel like reporting for work tomorrow. i want a new job. please hire me.
Labels: just venting out, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 8:32 PM
Friday, December 18, 2009
legally incapacitated
just days before God's big day... i have to add career challenge on my list. I'm over a year old at my current job now.. and i felt that my candle finally diffused this month. Don't get me wrong, this job could be really rewarding.. sometimes overly demanding. I was hoping during the past year that i'd be able to learn everything, get hold of the grasp and finally see my boss happy after editing my drafts. I don't know what is wrong with me... have i gone slow? or am i really slow? do i need to see a doctor for my brain? I feel so incompetent. Is incompetency curable? It feels like no matter what I do or how I do it-- It would just not be enough. my work would still be haphazardly done. i get envious of my co-workers that sometimes i want to take out their brains just to see how come i don't think like they do.. or how come their work is better than mine.
they pulled the cases that were assigned to me. everything. all of them. such embarrassment. i was surprised yesterday when i came in to see that my desk is cleared of its usual paper junk... i looked for the notice of termination (seriously) or eviction just in case...
i don't know if this is the end. all i know is that i am embarrassed because of what happened. i pretend that i'm alright but really, i am not. I cannot accept that i'm incapacitated to do this job.
so here i am at 2.45 in the afternoon.. with all these administrative assignments on my hand... i started thinking about my career, how this has become one of the lowest phase of my life... and how sad that everything has come to these.
Labels: moments, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 2:33 PM
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
workshit and some other stuff
\
fuck the construction beside our building. the effing hammering is getting under my nerves.. pukek! di ko na nga maintindihan ang mga binabasa ko, sumasakit pa ulo sa ingay nila! wish i can teleport or be born again.
im not really doing good at work right now. i don't know.. maybe i'm not cut out for this. maybe i'd be a successful baker or singer or whatever. ewan. buset.
Labels: just venting out, work related angst
posted by jaded fool @ 2:17 PM
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
di ako superhero
di ako superhero! hindi ko kayang resolbahin lahat ng problema mo!! halos lahat na sinalo ko na, sana naman mag-inat ka. paganahin ang isip. at pilitin mong maging responsable sa mga aksyon mo.
tangna naman.
Labels: just venting out
posted by jaded fool @ 3:15 PM
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
ego booster para kay G
pangalawang araw na ngayong napapanaginipan ko si G. hindi ito yung tipo ng panaginip na napapadaan lang siya o nakikita ko lang sya. she was my dream. it's all about her. these dreams left me wondering if she's alright or if something huge is going on for her. but all i can do is speculate. these vivid images of her made me want to see her... made me want to talk to her.. made me tingle and cry. i don't know what it is about her that make me feel this way. i'm missing her so.
Labels: just venting out, love
posted by jaded fool @ 6:34 AM
