Tuesday, May 27, 2003

stranded



I guess the rainy season is here.. the flash floods, the hateful traffic.. They are back again! I know you are aware how much i loath the rain, countless times I have enumerated the reasons why I don't like the rain so much. Here is another reason to add up to the rest, I left the office @ 5 pm only to get home at 3 am in the morning. I felt so abused, emotionally..... physically and mentally. I don't know if I'll be able to go to the office today. I feel so tired.... We'll just wait and see.

Have I mentioned that we bought 29" TV and DVD? hehehe.... kewl huh?! =p

posted by jaded fool @ 3:40 AM  

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

when was the last time?



When was the last time that I have written about the way I feel? hmmm... guess been busy coping up with my professional growth that i have forgotten, that emotionally.... i am still the same. While on my way home, I felt this loneliness..... sadness for being alone. And it made me think... How come other people was able to find the one.. and i can't? Then a thought came... maybe I'm just too buddy like... I'm good to have as a friend, but never the girlfriend. Been that way... and now I am thinking if this is the way that it should be...

Judy reprimanded me for being too tied up to the apron strings of my Nanay... She said I should try to live on my own and learn to be independent. I know in my heart -- I would never learn to let go. And I believe that the only time that I would leave the boundaries of our home would be the time that I would start to live with my husband to start our family. Since that is far far from being real.. I have to stay here. It's sad to be alone... no one to take care of you , no one to worry whether you're on your way home or what. There are moments still that I wonder, How hard it is to find someone who'll think of me once in a while... someone who'll take care of me.. someone who will stay? And then I realized that I don't know the answers.

I hope that I'll have the courage to face what I am feeling. Learn to say what I feel... leave no stone unturned. I hope that someday, I will forget everything and be not afraid. I hope that one day, I would be there, brave and proud, willing to take the leap.

posted by jaded fool @ 7:42 PM  

Saturday, May 17, 2003

update on kulasisi



So, kulasisi....what have I been doing for the past weeks that I don't write that much anymore?! ASide from work which is given..... I'm currently playing this online game called, OZ. It;s also like chat but the difference is that you got dolls. hehehehe....

work is the same, working with people with hang ups and issues. I haven't received my mid-year bonus since I'm only 3 months old with my job. Damn...... So far, I'm ok. Getting by one day at a time.

Sometimes, I feel so sad that I wanted to cry out loud..... Just want to cleanse my soul.... Hmmmmn i think i need a good cry. The reason? I don't know, sadness envelops me specially at night before I go to sleep... wondering what my future holds..... wondering of things that seem to be just that, DREAMS. Life is really amazing..... Things that you want badly belong to someone else and the things that you don't want finds its way to you. I guess I just have to accept things as they are.. in the least acceptance would only make easier for me to move on and hope for better things. BLEH!

posted by jaded fool @ 11:28 PM  

Sunday, May 11, 2003

happy mother's day



Happy Mother's Day to my Nanay! =) labyu!

posted by jaded fool @ 9:43 AM  

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

certain sadness



Look at the window at the rainstorm
I let the wind blow up a brainstorm
And now I'm wondering whether weather like this gets you too...

It may go on like this for hours
Too late in fall for April showers
So I will court you
Got a thought or two I need to share with you

here goes...

Darling tell me now
have I done wrong somehow
that you won't look at me?

Needn't point it out
can't keep my wits about
when you won't look at me

Is there something I ought to know
you find it hard to say?
Well there's just a trace hiding on your face
& I've learnt it that way

Just another soul that really knows my soul
& you won't look at me
Does that take the prize
how much I love those eyes?
& they won't look at me

Now the rain has gone but something lingers on
a certain sadness here now that the sky is clear

& it's oh so clear
yes it's oh so clear to me now

& I can't help but fear that certain sadness here to stay...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

posted by jaded fool @ 10:29 PM  

Monday, May 05, 2003

emotionally challenged



I encountered this word when I attended a workshop in order to polish my grammar and to unlearn obsolete and jurassic way of writing. Sadly, I think I'll be encountering this word endlessly. Anyway, this is one problem that I do get tired working on. I really don't know where the problem is. I mean... the endings are all the same whether you started out right or you started out wrong. I guess the timing is bad and everything else collapses. I really don't know what I am talking about... but I do know that this will lessen the thoughts in my head...... At least after I'm done writing -- I don't need to think about it. I'm living my life astray knowing not things that I want.... Oooops... correction -- I do know what I want it's just that i'm not doing anything to get them. I'm such a lazybone......

I'm not going to work today simply because I refuse to join the crowd in going to Manila. This is what I hate about long weekends. Everybody go to the province on friday (making it hard for me to go home) and when monday comes.... Everybody rushes back to Manila. No. I won't be calling in sick... I just won't call... heheehe..

posted by jaded fool @ 5:10 AM  

Saturday, May 03, 2003

hmmm




We went to the mall today and I got my Nanay a new set of KALDERO! Yehey!! I love shopping specially buying things for the house. Makes me feel like a homebody...which is really cool. Next time, I'm going to get my Tatay a new radio for the van. I do hope that I'll be able to handle my finances responsibly.....or else I'm going to be in big trouble.

Days are hot and nights are lonely.... What a life huh?!

posted by jaded fool @ 10:35 PM  

Thursday, May 01, 2003

sweet talks



Going home after work today.... well.... kinda late after work since Judy and I went to Makati to ease some of her heartaches... she's still feeling kinda low bout the things that's currently happening to her life. She doesn't want to be written about.. but I can't help mentioning her since we're officemates and I know things thats going on in her life....

As usual, my parents go checked on me-- asking my whereabouts... Really, sometimes I feel like a child cause they're checkin on me on a regular basis. Sometimes, I just tell Judy that I AM A PRINCESS and as such-- they worry bout my whereabouts. Anyway, when I was riding the FX, there was this girl in front of me.. her cellphone beeped.... so.. I (although not morally right.... I don't care) took a peek. I saw this message "CEL ASAN KA NA".. so naturally, I waited for the girl's reply.. she said "d2 na ho sa balagtas"... Even before she was able to send the said message, another text came.. and it goes .. " Gabi na anak, nasan ka na ba?". I felt warm inside and realized that I am not the only one.

There are still parents out there who checks on their kids..... even as grown up as I am.... And somehow, I feel lucky that I have caring parents.. who spend time just to check my whereabouts asking if I arrived safely or I am on my way home.

posted by jaded fool @ 1:43 AM