What bites usually stings first....
Friends are always supposed to be there for each other or so it is said. When a friend is hurt or troubled it was as though someone had attacked an ally. It spoils the mood of an individual and adds to the friend’s worries.
My life was going fine, now that she helped me get my life in a good running order again but now the life of a friend is in disaster. Why….
Why do bad things always to him!
It was as though someone was picking on him from up above…but that can’t be true…
Sometimes when I feel so caught up in my life and I hear of a friend in trouble or worry I get dragged into the quagmire too…sigh. Just when I thought my life was worry free…
2/28/2007 05:35:00 pm
Tuesday, February 27, 2007Life suddenly became lighter…
I feel like such a fool to have thought such a person to be a liar. Where’s my integrity and faith in that person? I truly am a fool to have thought the person a liar.
I owe that person a lot though. That person helped make my life a lot better and making work a whole lot more approachable. My mind no longer is plagued by the ghosts that don’t go away. Life is actually bearable without those ghosts. Now the only problem I’ve got to deal with is boredom. Boredom, boredom and more boredom.
Sunday was a good day although not musically it made me both emotionally and mentally happier. Thanks a lot. I am obliged not to mention the name of the person who made me feel a whole lot better..thanks a lot.
I look forward to getting to school soon. Although the money from work is lucrative, I long to interact with new faces and learn new things.
After about 4 weeks here, I find Aviva a nice place to work. The staff are quite friendly and I enjoy talking to some of them regardless how little I actually talk to them in the first place. I have about another 4 weeks of employment before school starts on the 16th of April or earlier. Depending when orientation is.
Of all I pray that I will get to NP and do Biomedical science. God I pray for that. I don’t see anything worthy of blogging or noting down. I would love to disclose the emotional details I’ve gone through and who that someone is but I am bound not to share the details with anyone deemed unworthy of my trust and those who I feel should not know at all.
Yesterday I took off from work to handle a few things. I would have loved to spend it sleeping but I’ve got other things to do. Joven came over at 9am to do his PDA, 11am I went to meet Kevin, Joven followed us for lunch. 1.30pm went to school to get the scores and the cd from Fhaizmel. Met a lot of familiar faces. 2.30, I arrived at Hui Han’s place to do her PC up. 4.30pm I arrive at Zi wei’s house to do his pc, 6.20pm went to J8 to look for phones and ate TWO bowls of Ba Chor Mee with Zi Wei each.
8pm arrive home. Practice flute….9pm Zi Wei Reports problems with his PC. 10pm preparing for sleep. 11pm Still awake? Joven calls to ask about the Ipconfig crap…..11.30 bored so was still using the PC. 12.30 too tired to do anything else. Went to sleep. I’m bored…….5.21…half an hour to go. Going to attend the Lenten meeting with Julian because I feel sorry for him sigh…but if theres a lot of people I can put my reading skills to use. I still want to know if some of the quotations are true…hmm.
Time to get back to work..half an hour to go.
2/27/2007 05:16:00 pm
Friday, February 23, 2007Ok so the day wasn't so bad. Now to submit the timesheet and to get my butt back to thomson to hand Hui Han her JAE slip. I want to go read my book!
2/23/2007 05:23:00 pm
The great let down
What is an irritation?
Something that persists to disturb or unseat someone or something.
Seriously a lot of irritations exist in my life today. I guess its not really the climax of life as I had hoped it to be. All the things that I’ve been planning have been called off at the last minute and I WON”T be surprised if the judging for the speech contest is called off too…
It makes me wonder what do I get for being tolerant or understanding to others? It usually results in more let downs and unhappy day or an irritation. Seriously the irritations I have now are mental and I refuse to share them with anyone not even Bren, Jo or anyone. Why do I get the feeling I’m the jester in a court room and the people around me are the crowd being entertained by my stupidity.
Jo’s got his problems but what affects bites at me unnaturally. It unseats my peace of mind because I can’t stand to see a friend in torment.
I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up till school starts. I don’t want have to be unseated by the problems of others, my problems, my irritations and all the rubbish that bite and irritate me.
They say one shouldn’t expose their fanny in a battle. By being too nice isn’t it the same as turning your back on the enemy? What do I get for being nice.
I can’t remember the last time I did something for myself and for the benefit of myself. I want to enjoy myself but instead I’m here stuck behind a desk. Trapped by the barriers of my own mind. A prisoner in your own skull. I like that phrase. Some things that I just can’t type here for the fear of being taken wrongly.
