A quiet day, right here.
Well I've finally left the workforce. I'm now back to being a kid again. Back to school and back to doing the things a kid should be doing. Worrying only about the things a kid should.
I'm going to miss all the staff at Aviva. All the compliance staff; Victor, Daniel, Elaine, Bee Hian, Sarah and Lynette. Thanks for making my stay at Aviva a memorable 2 months and a week. I look forward to come back and working with all of you again. I'll miss the CS staff who although i never really got to know, i thank all of you for making my life outside the compliance room one that was happy. Thanks to Serene for helping to break the ice and getting me to talk to the other people.
Yesterday as i walked out those doors for the last time as a temp staff, i feel sad to leave. Thanks Victor for all those fun times we had talking about PC and recommending the Asus brandname to me for if not i won't not be using that same laptop you recommended to me to type this entry. Thanks again for that $50 voucher at challenger. I wish i did'nt have to go back to school suddenly for i suddenly feel that life at the office even though boring, stressful or what not is where i enjoyed myself for two months and over.
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Today nothing really interesting happened. I had sax lesson with Mr Steven and i can say i enjoyed myself. We were doing Jazz duets and i can say when i'm on form i can really feel the music going strong. I enjoyed today's lesson. ALOT.
I spent the day playing act of war while waiting for mum to get ready so we could go shopping. Sis demanded that i not go to poly looking like a dork. So she wants me to look cool and she's got a list of things to do to get me ready. Like getting my first sets of Jeans, giving me an extreme hair makeover at Tony's and what other stuff she hasnt told me. Thanks alot sis, appreciate the gesture!
Tommorow the family is going to watch Mr Bean's holiday. Ah...i can't remember the last time all of us were together to watch a movie. Well except dad who is out with his work and stuff.
Now that i am no longer a working man, i can finally do the things i need to do. Get my books for saxophone and practice, go chill out with friends and visit my old teachers.
Although yeah i feel the repercussions of my actions, i've had my chance to be happy and now i should be happy for the ones who did'nt. I will not be jealous of the possesions or experiances or status of my friends. I will live my life as I am. As many people already know after their first move on a member of the opposite gender, when you know it won't work out , it probably won't. I do not regret my decision and now its done i don't intend to back out on my words. I will live an innocent life and help others. I will never be entirely free from sin but i know I can help others. One day i believe everything will come full circle.
Whenever i see a couple holding hands, cuddling in public or any intimate display of affection, i used to go what disgrace keep it to yourselves!, but now i understand. Love , Romance or just affection for each other is boundless. When two people are so into each other, both throw oppinions of other people to the winds and no one exists but the two of them. To love and to hold until the relationship ends or death do them apart.
Emotion is a weakness of every human being. The feeling of sadness, remorse, love, hate give strengths and weaknesses. When you're too sad, you lose the will to live. When you're too happy you make mistakes due to carelessness. When you're too deeply obsessed with your spouse or girlfriend, you throw away too much caution. Life becomes a living hell. Its a weakness but like all weaknesses there are strengths to supplement it. The power to feel emotion allows us to bond better as social creatures. There is no excuse for any human being to be an emotionless casing. We were created to feel for others. To have a heart to love all hearts.
Whoever might read this , i'm not feeling emo alright?
Call this a reflective moment.
Although there are many things i would love to bring into light, there are things which best remain secretive to myself or to the people who know. I document my thoughts here on this web space not to attract attention but to show my thoughts to the world.
Its 10.22, late and and a lack of sleep time. Time to get some shut eye.
3/31/2007 09:58:00 pm
Tuesday, March 27, 2007Stuck in the zone
I can't remember how long it's been since I've actually blogged from home...shows how much time i spend at the office then i do at home.
This Friday is the end of my work contract and also the choir's pentitential service. I feel sad to have to leave aviva. I've grown to love my desk, the staff there, my colleagues and the noisy customers. At the same time i want to start school. I'm stuck in the loop.
As of present i feel emotionless to any romantic sentiment as of late. I have no idea why is as though life suddenly existed with out romantic attraction since that day. Since the revealtion. I suddenly find myself not even thinking about her for days on end until i think to myself..HEY I haven't thought about her at all. Which is a good sign, it means the transistion is nearly complete i seem to have effectively erased the emotional attachment to her. I decided to talk about it here because I find myself caught in the same trap i was years ago. The emotion insensitive chap.
When i stop to think about possibilities, i tell myself that I should stop fantasising because its but an illusion of the mind to hope and wish for the impossible to happen. We might pray something may happen the way we want it but for every event there is a reason. Hopefully Poly life straightens my life out lest i turn out like an emotionless dude.
I feel too tired to continue blogging..I'll probably continue at work or tommorow evening
3/27/2007 12:51:00 am
Wednesday, March 21, 2007How's about school?
