Well Sunday was quite ok...let me recount my weekend.
Attended 4 masses this weekend. Father Franz is a great priest but after hearing his homily 4 times i got sick of it at the 3rd run of it. The masses were ok. 7 and 11 weren't too bad. 11 was better then 7 i have to say. Hanging out with the guys was great. Brennan, Daniel and Jon Ng make great company. Pebkac. Problem exists between keyboard and chair. haha! Anyway i'm feeling very bored right about now. I did'nt see her at all this week end sad sad sad.........ah well anyway i always got other chances. i wonder what happened to her?
10/31/2005 12:38:00 am
Friday, October 28, 2005A new world
The New World
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Like the British settlers that left Britain because of harsh taxes I will embark upon a journey that will determine the course of my future. Like the settlers i shall land on an unknown place, experiance the fear , the danger and the joy of being somewhere else. My decision to leave A maths for POA is just like this choice. I feel that it is the best course of action because my A Maths is on a plunge which may never recover. I'm coping well in teaching myself accounts. With help from my buddy Tien Yeh who o so helpfully lent me his notes and study materiel i shall conquer this new world. The world of POA!
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Time Line?
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Tommorow i shall have this schedule as follows as soon as i wake up i'll revise the journal keeping and start work on ledgers. Then after that i'll do some gaming and join the SAF guys for some lan training at IRC then i will proceed to church and if she's there try to strike up a conversation.
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Today
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Namis, Tien Yeh, Faizel, Zi Wei and Wee Yang came over today. Zi Wei , Wee Yang and myself were sorta kicked off the PC by the new comers and we went out to the living room and watched Talking Cock and The mummy returns from disk 2 and a little of Constantine. I vouch that Singaporean movies do have some kick in them. Talking cock is a very good example! The use of censor sounds and phrases make the use of vulgarities both CLEAN and FUNNY! Namis left first. Tien Came back with his Sis after living and played Fear, Faizel left soon after. Then Tien and his sis left. Wee Yang was playing his last match of AOE 3 and after finishing left. Zi Wei continued playing games while i was eating dinner and watching Matrix revolutions. Soon after he too left and i continued playing on my own before a tragic forced restart of the PC where upon now i do this entry. I've said enough on this segment.
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10/28/2005 07:12:00 pm
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
End of year results. Failure of my CL B and A maths, next year for my benefit i shall drop A maths and take pure lit on my own outside. I shall arrange for it to be made. Anyway i really hate A maths but i do so much badly want to get to a JC. Instead of 22 points for R5 i should be getting 15 one more of my R4! Because of A maths.
10/26/2005 08:38:00 pm
Monday, October 24, 2005
I took this picture on saturday a few minutes before i met her. I like this photograph. Taken on the top floor of the church from the pew on the right most side from the altar. The sunlight streaming in represents god shining down on you guiding you in what ever you do. I've prayed to god much of lately, of seeking his help and strength to help me get through my problem. Notice something, there are three white dots in the photograph, though these were not there when the photograph was taken, these come together to form an image. At least to me it does.
10/24/2005 11:32:00 pm
Sunday, October 23, 2005I'm taking that first step...
I've decided to take the first step. I should'nt wait. If i can click i will go for it. Next saturday i suppose? Maybe...yes maybe...I'll take the first initiative. So many people have helped me sum down everything to scratch. They all say the same thing. But do i trust them or do i trust my instincts? I think i'll do it my way. Slow and easy. Back off if its too difficult. Yes....Start with something simple. A mere chat over a game i suppose? Maybe...When will i know you?
I'm literally being driven mad by my thoughts. I need to open my mind. I can't seem to think right too much. I'm thinking of all the ifs. Never the it will be like this. Sigh. I'm going nuts.
Today is mum's birthday. This morning went for choir, not too bad. Went for breakfast with Brennan, Daniel and Jon Ng. Brennan and Daniel were going to NTUC before heading back i left with them. We talked lots of crap on the way back. When mass had ended apparently Eadelin had left her pendant in church John found it and passed it to me to give it back to her. The guys were like saying, gee this might be something that gets you together and the what not. I told them i had my eye on someone else, they said the same as all others do. Go for it. I did give Eadelin her pendant at the stairs then went up for practice. Next week's hymns aint going to be easy, the communion hymn bad enough has 4 flats. Torture i'd say. After pract Jon and Brennan stayed on for a while and we played abit on the keyboard here and there. But they had to leave so it was just John, Jess and myself. John had me try out the parts for good christian men rejoice. Its very fast and difficult! Very difficult for me. Anyway after that i left for cal's place where we talked together with cal's friend for like ages and ages. At 6 we left for dinner and we ate at Longbeach seafood restaurant. Not too bad food, regardless we eat there EVERY year. Then came home did abit of BF 2 and now doing this.