But why do I feel that the person I thought most honest is the liar here?
I shouldn’t think that way. Where’s my trust in that person? It just feels that being too nice puts me as a weakling. It could be truth but at the same time it could be a lie. I’m no simpleton and I can sniff a lie if I heard one. The only reason I haven’t thought it could all be a lie is because I trust that person.
He who enjoys now will despair later. I guess it comes true to the very word yes?
Faith in god beyond all else.
If it was a lie I only have one thing to say back to it. Don’t try to use god as an additive in your lies, leave him out of your misdeeds he doesn’t need a place in your lies. Why is it so difficult to be honest even if it hurts?
A perfect ruin to another crappy day at the office. O and lookie here…I Just GOT to the office. Its 9.59!
2/23/2007 09:57:00 am
Thursday, February 22, 20072nd Day back
Well, well, well…back at work for the second day. The days just seem to crawl by..I can’t wait for School to begin. I look forward to the 6th of March for the release of the JAE posting results but I’m disappointed NP only starts on the 16th of April NOOOOO!!!!!!
Why so long!!!!!
Although I’m sure about 3 months in I’d be begging for a holiday…lets see if its true in 3 months time shall we? That’ll be July so quite ample to figure anyway.
Well nothing much to say right? What kind of things can a desk jockey do in a single day other then stare at his terminal…do his work..drink tea or coffee…go for lunch…and what have yous.
The CSOs are talking down at table 6 and 3 I can hear them quite distinctly through my radio but its no interesting gossip. Idle talk I’d say. I practiced the ROE stuff with bro last night and it seems I’ve got to cancel sax class this Saturday since ROE practice is at 10.45am. No time for lesson I guess.
What am I going to sacrifice for this period of lent….gee I don’t know…what do I treasure so much but can afford to part with for 40 days? I’ve got to think hard on this.
Well its 5.18pm. I’ll be off soon to join the guys for Thursday night “guys night out”.
I mailed Band World this morning and I’d spit at the prices of the Miza flutes and the Powell wooden one. 3k – 4k….and 29k respectively OMG 29k OMFG BBQ!@!@!
I wanna kill some time…its boring even though it’s the last 30 minutes and I have gold 90 for company. Now after V-day the torment is kinda over and now the love songs don’t affect me too much anymore. Much better breathing space now. This contributes to the climax of my life so far.
So I must remember the 3 principles to live by. RESPONSIBILITY, UNDERSTANDING and PATIENCE.
I read another book at lunch. I forgot the title but I like the book its quite true. In a relationship it takes two DIFFERENT styles of people to create a good relationship. Two anxious people are more likely to take each other apart because of the fear of losing the other. I see myself as either an anxious or secure. I’m definitely not a non-concerned type so at least that puts me in the safe zone. Lets see if I can apply the principles in a long term goal yes?
Another 5 minutes…random typing….I ate lunch at Lau Pa Sat today. Good noodles for lunch…although now I’m ravenous…I think maybe I’ll eat something filling for dinner with the guys. Quite bored……..I need something to do………March 6 be swift and come quick. I want to start school so bad that I’d probably be indefinitely happy when it does start. Money is good but whats the use of Money when what you do for it is stark raving BORING!! I mean I’m overpaid to do what I do I know but its so boring!!!!
There is no positive side to it because there are no colleagues of the same age that I can converse with. The adults are friendly but I just can’t click with them like I would with a teen of the same age. Well mostly because my work doesn’t match theirs because what I’m doing is smack between Compliance and HR work. Sigh…
5.30….Maybe if I listen to highlights from chess twice I’d make it to 6 in no time. Its 15 minutes long rounded down. I think I’ll jump at 5.56 instead. Since by my desktop 5.56 is actually 5.50 real time. Ok …so what now……should I crap more or should I upload….maybe I’ll upload this is just plain stupid. I can’t imagine that in 2 months time when I’ve made some friends in poly and they read my blog. They’d read my entire history for the past 4 years! Yeah officially this blog is 4 years old! I intend to keep it all the way till I decide to stop. Who knows I might actually have this blog even after I achieve my life’s aspirations. When I’m a doctor , married(if), rich, successful and a talented musician of good standard. Lets see how long it can keep up but one of the goals in life I want to achieve is to buy back 7,Island gardens walk. Dad sold the house because we lacked money at that time that was nearly 8 years ago. If I do have to live in Singapore for the rest of my life then at least I’d make it worth remembering. I’ll buy back the old house and refurbish it and relive the old days. If I do move I’d still buy it back. When I come back one day I’d live there. The house of memories both terrifying and full of happy times. 5.37 I’m going to read news I guess…till another day.