Well its been mighty long since I last had anything to say. Nothing much has happened and I don’t think I’ll have much to report till school starts. Thus far though, enrollment date is tomorrow. Man I’m excited. I can’t wait till the 16th. When term starts at least I can report on something. On that pretense I don’t feel like attending the orientation camp. I don’t intend on getting down in the dirt or spending two days away from home when I don’t need to. In the mean time everything leading up to term is coming along nice and sweet. I can see myself in about a month’s time attending the CCA orientation at NP.
Life is on an uphill. Everything’s coming along in a nice order. I foresee life to only get better from now.
Time magically slows down at this point I have no idea why but things are getting so slow these days. Its like it takes forever for school to start when we normally want it to never come again. I really want to get back to school, meet new people, advance in life and use my brain for something more useful then validating PEP’s all day and listening to Gold 90.
Yesterday and today I’ve taken to try for the Phantom of the Opera tickets to be won but so far nothing.. L. I want to watch it but I can’t afford it on my payroll. I need the money for other things but even I did…who would I go with?
No one seems interested in buying a ticket even though they want to watch it. Sian…
Back to work…
Dum doom Dum doom, coward of the county ….whoa? lol Heard a newer version of Kenny Roger’s Coward of the county today and that’s about as exciting as I’ve heard.
3/21/2007 05:21:00 pm
Friday, March 16, 2007Not the time nor the place..
Still not getting anywhere. Still sitting in a chair at SGX tower 2. Still working. Still doing PEP’s. Life doesn’t get more boring then this. My skills are under utilized at this point…I need to get to doing something that challenges my skills. I need to engage learning!
I received the enrollment package yesterday. Yay. I reviewed the stuff with Dad but I can honestly say I’m down right eager to get down to school. Seriously.
Life doesn’t get more interesting as of late. I did OT yesterday to finish up my stack of work. My last day is 2 weeks from now. DAMN WHY 2 WEEKS!
Each day is like a torture….its only 5.19pm now…I’m seriously stark bored. I might take out the laptop later to play a game or two on the way back. But I don’t want to play starcraft or COH on the train…not with a touchpad…zzz….
O well, Serene the friendly lady at the desk two places in front me just came by. Nice place. Now a horrific scene..a couple just sat down at the lobby area in front of my desk…the guy is skinny and small but the woman is as fat as a god knows what. She seriously looks like she’s had 3 instances of breast implants because they’re huge! I’m not being sick or anything but it’s DISGUSTING!!! My eyes hurt because it’s such a sick sight.
Now , Eye in the sky is playing on the radio. Yay for the ALAN PARSON’S PROJECT! :D
I’m nuts. I’m feeling seriously so under utilized by the day to day challenges of a DESK JOB! This is so crappy…although it comes to experience I can say I worked for an MNC. Neat huh?
5.23…..
I am the eye in the sky looking at you….I can read your mind ….
Bored….quoting words from the song as it plays through.
I can read your mind…..I can read your mind….
….
Will type more in a while…
5.24pm
5.30…
Fat lady gone at last..My eyes can rest from such a horrifying sight…
I just want to go home now sigh..I wanna practice my sax, play a few games and go to bed. Got lesson tomorrow with Mr Steven. Yay.
I know ... I'll watch little britain on the way home :D heheh
3/16/2007 05:25:00 pm
Monday, March 12, 2007Out on the streets
Went to work as usual today. Can’t expect anything more then work as usual apart from handling the daily runs, which went smoothly today.
At lunch time I went down to Tartine’s to get a nice beef and cheddar sandwich. I later went to “The Adelphi” building to see if Asus could redo my backspace key. They would so I guess I’ll be bringing it down.
I walked back to Shenton way. I saw many bands queuing up outside VCH either for the SYF or for some ABRSM ensemble exam.
I walked a little further down and I saw a newly wed couple (or soon to be wed) taking their wedding portraits. Sigh what a beautiful sight. It warms the heart from the blistering cold anyway even though I don’t even know the couple.
I walked across the bridge and looked down and saw something I never noticed. A cast-iron statue of a mother cat watching over her two kittens. Makes me wish I could see the real scene. At this point I was thinking up some melodies, which popped into my head after I thought about the Little Britain theme song. I’m probably going to try scoring it out but although I’ve got a main melody in my head I’m going to try to think out expansions to melody. It sounds very grand in my head but I wonder how it sounds in actual playing..I need a trumpeter…and brass players…hmm…
I’m eager to leave working and entering Poly but some part of me has gotten attached to this place. Such so that I have a feeling that I don’t want to leave. Really funny huh? How you can dislike something but still be attached to having it in your life.
Well half an hour to go, gonna get busy.
3/12/2007 05:27:00 pm
Wednesday, March 07, 2007The LONG wait....