Saturday was a complete disaster. I had my perfect chance to say so many things to her. But nooooo i kept my mouth shut like a box. I was seated at one of the pews and she came up to me and said alone huh? care if i join you? I reply no problem, loner huh? Welcome to the club. She says i've been a member of this club for a long time.. Then we just sat there for like ages. She sat behind me not next to me anyway. I had so much opportunity to speak to her. But no i did'nt say a word. Earlier at the "reunion" party after cat class i could have made my self helpful by helping her out. Or at least talk to her. Sigh. What a waste. She left before mass started to prepare for the project batam thingy. So i attended mass with Thomas who magically appeared from nowhere. Miraculously or painfully. Not sure which. He can be quite annoying but somewhat pleasing to have around.
Sigh i'm dreaming again. I had the wierdest dream last night though. I dreamt that Mr Teo was forcing me to attend detention because i missed detention duty. It was a freaky dream i remember that from the school it went on to like a golf course?? Its like wth does a golf course have to do with Detention and Mr Teo? Anyway going off line now, out...
10/23/2005 11:53:00 pm
Saturday, October 22, 2005In between heaven and hell...Earth
Sigh...I could'nt sleep when i got up an hour ago, i've had nothing to do except freeze up in the room , gee thanks for that ultra cold aircon, worst off its still raining. Its frickin cold here. Since i could'nt do anything much to make my time pass, i updated my blog. Zack, Zhe xuan i've done the updating on my part.
In the dark of the night, thoughts come to my mind where theres nothing to distract me. Sometimes over endevous, mischevious, longing for something out there. But one seems never to disappear from thought. Although its too early to start thinking, its a thought that eats away like a hungry boy on his ice cream.
My question to myself,
When do i get to know her?
I have a chance to talk today let me not waste it.
and don't you agree?
Reality sucks.
10/22/2005 04:06:00 am
Friday, October 21, 2005Alright lets get this on the go i haven't blogged in 3 days.
Alright on wednesday went to NYP for some bio course after the debate competition, i won best speaker and champion team. Good job guys and girls. Aside from that the bio course was fun, have to say there is alot to learn, i could'nt bandage properly, alot to learn i guess huh? Anyway i don't intend on doing nursing, not that i look down on it or anything, its got its perks but i want to be in the research field of life science or the technical area of IT schooling. So yea, i went home started the DL on AOE 3. Today started AOE 3 at around 3pm. DAMN ITS DAMN FUN!! OMG PWNAGE! Ahem..Its just that its the first RTS game that has ever been developed to feature Ragdoll models. So damn cool!! Anyway its Friday now. I hope nothing bad happens today.
I'm thinking about her still, thinking bout her every time when theres nothing to distract my mind. Sob sob. When will it be the day I get to know you ?
10/21/2005 12:13:00 am
Monday, October 17, 2005
Today i post these two rings as a sign of understanding of my sister's marriage to her husband, my brother in law, Kor Bobby. Marriage is the happiest moment of the couple's lives as their lives become one, only to be extinguished upon death, whereupon death do them apart. Marriage does not come before love and love does not come before friendship. Friendship itself is the root of love. But in friendship one must understand the other to make ends meet. This is my 10 cents worth of wisdom. Amen!
10/17/2005 08:52:00 pm
Friday, October 14, 2005The war is not over yet.
Just like in world war 2, the war dosen't end here. The next war is coming..the cold war. The war of words.
In less then a week i'll be infront of the school debating against 3e1, with my faithful debaters, Su Qi, Rachel Charles, Ng Wee Yang.
The war will not be fought with weapons, but with the tongues of political masters. We shall crush the communist threat of 3e1! Democracy will prevail, the seige of 3e1 will begin!! MUAHAHAHAHA. Sian i played too much Evil Genius lol...
Tmr is the day, Wedding day of Sis and Kor Kor Bobby and my chance to speak to her again...i must...not fail!
