For any readers of this rather quiet blog, or if I'm just writing so I can look by on this many years from now and think of it.

I really want to put this somewhere where the intended target may probably read it but I guess I put it here for you my friends and readers to read.

In the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray, he mentions how love letters are really important to get out all that you need to say.

Today I'm gonna try it out because I want to tell someone this but because now's not a good time, I'll write this for you. You may see it, you may not.
For my friends you may or may not want to read further. For those of you who know the addressee of this love letter, please keep it to yourselves, she is a real person and like I said now's not the right time.

"Dear S,

I promised myself I'd do as much as I could do before I actually have to tell you anything,

Every time I say I'd send you to school, I'd do something for you.

I wouldn't think a moment as long as it was legal and within my power.

Every day when I wake up to do the things I promise, I ask myself why am I doing this?

That small voice in the head tells me "You're doing cause you care and smitten by her",

The other more vengeful voice always says "You're wasting your time, she's not appreciative, she's got no idea why you're doing all this for her"

I would like myself to always believe that you appreciate what I've done and what I do for you but sometimes it gets hard to believe because you don't seem to understand why.

I don't blame you because maybe you'd think I'd do this for anyone but here I'm gonna tell you the truth, I do this solely for you.

The more I do for you, the more I question whether I'm just wasting my time.

I'm already going very out of my way to do what I do for you but you never seem to realize that.

I want to show you the kind of dedication I would give you beyond this level but I'm afraid that you'd either pull away or that you'd take me for granted.

I hope that somewhere somehow, maybe with divine intervention, that you'll understand this and show your appreciation.

In about two weeks, I'll probably be telling you the truth and this message would mean nothing by then.

For everything you are, you do, say, like and dislike, all the comments and criticisms you've given me, all the small things you've shared with me since that one day where a random act of kindness allowed us to become better friends. I don't only treasure you as a friend as a matter of fact perhaps maybe more than a friend.

You're someone I would like to get to know even better and perhaps maybe by then we'll figure out whether a future with an "us" is even possible.
You're one of the only people I would be proud to say I know quite abit about and without having to fish them out from some obscure place but because you told me and I told you things about myself in return.
Even with all your cold answers sometimes and sometimes crude statements, I take all of it in stride, it hurts my pride sometimes but I put myself down so that I can only see your good.

I'd pray and hope for you to give me even one chance to prove myself if I haven't done that already.

I hope to tell you the entire truth about how we even got to this stage, how that one random act of kindness could even happen. None but only my closest and best friends know what happened that led to here.

I'll be seeing you tomorrow, to send you for your RFA paper.

Hopefully before I tell you all of these, you'd realize why I do all this just for you."

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If there's one thing that I think I've accomplished by this, it's getting all that pent up feelings out into text.

Till the day comes. There's little more I can do.

I've got more than just one thing to worry about.