Over the hills we go!
So its Monday night. The monday blues still upon me. I'll start by recounting yesterday's events.
Was up by 5am. Drank coffee and checked the torrent. 5.30am. I started warming up on the flute. 6am, I'm packing my stuff and getting ready to leave. 6.15am, I leave earlier then bro and reach church by 6.20am. I set up the chairs and stuff and go downstairs to warm up. I meet Mon and Mel. 6.30am, Rachel, Elizabeth and Judith arrive, I promised Rachel that i'd play her something, she remembered lol, so i played something , i admit i was dead nervous. Its like playing at the concert only more "lonely" in a sense. I tried my best and i admit it was not good enough. I'll practice harder if i have to that again. Perfection is a must!
Mass starts at 7am. All went well. No screw ups, as far as i can see. (or not as serious which i would not call a screw up) Went for breakfast at Mengs with the guys. Next week i'm eating pork ball noodle if i'm eating there again! Pract went smooth. Lunch at Prata house and the service SUCKS! We wanted to lodge a complaint and the guy just shooed us off man i wish i could slap him in the face. I thought i saw her at the bus stop, i must either be phanthoming seeing her or i'm saw her. I can't tell i did'nt look again. But i could have sworn that haircut looked very very familiar. Anyway , Hansel , Joven and Bren walked off to my place. Bren did'nt follow us and took the bus from my place. Hansel and Joven came to play games. We had some fun. Mr Brown show and Heroes 5 and then some "cheating" on CS source lol! Really entertaining. Went for dinner with mum at Swensen's. On the way back went to see Cookie at Sis's place. Man cookie has grown, but apparently his brain is still the same size. Went home , packed the ole school bag and slacked abit and went to sleep.
NEXT WEEK: PAINT BALL YAY!!
Well this thursday is a holiday for BPSS, no school. Teachers are on holiday. There can't be school without teachers so yeah. Holiday. This week will pass faster then i thought.
I feel so sian... lol.
7/31/2006 10:15:00 pm
Saturday, July 29, 2006Figures...
For Tammy who has been bugging me for these photos, here they are.....
i'll blog later ...just finished tidying up the mess i could'nt clean up. The computer table.. guess i can clean it up after all lol
7/29/2006 05:14:00 pm
Thursday, July 27, 2006
And so goes yet another Thursday. Just another thursday...yep...like all other Thursdays i had for the past 5 weeks i've been slogging over a maths paper 2 of numerous schools for 3 hours in a room with a teacher that i don't exactly like.She aint bad but she's in constant bad mood. She never seems to smile or take things lightly for more then five minutes. I think she's pressured. I feel sorry for her more then i dislike her to tell the truth.
Today's assembly was about some sort of bullying thing. What was really funny was Mr Peterson trying to chase the speaker from the parents committee of our school off the stage. Soon after she got off the stage after finishing with "Birthday bashes are bad" we were dismissed i finially got my black shoes back. At last. I hate those white shoes. I feel so kiddy in them. Thank god i don't have to see white shoes on my feet for a long time to come. Lessons dragged by, today i don't recall feeling drowsy. I made sure of that. I always keep a cold water bottle at hand to press against tired eyes. But today i don't think i needed it. But i have to remember to stop losing my bottle or leaving my stuff in class rooms on accident. In the past two weeks i've left stuff in the chem class room, the maths class and the library. How stupid? Very i'd say.
Recently i've been rather restless. For the past few days i can't sleep right. I go to sleep at 10 and wake up at 5.45 and feel like i've not slept at all. I go to school tired and drowsy with nothing to wake me up but my cup of coffee in the canteen. Even so the coffee is sub standard...sigh. I'd reckon i was taking too much heat. I think last night managed to pull me off the crappy streak. I wasted away part of the night gaming, practicing flute, reading and doing anything not stressing. I woke up feeling great today. But i wonder if it counts that i fell alsleep at 9.30 woke up at 12.30 and fell asleep again waking up at 5.45. Figures eh?
I'm surrounded by suicidal physchopaths. I've got a friend who holds a blade to his wrist, drenches himself and has outbursts of rage frequently, many a time i can barely tell him to ease off. Another friend who has family problems, seems sad almost everyday, tried to drench herself in the rain too and stuff. Then i got a friend who's overworking himself around the clock. He's doing more mock papers then i ever can accomplish but he ain't improving. In fact he's falling. Whats this world coming too...