10/14/2005 10:23:00 pm
Thursday, October 13, 2005Sian Sian Sian Sian
I'm very bored dead bored. I'm wondering whether i should learn how to use Gmod? Then i can create my own comics haha. But i'm lazy zzzz.... Bro's com sucks. Its out of order, it refuses to work zzzz. The war has drawn to a close! Tommorow one measly MCQ test. No big deal. Saturday will come when i can pit my wits on the battleground. I just hope i succeed. God help me, the people around me and those i don't know but deserve it. Do well in all your endevours. Never give up, Never
10/13/2005 10:01:00 pm
Wednesday, October 12, 2005Theoretically the war ended today, with the clean sweep operation of mathematics 2 ville taking place in the morning. Other wise i have nothing to worry about answering those damn reporter questions( answering the MCQ is like talking to a reporter lol). Anyway the l33t crew came over today. Jeff, Zi Wei, Nigel and Tien came over for some partying lol. Zi Wei , Jeffery and I were outside watching Constantine while the guys were inside gaming. Evil Geniuses lol. After they left i had my own little private time with my Evil Genius self in game lol. I tortured little agents hahaha( laughs like doctor evil). I'm frickin bored though, BF 2 will not satisfy, Evil Genius will not either. This is probably a prelude to a new game or games i shall say. Call of duty 2 and Fear.
Sigh, sweet dreams.
June afternoon
Didn't I tell you everything is possible in this deja vu?
Try the river boat, the carousel, feed the pigeons, Bar-B-Q.
Look at all the people, happy faces all around.
Smiling, throwing kisses, busy making lazy sounds
It's a bright June afternoon, it never gets dark.
Wah-wah! Here comes the sun.
Get your green, green tambourine, let's play in the park.
Wah-wah! Here comes the sun
Some folks are on blankets, slowly daydreaming
and reaching for their food.
Let's go buy an ice-cream and a magazine with an attitude
and put on a cassette, we can pretend that you're a star
cos life's so very simple just like la-la-la
It's a bright June afternoon...
There's a painter painting his masterpiece.
There are some squirrels jumping in the trees,
There's a wide-eyed boy with a red balloon.
All my life I've longed for this afternoon.
10/12/2005 09:43:00 pm
Tuesday, October 11, 2005I don't DENY!
Alright, SS was chicken feed and Chem was so so. But tommorow, A maths and Bio Paper 2...Killer! A deadly couple! I spent nearly half the evening learning bio, i think i'm done i'll try again just in case, from 7.30-now i was doing A maths. Still not done yet. I'm so dead tommorow. I spent a few mins to chat with Marleen earlier on. That conversation offered alot of time to get minds off the impending doom and just relax for a while. Thanks if not i would have been really stressed now. If i finish all my tasks by 12 i'll probably play a game for half an hour. If not...off to bed straight away. I'm damn tired too, COFFEE!!!!
Aside from studies i can't stop thinking about bad thoughts. Bad memories that will stick with me for the rest of my life, the downs that will remain etched in my mind for ever. I've been thinking too much haven't I? By thinking so much i've came up with unimaginable and sinful things that just isn't me. At least i promise i will not enact those sins.
Aside from that i've been buried in thought during my free time. About her. I wonder how far we could go if it worked out? Does one look for opposite attraction or similar interests? We're so much alike but how do i tell her? Is she feeling the same way to any extent? This questions keep running through my mind. I just can't stop thinking about this. I need to get my mind relaxed. I need a very clear mind especially for tommorow.
Signing out.
Benjamin Constatine, Alias Zerstorer
10/11/2005 11:04:00 pm
and so it shall be
and that was the way the 1st day of war ended. The war against paper 1 maths and History was a stunning victory. The pathway was clear and the infantry stormed in like in Blitzkreig formations. So this is how the day will end. The next battle is coming. The battle of St. Chem and SSgrad.
I wonder how my friends are doing, both school and church friends. I wonder how she is doing? God if you can hear me in my thoughts please let it come true that all my friends and the people who are deserving will pass their exams and get through to year 4.
10/11/2005 01:12:00 am
Sunday, October 09, 2005Sigh
Today was a real tiring day. Today left for choir at 6.15.b Arrived early did my tuning and what not quickly and sat down. My tone was very airy in the morning. Sigh. Anyway mass went so so only not as good as intended. Then we had breakfast. Daniel or Elliot decided we eat in the canteen. Then we realised how much we should not have eaten there..the food was small, over priced. Daniel spent the least here lol. We walked down to TP after breakfast to get BK instead. I was chatting to Brennan most of the time. When we got there I and Brennan ordered the french chicken thing again lol. Daniel had his usual crossointwich. Elliot did'nt buy anything. Broke lol.