2/22/2007 05:33:00 pm
Wednesday, February 21, 2007A day in the life of.......
Couldn’t think of a better title other then that. My mind jumped back to the memories of the BPS Post under Eoin, Arathi, Cheryl, Adonis and the rest of the publications team. Regardless life in the office is back to the same slow crawl again. Back to steaming hot cups of coffee every morning, regular cups of green tea at zero cost.
Today started bad with a bad start. The clock rang at 7 as usual. I refused to get up because I was just plain tired. I got up at 7.45 and was technically screaming “Shit I’m going to be late!” in my mind. Hoping to see some breakfast on the table was a long shot because Gaya forgot I had work today. O well…anyway I quickly grabbed my work clothes, packed the bed used the toilet and rushed out of the house by 8 sharp. Got on the bus and fell asleep until I arrived at J8 at 8.25am.
I caught the MRT and I could have sworn the train was on the different side of the platform then it usually should be. I heard snippets of “True Colours” at almost every station, how irritating.
I stoned most of the MRT ride away. My mind floating to non-important matters. Life at poly, music, romance and what not rubbish a person can think of. Most of it was on the commitments I’m going to make in my work and daily life. RESPONSIBILITY, UNDERSTANDING and PATIENCE. The motives to which I plan to govern my life and my various problems. Although I stand on the best period of time in my teenage life so far there is more beyond the horizon….
The walk to SGX T2 was not much of a exciting thing to describe unless you count watching cars , the mess of people. That reminds me of a play on the Nokia catch phrase. Everyone’s talking. Watching all my fellow rats in the rat race reminded me of Everybody’s walking instead lol. Call me a sucker for photography cause I really wanted to take a picture of everyone walking in the same direction from behind. It looked cool to a varying degree.
Well sat down at my desk after walking in the front door and greeting the CSO at the main desk. I did the usual. Start the PC get a cup of Coffee, unlock my desk and pull out the necessary. Fill in the timesheet and what not haves I. I read the news for a while and kept myself occupied for a while and handling some work. At 11.30 I wished Joven good luck for his exam. I hope he did well.
12pm- I’m still at my desk! Why? Was talking to Amelia , Tammy’s friend, sorry Amelia don’t recall your last name my bad, on meebo. She kept typing backwards and it was a bugger deciphering her typing.
12.15pm- I finally got out of the office and locked my desk for lunch. I walked to Lau Pa Sat and went o shit Ash Wednesday what am I doing? Eventually my stomach got the better of me regardless if I missed Breakfast and I walked around. I decided to try the new sandwich place. “Simply Sandwich”. While it tasted good I must remember NEVER to go back there unless I feel rich. The sandwiches are $8.50. My gosh..so expensive.
After eating I walk across the road to MPH and read some books till 1.15.
1.15pm- I walk back to the office and activate my terminal again. I got my stuff out and began to work again not before Amelia messaged me on Meebo the moment I logged on. After about 20 minutes I got back down to work and its been a lonely afternoon all the way to 3.30pm
3.30pm- At my desk I tell myself I’d go out for a walk but I didn’t want to and continued to type and day dream. Reading Wikipedia about Narnia, Epic Movie and all sorts of crap. Eventually got sick of reading and decided I’d get to typing out my blog entry for today.
4.21pm- Well what do you know..i’ve been typing this entry for 30 minutes! Man recounting the day really can take some time!
Off log.
While anyway while I was at MPH I was reading some self improvement book and I feel quite inspired. How to put full concentration and be at a peace of mind and how to have a healthy relationship with one’s friends, family and girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse. Quite an interesting read it kept me occupied for 30 minutes at lunch. Must have been some book yeah?
I feel like taking off tomorrow because I don’t feel like working but taking time off to be with my old friends before I start poly in April. Then again I need the money because if I don’t work I’m stark broke and left with absolutely nothing to do. Who would have known my work schedule would have caused impairment to the plans to be made? What a torment. Thank God I’m allowed to take off when I need to but I don’t want to be unfair to my colleagues. If I need to I guess I will take off. As of today my bank account has finally reached the $1k mark! Yeah wonderful stuff. How nice the number though…$1004 and something cents.
