So about last night...
Well I was angry...and perhaps sometimes I hold grudges. I kinda feel bad about holding grudges anyway but letting go the anger is fine.
I was good to my men in other ways apart from buying them things. I was good because I listened to them. If I keep this up that's all I have to do right?
Still its not safe to voice anything out here...one thing you say to one person will somehow overflow out and soon everyone knows. Not that it happened to me. How do you feel if you heard and saw your peers preparing to shoot your junior/friend/subordinate? They only knew his plan because he told them out of trust. Apparently trust is worth beef cake here.
Not turning out to be a happy week...
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11/30/2011 06:35:00 am
Tuesday, November 29, 2011Ever felt alone in the crowd?
Today I learnt never to trust your superiors no matter how friendly. Tell them a secret, they'll backstab you. It don't matter if you friends or kakis... It don't matter.
I somehow see myself as a revolutionaire, to push for change in a hopeless place with no life and vibrance. I dislike lines being drawn...
Worse still I feel like I can't talk to anyone here. Gary and des well they are here but I can't voice it out. I talk to her and they'll hear me on the phone. This is just a sad place with a sad system.
Worse still is giving so much to be un appreciated. I hate being pulled up short...or cheated for my feelings...damn reality.
I'll make my own future. One way or another.
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11/29/2011 11:17:00 pm
Sunday, November 20, 2011Building to progress
I'm no risk taker, I calculate my risks to ensure they are safe before I make the choice...not considered a risk if my risks are calculated to succeed in majority right?
Anyway...i've extrapolated the what ifs of this course. To do both results in success based on two values. Continuity and positive discharge in continuity to distance and time space. Either way to do this means there is a "win" in there for all. No matter the circumstance if the end state is 1 or 0.
However to have no action is worse than taking any action because it shows the inability of the person to make his or her own choices to face the world.
As to the when or the how, nobody knows. When the time is right perhaps. When i'm more sure that the predicted scenarios of positive discharge or continuity can happen, maybe then.
The year quickly draws to an end and this blade will be drawn once more before this chapter closes.
11/20/2011 11:14:00 pm
Saturday, November 12, 2011Time
Time can make choices for you too. If you choose to do nothing, nothing will happen and someone else will make the choice you were supposed to make. If you do something, something will begets something and change happens.
For me i can choose..for now.
Make it happen when i will it.
Or watch it pass me by.
11/12/2011 01:45:00 am
Monday, November 07, 2011All the things
All the things I'd say if only I were able but I just keep quiet and watch the cars that pass by. - Sara Bareilles
Better to have lived then to never live at all. People always say this sentence but with varying adjustments.
As Hafiz said, better to do then be the one saying "that should've been me" later on
Would it be right? Would it work?
But importantly
Can it wait?
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11/07/2011 07:04:00 pm
Tuesday, November 01, 2011You can go anywhere...but you can't stay here
Two days in Brisbane and already I love the place. I can imagine myself living here already. I'm excited yet filled with anticipation. Fear even because I don't know what it'll be like to be here on my own...
Last night i took the time to walk the streets with Brennan and we had a long talk to catch up with each other.
The thing about moving away to study..is the people you leave behind. Sometimes you don't want to leave them. People aren't baggage. They're a part of you too. Sometimes long after you leave. They'll haunt you.