We walked back when we were in church i turned on Russel peters on my phone and Apparently Edee and her friend got obsessed with it and went outside to watch in silence and peace lol. Petra kept claiming that the BC was a saxophone lol. Anyway pract went ok. We ended quite early. Apparently john was sorta mixed feelings between concerned and angry i don't know which i think it was mostly concerned. Most of the peeps left, except Edee and one of her sisters ( i still don't know who is who!!!) , Jonathan Ng, Cleutus , John and Jess and myself. I stayed on and listened to some of the songs that John put on. Christmas songs to be exact. I could have been sure that some of the songs sounded disney like. Anyway Sylv called so i left and met up with her at Macs where we studied for nearly about 3 hours amidst our little bits of sian....bored like hell. We went off to BK because Sylv needed to get stuff from TP so i picked up and walked with her there. Where we stayed till 5.30 and we got the notes photocopied and we parted ways. I went up to Tien's place and taught him history and maths. For about 2 hours. I'm quite sure he's ready now. For history at least. I feel quite ready too but i'm slightly nervous.
I still have to wait a whole week before i see her again. She's the counterpart of me that has met no rival with any other i've met. But i do wonder why do gamers always seem detached from people. Like i said before solemn and quiet alone not very open but when greeted or approached friendly. Gamer's mentalitity? Outie prepare a bit more before the exams. Over and out.
By the way i'm going to chuck my books aside for the rest of the school weeks after exam. I'm not going to do nuts. I'm sick of those books for the year. Really the end.
10/09/2005 08:51:00 pm
Saturday, October 08, 2005Today is a day of stupidity to myself!
I walk up to church and up the elevator and while in the elevator met my old friend ness(not the real name). I walk past her and i don't say hi, although i want to. I mutter excuse me and brush past her friend and her as she said oh , sorry. I walk on i talk to thomas we walk back and again i walk past her without even saying hi.
I meet sylvia after cat class. I let her photocopy my maths notes, i agree to study with her in the afternoon if she tells me the time. While i waited for her , my fellow musician Edee walks by and i don't even say hi. I treat sylvia to beancurd. We walk to Imperial court get the stuff photocopied , got her a bowl of instant noodles. We split ways i went back to church.
When i reached the church i went upstairs i took a missal and walked right past ness and did'nt even see her. I walk to the opposite end of pews and sit down. I look around me and i see ness. I don't even acknowledge or try to use eye contact. I listen attentively to the priest, then i realise how much like me she is. A loner in mass, very dull and solemn when alone. What is it that makes us act so alike? The gamer's style? Or just pure coincidence? We're both avid gamers, we're both councillors, we are loving souls and catholics. We tend to use the same topics as a conversation. What does this mean? Shes a nice person and i won't deny she has here side of beauty. She may not dress like most girls would, she would not act like most would. But i feel that shes different, unique.
I feel that i also take my friends lightly. I don't say hi to them even though i know them, they have to take the first step or i don't make mine. Maybe thats why she dosen't say hi either. Gamer's think alike? Maybe. Us gamer's are similar in thought and ways. We are silent to each other upon meeting but when greeted greagarious in nature. I get a chance to say hi to her after mass when mum walks with Kayla to the water cooler where she is standing. I don't because i have no guts to do so. She walks down the stairs and into the night. I am standing on the second floor wondering why i did'nt do anything. But alas next week i have a chance to talk to her again. I will not let this chance slip out of my hands. I will speak to her at least once and work up from there. I will.
But before next week comes, i have to fight through the battles that lie ahead. Monday , battle of history and math 1 island. Tuesday, battle of chem 2 and social studies. Wednesday , the battle of bio 2 and A maths. Thursday the battle of Bio 1 and Maths 2. Friday , the battle of Chem 1 and liberation! Then comes saturday the day of victory. Sister's wedding in the morning, cat class in the afternoon, i have to go down in my formal wear. After that while waiting i get to wait at the porch and talk to her. Then the time will end and i'll be off to the wedding dinner with my dear flute and my family. Where i shall busk outside the room as sis requested.
Why do i feel like this to a fellow gamer? Why? Lord help me through the exams ahead and in my life.