The little red line between fact and fiction. The line which seperates the world of flesh and blood and the world with pretty flowers and all things good. I've got my head stuck in the world of flesh and blood i'd need an escape to the other world for awhile. But thats impossible gone are the days of worry free relaxation. One day of relaxing will never make up for the stress I like so many others are going through.
Today I saw what i felt was one of the darkest days in BPSS.While this photograph doesn't show it , the halls were dark and emptied. The storm was coming in. What amazed me is how dark the school could be. It felt as if a shadow of doom was over the school. I approached the guard at the front of the school asking if the sidegate was open. She told me it was closed by 2.30. It was already 5pm. She told me i better get to the bus stop before the rain came or be stuck in the school. I took my chances and made my way to the bus stop. It was not a nice sight. I saw flashes of lightning and i felt the cold wind brush against me. I felt the belts on my bag swinging. I made it to the bus stop and rested myself. I boarded and got on home making a guess with Zhe Xuan on when the storm would hit. I trudged up the hill and into the elevator. I opened the door to the house and it slammed in my face. I put my shoes on the rack and went in. I put down my bag in my room and turned on the PC, put down my books and turned on the fan. I promised myself one thing. That i'd practice today. I took out my flute and practiced for a while. Playing familiar tunes, it sorta made me feel nostalgic. The days where i was in band playing "Highlights from chess", listening to the seniors play "Spirited Away" and being lectured frequently by my senior Fang Yu. I do owe her something though. Its because of her that i can sight read quite quickly. She never let me write anything on the scores. Thanks.
However bright i may seem to be, however happy i may seem to sound both physically, mentally and on this blog i am not happy. There is a side of me that wants something more. Its not materialistic posessions that are nagging me now. Its not my grades, its not my skills. I don't know whats causing me to feel seriously empty at points in my life even though i'm surrounded with laughter. Popularity? I've got popularity. Ask Bishan park who's Benjamin Toh and everyone knows the name. Good or Bad. The bad tell me to literally f off. The good tell me i've got long hair and tell me to cut it and we all laugh it out. But theres a certain degree of want in life that needs to be fufilled. A blank on an important page of the book. This page remains blank for many while the chapters continue to be filled. Many don't fill this page. People who fill this page are happy but some end the chapter prematurely and end it with sorrow and anger. I pray that my chapter remains blank till i the time i start writing that chapter and i pray that i end it only when it parts with me. Life is miserable. Many people are feeling all sense of joy and happiness sucked out from them. I've seen way too many things. My fingers tapping against the keyboard, the vibrations from the speakers playing music. No matter how rhythemic or how happy the song is i can't feel the happiness. Its strange how the human works. In pressure the mind awakes filled with ideas. In its relaxed state, feelings of loneliness enter and depression sets in.
Death and sorrow make its mark on humans as easily as a watermark on paper. On Monday i heard of how a fellow student's brother died in a motorcycle accident on the AYE. The tragedy of life being extinguished at a blink of an eye surpasses the knowledge of us mere mortals.
In this one post i'm mentioning all i ever wanted to say to this date. The longest post i've ever accounted for because i'm being left sitting here in this room. On this chair killing my time. I should be studying but i'm feeling way too off to study. No game will satisfy. No time with friends will satisfy. I need something that i can't understand.
Its strange of how the human mind wants something badly but cannot fathom what it really wants. Why? I need the answers. There are answers that we as human beings need to feel secure in our lives. Our possesions will not help us. Our friends will not help us. Its our minds.
Raymond spoke yesterday at the preliminary rounds about stress. He has done his research. Stress can be felt. It shows on every person's face. Irregardless how cheerful or bubbly they are. Again the line of fact and fiction. The line of fact is where stress is real and you're feeling how you really should. But there is also what he coins, imaginary stress. Its paranoia and thats what i think he's refering to. I'm not becoming paranoid that i'm certain i would have felt it. The human mind has the ability to change the fate of time. A person who's brain is telling them to run will run in fear. A person who's brain tells them to hide will hide. A person who's brain tells them that a stand must be taken will stop and make his stand.
But however it is in defeat that a man learns his lesson. In defeat that humans learn their mistakes. We are not infallible we make mistakes. Words may fall on deaf ears. But words of caution will ring on for ever in shame.
I shall not fail. I will not fall. I will not let my life go to waste. I will not let my future family suffer. I will not let my present family suffer. I will work hard to ensure a better future for myself and for those i know and love.
I may seem deaf to the world on certain points of occasion. I feel that a words of a friend have fallen on my deaf ears on many occasions. While i do not say i am actually deaf but i am actually closing my ears and hearing only what i want to hear. Listening to Elvis and his song the promised land. It makes me think of how such a great person could have gone to waste to drugs. Life is spoiled by the small things in life.