Darn 4.30pm now…come on time speed up a bit..won’t you cut me some slack! I’m bored to death here and I long to hear and see a friendly face. I might be attending Ash Wednesday mass with Brennan later at 7pm if I can make it back to Thomson by then. Hopefully I do because today is Ash Wednesday.
Suddenly I realize how short on time I really am. Saturday is rite of election and I haven’t practiced flute for nearly 3 days. I got class again on Saturday morning. That leaves me effectively 3 hours sharp to prepare for mass!! How in the world can I adjust my lips to play after lesson in just 3 hours! O man…
I haven’t practiced my scales and neither have I practiced my pieces in the past 3 days except on Sunday when I played Menuetto e Trio with bro. I’m sure that piece is going to be stuck in my head for a long time…
Argh..4.33pm only….Maybe I might really go and take a walk..I’m sick of sitting behind this desk…how am I going to survive another 4 weeks? Ah……….
Maybe I’ll upload now….sigh that leaves me with another 1hr 30 minutes to stay busy…bleagh….
2/21/2007 04:31:00 pm
Tuesday, February 20, 2007Square it away
So here i stand at the most complete part of life so far. I've got all i ever wanted. Friends. The results to admit me into the course of my choice. The money and job. The skills. I've also achieved my February 14 goal. Everything i want is in place. Now its all to keeping it together.
How do i propose to do this?
By being RESPONSIBLE, UNDERSTANDING, and at the same time PATIENT. If I made my decisions wisely and be understanding to all the people i deal with and be patient and not rush the people i work with.
Then again...He who laughs and enjoys now will suffer and be sad later. I thank god for my blessings now and i will still praise his name when i have to suffer and be sad. For he has given me my chance to be happy. The following shall be more guidance points from now on. Responsibility, Understanding and Patient.
By being up late though i'm breaking the first guide point. Responsible. I've got work in the morning. So i better be getting to sleep.
I'll probaby update at lunch or around 5pm. Cest Du Povonce heh.
2/20/2007 11:54:00 pm
Friday, February 16, 2007Confusion
I've no idea what happened in the past two days its just like a great flood of events happening that i'm quite confused as to what has happened. Gee whiz..man what now...
I miss the days where i did'nt have to lead, when i did'nt have to teach but had to learn, i miss the days when i had people to guide me. They say life gets better as it goes along why does it feel like it gets worse?
My mood is feeling damped its as though its been soaked in water for a while. I miss the euphoria of standing on a stage and performing with a band. Ending with a final number to that thunderous and supportive applause in appreciation. I remember the concert we had two years ago. Strangely it remains etched in my mind forever. That day the final number was Highlights from Chess...how great it felt to hear the grandness of the Anthem of Chess. To hear the horns blast in grandeur and to submit to the sway of the music. How great it felt in the days of being a guided and infant musician. How great it felt to be part of the big picture with seniors to watch over you and no one to live up to but yourself.
The cure for all sadness in my opinion is music. I feel better after a long practice in the company of friends. To know that something has been accomplished. I can't stand doing something but not having accomplished anything. I long for the day i step up on stage as a performer with a band once more not as an accompanist but as a player for himself in a band or chamber ensemble.
I hope this Chinese new year ends with a bang. I want to get back to school fast. Its good to have the experiance in the office but when long hours turn to boredom it becomes a killer. Joven's exam is next week and it will be his 18th birthday on wednesday. I shall pray for him to do well and for him to live the catholic life. I pray that his relationship with Patricia will stay strong and that she many never turn her back on him. I thank god for friends like Brennan and Joven to be with me through all the good and bad times of life.
Life would be so easy to live if we were all emotionless drones there would be no sadness, no fear, no happiness. Emotions can ruin a great life and i won't let it ruin mine. Amen to that!
Sigh back to work...another 30 mins on the clock.
2/16/2007 05:05:00 pm
Tuesday, February 13, 2007Day end
JAE Application submitted, Shoes fixed.
Brennan’s grandpa passed two nights ago. I pray that his soul may rest in peace. Tomorrow there is no plans for V-day because she’s not free for sure. Anyway I might want to make up the lost funds that I missed due to leave last week and on Thursday when I take half day. Sigh…I wanna go to poly now…..i wanna start my course!!!
Sian Ji Pua….
2/13/2007 05:50:00 pm
Monday, February 12, 2007After the gathering storm...
Well so I survived the weekend. Results were alright, I can go to most of the courses and I’ve decided to go to NP to do Biomedical sciences or more specifically Bio Laboratory sciences. Can’t really report much about work. Accept that I feel a lot lighter mentally in the days after the release of results. Now the only thing I feel perturbed about is…obvious but I need not mention it here.