Its ONE month to go till Poly. Course starts on the 16th of April, its only the 7th of March. I feel like sleeping my way to the 16th but I can’t. I’ve got so many duties to take on at work. Victor is going on leave, I got to cover some of his duties as well as more admin stuff.
I’ve been posted to Molecular Biotech at NP. The good news about it is that its about the same as Biomedical science and at the same time I’ve got a familiar face for a classmate. Pearlyn. Yay, an old classmate at sec 1/2 is a classmate at Poly ah ha.
I’ve decided I’m going to join the NP concert band when I enter school. Pei Yi said she would consider joining since she’s going to NP , IT course. It would be good to have a familiar face around. How odd that all the familiar faces are girls O_O. Where are you my guy hombres? Guo Sheng is also going to NP but not my course though.
I’ve been looking up some laptops at work because there is a policy at NP to have a laptop. My eyes are set on the Acer 5594 however…Asus has a nice range of laptops..like the G1. My my, my heart throbs for such a powerful laptop. But o wello wello. Its 3k WTF. Way outta my league. Unless I convince dad it’s for my benefit since I’m not going to upgrade my desktop for the whole period in Poly.
Work is still boring and now that I’ve finished the non-sg individuals , there’s less to do around now. Average time spent slacking = 30% higher. It feel as though I’m being paid to slack. I just can’t stand sitting around doing nothing. I MUST be doing something.
At least at Poly I know I’ll have some challenges to face. I must face my old foe….A math…..my mortal enemy. Molecular Biotech includes, logarithms, Calculus and functions. Functions was alright but Calculus and log? Never did good at them. Hell didn’t learn calculus before I dropped out in Sec 4. Time to get even yes? Pay back time.
I’ve seriously got to pick up on my sax and flute skills faster. I need to work on my improvising if I’m going to get to the fundamentals of Jazz. Come on world speed up time and let me live it at speed of x10. Till Poly at least. Since I know nothing great is probably going to happen from now till at the very least..13th of April. Which is the start of School of Life Science Orientation. Thursday to Friday and then term starts on Monday. Come on, come on! Jump on the Poly bandwagon!
So far most of my buddies have made it to their places at poly and JC. Zi Wei got to industrial design. Joven to Mechatronics, Wee Yang to YJC, Su Qi to TJC, Alfred to Mass Comm. Although there are a few of my buds who didn’t make it to their choices.
Condolences go out to Hui Han, Zi Yun , Magnum and Billy who didn’t get any of their courses they chose. I pray you will find a good course and make a good decision.
* I am a happy man, life is good to me and I will make the best of my good life. If I see anyone who needs help, I should not hesitate to help them. My social goal is to be the light for the people who haven’t found the light. I’ve been given the light and I will carry the light. Huzzah!*
3/07/2007 05:17:00 pm
Monday, March 05, 2007Where life goes on
Let us build a house where love can dwell and all can safely live.....
Like a broken, wartorn country we rebuilt his life. Gave him a reason to smile. Gave him the right to be happy again. It truely makes me wonder whether our lives were preordained to cross each other's paths. For every moment that any of the three of us had the reason to be happy we shared it with each other, for every sad moment we were there for each other. It seems our friendship has taken quite a test of time already.
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The future is in our hands....
It is and will be forever. What ever has happened yesterday, the day before are part of the future. What happened then was the prelude to what will happen in the future. Life's an open book, each day a page waiting to be filled up. Every event to be filled up under every date. The missing pages filled to tell the story of a person's life and the people he shared it with.
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The land with a thousand secrets....
Life's little secrets are a learned set of experiances in a persons life. Some people learn some things, some people other things. Some..don't learn anything at all. I've never met anyone who hasn't learnt anything in life but i don't intend on meeting one. Life is all about knowing what needs to be done and in what order. Its like taking a meal. One dosen't take up the fork to drink a soup. Or one dosen't take up a spoon to eat a chicken wing. Life will be carried out as a procedual set of steps. A significant order or specific reason to do something in a certain way.
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The happiest man/woman?
There is no man/woman who is perpetually happy for no reason at all. When a person is happy, there is a reason they are.
However when it comes to asking the question WHO IS the happiest person in the world?
The oddest answer...is that there isn't one. Every person has an unhappy moment in their everyday life. Nobody is always happy. The man who is perpetually happy for no reason at all is either crazy or similarly retarded.
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What about me?
This is probably the most oddest entry I will ever write in the next few days. Who knows what my life in poly will be life, but for sure I will not forget my best friends, Brennan and Joven. For every moment they have spent with me, for every feeling we've experianced together. For all the help and counceling we gave to each other.
People might call me a happy man. Having everything I ever wanted at the age of 16/17 but the thing is that I don't. Materialistic things will never make me happy. I'm not talking about love or romance either. I've had my spoon full of love-sickness-be-gone already. I'm not love sick now but I'm not happy either. I've been picked up from the ground, propped onto my feet and set to walk. It would be a waste not to start walking again. Whatever you( You should know who you are yeah RC) have done for me, I owe you. I know it'll never work out between us but I thank god that I've gotten a friend a like you.