Why would humans create things to destroy themselves? Why would we, the most advanced of all living beings on earth create weapons of destruction to kill our own kind? Are we really so different from people who live over there?
How different are the Americans from the Muslim Iraqis or the Lebanese rebels? We are all flesh and blood. Hiding behind technology makes us no different. We are living human beings that are in no way different from each other. While our looks and characters are different we live in the same world. We breathe the same air. We eat the same kind of food. We drink the same drink. Water. How does any of us account for us to be different? Skin colour? In my oppinion what does skin colour got to do with judging a person?
I do not know what she wants. But i know that she's everything i want, everything i need, everything inside of me that i wished i could be. I don't know if she feels the way i'm feeling or if she even knows how i feel about her. While i may seem stupid to think of this now, who has not gotten their eyes smitten by the beauty of a girl? I am no different. From her or the people around her or myself. She sounds as though she talks of another person but i have no idea who it is. If it is someone else, i envy him. To have such a person to look upon you with favour.
Sigh what am i doing? I'm wasting away my time filling myself with false hope. I should be studying and being the robot my country wants me to be. Life is monotonous and its black and white. I hope the weekend brings joy to my life. I need a time out.
7/27/2006 07:40:00 pm
Tuesday, July 25, 2006Well i've not updated for a long time but here i go. On Wednesday last week , i was on MSN talking to Elizabeth and to a small extent Rachel as well. Elizabeth was telling me about her caterpillars and how one crawled up Rachel's leg lol. Anyway great to hear you did well for your "Ting Xie". I passed my maths but my teacher screwed up the marks. She gave me 0 marks for a question that was answered 100% correct. I'll get her for it...just wait...
Thursday dragged on by with the maths paper so no need to talk about it. Except the fact the day before concert day was very rushed very packed. That night i got my stuff packed and prepared all the necessary clothes.
Friday. CONCERT DAY. Man the day was rushed. Outta class at 11.45am. Change to uniform and such by 12.45pm. We were at the concert hall by 1.45pm. We got ourselves prepared and sooner then expected the concert time came. We played our best and for the first time in 4 years, the school song was extremely loud!
Saturday, no operation get fat but i went to get oreos and scoped out the church anyway. Wanted to wait for Hansel but remembered he had ISP programme. I went home played full spectrum warrior to pass time. I got sick of studying. That night i rendevoused with Alfred and attended the night's Fuel meeting with him. Where would i be without my church buddies? Anthony, Alfred, Luke. The whole lot of them. So many i can barely name. I feel i'm closer to my church friends then my school friends too..
Sunday. Woke up at 4.45am. Read a few blogs, went to play BF2 left the house at 6.30 arrived at 6.40. Got reprimanded by Sam and Shawn for causing a rackett in the stairway. We went down to the carpark instead. Next week as per usual carpark or the room. Mass went badly. We screwed up and so did our tunings. Went for breakfast in the canteen. Got a call from Suren about his com. Talked and briefed his bro how to solve it. Had pract and spent the afternoon....
That night i talked to Rachel on MSN regarding pets and such. She likes Cats lol? I wonder why the difference between her and Elizabeth. Cats and caterpillars. Hmm...I definately don't see the connection lol. Anyway had a good chat and later went to sleep.
Monday. Nothing much, but for once in my life i could go home early! Woo Hoo!!...I did'nt get to play any games neither did i feel like playing anything. In fact i uninstalled two games..how odd...
I studied chem for today but i still need more revision.
Today. Chem test went alright, Maths too. The chem practical was VERY confusing and my test tube exploded too..check out the picture of my workbench.
7/25/2006 10:32:00 pm
Tuesday, July 18, 2006Life is not that fair now is it? From the start of week 1 i knew all along that its going to get bad this time around. We just received time tables from now till week 9. We are so dead...check the table and there are tests every week. I won't be suprised if i faint from exhaustion. Today just had two tests, Bio not that good but not bad either. 59/90 ...short 1 mark to 60.. sad...
Anyway to those who failed the test earlier. Marleen, keep your hopes up, don't give up. Anyway chem test i have a bad feeling about it. I don't like how it looks like...
Yesterday was the council investiture. Many schools turned up, including some which never replied us...really exciting. I led the guests around the school afterwards most looked quite tired. Anyway, my hands are off the council. Nothing to do with them again. Except advisory work. Free at last.