10/08/2005 10:03:00 pm
Thursday, October 06, 2005Sigh Exams are incoming i got destructive classmates like GR. I'd be happy if GR would go Good Riddance. He's an irritating bastard with an ultra fat ego. He calls me stupid when i can top the class. IF I am stupid what does that make him? VERY Stupid or INSANELY stupid.
This morning spent PE playing Badminton with Zi Wei and watching Meledin's class play hockey, frisbee and basketball. I have no idea why we set down to watch them instead of playing. They seem like nice people. Quite nice. Friendly if you get to know them. Well outtie.
10/06/2005 09:21:00 pm
Monday, October 03, 2005Attention
All potential debaters from BPS SEC 1-4 of 2006
I need a team to be set up for the Secondary schools debating championships next year. Under orders from Kavitha i need a team of 4 skilled debaters. I am one of them already. I need 2 more members and one backup. Anyone who can fill these positions and if you feel good enough send me an email or look for me in school. I am willing to take anyone as long as you are skilled.
Criteria
Able to speak clear and fluent English
Precise and to the point
Able to memorize your part of the debate.
If you satisfy these i want to hear from you. Thank you very much
Aside from that.
Today had CL tuition with Pearlyn. I'm worried for the first time in my life for chinese. I don't want to fail. But i can't change the fact that i will for this time. Other then that i passed my English compre section with 15 marks. Lucky me i heard only 3 people passed in my class. Sad huh?
10/03/2005 07:28:00 pm
Sunday, October 02, 2005I think if i chose a nice confirmation name i'd want to change my main name to be that. I'd want so far i've put my choices on Constantine. English emperor of York. Set up and established the City of Constantinople. His qualities are what i've been looking for. Who would have thought i'd choose him as my confirmation saint? I can only imagine Constatine Toh. Possible? What about Gregory Toh? That sounds a whole lot more cool then Ben. I'd probably want to adopt my confirmation name.
10/02/2005 08:25:00 pm
Now whats this? Questionable ethics i say!
I've yet to do anything with my own and i've been questioned! Henderous, just henderous!
Ok that was crap
Anyway, John has a task for me next week i won't say what but its important anyway. I've gotten the score transposed all set for next week. Practiced already. Its just one piece anyway. The rest i'll be doing my own stuff. Well apart from that i was thinking of passwording the blog, now i wonder....if i passworded it the only people who can read it are the people who know me. I wonder if i should. I don't think i want my teachers looking in on my life anyway.
Jon Ng says he wants to pick up the flute too. I suggested to him trying to train up abit first. I'll probably sell him mine once i get the open holed one and get it fixed up.
Anyway aside from that today's practice was ok...not too bad. I wonder why people are questioning me about my reliability :X . Anyway i wonder whats the logic behind the if you quarrel with someone of the opposite gender often , you'll end up together. Whats the logic should'nt the ability to quarrel often mean you can't do anything together? I don't get it. According to Brennon its the Opposites attract thingy. I don't quite think so. Anyway apart from that went for lunch with Jon and Brennon at Macs. Met Daryl..AGAIN after eating breakfast there only about 4 hours ago. Apparently today too much macs. Sigh.
Anyway CL coming in on the hit list. The battle of english square is over but the flag of victory has yet to be raised. Although i'm not one to worry for CL i'm actually feeling abit uncomfortable. Tommorow Pearlyn is helping me with Chinese. A crash course i'd say.
Anyway one more line..
Seniore: Its no concert its a church thingy and i don't play the BC for mass turns out i can't use it for mass parts either, tone is not the right sound for mass according to the conductor. I use my own to play for mass. BC very bulky to lug it down to church also. Its like carrying the cross anyway. I'll stick to the smaller instrument. Thanks for the concern anyway. Don't worry your self over small matters, O's coming over the hill.
10/02/2005 07:43:00 pm
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Well I was sorta bored...so i took a picture of my bass clarinet and my flute. Comparably we know which one is bigger O_o....Common sense ya? Anyway that Bass Clarinet ain't mine exactly its the school's but the flute however is truely mine. Today's wedding mass went well sorta..Cannon In D went well a few minor mistakes, Alleiua was a disaster i don't understand the score, but other wise ok. Tommorow i'll be bringing the BC down too. Some mass pieces require the Bass part so what the hell haha. Anyway if anyone asks if the BC and Flute embouchures will be thrown off by playing the other its does not. Or at least to me. I've not lost that sound of mine on the BC and the sound on the flute just keeps getting better. Well outtie. I can't believe the couple gave us $28 for hongbao. Mein Gott dich ist gute!