There are some friends that sit down and drink kopi with you. There are some friends that go to war with you and you lose each other only to find another to take their place. There are friends as though walking on the street, see a dying man and pick them up nurse them back to health and set them walking again. You have lighted the way when there was no light. Only a checkpoint in my life. A moment of happiness to keep me going for months and years to come. I am at relative ease and I don't pretty much care for the past and neither do i care for my emotions.
I am a happy man now and I will try to be a happy man although i will never be the happiest man. I will live to spread joy, good will and be the light to someone else. I will not let the efforts of someone go to waste. I will continue walking on my own. What you have done to help me is all that is necessary and there is nothing more to be done because there IS nothing to be done. The perpetual ease I'm at. Its because of you. You made life alot more meaningful. Wherever you go may you spread joy to the people around you for what you have done for me. A vessel of goodwill, care and joy all in one. Its as though through your eyes I saw the Lord telling me that life has just begun and through you he spoke to give meaning to my life.
I may never have the guts to tell you this in person but I mean this with the deepest of my promises. When you see me around and if you've ever read this tell me. It'll let me know that my thoughts have been read in what shall be the highlight of the 16 and aging boy I am now. When life starts anew there'll be new challanges. I will see the lord in the eyes of someone else when i'm older but I'm telling you now. You've done me a favour I can never explain. I heard you laugh when i told you, you made all my problems go away. It is something you'd probably never understand. Its not an emotional feeling. Its a revealation. That "hey life is not that bad at all."
I went to sleep at 5.30pm and woke up at 12.45am on the 5th of March 2007 and life was good. It will always be good.
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Now it is up to me to find that dying stranger by the road side and pick them up or have I already done that? There probably already is someone else who has seen lord in my eyes but there is someone i know who should be helped and i hope that i could help that person. To see the person in such dispair is thought that chills me.
When i log off this entry my mind will be flooded with thoughts and memories of the days I've lived and had in the days of old and the days to come.
Offnote: This might well be the most reflective post i will probably ever post for the year of 2007. There are no strings held here and every thought was for my benefit. So that the innocent soul who wanders in here might read the thoughts of what is to be picked up of the ground and set to their feet and sent to walk again.
The world isn't great but i love it anyway. The people aren't great but i love them too. My friends have flaws but I love them all regardless. My family isn't the best but i was given them and I love them all-the-same. A spiritual level of happiness that i've acheived. Is this what the peace of mind really feels like? To be happy with absolutely nothing? Its either that or I've gone mad. Wello, time to get to do something else. I definately won't be sleeping thats for sure. I think i wrecked my night by just sleeping from 5.30 to 12.45. Lets see what life in store for me. Where'd be my musket i want to shoot something :D
3/05/2007 12:44:00 am
Thursday, March 01, 2007The days of old...
Today I went to get the Sims CD back from Cassandra. I went to Marina Square. I decided to stop at the Esplanade. On the way up to the Library…I saw two instrument shops. One selling mostly guitars. The other selling violins. The one selling violins had ONE flute on display. It looked like it was gold plated. I went in to inquire if there was any other flutes for sale. The shop keeper a girl who looks only slightly older then me replied only of the model on display. I looked it over seeing it was just a standard model with no B joint, E mechanism except offset G. She asked if I would try it so I did..it sounded alright but I asked the price and she said it was 8k gold. I stared at her and said that’s way out of my league and she says no no its only $600 I went O_O. I left the store after that to go upstairs to the library. I went up to the library and I literally fell in love with the library. It has so many scores over the ages to make me happy for like I think forever?
Well upon returning I heard over the radio that the JAE results will be posted out on the 6th at 8am sharp. I sent out an SMS to my friends but the send button got jammed and it multi sent to a few people on accident. SORRY GUYS AND GIRLS!.
Afterwards I talked to Tammy for awhile and went to bother Sylvia and found her to be rather irresponsive and busy. I informed Jervena by msn since I don’t have her number. Then I saw a person who I don’t think I’ve seen online for a year. Pei Yi…
For about one and half hours I spent it catching up with her on the happenings of life on both ends. It really makes me miss the old school days. Sigh….my friends I hope that our friendships will never be lost in the test of time.
Jervena might be going to NP, Sharmili is going to Biomedical sciences NP, Pei Yi is also going to NP but Pharmaceutical sciences or Biomedical sciences. It seems I might have some friendly faces after all.
Sigh another half an hour to go then off to meet the guys for dinner and RCIA. Today its BA CHOR MEE on the menu. Extra spicy unker! I wanz hot hotz! :D
I’m off to slack for 30 mins and off I go.