Friday is the concert. Lets just hope things go smooth there.
Today i saw a particularly an interesting statement on my desk. Liberal Freedom. Thats what it said. I wrote that nearly 2 weeks ago. Little did i know then how life would get so much tougher. I look at it and i think how true and how badly we need it now.
Savvy remember that word...
Pirates of the caribbean 2 rocks!
15 men and a deadman's chest!
YO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM!
7/18/2006 05:25:00 pm
Sunday, July 09, 2006Well its been a really long week and got alots of whacks on thursday. Friday was the excel fest so got to go home early but had to stay for council thingy so yeah. I brought starcraft and a few of us were sitting in the room playing starcraft on the council comp lol.
Saturday i went to band, went to have lunch with Fhaiz and went to help out in the sales. I saw a very familiar haircut when i walked by the pratahouse. I could recognise it anywhere. I walked on by anyway. I got the stuff walked back and confirmed it by the style of dressing, the glasses and such. I concluded simply it was her. Went back and handled more sales. About 15 minutes later she walks in and i completely stone the whole way. The hours literally crawled by but watching the guys do prank calls was really funny! Once again i saw her again but i turned my back because i found myself unable to say anything. Wish i did say something. We had a match with the nuts that night so i rushed to the stuff i needed to do.
Today i screwed up in mass. Very bad. I got a telling off from Tony, sorry , I screwed up will take it to mind was trying my best with the score it was'nt very easy. Went for breakfast. We have 7 new peeps cool! Anyway after choir we hung out awhile chilled played some music. Joven came to my place after lunch and getting a new harp. We found all the parts for the mass on the net. Guess our practices would be so much simpler.
On Thursday i was talking to Cherylyn, ha spelled it right this time, we seem to click quite well due to our similairities. We like similar stuff, did similar things like the debate. Thanks for the birthday wish! We talked about things like EMPs and our experiances with paranormal stuff. Premonitions are freaky yes?
Tonight i saw her nick and i feel its either a slap in the face or a verbal hit. It either means me or someone else. I don't know what it means.
Anyway going to slp now. Night!
7/09/2006 11:39:00 pm
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Thanks guys and girls and most of all teachers for the wonderful card!!
I'm 16 today yeppers! I'm hoping this year brings many boons for me.
I love my friends and teachers. Especially those that made my days enjoyable. I'm sorry that for anyone i may have insulted....
Thanks Pei Yi for the cup! Really kind of you! So sweet! :X don't take it the wrong way :P
Ok off i go then
7/06/2006 08:00:00 pm
Monday, July 03, 2006A long holiday gone and school is coming again. The invitations were settled by friday and i personally hand delivered the Peirce one. Celebrations for my birthday was yesterday. We ate pizza and had some good fun! 32 players in CS is real fun lol. 10 players in TFC was alright but more would be even more fun!!
I seriously pity someone now. I can't disclose her name here, after hearing her problems i feel very sad for her not because i'm close to her because i have been there before. Her family is now in deep debt , mine was too but we have recovered now. I will pray for you.
On Sunday , i met Rachel from church in the stairwell, I can say she's a sweet girl alright. Really talented in music and tech stuff. Everytime i meet her is like a music exam because she'll ask me to play something, best get something ready every week then lol. It will give me a ear to listen to my playing and a need to brush up my work because somebody is listening! She is the first person i've heard to actually praise my playing directly infront of me. I'm quite happy at that. Thanks Rachel!
Her sister Elizabeth too is a wonderful player and very discreet. She's a great musician and talking to her is a interesting one. She actually got the fuzzy wuzzy thing lol. Now the youngest of them all. Judith. I don't know her very well as her sisters because i rarely talk to her. She's rather quiet but i'm guessing behind the quiet exterior is a young vibrant interior personality just waiting for the opportunity to be bright and creative. What the SS choir really needs now are people with outgoing personalities. We need to make our members more proactive. I'm not sure how but i feel that thats what we need.
I'm going to sleep soon. I having slacked at all today. Not even one computer game. I've done all my work, had sectionals with Joven, given the worksheet to Hui Han and now here. I've actually satisifed myself this weekend. On sunday i felt very generous and donated $5 to the Chews for breakfast so they could enjoy the day as well. I felt happy and wanted to make others around happy. I wanted to give them $10 but Hansel and Olga refused to even hear of it. Hansel finially relented and took the $5. Elliot...tsk tsk...don't try to take money meant for others :X....sailor moon...cough cough....no offence k buddy?
Well night guys.