A real pain I can say. Sunday was the first quartet practice although quite unofficially jumped to but we saw a good level of musicianship coming together there. Aaron you can manage I’m sure. We’ll all do this together! If one of us can’t play we’ll keep at it till its alright.
Well I’m going to get ready to leave soon. 5.42 here.
2/12/2007 05:37:00 pm
Wednesday, February 07, 2007Prelude to something bigger
Another day goes by….with Gold 90 as my closest companion. My mind filled with thoughts. Of her, of the results, of music and of literally everything. Sigh. Yesterday and today I went to ABRSM office to settle my application. Yesterday I submitted the form but not the payment. Today I went back prepared with my sandwich( I had trouble having lunch coming back) and made my payment and walked from VCH back to SGX T2. Nice scenery I must say. I saw what looked like primary school kids on excursion should be one of the CHIJ schools. Blue pinnies, no boys and familiar crest. Must be CHIJ. Saw some secondary school kids on excursion too.
Anyway I’m really bugged out here. Tired, bored and worried. Not so worried yet. Ok time to upload. Then get ready to leave.
2/07/2007 05:48:00 pm
Tuesday, February 06, 2007Impending doom?
So now it is Tuesday…but a mere 3 days away from the results release. There is little fear or anticipation as of now….it will rise in tension in the next few days. Of that I am sure. What will life be like after the results? Did I make it? Did my friends make it?
I was at Zi Wei’s place yesterday to check up his PC which is in bad shape. When I got home he messaged me about the release of the results on Friday through MSN as it was on the yahoo quick news. I sent out messages to my friends just to make sure they got them. I spoke to a few people yesterday..Stella and Leslie.
Stella nearly scared when she told me a source told her that 60% of the cohort failed English before moderation O_O. I don’t think its technically possible.
With Leslie , I talked about jobs and what to do with our “girl” problems lol. Its fun to talk about a problem when two guys are in it together. Or in the same KIND of problem that is.
Anyway nearly time to leave. Now to upload…
2/06/2007 05:44:00 pm
Monday, February 05, 2007End of Monday…been reading a lot on Warcraft and Starwars today. I’ve been quite bored but today passed faster then usual because I was reading interesting stuff. Sigh…..sian…I keep hearing Phantom Of The Opera adverts on Gold 90 and more sickening love songs bah….Why doesn’t anyone hire performers for the musical Chess?
Sigh I’ve always wanted to watch that musical. Rofl …5.54pm…
Later I’ll be dropping by Zi Wei’s place to check out his PC to see if I can do anything.
Sigh still thinking of her……..
2/05/2007 05:56:00 pm
Friday, February 02, 2007A failed attempt, a possibly "boring" weekend?
Friday at last!
Well it seems my efforts have been daunted. Busy as ever…
O well I got sax class tomorrow at 2pm. That’ll be interesting. Tonight I got to practice scales in preparation. Love the new room arrangement at home. Gaya did a good job for the home décor! Wonderful stuff.
Sigh….its 5.30 on my watch. I’ve spent a day well. I think I’ll head down to TP and muck around on my own for a while to kill time. See if Melvin or any of my fellow BPSians are on duty at NTUC.
O yeah I have a FUEL gathering tomorrow at 7. At the very least I still have good old Alfred around. I better get back to work. 28 minutes left on the clock now. Not long to go.
2/02/2007 05:32:00 pm
Thursday, February 01, 2007More Work
Well for one thing , work is no different then it was before. Gold 90 keeps rubbing it in. I tell you someone is trying to tell me something through the radio…it keeps playing songs like…You love a beautiful woman and other songs that keep making me think about her!! Argh….
There seems to be no interesting songs today. Other then a rather interesting version of “Seasons of Love” around lunch time nothing that caught my ear. Other then the fact that I’ve had my ear piece in my ear for nearly 4 hours at a shot…
I’ve had a few “customers” coming to me and asking me to do things…I keep have to direct them to customer services at the front of the hall. Sigh…
Well today I’m going to meet up with Bren and Jo before they go for RCIA retreat. So it looks this weekend I’m going to be rather bored. I’m going to try my luck this week. Which I’m quite sure will result in a…sorry busy.
Ah right anyway its 5.28pm on my Desktop clock. I can’t wait for 6pm then I can leave this Icecube land rofl. Its freezing. I MUST remember to bring a Jacket tomorrow.
I’m out.